Philander: Hunter Dwyer

Chapter Twenty: Because I Love Him

He's....broken?

Hunter's father turned his back on me and went inside the house. I badly wanted to know Hunter's reason so I followed him inside and tried to catch up to him. I ignored the interior design, fancy furnitures and things surrounding me. I wanted to talk to Mr. Dwyer and ask about what he said and what he meant by it.

Napahinto ako nang huminto ito sa harap ng hagdanan, he looked at me over his shoulder with his lifeless and miserable eyes.

"As of now, you're the one he needs. Please, make him feel alright for me." He looked up to the stairs, his shoulder dropped and I heard him let out a breath. "He's upstairs. Go to him."

I looked at him one last time before walking to the stairs. I didn't understand why my heart weighted even more than before, I have a bad feeling. Kung babasihin sa itsura ng ama ni Hunter ay parang may masamang nangyari sa kaniya.

Iniisip ko pa lang iyon ay parang nadudurog na ang puso ko sa takot at pag-aalala.

When arriving upstairs, I sighted quite a lot of rooms. Wala akong ideya kung nasaan ang kaniya, pero kung kaylangan kong isa-isahin ang lahat ng silid ay gagawin ko para lang malaman ko kung okay lang ba siya.

Nahinto ako habang nakahawak sa railing, pinag-iisipan pa kung anong silid ang unang papasukin hanggang sa makarinig ako ng mahinang pag-iyak. It was coming from a room which the door is slightly open. I'm sure it's him, it's his house and he told me that he lives alone so it should be him. But... why... Why is he crying?

Nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko habang humahakbang ako palapit sa silid na iyon, nanginginig akong humawak sa doorknob at dahan-dahan itong tinulak pabukas.

Ang una kong namatahan ay ang salamin na nakasabit sa pader, basag ang maliit na bahagi nito at may dugo duon. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil sa nakita, nilandas ko ang mata ko sa buong kwarto at sa sahig nakita si Hunter na nakahiga at duguan ang nakakuyom niyang kamay.

"H-hunter!" I ran towards him, I knelt beside him and grabbed his fist that's coated with blood. "Hunter! W-why..." ke looked like hell, he looked so lost... "why are you bleeding? Oh god, let me bring you to the hospital-"

"It was all a lie..." he muttered, his other hand covering his eyes. His jaw clenched and the veins on his neck protruding.

"W-what..."

"My whole life is a f*****g lie!" His hands that is covering his eyes turned to fist, giving me a chance to see his teary and swollen eyes. "They all lied to me, everyone lied to me."

"Hunter..." Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya na iyon para sana alisin sa mukha niya ngunit nagulat ako nang gamitin niya iyon para suntukin ang sahig ng paulit-ulit. "Hunt!"

"How dare they f*****g lie to me!?"

I begged him to stop, I catched his fist and forced him to stop. I leaned in and brought his fist on my chest, hugging it to prevent him for hurting himself. I cried, I begged him to stop. Ito ang unang pagkakataon na natakot ako ng sobra, I never been so scared in my life.

"No, stop! Hunter, tama na, please! That's not true, that's not true, you know that! Everyone didn't lie to you, honey. I'm here, I'll never lie to you, I'll never do that. I'm still here, I-i'll never leave you." Humikbi't nagsumamo ako, humigpit ang pagkayakap ko sa kamao niya habang umiiling. "Huwag mong saktan ang sarili mo, please. P-pag-usapan natin 'to, hon. Makikinig ako sayo, p-pangako. H-hindi kita iiwan, d-dito lang ako sa tabi mo, hindi kita iiwan at lalong hindi kita lolokohin. Not everyone lied to you, w-what you said is not true, honey."

My mind is everywhere, I wanted to say something that'll make him feel better but with honesty. I muttered and cried some things, I rambled and stuttered but made sure that all of I said were true and in pure honesty.

Him breaking my heart doesn't matter anymore, it's him that matters now.

"No, get the hell away from me!" He pushed me away and I fell on on the floor. Tumayo siya habang nakasabunot sa sarili. "You don't know anything, you don't know anything! You don't!" Kinuha niya ang picture frame sa taas ng bedside table niya at hinagis ito sa sahig sa pagitan namin. Pinikit ko ang mga mata at hinarang ang braso sa mukha upang hindi matalsikan ng bubog sa itsura.

Bumuhos ang mga luha sa pisnge ko, maingat akong tumayo habang nakatingin sa nabasag na picture frame. May laman itong litrato ng isang batang lalaki at isang babae na tila nasa edad na 30 pataas.

Hunter looks like that little boy, it's him...

I stilled when I heard him cried, I slowly lifted my chin up to see him. My heart broke into tiny pieces for him, I have no idea how to comfort him or what should I do to make him feel better.

Nilapitan ko siya, inabot ko ang kamay niya, inisang hakbang ang natirang espasyo sa pagitan namin at sinakop ang labi niya. Naramdaman ko siyang bahagyang kumalma, hindi siya tumugon sa halik ko ngunit hindi niya rin ako pinagtulakan.

I pulled away, wiping my own tears. "Yes, Hunt, I don't know anything..." ngumiti ako sa kaniya, binigyan ko siya ng malungkot na ngiti habang hinihimas ang pisnge niya. "I will not force you to tell me why you're like this, b-but I want you to know that I'm willing to listen and to help you... because I love you." Hindi ako makatingin mismo sa mga mata niya, hindi ko kayang makita ang kalungkutan duon.. "Mahal na mahal kita, Hunter. Mahal na mahal at masakit para sa akin na makita kang ganito."

He fell down on his knees, I went down with him and embraced him tightly. I prayed and hoped that he won't push me away again. Niyakap ko lang siya't sinabayan sa pag-iyak niya, imbis na patahanin ay hinayaan ko na lang siyang ibuhos ang lahat.

Dinamayan niya ako sa panahon na kaylangan ko siya kaya't gagawin ko rin iyon sa kaniya, hindi dahil utang na loob ko iyon sa kaniya kundi dahil mahal ko siya at kaya kong gawin ang lahat para lang maging maayos na siya.

Dinala ko siya sa kama niya nang kumalma na siya, kinuha ko ang panyo na nakita ko at binasa ito ng tubig sa banyo. Pinunasan ko ang dugo sa kamao niya, nilinis ko ang mga natuyong dugo na dumikit sa balat at kuko niya.

"Hunter..."

He didn't respond.

I smiled sadly and laid beside him. "Hey..." ginawa kong unan ang braso niya at niyakap siya sa bewang. "I'm here to listen to you, kung ayaw mo talagang sabihin sa akin ang problemamo, okay lang sa akin. But please, don't do this to yourself."

"Promise me you wont lie to me and leave me, Sera. No matter what."

Napangiti ako nang mapagtanto kung gaano kadali ang hiling niya at ang gusto niyang ipangako ko sa kaniya.

"I promise. Mahal pa rin kita kahit na hindi natuloy date natin." Nagbigay ako ng konting biro sakaling mapagaan ang loob niya kahit papaano but instead, I felt him stilled and instead I made him guilty.

"I'm sorry..."

"It's fine, I understand." I poked his nose. "You're more important than that date, it's okay to chose ourselves sometimes, hon."

He stared at me, he brought his hand to my cheek and stroked it gently. His finger explored my face, it touched almost all parts of my face like he's memorizing me.

"Do you wanna forget, hon?" I pushed myself up by my elbow.

As I stare into his eyes more, there's still pain and sorrow in them. I hate seeing them.

"I'll help you." I reached for the zipper of my dress on my back and pulled it down. I let my dress fall off my body. "You can let everything out on me."

His eyes fell on my body, he sat down to level me while his eyes are still admiring my exposed body. He grabbed my nape and smashed his lips on mine, he pushed me to the bed and hovered on top of me.

He let everything out on me, he didn't stop until he dropped. But I didn't mind, as long it would help him get his mind off things even just for a little while.

...

Nagising ako dahil sa mahigpit na yakap sa bewang ko, nang imulat ko ang mga mata ko ay bumungad sa akin ang mukha ni Hunter. His eyes are close. I put my hand on his cheek and caressed it softly.

"I love you, Hunter." I kissed his forehead and the tip of his nose. I didn't expect him to open his eyes and stare at me for so long. He closed his eyes again and moved his head closer to mine. He went back to sleep with our forehead and nose touching.

I smiled, I caressed his hair softly while closing my eyes. May nararamdaman akong kakaiba sa talampakan ko, hindi ko maintindihan kung masakit ba ito o hindi pero tinatamad akong tignan ito. Dinilat ko ang mga mata ko, nakadilat na rin siya at titig na titig sa akin.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, my voice hoarse from last night.

He didn't respond but he hugged my waist tighter.

"Let me up, hon. Gagamutin ko pa ng sugat mo, magluluto rin ako ng agahan para sayo."

Mabuti na lang ay madali itong kausap pinakawalan niya ako, dali-dali naman akong bumangon sakaling magbago ang isip niya. Hindi ko inasahan na babangon din siya, niyakap niya ako mula sa likod at pinatong ang baba niya sa balikat ko.

"Seraphina..." he whispered.

"H-hm?"

"I love you."

I stilled, I swallowed the lump in my throat. I don't know what's shocking about that, he already said that to me yet I still got surprised and shocked.

I stayed silent. Habang nakayakap siya sa akin ay binuksan ko ang drawer pinakamalapit sa akin. Sinusuwerte ako dahil nanduon ang first aid, nakangiti ko itong kinuha at binuksan ng loob. Humarap ako kay Hunter, ngumiti ako sa kaniya at ginamot ang sugat sa kamao niya.

"Don't hurt yourself again, okay? I don't want to see you getting hurt." I said after I'm done, I waited for his answer but he was just silent. Tinignan ko siya pero hindi siya nakatingin sa akin kundi sa kama kung saan may mga dugo. "Oh..." my eyes widened. "Is this your blood?"

"Sera..." he sighed, closing his eyes. "It's yours."

My eyes furrowed in confusion, I looked at the blood and then felt another sting on my foot's sole. Tinignan ko ito at nagulat nang makitang may sugat dito, maraming tuyong dugo rito ngunit hindi na masyado nagdurugo ang mismong sugat.

"Must be from the broken picture frame." I whispered to myself.

"I'm sorry."

Umiling ako sa kaniya at ngumiti. "I'm ready to get hurt all the time, I'm willing to do anything if it means making you feel better. I can even go through hell just for you."