WICKED KISSES: Madness of Wanting Her

“HAVE YOU ever heard the story of the moth?” The memory was very clear to me. I was in grade 3 when I first heard the story. Agad kong nagustuhan iyun at hindi ko na nakalimutan pa. That each night I like to scan the big book before I go to bed about that story. The moral of the story for me was how the Moth didn’t listen to her mother. But little did I know it was beyond obedience. When I finally reached the age to understand it, it made me realize that the story has something more to tell. “Hindi lahat ng makinang at maganda ay dapat lapitan. Minsan, ang mga bagay na nakakaakit ay delikado.” That was the moral lesson in the story that I learned while growing up. I am composed, moves and actions are all calculated. I have control, and my decisions are driven by the right amount of compassion and rationality. Pero tangina, pagdating sa kanya ay tila ba nakakalimutan ko na ang prinsipyong inalagaan ko. I want to believe that this is all just emotion, I am controlled by my emotion. Pero mukhang hindi, because every time I draw near her, something in me surrenders. I am willing to be owned, to be claimed, to kneel before her if that is what it takes. Nakakatakot ang ganitong katinding emosyon, pero nakakabaliw sa sarap. “Where are you going?” tanong ko sa kapatid ko nung makita na nagmamadali itong bumaba ng hagdan at amoy na amoy ang pabangong nilagay niya sa katawan. “Sama ka? Pupunta ako kina Tito Stanfield, maglalaro kami ni Stanley ng basketball sa kanila.” “Nakauwi na si Stanley?” “Yeah, that is why they are throwing a pool party this weekend. Pupunta lahat, organized by Meira. All are invited, she even gave me a cute invitation.” He smirked and pursed his lips. Tila may kakaibang iniisip kaya kumunot ang nuo ko at rumiin ang titig sa kanya. “Lahat?” “Hindi ka nabigyan?” gulat nitong tanong. “We are one family, syempre kasama na kami roon sa binigay niya sayo.” May bahid ng iritasyon kong sambit. Ang kanyang pagtawa ay hindi ko nagustuhan. Is he mocking me or insulting me? Each reason is offending anyway. Anong nakakatawa sa sinabi ko? “Their parents are out of the country until next next week, this pool party is only for the teens. Lahat binigyan, Malcom. Kahit si Prima.” Damn. Bakit ako wala? What the heck is her problem? “Anyway, you can come with me. As my addition guest on her pool party.” Tumawa siyang muli at tinapik ang balikat ko tsaka nagmamadaling umalis na. I swallowed hard and followed him through my gaze. Bigla akong nainggit at gustong sumama sa kanya. May court naman malapit dito, pwedi akong mag-aya kahit sino. But the image of me in Santiago’s house is more pleasing than being with the boys in the court. Tawagan ko kaya si Conrad at Rive? Alam ba nilang nakauwi na si Stanley? Baka mag-aya silang pumunta kina Tito Stanfield, I can come with them instead. I licked my lower lip and closed my eyes tightly.