Misguided Hearts

IV

Phae

"Hera, please calm down!" hinawakan ko siya sa magkabila niyang balikat at inalalayang maupo sa couch. Naupo ako sa tabi niya at hinimas ang mga braso niya. "Shh.. Shh.."

Patuloy pa rin siya sa paghikbi niya at nag-aalala na 'ko. What the hell is wrong with her? Kanina lamang okay kami. She was just a bit uneasy when she told me she was going somewhere. I offered to drive her there but she refused. Naisip ko naman na baka gusto lang niya mapag-isa, so I let her.

Ngayon, bigla siyang dadating na hilam ang mata sa luha. I don't understand!

I gave her shoulder butterfly kisses to help calm her down. Ngayon ay nakatakip ang mga kamay niya sa mukha niya at yumuyugyog sa bawat hagulgol niya. I hugged her tight and she hugged me back. Hinayaan ko lang muna siya na umiyak nang umiyak doon. Alam ko naman na sasabihin din niya pag handa na siya.

Eversince I met Hera, she's been having these breakdowns. I had the honor of witnessing it first hand when I slept over at her condo, best friends pa lang kami noon. At first, hindi ko naiintindihan kung anong nangyayari sa kanya. If I were another person, it would've scared me the f*ck away. Pero hindi ko siya iniwan noon. I held her that day. Noon ko unti unting na-realize, I could never--and I mean never, walk away from this woman.

I instantly knew I was already into deep.

Gagawin ko ang lahat, in all my power, para hindi na maranasan muli ni Hera kung ano man iyon that was haunting her.

"He threatened me.." she said in between sobs. She was clinging to my arms for her dear life.

"Who?"

"Viktor. He threatened that he would tell my parents about us if I don't take him back!"

Humigpit ang yakap ko kay Hera. F*ck that assh*le! Ano bang problema niya? Pagkatapos ng ginawa niya noon sa girlfriend ko, ngayon babalik siya at guguluhin kami? Ano bang gusto niyang mangyari?

"It's not--It's not that I'm scared, Phae.." sisigok sigok na sabi niya. "I know my parents won't mind! I-I mean-"

"Your parents wanted you to marry a man, Hera. Kaya ka nila pinagkasundo sa anak ng business partner nila. Paghihiwalayin nila tayo pag nalaman nila." I deadpanned. Alam ko. Matagal ko nang alam na engaged si Hera. I haven't met the guy yet and she said it wasn't important cause she's gonna break the engagement anyway.

She told me she loves me and that the engagement means nothing to her.

I was hoping it was true. Hindi lang ang hayup na Viktor na iyon ang kaagaw ko kay Hera, pati na rin yung fiance' niya. Kung sino mang hudyo 'yon!

Naramdaman ko na lang na hinawakan ni Hera ang magkabilang pisngi ko at hinalikan ako. She kissed me passionately. Ipinilig ko ang leeg ko para gumanti ng halik. I licked her luscious lips and she bit mine in exchange. I wound my hand on back of her head and pulled her closer, my fingers tangling with her long black hair. "Phae.."

My lips strayed to the hollow of her neck. Panay ang ungol niya habang hinihimas ang likuran ko. "I just wanna tell you.. I..love you.. And.. I don't care what my parents would think.. If they find out.." she said in between pants.

"Really?" lumayo ako sa kanya.

"Yes!" she pulled me back and hugged me fiercely. "I'm sorry for behaving like a psycho again. It's just that.. Naiinis ako kay Viktor."

Isinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa buhok niya. Inhaling her scent. She's the only love I knew. Masyadong naging magulo ang buhay ko sa bahay. I hate my father, I hate that he's always away. I hate it when Drae and our father fights when he's around. I hate that Drae is doing okay now. I hate it that I just found out that my Lola O is sick. I hate not being able to leave our house because it held too much memories. Memories that I'm not ready to let go of, yet.

And then there was Hera, my breather. Whenever I'm with her... Lahat nakakalimutan ko. Nagiging masaya ako. I feel important. I feel needed. I feel loved.

"Bakit pa siya nagpupumilit na makapasok ulit sa buhay ko?" she asked. "Bakit noong kailangan ko siya, wala siya?"

"Do you still love him?"

Bigla ay napatitig siya sa'kin. "What. Are. You. Saying?"

I frowned. "I'm asking you, do you still love that bastard? After all what he did to you?"

"No, Phae! Of course not!" Muli niyang kinintalan ng halik ang mga labi ko. "Ikaw lang ang mahal ko, kuntento na 'ko sa kung ano'ng meron tayo. I'm in my happiest now."

She took my hand and gripped it tight. "I am the happiest I've ever been, simula nu'ng makilala kita."

Ngumiti ako nang tipid. Hindi pa 'ko kumbinsido. Why would she cry like that kung talagang di na niya mahal ang tarantadong 'yun?

"Please, Phae. . . Believe me."

Tumango na lang ako at tumayo mula sa couch.

"Phae!"

"So, what are we gonna do to your assh*le of an ex?" I asked, completely ignoring her protest.

Natahimik siya. Nang lingunin ko siya ay nakayuko siya. "I don't know. . ." she uttered in a low voice. "I'm just going to ignore him. You don't have to worry about him, I promise."

I just shrugged.

"Will you come here?" nilahad niya ang kamay niya sa'kin, but I remained standing there, staring at her.

"Please, Phae. . . Let's stop this. I'm sorry," aniya. Nakita ko naman sa mga mata niya na sinsero siya sa mga sinasabi niya. Iyon nga lang, naroon pa rin ang duda sa dibdib ko. I don't wanna lose her. Certainly not to that abbreviated piece of nothing. "Phae, please?"

I sighed and went to sit beside her again. She nipped my ear and started carressing my thighs.

This is something I haven't decided yet if I love or hate about her. For her, s*x is always the answer. We fight, we f*ck. She's upset or I'm upset, we f*ck. We always f*ck. s*x is our fix.

I was about to touch her back when my phone rang.

I instantly knew it was Drae. He always sets his calls to the loudest ringtone and on vibrate mode. Para raw hindi ko magamit ang excuse na kesyo hindi ko narinig ako naramdaman na tumawag siya.

I irritably reached for my phone and answered it. "What?"

"Sunduin mo 'ko sa presinto."

"Come again?"

"I said-"

"No, I heard you." Agad akong napatayo mula sa sofa. I started pacing. "Where's your car and what the hell are you doing in a precint?!"

Upon hearing that, napatayo rin si Hera at lumapit sa'kin. Bakas ang concern sa mga mata niya.

"I f*cking need you right now, sis! Please?"

Kinabahan naman ako sa urgency at intensity sa boses ng kapatid ko. "Okay, okay, text me the details. I'm coming for you." Tinapos ko ang tawag saka ako humarap kay Hera. "I'm so sorry baby, I know you're upset right now and you needed a fix and-"

Inilapat niya ang hintuturo sa bibig ko. "It's okay, Phae, mukhang kailangan ka ng kapatid mo." She smiled at me reassuringly.

"Will you be okay?" malungkot na tanong ko.

Tumango siya. "Of course." She pushed me towards the door and said, "Now, go! Make sure you have enough cash in case your stupid brother needs to be bailed."

Natawa lang ako pero napaisip din. Sigurado naman akong hindi nakulong ang kapatid ko. Even if Hera called him stupid, I knew my brother. He's smarter than that. Minsan umaakto lang talaga siyang parang tanga but I don't peg him for someone who would get himself in trouble big enough to land his ass in jail.

---

Hera

I rocked myself back and forth as I puffed my--I don't know, fifth?--stick of cigarette. Pinahid ko ang luhang pumatak sa pisngi ko at kinagat ko ang labi ko. Kaaalis lang ni Phae at naiwan akong mag-isa sa condo ko.

I'm scared.

I'm terrified of the mistakes I did.

Baka balikan ako niyon, at sa huli mawala sa'kin si Phae.

I can't lose her. I simply can't! I'd die.

Napagulgol nanaman ako. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko at ang lahat ng ito, kagagawan ni Viktor.

Bakit ba kailangan pa niyang bumalik at sirain ang buhay ko? I'm already happy. Masaya na 'ko kasama si Phae. Bakit ngayon pa siya bumalik?

---

Hera

After a week and a half of sulking, I gathered enough courage to get out of my room and face Viktor. Again.

Alam ko nang may problema kaming dalawa. Dahil kung wala, sana nu'ng pumunta 'ko sa bahay nila ay kinausap niya 'ko. Hindi sana niya 'ko pinagtabuyan at nasabi ko sana sa kanya na buntis ako.

Bukod pa do'n, sana tinawagan niya ako nang nakalipas na isang linggo at kalahati. Hindi' yung bedridden ako at tanging si Kuya Noah lang ang nakakapasok sa kwarto ko.

Kuya Noah already knew about my condition. Sinabi ko 'yun sa kanya noong gabi rin na nakita niya ako sa ulanan. I was desperate for someone to listen, someone to share the burden, someone who could help me decide what to do next! Mabuti na lang pala at sa kanya 'ko napiling sabihin ang kalagayan ko. The very next day, he took me to an OB-Gyne and there it was confirmed that I was pregnant. Magkaka-baby na kami ni Viktor. Magiging nanay na 'ko. At the age of f*cking seventeen!

Kapapasok ko lang ng college!

Hagulgol ako nang hagulgol matapos noon. I cried incessantly inside my Kuya's convertible sports car. Wala siyang nagawa noon kundi himasin ang likod ko at subukang patahanin ako. But I couldn't stop. I was so scared. Scared sh*tless. Scared that I nearly pissed myself. Scared to death. How am I going to raise a child at my age? And without a father, no less? But first, how am I friggin going to tell my folks that their only daughter got knocked up?!

Ang payo sa'kin ni Kuya, hiwalayan ko na si Viktor. Wala naman daw akong magagawa kung ayaw na sa'kin nu'ng tao. Hindi ko naman daw pwedeng ipilit ang sarili ko sa taong ayaw na sa'kin, dahil lang sa magkakaanak na kami.

But right now, all I can think of was to talk some sense in Viktor's head. Bah, hindi pwedeng basta na lang niya tatalikuran ang responsibilidad niya sa'kin! Magkasama naming ginawa 'tong batang 'to. Magkasama rin naming palalakihin 'to! I am not about to let my child grow up without a father! No! That was so out of the question!

So, now I was standing in front of a gigantic building owned by the Sobrevega's. This is were Viktor's been training. Hinihintay ko na lang siya na lumabas at saka ko siya pipiliting makipag-usap sa'kin.

Sinipat ko ang relo ko. I saw it was already 5:30pm, he should be here by now. Ngunit tinubuan na ata ako ng ugat doon, wala pa ring Viktor na lumabas.

F*ck this sh*t!

Patalikod na sana 'ko nang iniluwa ng sliding door si Viktor. Kasama nanaman nito ang matronang si Katrina. And guess what? Naglalambitin ang babae sa braso ng boyfriend ko.

All I could remember was I saw red.

Walang babala na sinugod ko sila at inihampas ang hawak kong bag sa mukha ng malanding matanda. Napatda si Viktor habang si Katrina naman ay napaupo sa sahig. Nakita kong bali ang isang takong ng mamahalin niyang sapatos. Ngali ngaling damputin ko iyon at ipukol sa mukha niyang tinapalan ng makapal na make up.

"Hera?! What the hell did you do?!"

Galit na hinarap ko si Viktor. "Ako pa ang tinatanong mo?! Anong ginagawa mo kasama 'tong matronang 'to? Ganyan na ba ang mga tipo mo? Is this wh*re the reason why you're not calling me? Not even texting me?! Seriously? You're stooping this low?!"

"Hera, you don't know what you're saying!" Gigil na dinakma ni Viktor ang braso ko at pilit akong kinakaladkad palayo.

"No! Bitawan mo ko, Viktor!" I shot a deadly glare at Katrina. "Isa pang beses na makita kitang lumalambitin sa boyfriend ko, hindi lang 'yan ang aabutin mo!"

"For Christ's sake, Hera, where is your breeding?!"

Galit na binawi ko ang braso ko mula sa kanya. "You're asking me?!" Dinuro ko siya. "I seemed to have lost my breeding and whatever the f*ck they taught me in school about good manners when I saw you flirting with this b*tch!" I shrieked. "What? Does her wrinkled v****a taste better than mine?"

"Enough, Hera!" Dumagundong ang boses niya. He once again took my arm and dragged me away from there. A lot of bystanders were already watching us. "You don't know what you're talking about!" padaskol na binitawan niya 'ko sanhi para mapaupo ako sa sahig.

Napanganga ako. Nakaramdam ako ng pagsakit sa balakang ko. "What the f*ck, Viktor?! I'm pregnant!"

There. I said it. Kasabay ng paglabas ng mga salitang iyon sa aking bibig ay ang pagtulo ng luha sa pisngi ko. How dare him! Paano niyang nagawang saktan ako nang ganoon? Paano na lang kung mapaano ang sanggol sa sinapupunan ko?

Ilang sandaling hindi nakahuma si Viktor. Taas baba ang dibdib niya sa lalim ng kanyang hininga. Hindi pa rin nawawala ang galit sa mga mata niya.

"What?" I asked, wiping tears off my face. "Aren't you gonna say something, huh? Buntis ako! Binuntis mo 'ko!"

"Hera-"

"You are becoming a father, Vik!" I shouted as another bout of tears came springing from my eyes.

I saw him sigh. Then he stared at me blankly. "You better not be pregnant, Hera-"

"What are you saying?! I am pregnant!"

"You better not be pregnant, cause we're over," he spat.

Pakiramdam ko gumuho ang mundo ko. Kasabay niyon ang matinding pagsakit ng tiyan ko.