Her Knight Till Night

Chapter 26

__Quiceleth's POV__

"CAN I use the bathroom?" Nahihiyang tanong ko kay Rouge.

Kasalukuyan siyang nagbabasa ng libro na may mga letrang nakalagay na "Butterflies and Blues". Hindi man lang niya ako tinapunan ng tingin at patuloy lang sa pagbabasa pero nagsalita naman.

"I let you use my house, fed you, then I won't let you use my bathroom? Go ahead." Walang ganang sabi nito.

Kinagat ko ang labi ko at hindi pa rin kumilos.

"W-where is the bathroom?"

Doon na napaangat ng tingin si Rouge at bumuntung-hininga.

"How can I forget, you're a princess." He mumbled and silently led me towards were the bathroom is located.

I just noticed that Rouge has a grumpy attitude. Grumpier than Clacesier. Rouge don't know how to smile, it's like he was raised not to smile.

"You really like butterflies don't you?" Nakangiting tanong ko pagkaupo ko sa sofang katapat ng kinauupuan niya.

Tinapunan niya lamang ako ng tingin at hindi sumagot. Rouge is just that, quiet and serious that he forgot to answer sometimes. Probably he also forgets that I am here.

"And you know why."

Hindi tumitingin na saad niya sa akin.

"Because they are blue?" Sagot ko.

"Yeah, blue...butterflies."

Napangiti ako sa sagot niya. At least he is answering my questions even if it's only a sentence and does not exceed to twice a sentence. I badly needed to talk with someone these days, it's kinda lonely spending my time alone.

"Would you like to see one for real?" Tanong ko.

"No thanks."

"Do you know that I saw one blue butterfly in our kingdom?" Still not looking. "I tried catching one, but I was stuck in a room by myself, they will just only leave by the window as if it doesn't want to be with me."

Ngayon ay nakuha ko ang atensyon niya. Bahagya niyang naibaba ang binabasa ngunit hindi ito tumingin sa akin, tumanaw ito sa kawalan na parang malayo ang iniisip. Maybe reminiscing some old memories. It must be a sad one. Knowing that he just stared into a space without smiling, even a little.

"Pagkatapos noon ay hinintay ko muli ang butterfly na iyon kaso hindi na siya bumalik at nagpakita pa muli..."

I smiled at the memory of that blue butterfly.

"I shouldn't have let it go..."

When I looked at him, his head where now facing me.

"Cinderella."

Natigilan ako bigla nang magsalita siya. His mouth formed a small smile yet it doesn't reached his eyes. If I am learning how to read emotions, I would say that what I see the inside his eyes were sadness.

"Cinderella?" I asked, repeating his word.

He nodded.

"Blue butterflies are just like Cinderella."

Nag-isip ako kung ano ang Cinderella na tinutukoy niya pero hindi ko maalala.

"Just a story." He say. "a childhood story."

"What's the story?"

Nakita ko ang pagkawala ng emosyon sa kanyang mukha na larang hindi nagustuhan ang taning ko. Babawiin ko n asana ang tanong ki nang muli siyang magsalita.

"Love story between a prince and a princess."

Bigla aking nagging interesado sa sinabi niya. Nagkwento pa siya ng nagkwento tungkol doon. Akala ko nga na hindi na siya magkwekwento, it seems like he really likes the story.

"What happened next? Did they live happily ever after?"

It must be nice to grow up with someone by your side.

"No."

Nalungkot ako nang sinabi niya iyon.

"What happened to the princess?"

"Who knows, maybe out there, happy with someone else."

Parang bumigat ang balikat ko sa sinabi niya. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung si Cinderella ba yung bida o ako.

"And the prince?"

He lightly skimmed the blue butterfly portrait on the book he is reading. "Was left alone, looking at blue butterflies that the princess loved."

Mas lalo akong nalungkot sa sinapit ng prinsipe. The princess lived happily with another prince while the prince spends his life looking at the blue butterfly that the princess adores.

"He waited, but there is still no sign of her–"

"Did he give up?"

Natigilan siya. Hindi nakapagsalita.

"He shouldn't have."

"He...," He gulped. "I don't know..."

Sumimangot ako. Nabitin naman ako, hindi niya naman sinabi na hindi pa pala niya natapos ang storya.

"She's so hard to find, just like the blue butterfly."

Para tuloy akong na-depress sa kinuwento niya. Sana happy ending ang katuloy.

"Is you find out the ending, can you tell me?" I happily chirped.

Umiling siya saka tumingin sa librong binabasa.

"I'll try."

Iyon lang ang sinabi niya at ibinalik na ang atensyon sa binabasa. Lumapit ako sa kanya para tignan ang libro. I grimaced when I realized that the book contained only words, there is not images present, only at the front cover.

"By the way, I saw Clacesier."

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi at lumayo sa kanya at humakabang paatras.

"Ahh...aakyat muna ako–"

"Don't try to ignore the topic," Rouge said. "Clacesier is doing fine."

"I-I'm not asking–"

"Of coarse you're not. But I am telling, and you should be thankful."

Tumigil ako sa paghakbang at tumingin sa kanya.

"Thank you?" I said slowly, more like question it slowly.

"Welcome." He just said and went on. "he miss you."

Tumango ako. I don't know what to say with that. My cheeks just reacted and turned bright red.

"I do too."

"Then shall we go home?"

"No!" Tarantang pigil ko sa kanya. "not yet...he is scary..."

He heaved out a sigh and sat back once again. Instead of picking his book and continue reading, he just stared at his table and gestured by his hand to let me take a sit in front of him. I obliged and sat slowly.

I know that he is going to talk so I waited for him to say something.

"What are you scared of?" He asked as he shoved the book under the table in the middle of us.

I played with my fingers as I spoke, "I don't really...know."

"Are you scared because he tried to kill you or because he killed a person?"

I bit my lip and closed my eyes, trying to think of that bloody night. Memories of my father, being murdered, hovered past my memories and I shook my head to throw in out of my head.

"Both, I guess."

Pinadaan niya ang daliri sa kanyang buhok wari'y pinagiisipan ang sasabihin sa akin. Bahagya pang kumunot ang noo nito.

"Clacesier hated it," He finally spoke. "your terrified expression when you witness him murdering a man..."

I tilted my head in an angle and tried to remember his eyes when he tried to strangle me to death that night. Thinking back, when I look into his eyes, an emotion which I can't name sprang other than his anger. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin iyon napapangalan.

"It may come into a conclusion that what he just did is beyond human, and it maybe called monstrous. However, you should be reminded that he is the same person who saved you and have protected you."

Doon ako napaangat ng tingin.

Bakit hindi ko nga ba iyon naisip? Nakalimutan ko na niligtas niya ako at siya ang itinalaga ng mga magulang ko na iligtas ako, nakalimutan ko iyon sa isang iglap. I almost forgot that a good person are not completely good because humans are flawed creatures, it is what make us humans. Where there is good, there is the presence of evil. Where there is bad, there is a presence kindness.

"Reese did the same to him and Clacesier cared for her the way he cared about you. Ano sa tingin mo ang mararamdam ni Clacesier nang pati ikaw ay matatakot sa kanya kasi pumatay siya ng tao para lang protektahan ka?"

Napayuko ako at pinaglaruan lalo ang mga nanginginig ko na daliri. Hindi ko namalayan na namamawis na pala iyon.

"I got scared..."

He shrugged, "Who wouldn't be? It is a part of human emotion and sh*ts."

I can't help thinking that Clacesier might probably feel the weight of the same abandonment he felt with Reese.

"Sorry..."

He frowned.

"I believed that you apologized at the wrong time and at the wrong person."

Ngayon ay ako naman ang tumingin sa kanya ng may pagtataka.

"Actually I was apologizing for the place. I'm sorry for using your house."

Pakiramdam ko ay may nasabi akong hindi maganda dahil pagkasabi ko n'on ay hindi na niya ako sinagot at tumayo na lamang. His face were back at being grumpy and serious, it was like he is putting the mask back on.

He muttered something vague, more like hissing something under his breath. He had gone far away now so I can not hear what he is saying anymore. Nilipat ko na lamang ang paningin sa librong nilapag niya. Kinuha ko iyon at tinitigan ang paru-paro na nasa harapan ng libro.

Blue butterflies are like Cinderella.

To me butterflies are free, and someday I might grow their wings. I'll fly from isolation.

I just don't know which is scary, to break my wings

Or get lost...

TINITIGAN ko ang cellphone na binigay sa akin ni Rouge. Sabi niya na tawagan ko lang daw siya kapag may kailangan ako at may pupuntahan pa siya.

Ganito lang din naman ang kalagayan ko sa bahay ni Clacesier, laging naiiwan.

Tinignan ko ang kabuuan ng kapaligiran na natatanaw ko mula sa aking bintana. May hinihintay ako na dumaan. Tatlong araw na ako nandito at walang araw na hindi siya pumunta o dumadaan sa harapan ng bahay ni Rouge.

Napapitlag ako nang biglang tumunog ang cellphone na hawak ko. Muntikan ko pa ito maihulog sa sonrang gulat.

I slide the lock screen to unlock my phone's contents.

Nang itapat ko iyon sa aking tainga ay may nagsasalita na doon.

"Quiceleth," Tumanhip ng malakas ang dibdib ko nang muli kong marinig ang boses niya. "Quice?"

Umalis ako sa pagkakasandig sa bintana at umupo sa kama. Pinapakalma ko ang aking sarili habang patuloy lang ako sa paghaplos ng aking dibdib.

Lagi ko man siya tanaw sa labas, nagbabantay sa gilid. Hindi ko naman naririnig ang boses niya. Kaya ganito na lamang ang naging reaksyon ko nang sa wakas ay marinig ko na muli ang boses niya. I wanted to say something but I don't know why I am afraid to blurt out something that he might not like.

When did I get so scared of him yet so sad when he is away?

Ngayon lang ako naguluhan ng ganito. Siguro ay naging attached na ako sa kanya kaya ganoon na lamang ang reaksyon ko nang bigla niya akong saktan.

"Don't say anything, it's okay." Napalunok ako nang marinig ang kanyang pagbuntung-hininga. "Are you still scared of me? Of course you are—I just strangled you, almost to death!"

He blurted out, as if he is not talking to me. Back he came back on the line again.

"Listen, Quiceleth. My mother entrusted your safety to me, and I screwed that...safety. You are not safe around me." He paused maybe to pick his words to say.

Matagal na katahimikan ang namayani at wala na akong ibang narinig na ingay sa kabilang linya kundi ay ang kanyang paghinga.

"C-clace?" I called.

"Y-you're there?" Parang nataranta at gulat na gulat ito bigla sa nalaman na nakikinig ako sa kanya. "Narinig mo ba ang sinabi ko?"

Hindi ako nagsalita, nanatili lamang nakadikit sa aking tainga ang cellphone.

"Well, I uh...wanted you to know that I am not mad at you. Never."

Pero bakit sinubukan mo akong patayin?

Gusto kong tanungin ngunit pinigilan ko nalang ang sarili ko na magsalita at nakinig sa boses niya.

"Alam kong natatakot ka...sa akin. And I admit, I'm a b*stard for doing that to you."

When he laughed, the sound of it somehow calmed me down. Smiled unconsciously, a faint one. Tumayo ako at pumunta sa bintana at sumandal doon.

"Hey."

Pumikit ako at inalala ang gabing iyon. That night he protected me so he killed those people. It was his obligation to protect me because my mother tasked him to. I should be happy and at ease with him right?

"I just want you to know something,"

He killed a person and that is so wrong. My father always reminded me that killing was wrong...

Then I realized, I wasn't really afraid of him.

"You were traumatized." I remembered Rouge said.

"If you feel the need to be protected by me again..."

I was traumatized by my father's death. And when I saw Clacesier killing a person, it reminded me of that night and my childhood past. Bloodshed.

People dying.

Violence

"...then I'll be waiting here and I'll protect you."

Suddenly, I remembered when he told me that he will start protecting me. He said that he will also take care of my feelings.

I opened my eyes, about to ask "Where are you?" when I spotted someone standing outside. Leaning on his car while his phone at his hand. I didn't move or react.

"By the way, have I already told you that you look beautiful in white?"