Majesty

Kabanata 5

            After confessing to Mickey, our day pretty much went smoothly. Hindi na ulit siya nagtanong ng mga kung anu-ano na inaamin kong medyo nakakasaling ng pride. He’s lucky I got the hots for him or he’s already a dead meat. Mukhang mabilis naman niyang na-gets ang ibig sabihin kong kanina.

            We stayed at the mall for a couple of hours. Siksikan kung siksikan sa may makeup branch na gusto ko. I could certainly say that I got lots of help from my escort who did his job religiously. Kahit nasisiksik tuloy ako ay parang wala namang ibang balat na dumikit sa akin kung hindi ang sa kaniya lang. I didn’t know how he managed to keep me safe, but the important thing was, I brought home tons of products na pinaghatian namin ni Hilda.

            “Don’t tell me you’re still not over him?”

            Isang araw sa school ay natural na magkakasama kami ng mga kaibigan ko. Though I was the one who sat at the farthest and near the wall. Hindi tuloy ako sigurado kung ako nga ba talaga ang tinatawag dahil kanina ba abala sa harap na iPad.

            “Oh my God…” Napasapo si Hilda sa noo.

            Meanwhile, Cat, who was sipping her jelly juice quietly, was also looking curiously at me.

            “Huwag mo nang abalahin si Rana. She’s busy doodling,” aniya.

            “Doodling what?!”

            “Syempre, iyong pangalan ng crush niya…” Cat shrugged and went back snacking.

            “It’s still that… that soldier? For real?”

            “Hindi pa rin nagbabago.”

            Nginisihan ko lamang ang mga kaibigan bago muling bumalik sa ginagawa. Napamura na lamang si Hilda na siyang inalo ng bago niyang manliligaw, na kasama rin namin sa table.

            Catalina wasn’t wrong, though. Kanina pa nga ako gumagawa ng doodles, and there was no other star in my electronic piece of paper except my crush’s name. Nilalagyan ko iyon ng puso at mga star and even glitters too.

            It had been, what, a month already simula noong isinama ko si Mickey sa lakad ko sa mall? Siguro nga. Kaya takang-taka na ngayon sa akin ang mga kaibigan ko. Normally, my attention would’ve shifted by now. Say, a basketball player, a hot nerd or even a sexually attractive choir boy.

            But it didn’t. Naririto pa rin ako, natutulala sa hangin kapag iniisip si Mickey. I liked him so much that I even had frequent dreams and day dreams about him. Para nga akong nanonood ng series dahil nagtutuloy ang bawat panaginip ko tungkol sa kaniya. Episode one kahapon, episode two naman mamayang gabi.

            And heck, I didn’t know why.

            After confessing to him, I thought that will do it. Like to all my former crushes in the world, pagkatapos kong umamin ay unti-unting nawawala ang pagkakagusto ko dahil sila na ang mga humahabol sa akin. Like a loose magnet paving its way towards the strongest host.

            Mickey wasn’t like that. He’s a grown ass man who handled my infatuation… Hmm… How did he handle it, anyway?

            The short answer to that was… he didn’t. Kaya siguro ako ang habol nang habol?

            “Hi! What are you doing?”

            One day, I was back at the camp again dahil sinama ni Papa. We’re going on a date with Mama pero may dinaanan lang siyang mga papeles. Saktong pagparada ng sasakyan namin ay ang paglabas naman ni Mickey sa department.

            Kunot-noo niya akong binalingan sabay baba ng bottled water. “Umiinom, Miss Delgado.”

            Napangisi ako. Right. That was so obvious already.

            “May kailangan ka ba?”

            “O-Oh! I just want to thank you for not snitching me the last time,” sabi ko, medyo namumula ang mga pisngi.

            Isang buntong-hininga lamang ang kaniyang pinawakalan, nakatanaw sa malawakang field sa aming harapan.

            Sungit talaga. Akala mo ay labag na labag sa loob ang ginawa pero… I found it cute actually. He’s just nagpapa-cute to me, was he not?

            Mickey then looked at me, somehow feeling that I was once again checking him out. White shirt. Camouflage trousers. It hugged his strong physique and accentuated his assets. His biceps, his thighs, his drenched chest…

            Nang mag-angat tuloy ako ng tingin sa kaniya ay lalong kumunot ang kaniyang noo. Parang iritang-irita ba.

            Right. He’s not nagpapa-cute to me. I was just being delusional, like always.

            I was a hopeless case.

            “May gagawin pa ako, Miss Delgado. Maiwan na kita,” aniya makalipas ang ilang saglit.

            “Okay.” Tumango ako at binigyan siya ng isa sa mga mala-anghel kong ngiti. “Bye, Mickey!”

            He didn’t even look at me and just went on his way. Meanwhile, ako naman na naiwan ay nakatanaw lamang, iniisip kung kailan ba niya ako tatawaging Rana.

            Or… baby… or love… or-

            “Rana? Let’s go na, hija.” Biglang sumulpot si Papa mula sa kung saan.

            Nagtatakbo na lang tuloy ako pabalik sa sasakyan but without giving a final glance towards Sergeant Pogi.

            Napaawang nga lang ang aking bibig dahil kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay nakita kong… nakatingin na siya ngayon sa akin! In a platoon with his mates, he’s like a statue under the blistering heat of sun, commanded by his superior officer. Medyo malapit lang iyon sa sasakyan namin dahil mukhang lalakad pa lamang sila patungo sa field.

            My heart did a somersault, and yet, the moment I blinked, it was gone. Mickey was already so focused on obeying the commands, marching the pavement road until it hit the green grasses.

            “Mukhang kanina ka pa nanonood sa kanila, ah? Gusto mo ring magsundalo?” tanong tuloy ni Papa noong paalis na kami.

            “No, thank you,” mabilis kong sabi.

            “Why?”

            “Papa, you and I both know that I can’t follow a single order so why bother?”

            Humalakhak na lamang ang aking ama.

            Isang buwan pa pagkalipas ng huling dalaw ko atsaka nasundan. Birthday kasi ni Ninong Herbert pero nataong duty naman kaya hindi na naghanda. Kami na lamang ang dumalaw sa kampo kaya pati tuloy si Mama ay kasama.

            “Hello, sergeant! Ano ang ginagawa mo?” sabi ko kaagad nang makita si Mickey.

            Or rather, nahanap si Mickey.

            “Research,” he simply said.

            Dahil nakaupo sa harap ng computer ay hindi ko nakita ang expression ng kaniyang mukha. Pero sa tono ng kaniyang pananalita ay para ko na rin siyang nakitang umirap.

            “Ano ang nire-research mo? May assignment ka rin?”

            Isang tango lamang ang ibinigay niya sa akin.

            Sungit naman! Buti na nga lang ay sanay na ako sa isang ito na palaging nagsusungit kung hindi ay pati siya, nakatikim na ng sungit ko…

            I briefly looked at the computer screen which he was manipulating. Indeed, he was researching though I read the name ‘General Alicante’.

            Nagkibit-balikat na lamang ako at kinuha ang bagay na kanina pa itinatago sa likuran. Though what’s the point now if he’s not even looking at me?

            “I reserved this cake just for you.” Malaking-malaki ang ngisi ko habang ang mga kamay naka-extend sa ere, may hawak na isang platito ng red velvet. “You’re all work and work and work. Now, you eat.”

            Pinasadya ko pa nga iyong bilhin e. Puro kasi mabababa ang sugar ng mga cake na dinala namin dito.

            “Salamat…” tipid na sabi ni Mickey, hindi man lang nililingon ang dessert. “Pero kukuha na lang ako mamaya sa kusina.”

            My smile fell. Did I hear that right?

            “Sige na, kuhanin mo na. Don’t be shy,” I added, trying to recover my facial expression.

            “Hindi ako nahihiya. Ayoko lang kuhanin iyan.”

            “At bakit naman?” Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko. “I’m not sick naman or anything. Are you?”

            “Wala akong sakit.”

            “Oh, e bakit ayaw mong tanggapin? Hindi naman kita lalasunin e! Gagayumahin, pwede pa…”

            That earned me a glare from him. Mukhang hindi na rin siya maka-focus sa ginagawa kaya nag-angat na lamang ng tingin sa akin. Ah, finally!

So, instead of fighting with his irritation, I gave him one of my sweetest smiles.

            “Masarap ito. This is my favorite cake so I also wanted you to have it,” sabi ko. This time, my smile somehow came out genuine. “Wala namang mawawala kung kakainin mo, ‘di ba?”

            When he didn’t answer, it was my cue to put down the cake next to the computer mouse. It was a five-second window in which he was outdone by me. Pagkatapos kong gawin iyon, lalo lamang tuloy naging irritable ang mukha ni Mickey.

            He’d eat it, right?

            Right?!

            “Bye! Enjoy your cake!” kaway ko sabay lakad na palayo.

            It seemed like that was our routine each time I would come visit. Maabutan ko siyang may ginagawang kung ano at tatanungin kahit na obvious naman na iyon. I just like hearing his voice or whatever. It makes my tummy… fuzzy, I think. Pagkatapos siyang kulitin, binibigyan ko naman siya ng mga kung anong meryenda at mga gamit.

            One time, I gave him a lunch bag packed with a note, na siyang tanging ginawa ko lamang dahil hindi naman ako marunong magluto. At least ay may nagawa pa rin naman ako, ‘di ba? Like what he did the last time, tumanggi na naman. But like what I also did, I just left it there next to him.

            I gave him food packs, bottles of water, a hella expensive smart tumbler that cools and heats itself, a blanket and even a tent. Imagine? A tent? Nahihibang na nga talaga siguro ako dahil pati si Mama ay iniisip na magka-camping na ako sa mga essential kong ipinamimili buwan-buwan.

            But the soldier’s pride was unmistakably high. Wala pa rin siyang pinagbago simula noong unang beses ko siyang binigyan. What was it again? A cake? Ganoon pa rin. Hindi pa rin ako pinapansin at kung titingnan man ay iritado lang.

            Somehow, that drove me even crazier. I was so longing for the Mickey Alicante that offered his handkerchief to me when I had nothing to sit on… but also, this change in him, knowing his real persona and impression to me and all… Boy, was I so down for it.

            Limang buwan makalipas, nasa kampo na naman ako, dumadalaw at nagbibigay ng kung ano. This time, I brought a mug with me printed with a watermelon in front that said, “You’re one in a melon.”

            Naabutan ko kaagad si Mickey na nasa labas, nagdidilig ng mga damo at bulaklak. It looked cute and funny though.

            “Good morning, Miss Delgado. Ang ganda-ganda mo talaga!” bati ni Sergeant Dorado na saktong kalalabas lang din.

            “Good morning din po.” I smiled sweetly.

            Some of the officers greeted too while some just looked at me, shoving each other in the process.

            “Alicante, may dalaw ka ulit!” pabirong sigaw noong isang lalaking officer.

            “Ano na naman kayang matatanggap ni Alicante? Swerte!”

            “Pahingi naman kami kapag pagkain!”

            I looked at Mickey to see what his reaction could be. But he just looked at them blankly, his jaw moving ever so slightly. Napanguso ako.

            “Don’t worry, I’ll give you food also kapag maghahanda kami…” sabi ko na lang sa mga kasamahan niya.

            “Talaga? Salamat, Miss Delgado! Ang bait-bait mo talaga! Lagi ka pang may pasalubong kay Alicante!”    

            Ngumiti lamang ako at nagtungo na patungo sa pwesto ni Mickey. Hindi pa rin siya tapos sa pagdidilig pero palingon-lingon naman sa amin. When I got near him, I just noticed then how his hands were almost strangling the water hose.

            “Hi, Mickey! What are you doing?” Ngumiti ako.

            Sa halip na sumagot ay hindi niya ako pinansin. Humaba tuloy ang nguso ko. Normally, he’d reply to me even it’s just the mundane tasks in his daily life as a soldier.

            “Isinama ako ni Papa ngayon kasi may lunch out kami mamaya. Kuya Rico finished his MBA.”

            Again, I received no response. He’s incredibly quiet today… which was somehow normal siguro?

            “Oh! I brought you a present!” sabi ko dahil naalala ang tasang binili. Itinaas ko ang paper bag na dala-dala na bahagya niyang sinilip. “Ikaw talaga ang naisip ko nang makita ko iyan. Alam ko kasing magagamit mo rito.”

            Ilang beses ko na rin kasi siyang naaabutang nagkakape. E mukhang luma na iyong tasa niya.

            Because he’s looking at the bag, I thought he’d take it. Wala rin kasi akong paglalapagan dito kung sakali at nasa labas kami. He’s looking at the pink paper bag intently that maybe I mistook it for interest. Nang tumagal ang titig niya roon, noon ko lamang napansin na umiigting na rin ang kaniyang panga.

            Para bang naipon ang iritasyon niya sa loob ng limang buwan at nang mag-angat ng tingin sa akin ay roon ko nang nakita na sumabog lahat.

            “Nang-iinsulto ka ba talaga?” mariin niyang bulong. “Hindi mo ba alam na bawal ang ginagawa mo?”

            “H-Ha? Bawal?” Napaawang ang aking bibig. “E mukhang okay naman sa mga kasama mo-”

            “They’re my superiors, Rana!” Mickey’s guttural voice boomed so loud that it slightly made my head spin.

            Or was it because… he finally said my name?

            Napalunok ako habang nakatingin sa kaniya, ang paper bag ay unti-unting bumababa mula sa ere.

            “Hindi magandang tingnan na binibigyan mo ako ng special treatment. Lalo na kung ang ama mo ay si Don Apollo.”

            “I… I don’t see any problem with that.”

            “Sa’yo ay wala pero sa iba ay marami. Ayokong isipin nila na ginagamit ko ang bunso niyang anak para lang tumaas ang ranggo.”

            “You’re not using me, I swear!”

            “Pero hindi ganoon ang tingin nila rito.”

            I bit my lips hard. I didn’t even know they were shaking so bad.

            In front of me, Mickey closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Tsaka lamang siya natauhan nang makitang halos nalulunod na ang isang stem ng gumamela dahil kanina pa nakatutok doon ang hose.

            “I’m sorry…” tahimik kong sabi.

            Napailing lamang si Mickey, aktong aalis na. My heart felt like it was being shot by nonother than his own bullets.

            “I-I’ll make it up to you the next time, I promise!” habol ko kahit na hindi ko naman alam kung paanong gagawin iyon.

            “There will be no next time,” bulong niya.

            “Bakit? Saan ka pupunta?” Umawang ang aking bibig.

            “Sa iba na ako madedestino. Hindi na ulit tayo magkikita, Miss Delgado.”

            “H-Ha?! Saan? Sabihin mo para mapuntahan kita-”

            “Do you really like me, Miss Delgado?” Nagseryoso ang mukha ni Mickey at hinarap ako.

            “Y-Yes.”

            “Ang hirap paniwalaan dahil hindi ka marunong gumalang. All you think about is yourself and how you’re so infatuated with me.”

            Umawang ang aking bibig.

            “Stop this madness, Rana. Have some self-respect, yeah?” he spat mercilessly before leaving me alone.