I Was Lost

Chapter 3

It's been a long time since I last set foot on this place.

Memories, they're precious, may it be good or not, they still hold value. They hold the lessons that you once learned, the smiles that you once gave and the tears you once shed. Either way, you have already walked pass it, yet still holds most of you.

There it is, the place I once called home. I maneuvered the car towards the front gate. An elderly man opened it for me.

"Ineng!" he looks startled.

"Manong."I managed to say.

"Nasa loob sila mama?"

"Ah, wala pa, may lakad, uuwi rin sila bandang tanghali. " tugon niya.

"Sige Manong" I thanked him.

The comfort of this house never failed to amaze me.

"Rae" a voice called out. Si Manang Sita.

"Ikaw nga! Ikaw na bata ka, 'bat di ka nagsabing darating ka ngayon? " tarantang tanong niya. I chuckled. "Biglaan po, may dadaluhan kasi ako."

"Aba'y saan naman?" tanong niya sabay hatak sakin papuntang kusina.

"Sa kasal po." mahina kong sagot na nakapagpahinto sa kung anumang ginagawa niya.

"Sa kasal nina Lien at Dylan" mahinang saad niya na nakapagpatango sakin.

"Aba'y, kaya mo na ba iha? " she asked full of concern. Hindi naman kasi lingid sa kaalaman nila ang nangyari noon.

I breathed deeply, hoping it could ease the nervousness that suddenly crept within me.

"I'm already fine Manang, maayos na ako." It's true, yet you can't shove away the anxiety. "Kaya lang, may takot parin ako." I paused to breathe a little bit. "Malaking kasalanan ang nagawa ko nun, gusto ko nang tapusin ng maayos. Matagal na panahon man ang lumipas ngunit malaking bakas naman ang iniwan ko. " Who would've thought I'd be thinking this way. I was a brat, still am, but now, I think and understand.

"Ineng." ang tanging nasambit ni Manang kasabay ang isang mainit na ngiti.

Today's the wedding. I failed to come to the orientation for I still have some business to attend to.

"It's been quite a while, Rae" Tita Catheren said as she embraced me.

"It was tita, It's nice to see you again. " I replied feeling a little uneasy.

" Good thing your just in time." she smiled.

"Ang kapareha ko pala, tita?"

"Oh! I think I saw Jian already. Oh, there he is! Jian! " she said while waving his hand to catch the attention of a certain man.

My world suddenly stopped as I watch him walk towards our way. It's been a while yet he still has this effect on me. I could hear the loud beating of my heart. My insides are shaking. My fingers are fidgeting yet I can't hide the excitement I'm feeling despite the overflowing anxiousness.

The messy hair. The rugged look. Those deep eyes. The authority. And the gentleness. I never knew I would long for him this much.

Fear slowly crept in to me as he went nearer. I may have missed him but we don't know if the feeling is mutual. He might even have despised me.

"Zildjian, Rae will be your pair since both of your supposedly partners, can't make it. " Tita said with a smile.

Those words made me come back to my senses. I looked at Tita with wide eyes, unbelieving of what I just heard. I looked at Zil that just shrugged off the idea then to tita who was now smiling widely like she did not just said that.

"It's fine Tita, I'm sure Louise won't mind. " I was shocked when he said that, especially when he called me by that name, but then I immediately composed myself. I didn't think he would want to be with me after all of that. The tone of his voice is something that I won't fail to notice. The words that came out of his mouth opposes the lifeless tone that came with it.

I dislike the idea but I can't just say no and accept the mockery that's waiting. Even with legs shaking and sweat that's bulding up, I managed to give him a nod. "Sure." but just by speaking that word drained the life out of me.

"The bride has arrived! Places everyone!"

Zil opened his arms out for me. Contemplating if I would accept it or not, I chose the latter. I slowly walked pass him towards our position. He just stared at me then followed me afterwards without taking his eyes off me. I did my best to ignore it and just wished for our turn to walk down the aisle so I can escape from him.

I was wishing for the time to move faster but it seems like it gotten even slower. Being with him is like a blessing and a curse at the same time.

Pinanatili ko ang paningin sa unahan. Ayokong mahalata niya ang kabang bumabalot sakin ngayon. If pretending would pay for not having his attention then I'll buy it. Hindi ko pa kayang harapin siya ngayon, wala pa akong naiipong lakas ng loob.

Huminga ako ng malalim para maibsan ang kabang nadarama. I then looked at my feet hoping that I could see something good in it.

"Who would have known that this marriage would come to life. Don't you think so? "

I absentmindedly turn my head towards him only to see him staring at me. I averted my gaze and took a deep breath.

"I thought they won't make it. Specially when someone was so adamant to have the groom. "

I'm not that dumb not to notice that he's referring to me. I want to talk to him. Tell him I'm sorry. That I regretted everything that I've done. That if possible, he can forgive me. But it seems like I was lost for words. What he just said, hurt me. I know what I did was wrong but it seems like I really did let his care slip off me.

I held his arms then we both walked at the aisle. I tried my best to smile but I guess it didn't work. We were almost at the place where we will part when I gathered the courage to speak.

"Then be thankful, 'cause I chose to let go. "