Every Saturday Night

Chapter 04

#ESN04: Cupcakes

Freya Kassandra Floresca

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"Anong ginagawa mo dito?" Tanong ko sa lalaking kaharap ko na simpleng nakapamulsa, nakasandal sa motor niyang nakaparke sa labas ng bahay namin.

Alas-dos na, hindi ako pumasok ngayong hapon. Umuwi ako agad pagkatapos ng failed prank namin ni Biann kaninang lunch break.

I decided not to go to my classes this afternoon because I was planning to bake some cupcakes for my friends. Peace offering para sa nangyari kanina. 'Tsaka wala naman masyadong ginagawa sa school tuwing Lunes.

Susulitin ko na rin ang hapon na ito na wala si ate sa bahay. Her absence brings comfort to me, but I wouldn’t wish her gone for too long.

“Freya Kassandra, right?” Zephyr asked in his husky voice. He kept staring at my eyes as if looking into my eyes gave him such comfort.

I have no idea why he’s here, and why he knows where I live.

His eyes seemed despairing the moment he came here, but when he finally saw me… it seemed like he was finally at ease just by having me around. Maybe I’m just assuming things, but I feel like I can easily read his emotions just by staring into his deep set eyes.

He’s so easy to read and I wonder why.

Am I just good at reading people’s emotions?

Or he’s just showing it to me willingly?

“Yes, and why are you here?” I asked him. Hindi ko na tinanong kung bakit alam niya ang pangalan ko. My name’s pretty familiar in Demetrial University.

“Am I not allowed to go here?” 

“I didn’t say that.”

“So you’re allowing me to go here?” The side of his lips rose from a smirk.

“I didn’t say that, either.” I glared at him, but he only answered with a chuckle.

Nagawa pa niyang kumuha ng sigarilyo sa bulsa niya. Binalak niyang sindihan ngunit agad akong humakbang papalapit upang kunin ang hawak niyang sigarilyo.

Nang maagaw ko ang sigarilyong hawak niya’y mabilis ko ‘tong tinapon sa lapag at tinapakan.

His lips parted for what I did, but he still managed to grin teasingly. “Basher ng yosi.”

“There’s nothing good about cigarettes,” sabi ko.

He just shrugged and asked, "Hindi ka ba papasok?"

“Hindi pa ba halata?” I sarcastically asked while I pointed my finger on my clothes. I’m wearing a plain oversized t-shirt and thick cycling shorts, obviously not wearing any of my school uniforms.

Bigla siyang napakurap at bahagyang umawang ang labi niya nang matitigan niya ang suot ko. Tumagal ang tingin niya sa mga hita ko at nag iwas tingin din siya matapos ng ilang segundo. Cute.

“O-okay…” He blinked again and blew air from his mouth. "Susunduin ka lang sana, para sabay na tayo pumasok," he answered which is obviously a lie. Hindi nga rin siya naka-uniform.

“You’re not even wearing a uniform.” I pointed at his clothes and rolled my eyes. He’s just wearing a gray hoodie and gray sweatpants.

Sumeryoso ang tingin niya sa ‘kin. “Galit ka ba sa ‘kin?”

“What?”

“Kanina mo pa ‘ko tinatarayan.”

“Sabi ko lang hindi ka naman naka-uniform?” Naguguluhang tanong ko. Ba’t ako magagalit?

“Oo nga pero kanina pa salubong ang mga kilay mo. Inirapan mo pa ‘ko. Galit ka ba?” 

“Bakit ka natatawa?” Takang tanong ko nang mahuli ko siyang pinipigilan ang sarili na matawa.

I just didn’t expected na marunong ka palang magtaray… ang akala ko, yung Biann lang ang mataray sa inyo ng mga kaibigan mo.” He shrugged as he added, “Madalas ka lang kayang maamo tingnan, palangiti ka pa nga. Mind if I ask, did I do something wrong to act you that way?”

Oh, he knows. Hindi naman kasi talaga ako mataray. My friends even called me the most peaceful person to be with in our circle. Mahinahon akong tao. Mahinhin. At may mahabang pasensya.

Pero pagdating kay Zephyr… hays, ewan ko ba.

“Galit ka nga?”

I sighed in defeat. “I’m just… pissed.”

That’s the truth. I feel pissed at him because I hate the fact that he looks attractive in my eyes. I also hate the fact that he's making me feel pissed, kahit wala naman siyang ginagawang masama sa 'kin.

Alam mo 'yon? Nakakainis kasi ang lakas ng dating niya sa 'kin. He's just so naturally attractive. Nakakainis dahil sa buong buhay ko sa Demetrial University, napapaligiran ako ng mga gwapong lalaki na mga kaibigan ko, pero sa isang 'to lang ako tinatamaan ng ganito.

Also! I never admired some guy in my teenage years. No one was attractive enough in my eyes. Maybe because I wasn't really interested in having someone to like or to love. Never in my life have I imagined myself being interested in a guy. Madami na akong problema, 'di ko na balak dagdagan.

Halos paghandaan ko na nga ang masanay na maging mag isa sa buhay.

I didn’t dare to imagine myself marrying someone, or creating my own family… because I believe I don’t deserve to be loved.

I don’t deserve a family. 

I know I want one, but I also know I don’t deserve one.

“You’re pissed at me?” Sumeryoso ang mukha niya. “Did I do something wrong?” 

Naiinis ako dahil ang bilis kong maging komportable sa ‘yo. I only said that in my mind. I wouldn’t say that to him. I’m afraid he’ll just take advantage of it.

And it actually feels weird being so comfortable around him.

Hindi ako ganito sa ibang taong kakakilala ko palang. 

Is it wrong to feel comfortable with someone you just met?

I don’t think so. That’s why I’m pissed. At myself. Not at him.

“Wala naman pero ano nga kasing ginagawa mo dito? Bakit alam mo kung saan ako nakatira? Bakit kung makipag-usap ka, parang magkaibigan na tayo? Alam mo bang hindi ko manlang naalala ang pangalan mo kanina nung nakita kita sa garden?”

Akala ko’y ma-o-offend siya sa sinabi ko pero mahina lang siyang natawa sa narinig.

“My name’s a unique one that people won’t easily remember.”

“Sa dami ng sinabi ko, ‘yon lang ang pinansin mo?” My eyebrows rose.

“See,” he said, pointing out my face. “Tinataasan mo naman ako ng kilay ngayon. Kanina magkasalubong ‘yan. Again, galit ka ba sa ‘kin?”

Gusto kong matawa dahil halatang halata sa mukha niya na napapaisip na talaga siya kung may ginawa ba siyang masama sa ‘kin, pero pinigilan ko ang sarili na magpakawala ng tawa. 

Kailangan ko siyang tarayan kahit natutuwa ako sa kanya.

Kailangan ko siyang ipagtabuyan.

Hindi ako sanay na may bagong taong nagpapagaan ng pakiramdam ko. And damn, he wasn’t even doing anything to make me feel at ease, but his presence was already enough. 

That’s scaring me at the same time.

“Just tell me the real reason why you’re here and how’d you know my house?”

"Gusto lang kitang makita," he replied in a low husky voice.

“Why and how about my second question?”

Bahagya siyang umiling at tumingin sa lapag kasabay ng maliit na ngiti sa labi niya.

“I have to go now,” he said as he turned his gaze at me again.

I shrugged. “Okay, go?”

“Parang ayaw mo?” He softly chuckled, giving me a small smirk on the side of his lips.

“Parang ang assuming mo?” I chuckled.

Napailing nalang siya at muling nagpakawala ng mahinang tawa. Napangiti naman ako sa kanya.

See! Why am I smiling?! Wala naman siyang ginagawa?!

“Aalis na ‘ko.” Humakbang siya papalapit sa ‘kin at ngumiti. I blinked my eyes twice when he gently patted my head before he bid his goodbye.

“I’m sorry if I wasted your time, but I just really wanted to see you to ease my mind.” Sumakay na siya sa kanyang motorsiklo.

“Anong ibig sabihin ng huli mong sinabi?”

He didn’t utter an answer. He just gave me a small smile.

Nagmaneho na siya paalis. Pinanood ko naman siyang makalayo sa paningin ko, at hindi ko alam kung ano nanaman ang pumasok sa isip ko’t napangiti nanaman ako dahil sa kanya.

Oh, God… this is weird. Crush ko ba ang isang ‘yon?

Parang ang labo naman. 

He's not even my type. He’s far from my type.

Because to be honest? Lyrichael Finley is my ideal guy... nasa kanya lahat ng gusto ko sa isang lalaki, usapang itsura, o ugali man yan.

Lyrichael’s father is a half Scottish and his mother’s a pure Filipina. Hindi ko naman hilig ang may mga lahing foreigner, but Lyric has a fair skin. Mas maputi ako sa kanya pero gusto ko sa isang lalaki ay maputi. At si Zephyr? He has tanned skin. Moreno. He also has thick eyebrows, sharp jawline, and has strong appeal. And that’s not my type.

Ang gusto ko sa isang lalaki ay yung may malambing na awra. May malambing na ngiti. May maamong mukha. Someone who seems like a sweet guy on the outside and inside. And Lyrichael Finley has everything I wanted for a guy. Even his traits & personality.

Nasa kanya lahat ng hinahangad ko.

Pero dahil kaibigan ko siya, hindi ko siya papatulan.

Ayoko dahil walang kasiguraduhan kung magiging hanggang dulo ba, o masasayang lang lahat ng pinagsamahan namin.

I don’t want the latter to happen. That's what happened between Joash and Ysa.

Safira Ysabelle Yanson was one of our friends. She used to be included in our circle ever since we were kids… but she’s out of our sight now right after our Junior High School.

Joash and Ysa were best friends, but they fell in love. They had commitments yet they broke up. Ysabelle left Demetrial University. Ysa left us. And that happened because of their breakup. No one knows the reason behind their breakup.

The only thing that I’m sure about was they were still very young for such a thing. They’re one of the people who used to believe that puppy love works ‘til the end.

They dated in Junior High, and ended right before Senior High started. Ang plano’y sama sama pa rin kaming mag aaral sa Demetrial University, pero bigla nalang nang iwan si Ysabelle.

It's ridiculous and scary to think about how love can manage to make people a vulnerable person. And I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want to be emotionally wounded by love, sapat na ang hirap na nararanasan ko sa relasyon namin ni ate. Ayoko ng dagdagan pa ng panibagong problema.

Kontento naman ako sa kung ano man ang meron sa ‘min ni Lyric. Although, I know Lyric likes me and I can surely like him back if I want to… but I treasure our friendship more than anything.

I don’t want to risk it.

I began to tie my hair up and gather all of my baking tools.

Sinimulan ko nang magbake ng iba’t ibang flavor ng cupcake. Ngunit habang sinisimulan ko ang ginagawa ko, hindi ko naiwasan makaramdam ng lungkot dahil sa isang ala-ala na biglang pumasok sa isip ko.

"Freya! Ambaho ng amoy ng cupcake mo, siguradong mas masarap 'tong gawa ko. Amoy palang masarap na! Right, mommy?" Ngiting ngiti na sigaw ni ate habang inaabot ang gawa niyang cupcake kay mama.

Bigla akong napatingin sa ginawa kong cupcake at inamoy ito… hindi naman mabaho, ah.

Napanguso ako at binalak na itapon nalang sa basurahan ang cupcake pero agad humakbang si mama papalapit sa 'kin, inagaw ang kamuntikan ko ng itapon na cupcake.

"No food tastes too boring if you cook, or bake it with love." Kinagatan niya ang cupcake na ginawa ko. Awtomatikong gumuhit ang ngiti sa labi ni mama na para bang nasasarapan talaga siya sa cupcake na ginawa ko.

Nagpapadyak na lumapit si ate sa 'min. "But mom, her cupcake looks disgusting! Masarap po ba talaga?" 

Sabay kaming niyakap ni mama.

"Wala akong pakialam sa lasa n'yan, masaya akong natututo na kayong gumawa ng ganyan sa edad niyong 'yan. Those cupcakes are well appreciated, okay? Nothing tastes bad. Masarap ang gawa ninyong pareho." Mama showed us her genuine smile as she pulled us closer to her to tighten the hug.

"Pero mama, halata naman pong ang pangit nung kay Freya..." bubulong-bulong na saad ni ate. "Ikaw talaga Freeda, ang hilig mong asarin ang kapatid mo," mama chuckled.

Pilit na ngumiti si ate at madiin na pinisil ang pisngi ko. "Minsan po kasi uto-uto siya eh..."

"Bata pa kayo mga anak, h'wag ganyan Freeda, ha? Ate ka. Magkapatid kayo. Dapat nag susuportahan kayo."

"Well then I'm sorry for insulting your cupcake... hmp," she said and I quickly nodded. "It's okay, ate, love naman kita eh!" I exclaimed.

"Be good to each other, okay? Mahal na mahal kayo ni mama..." mama said using her sweet angelic voice that I still always hear in my mind.

I will never ever forget the sound of her sweet voice.

Be good to each other, okay? Mahal na mahal kayo ni mama... I'm sorry, ma, if ate Freeda's failing to be a good sister. But don't worry, I’ll forever take care of her even if she’s failing to take care of me.

Don’t get mad at her, ma, okay? I understand her hatred towards me and I deserve it because I’m the reason why we lost you… I just hoped she’ll soon learn to forgive me. I'll always pray for that.

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