The Gay Who Stabbed Me

I hurt her

Chapter 27

Alexis POV

I never cry because I know that crying won’t change anything. I learned that lesson a long time ago. We were fifteen when we found out the identity of our real mother.

Nagpakasal si Daddy nung 3 years old kami.  We were too young to know that our stepmother is not our real mother. Maybe we are too naïve that we didn’t even bother to ask why our parents celebrated their 5th anniversary when we were already eight years old. Sino ang maghihinala na hindi kami totoong anak ni Tita  Carmel? She treated us like her own? She tolerated us more than she tolerated her own children. She loved and spoiled us.

For thirteen years, naniwala kami ni Alexander na buo ang pamilya namin at masaya kami. We were the typical spoiled rich kid madaming kaibigan pero madami din kaming kaaway.

Pero nagbago ang lahat nung may dumating kaming bisita sa bahay. Galing kaming school nun ni Alexander at nagtaka ako nung may nakita akong isang limousine sa driveway namin. Hindi ko iyon masyadong pinansin kasi palagi namang may mga bisita sila Daddy at Mommy Carmel. Siguro sobrang yaman lang ngayon ng bisita nila at limousine ang gamit.

Pero nagtaka kami nung pagpasok namin sa bahay at biglang lumabas mula sa library si Mommy Carmel na umiiyak. Tinanong namin siya kung bakit siya umiiyak at ang sabi lang niya ay petty quarrel daw with Daddy. Nagkibit balikat pa ako nun kasi paminsan minsan naman talaga nag aaway sila. Aakyat na sana kami sa mga kwarto namin when we heard Dad. He is shouting. Nasa loob siya ng library na hindi pala nasara ni mommy Carmel kaya nakabukas ng kunti.

“The hell I will!” He shouted. Siguro bilang mga bata, natural na ang pagiging curious kasi instead of going upstairs, nagtinginan pa kami ni Alexander at sabay na lumapit sa library and we eavesdropped.

“You don’t have a choice on that matter. She wanted to see the twin. She wanted them to recognize her as their mother.” Mahinahon na sabi ng lalaki na kausap ni Daddy. Hindi namin nakita ang itsura niya pero kalaunan nakilala namin siya bilang isa sa mga aid ng totoo naming ina.

“Really?Would she introduce them to her husband and to her family?” My Dad’s voice  is full of sarcasm.

“Sir, Her Imperial and Royal Highness will discuss that matter with you.”Tumawa si Daddy. It was an insulting laugh.

“Tell me frankly, what does she intend to do?”Hindi agad nagsalita ang kausap ni Daddy.

“She’d put up a trust fund for the twin and she would like to transfer some of her family’s property to their name but in order to do that, the children would have to carry her fathers’ family name. I’m afraid, you will have to tell Alexis and Alexander who their real mother is.” Parang bombang sumabog sa pandinig ko ang sinabi ng kausap ni Daddy. Napatingin ako bigla kay Alexander na nanlalaki din ang mga mata. Pero mas nauna siyang nakarecover kaysa sa akin. 

“Oh..so we’re royal blood.Cool.” Naeexcite pa na sabi niya. Tiningnan ko ng masama ang kakambal ko.

Kinabukasan, dumating ulit ang limousine at dinala kami sa isang hotel at doon ko unang nakita ang totoo naming ina. Hindi ko alam ang nararamdaman ko. Hindi pa halos nag sink in sa akin ang mga narinig ko but a part of me is excited, a part of me wanted to see her.

Pero lubusang nawala ang excitement na yun nung nakaharap na namin siya. Una silang nag usap ni Daddy and after an hour, pinapasok kami sa loob ng isang suite. I saw her regally sitting on one of the plush chair in the room. Pinaupo kami sa sofa kaharap niya.

Walang nagsasalita sa amin, nagtitigan lang kami but then Alexander wasn’t able to control himself being the child that he is, he stood up and flung himself to our mother’s arm.

Niyakap niya ang babae at umiyak while he’s calling her ‘Mommy’. I saw how the woman flinched when Alexander hugged her. I saw how she looked at her aids at kung paano inalis ng mga aid niya si Alexander sa kandungan niya.

Nakita ko din ang sakit at disappointment sa mukha ng kakambal ko.

Pinayapa ng mga aids niya si Alexander and when he calmed down she began talking. She talked about what she wanted. She talked about our inheritance and the properties and the money that we will be receiving when we reach  adulthood. She didn’t talk like a mother, she talked like a businessman. Pero isa sa mga sinabi niya ang tumatak sa isip ko. We will remain a secret. No one should know who we really are. For as long as her family are concerned, we do not exists. 

Nagprotesta at nag iiyak si Alexander, begging to be recognized as her son, I remained passive. Doon ko natutunan na kahit anong iyak, walang magbabago sa sitwasyon. It will remain as it is. Crying is useless.

I changed after that encounter. I didn’t know how my twin is holding up, he seemed okay but I feel betrayed that my father and Mommy Carmel didn’t tell us the truth. I feel incomplete. Nagrebelde ako at age 13. My father started grounding me. Palagi silang nag aaway ni Mommy Carmel dahil palagi akong pinapagalitan ni Daddy. Pero bakit na grounded ako, I always find ways para makatakas hanggang sa mapagod si Daddy. He started cutting off my allowance hanggang na hindi na ako binigyan. Hatid sundo naman kasi kami sa school at pinapabaunan lang ako ng pagkain.

Mas lalo akong nagrebelde at mas lalong nagalit si Daddy.

One day habang nasa isang bar ako at nagrerebelde may lumapit sa akin na isang talent scout and offered me a part time modelling job. I accepted it immediately due to lack of finances. I found out that I could make money out of it. I don’t need my father, my stepmother or my mother. I can stand on my own. I feel like a typical teenager who thought he could conquer the world. I stopped schooling at age 16 and focused on modelling despite my father’s objections.  I moved out of our house a year later. Nagkabati na lang kami ni Daddy two years after when Mommy Carmel was diagnosed with breast cancer. 

I love her dearly but I didn’t cry when she almost died because of cancer. I didn’t shed a single tear. I was tough, that’s what I believe or maybe I just learned the art of self-detachment.

I taught myself not to care too much, not to involve myself too much to avoid future complications. Para kahit na ano man ang mangyari hindi ako masyadong maapektuhan.

I did that with Mandy. I tried not to care too much but I didn’t succeed. I always have this urge impress her. There is this longing to be near her. I don’t want to disappoint her. Before I knew it, I already care too much and I disregarded the fact that in the end I might be hurt. I break my own rules.

Ngayon dumating na ang puntong iniiwasan ko and I must admit that I am scared. Natatakot akong mawala siya.When she left  the day she found out of my deception, matagal akong nakatulala sa gitna ng driveway ng mansion at nakatingin sa gate na nilabasan ng sasakyan niya.

My heart was beating too fast. I was scared of the fact that Mandy might left me for good and that fear doubled the days that followed when she refused to answer my calls and my texts. Gustong gusto ko na siyang puntahan sa bahay nila pero natatakot din ako hindi dahil sa parents niya. I am scared of the huge possibilities na sabihin niya sa akin na maghiwalay na kami.

No, I cannot take it.

I won’t accept it.

Pero hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin that I wanted to keep her when all I wanted to do is to give in to everything that she wants.

I was always cautious with my emotions but for her, I allowed myself to care. I even allowed myself to love. Hindi ko inakala na ganito kasakit but somehow I expected it. Ang hindi ko inaasahan ay ang sakit na mararamdaman ko habang nakikita ko siyang nasasaktan ng dahil sa akin.