Painful Scar

Kabanata 20

Nakangiwi akong umupo sa couch nang makabalik ako sa room. It was comfy. I took a sip of vodka and rested my head on my palms. I closed my eyes for a bit. I was in the middle of brain storming when a loud music took over the place.

"I never thought you'll come here and drink all by yourself." Napamulat ako ng mata matapos kong marinig ang pamilyar na boses na iyon.

He closed the door and the loud music stop. "You don't know me."

"I do. More than any on else could do."

Imbis na magsalita ako ay bagot ko siyang tinignan saka ipinikit ang aking mga mata.

Mayamaya lamang ay naramdaman kong may umupo sa tabi ko. Hindi ko iminulat ang aking mga mata dahil hindi ako interesadong maiita ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya.

Their kiss was still vivid inside my head.

"Ano bang problema, Vali? Would you mind me asking?" Malumanay na tanong niya.

I remained silent.

He heaved a sigh. "May nagawa ba ako para iwasan mo ako nang ganito?" He asked frustratedly.

I pretend not to hear a thing and just continued with my business. I pretend not to hear a single thing.

"Goddamn, Vali! Hindi mo ako kinakausap!"

I opened my eyes and in a big suprise his face is inches away from mine. I couldn't take it so I pushed him away. I looked at him frigidly and exclaimed, "Gago, umalis ka nga!"

His lips formed an 'o' shape. "Okay, baby. Curse at me as much and as long as you want. I won't mind," he said, sounding so encouraging. "But please, right after that, talk to me."

I arched a brow. "What a waste of time."

I was about to walk away but he held my hand to pull me back, pacing him again. "I just couldn't take it na nasa isang bahay tayo, nasa iisang lupang tinatapakan, iisang hanging nilalanghap pero parang wala na akong kasamang iba."

"You now what?" Wala sa sariling tanong niya. "I told myself na, mas mabuti yatang ganito, I couldn't hear her nossy stuff. No more curses and fights." Patawa-tawang aniya bago muling ipinukol sa akin ang kaniyang tingin. "But I just found myself seeking for your attention, missing the way we are before. Tryin' hard to make things better." he stopped for a moment gasping for air. "I almost gone crazy, I'm insane all of the time. And my temper got much worst, I got mad over small things, so quickly.

Nagpakawala siya ng isang malalim na buntong hininga saka muling tumingin nang diretso sa mga mata ko. "Umabot ako sa puntong kahit sarili ko ay hindi ko na magawang kontrolin dahil 'yung kaisa-isahang nagagawang kontrolin ako ay wala ng pakialam sa akin."

Like a knife, it stab my heart..

He heaved a sigh and stared at me with his teary eye. "I got furious over some things that you and Lyle are happy with. Got angry over things you and I used to be doing.. Na siya na ang kasama mong gumagawa ngayon," he whisper and faked a smile. "I can see the way you smile at him. The smile you only have given me before."

Walang lumalabas na mga salita mula sa aking bibig. I can't understand why I can't say a thing and ended up listening to him.

"I don't know what to say," I whispered.

"Six months have gone when I hurried myself home and look for you to say how sorry I am for messing with you guys at the cafeteria. But when I got there, I saw you smiling a mile-wide, I was stunned for a minute and smiled. I was planning to stay there for a while but then saw Lyle meters aways from you, smiling too. I saw the only reason for you to smile right after bursting into tears." He paused when a tear drops into his cheeks.

"I run away from our house with my fist firm. I was so mad back then.. so mad that I'm able to punch the swing steel and got my hand bleeding. But then, I felt nothing. I was hurt, I was numbed, I cried, I drunk and even let a bunch of guy beat me."

"I let them beat me sa pag-aakalang sa tuwing uuwi akong gano'n ay pagbibigyan mong gamutin ako kahit sa maikling panahon. I just thought na baka kapag nakaramdam ako ng pisikal na sakit ay makakalimutan ko na ang kakaibang kirot na naririto pa rin," he said while pointing his chest using his palm. "But I was mistaken.. Starting the day you ignored me, you were devoted to your actions."

I was stunned when I heard his voice cracked.

"Nagawa mo akong tiisin kaya gabi-gabi ko rin ginagamot ang sugat ko hanggang sa maghilom ang mga ito."

When our eyes met, I can see how bitterly-sweet he smiled. "Pero ang tanging sugat na hindi maghihilom kahit pa gamutin ko ito nang paulit-ulit ay ikaw.. Ikaw 'yung sugat na sa tuwing makikita kong malawak na nakangiti sa iba ay bigla na lamang bubuka. You were the pain that I find so hard to cure. You'll forever be embended on my soul."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko matapos ko iyon marinig. Ngayon ay tila ba nabigyang kasagutan ang tanong kung bakit ba siya palaging umuuwing puno ng pasa at dugo sa mukha. I thought back then, he deserve it 'cause he ain't controling his anger that makes him more engage in cat fights. But just like him, I was mistaken too. We got each others thought wrong.

"Do you know how hard it is?" unti-unting umamo ang mukha niya. He's brushing his fingers through his hair. It really bothers him!

Here I am, seeing a side of Damon that I only have seen once. I've only seen today!

I heaved a sigh and blinked twice before saying, "Huwag kang mag-alala. I'm near college naman na so malapit na rin naman akong umalis dito," dagdag ko pa. He was about to say something when the door suddenly opened.

Muli na namang umingay ang paligid nang bumukas muli ang pinto at iluwa n'on si Xyrene, Emarie, Estella, George, Sean, Raniel at..

"Meg?" Kunot-noo at tila gulat na usal ni Damon. "I told you not to follow me around! I'm annoyed with your presence!"

"Whatever! You know that I won't get over you until I make you mine."

"Sorry, kasalanan ko!" Sabat ni Xyrene. "Nagpumilit kasi siyang sumama eh! Kaya isinama ko na.." Xyrene reason out.

"I-it's fine!" I cut the tension in between them. "Have a sit, Megan.."

Pansin kong napatingin sa akin si Damon ngunit hindi ko iyon inalintana. Agad na umupo iyon sa tabi ni Damon.

She smiled at me and said, "Thanks future sister in law."

Tumayo ako at iminuwestra kay Raniel ang upuan ko saka lumipat sa tabi ni Xyrene.

"Order na agad! Libre ni Vali 'to!" Mungkahi ni Xyrene sa kanila. Takang napatingin ako sa kanya.

Lumalim ang gitla sa noo ko. "Anong libre ko?"

"Ay, sino ba nagyaya, ha?" pabalik niyang tanong. Natahimik ako dahil doon. "Gagong 'to, pagbabayarin pa ako haha!"

"Sige na!" Kunwari'y napipilitang sigaw ko saka pilit na ngumiti, peke naman.

Ilang sandali pa ay pinindot niya ang buzzer kaya natanaw agad namin ang server papalapit sa amin. Kinuha nito ang orders namin saka bumara ng alis.

"VIP space, taray!" Pasigaw na saad ni George. "Magkano sita mo rito bakla?"

"7 per hour."

"700?"

"7, 000."

"Ay okray! Ang mahal naman!" Natatawang asik niya pa.

"Malamang bakla!" Bahagya pa siyang binatukan ni Sean.

"Ilang oras ka na ba rito?" Sabat ni Estella.

"Mag-iisang oras," tipid na tugon ko.

"Edi kapag naka-one hour, aalis na tayo?" It was Emarie.

"Hindi. Let's extend our stay. Let's feel the night. Drink as much liquor as we can."

"Let's play a game," suhestiyon ni Xyrene.

"Anong game?" galak na sabat ni Estella.

"Ang unang malalasing siya ang magbabayad ng bill sa food and drinks!" Nakangiting aniya pa saka humalukipkip. "Ang bayad sa rent ng VIP space na 'to ay sagot na ni Vali. Ano game kayo?"

"Game."

"Count me in!"

"Me too!"

"Ako rin sasali!"

"Okray kaya ko 'yan!"

"Keri bells ko rin 'yan!"

"K," si Damon.

"Kol!" I exclaimed.

Nagsimula silang kumanta habang naghihintay ng orders namin. Halos boses na lang ni Xyrene at George ang nangingibabaw sa loob. I never heard Meg and Kai sing.

"Ang tagal ng orders, kanina pa ako kumakanta, namamaos na ang lola niyo!" Reklamo ng reklamador na si George.

"Ako rin HAHA." Pinasigundahan ito ni Xyrene.

"Why don't you sing us a song, Vali?" Napatingin kami kay Megan nang sabihin niya iyon.

"She doesn't sing," tipid na sabat ni Damon habang titig na titig sa akin. "I never heard her before."

I looked at Megan and smiled. "Sure."

I took a deep breath when the started to play.

The morning sunlight, it dazzles me

As I am staring at the light, i realize a thing

A feeling of adore blooms, it take me on to you

I can't understand myself. Why do i feel like I'm singing a song for someone inside this room?

I won’t hide from you, perhaps I’ll follow your steps

Is this what they have been calling love?

Nagtama nag paningin namin ni Damon. Hindi niya inaalis ang pagkakatitig sa akin kaya kusa na akong umiwas.

And it just goes on, the waves takes me unto you

You're my flower and I'm your bee

You know, no matter what, I’ll keep you alive

You’re the reason for every breath that I bid

Sa pangalawang pagkakataon ay muli na namang nagtama ang aming paningin bago ko pa tuluyang makanta ang huling taludtod ng saknong. "The other half of me..."

Ibinaling ko ang tingin sa monitor at ipinikit ang mata. Hindi gaanong maganda ang boses ko pero masasabi mong marunong naman.

Oh take me on our moon river

I'll go wherever it leads, even to you

Oh take me on into your arms

I’ll never let go of your embrace

Nangibabaw ang malakas na palakpakan nila maliban kay Damon na titig na titig pa rin sa akin. Parang kinakabisado niya na naman ako. Palakpakan dito, palakpakan doon, nangibabaw ang kaliwa't kanang palakpakan ng mga naroroon.

"I didn't know you can sing." Natahimik ang lahat nang magsalita si Damon.

A smirk curved on my lips. "I told you. You don't know me.."

"Okay! Let's play a game na lang!" Sabat ni Xyrene.

"Ano na namang pakulo 'yan! Huwag 'yang bayad-bayad, hirap mag-kick back sa boss ko!" Natawa naman kami kay George.

"Let's play truth or dare. Let's use a bottle."

"Ay may dala ako! Uminom ako kanina ng bottled water, eh!" Magiliw na saad ni Emarie.

"Kung sino ang unang matatapatan siya ang magtatanong then 'yung pangalawang matatapatan ng bottle ang siyang sasagot! The rest random na ang magtatanong!"

"Ano pang rules bukod diyan?" Tanong ko.

"Siyempre may consequence kapag hindi sinagot ang tanong or hindi ginawa ang dare."

"Okay."

"Let's spin the bottle!" Sigaw niya saka ini-spin ang bote. Kakatuwang natapatan si Damon no'n.

"Okray! Spin it again, Xyrene!"

"Huli ka balbon!" Tila nanigas ako sa kinauupuan ko nang ako ang matapatan no'n.

Darn.

"Truth or Dare?" Nakangising tanong niya.

"Consequence." Nanlaki ang mga mata niya.

Ramdam kong parang hihiwalay ang batok ko sa leeg ko dahil sa pagbatok na ginawa ni Xyrene. "Gaga! Hindi p'wede 'yon!"

"Truth," tipid ngunit kunot-noong saad ko.

"Why do you keep on avoiding me?"

Walang anumang bahid ng pagbibiro o sarkasmo sa tanong niyang iyon. Ramdam ko ang sinseridad at pagkaseryoso niya.

"Just like you are to her," Ininguso ko si Megan. "I'm a-annoyed with y-you," dagdag ko pa habang sinisikap na huwag mautal.

Lumalim ang gitla sa noo niya saka nagpakawala ng buntong hininga. "Why don't you just love me instead of hating me?"

Kinabahan ako bigla.

Napatingin ako sa kasamahan ko at parang wala lang sa kanila ang sinasabi ni Damon. Marahil dahil isinisiksik nila sa mga utak nila na wala iyong malisya o wala naman talagang malisya at ako lang itong mapagmalisya talaga!

I cleared my throat. "Follow up question is not counted in the game," malamig na saad ko. Bakas ang sa mukha niya na nagpipigil siya.

"Okay! Next!" Magiliw na sigaw ni Xyrene. Inabot niya sa akin ang bote kaya't pinaikot ko agad ito.

Tumigil ito kay Estella.

"Okray! Truth or dare?"

She laughed. "I'll go with the truth."

"May gusto ka ba kay Raniel?"

Literl na namula siya sa tanong ni George. Napatingin ako kay Raniel at nakangisi ito...

"H-huh?"

"Bingi-bingihan lang? Sabi ko kung may gusto ka kako kay Raniel?"

"P'wedeng iba n-na lang?" Nahihiyang tanong niya.

"Okray! Consequence 'yan!"

"H-hala! G-george naman e-eh!"

"Bakit nauutal ka? HAHAHA."

"Okray na kasi! Sagot o lagot?"

"Sagutin mo na. Oo o hindi lang naman, Estella." It was Emarie.

"Esh! Oo!"

"Yieee!" Panunukso nila.

"Sige na! Next na agad."

She spinned the bottle. Tumapat iyon kay Raniel.

"Do you like Estella?" Walang sinayang na oras si Emarie nang itanong iyon.

"Dare," nakangising saad niya.

"Daya hmp!" Singhal ni Emarie at saka humalukipkip.

Sean's evil laugh took over the place. "I dare you to answer the young lady's question."

Ang galing talagang manduga.

"I do."

Umugong ang impit na tili nila kaya't nakisabay na ako.

"Yieee!" Impit na tili ni Megan. Kung titignan ay para siya batang pumapalakpak pa.

"Instant crush back, ulul!" Sabat ko habang patawa-tawa pa.

"Watch your words young lady," rining ko bulong ni Damon ngunit hindi ko siya pinansin.

"Spin it!"

"Megan!" Tumapat iyon sa kanya.

"Truth or Dare?"

"Truth hihi!" She's wearing her cheerful smile again.

"Ano'ng tawag sa 'yo ni Fafa Kairus?" Pangha-hotseat ni George.

Ngumiti ang dalaga at pasimple pang sinulyapan si Damon. "Noon ba o ngayon?"

"Ay okray yarn! May noon at ngayon!"

Umugong ang kanilang mumunting hagikhik.

"Sige, doon tayo sa noon!"

Matamis siyang ngumiti. "It was Athena."

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig matapos kong marinig ang pangalang iyon.

That name!