Misguided Hearts

III

Katulad ng naging usapan namin ni Hera sa telepono, pumunta ako sa condo unit niya. Ang sabi niya lang sa'kin ay nami-miss niya na ako. I already knew what that meant. Kaya naman after the reception, tumuloy na agad ako dito. 'Ni hindi ko na nga nagawang magpaalam kay Ram at Charlie. I just bid my brother a quick goodbye and gave Scorpio, who's sporting a scowl, a curt nod.

I knocked three times and waited for her to open the door. Hera insisted that I should a have a key to her condo but I decided not to take it. Gusto ko pa rin na magkaroon siya ng privacy. I couldn't just barge in here anytime I want although that's what she wants. After a few minutes, she still hasn't come to get the door, so I decided to try on the door knob, and it turned, which made me frown.

What on earth is that woman doing? Bakit hinayaan niyang bukas ang pinto ng bahay niya?

Pumasok ako sa loob at nagpalinganga. Hera was nowhere to be seen. Nakapatay ang ilaw sa buong kabahayan, tanging ang tunog na nagmumula sa malaking aquarium lang ang naririnig ko. Dumiretso ako sa kwarto niya, nagbabakasakaling natutulog siya at tamang tama naman na bumukas din ang pinto ng banyo niya.

"What the hell?" she cried and she clutched the wet towel to her naked body.

I rolled my eyeballs and proceeded to sit on the edge of her king size bed. "No, Hera, what the hell?" I crossed my arms and my legs. "Bakit iniwan mong bukas ang pinto?"

"Bukas ba?" maang niya.

My scowl deepened. "Someone could've gotten in, Hera! What the f*ck is wrong with you?!"

She smiled at me sadly. Lumapit siya sa'kin, Basang basa at tumutulo pa sa balikat niya ang tubig mula sa buhok niya. She got into her bed and hugged me from behind. "I'm sorry baby, it's just that.." she faltered.

"What?" bahagyang naiirita parin na tanong ko bagamat nakikiliti ako sa pagdapo ng hininga niya sa leeg ko.

She settled her chin on my shoulder. I was still wearing the blue tube gown I wore at Ram's wedding. Ramdam ko sa balat ko ang malamig na tubig mula sa buhok niya. I knew something's wrong, it's so not Hera to act like this. She was never this reckless.

"What's wrong, Hera?" my hand reached for her head. Matagal na kaming magkaibigan ni Hera, mga limang taon siguro simula nang bumalik siya dito sa bansa. She lived in the states with her parents for two years. Hera had a rough teenage years and her folks thought it was best to move away. Hanggang si Hera na mismo ang nagmakaawa sa mga ito na bumalik na sila ng bansa. Bilang unica hija ng mga Pineda ay walang nagawa ang mga ito kundi ang pagbigyan ang anak.

We met each other in graduate school. Hera has always been different. Other people saw her as a b***h, but I saw through her facade. She has this certain sadness in her, which I thought was the thing that drew me in. Sa isa't isa namin nahanap ang kakampi, na sa tingin namin ay wala kami nang mga panahon na 'yun. She became my shoulder to cry on. My anchor. And later on, the air I breathe.

"Viktor's been calling me.." she whispered, her voice was muffled by my skin.

Tumuwid ang likod ko pagkabanggit niya ng pangalan ng ex niya. It's been years.. At naniwala ako noon na after several long years, nakalimutan na niya ang hudas na 'yun. "Viktor? Why? Why would he call you?" I didn't bother to hide the contempt from my voice.

He was Hera's first love, first everything. First heartbreak. First love never dies? I am not a firm believer of that. But damn, If I don't feel threatened by that guy.

Natatakot ako na baka bumalik si Hera sa kanya.

Baka iwan ako ni Hera para kay Viktor.

Ayoko. Hindi ko kakayanin.

She's mine.

"Shh.." she began planting tender kisses on my neck and shoulder. "It was nothing, okay? I was just a little... disturbed."

"Are you sure that was all?" I asked, breathing heavily as her hands started carressing my arms. She knew I couldn't resist her once she starts kissing me. She's using libido to distract me! This woman!

"Yes.." she said in a low, soft voice.

Napakagat ako sa labi ko nang maramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa zipper ng gown ko. She started unzipping it. Slowly. Teasing. Sunod na naramdaman ko ay ang maiinit niyang halik sa likuran ko. The fabric of the gown pooled on my waist and cold hair touched my bare skin. I gasped loudly as she cupped my perfectly perked breasts and squeezed it.

Wala nga pala akong suot na bra under my dress. I don't need it anyway. My mind got clouded as her fingers toyed with my already erect n*pples. She knew exactly how to put my mind off things. I inhaled deeply as she began sucking the sensitive spot on the hollow of my neck.

"Ahh!" I gasped.

Hindi ko na napigilan at humarap ako sa kanya. She stumbled back to the bed and giggled. I smirked at her as I hovered her, half naked. She smiled at me as she ran her hands on my thighs, hiking my dress higher into my waist. I was already breathing heavily when she found the garter of my lace underwear. I stared into her heavily hooded eyes as I removed the wet towel off her body, she was removing my undies simultaneously.

"Hera.." I groaned. Napasabunot ako sa buhok niya as I was straddling her. My back arched when she hungrily sucked on my tips and her finger seeked for that sensitive knob down below.

"I love you, Phae.." she whispered fiercely. I couldn't find the words to explain the sensation I'm feeling whenever I was doing it with her. I had been with men before, had s*x with one, but I didn't feel the same satisfaction. It was never like this. Never this erotic.

Only Hera was able to give me an o****m if it wasn't self induced.

We were both breathing heavily and chuckling when she nestled beside me. Iniyakap ko ang isang braso ko sa kanya at idinantay naman niya ang isang binti niya sa'kin. Nilunod ko ang sarili ko sa amoy ni Hera.

I love her smell. It always brought me the peace that I have never experienced my whole life. This is what saved my sanity. This thing I have with her. It's what made me whole and happy.

"I love you.." bulong niya.

"I love you more.." I kissed her forehead.

---

Hera

Nagsindi ako ng panibagong sigarilyo pagtapos ay tumabi akong muli kay Phae. She too was puffing her cigarette. Ngumiti siya sa'kin bago muling tumingin sa LED screen sa harap namin.

Nagbuga ako ng usok at idinantay ang ulo ko sa balikat niya. We are both still buttnaked but we don't care. We've seen each other's naked body gazillion times. Although, Phae is more on the timid side habang ako naman iyong mas wild. Kung minsan nga ay pinagbubuksan ko ang mga delivery boy kahit wala akong damit. I'm already comfortable with my body, and I am certainly comfortable with others seeing it. Lalaki lang naman ang mga 'yan. Wala akong pakialam.

Isang bagay na mahigpit na tinututulan ni Phae. She's only this comfortable kapag ako ang kasama niya. Hindi siya kumportable sa mga lalaki. That's where we differ. Kung ako walang paki sa mga lalaki, Phae has this kind revulsion towards men. She's not a manhater, but she's not comfortable around them.

Unless it's Drae, her gorgeous devil of a brother. But of course, di pa naman nakikitang hubad ng kapatid niya si Phae.

"Why's Viktor calling you?" biglang tanong niya habang pinapatay ang sindi ng sigarilyo niya.

Nagkibit balikat ako. "I don't know." I toyed with the edge of my comforter. "We saw each other sa isang fundraising event which my parents made me attend. Simula nun tawag na siya nang tawag, I don't even know how he got my number, I wasn't listed."

"What? He wants to f*ck with your p*ssy again?" she sneered.

Natawa naman ako. Naiintindihan ko naman kung bakit galit siya kay Viktor. Kung ako nga hanggang ngayon, hindi ko parin magwang titigan sa mata ang hayop na 'yon. He screwed me and then screwed me over. He f*cked me up.

Muli kong hinarap si Phae. She's scowling again. Napangisi ako. She doesn't know that she looked so cute when she's mad. Ang sarap sarap pa niya lambingin pag ganon! "You are so silly! But maybe he does miss this p*ssy." I wiggled my eyebrows at her, teasing her.

"That's one hell of a p*ssy, no wonder he's missing it." now she had this naughty look on her face. Gotcha! I knew she couldn't stay mad at me. She loves me.

"Taste it?" I teased.

She doesn't need to answer. She moved south with a predatory look in her dark eyes that I happen to love so much.

I sighed in pleasure while the thought of this woman in my bed, and how I love her to every bits of my heart, playing in my screwed up brain.

---

Hera

Mabilis na umibis ako mula sa taxi nang huminto iyon sa harap ng bahay ng nobyo ko. Umaambon na kaya nagmamadali akong tumawid sa kalsada.

Tumayo ako sa tapat ng mababang gate at kinatok katok iyon. "Vik? Viktor!"

Napangiti ako nang mapait nang maalala ko kung bakit ako naparoon. Humawak ako sa puson ko at kinapa ang pregnancy test kit na ginamit ko kanina mula sa aking bulsa. I am pregnant.

Hindi ko pa magawang magpatingin sa doctor dahil natatakot ako. Natatakot akong totoo talaga ang resulta ng pregnancy test. Paano kung buntis talaga ako? How will I tell my parents? Magagalit sila sakin, sigurado. I'm only seventeen years old for God's sake! Baka palayasin nila 'ko. Napakagat ako sa labi ko. I needed to tell Viktor first. He needs to know he might be a father soon.

Abot abot ang kaba ko. Pero sigurado naman akong hindi ako iiwan ni Viktor. Sigurado akong matutuwa siya kung sakaling magkakaanak na nga kami! Sigurado yun!

Mahal niya 'ko. Iyon ang pinanghahawakan ko.

Naputol ang isipin ko nang makita kong bumukas ang pinto ng bahay nila Viktor. Iniluwa siya noon at isang babae na halatang mas may edad sa kanya. Viktor's already twenty-two. The woman looked like she's on her early thirties.

Nakita kong inalalayan ni Viktor ang babae palabas ng bahay, ipainagbukas niya ito ng payong dala ng lumalakas na ulan. The woman was laughing--no, she was giggling at whatever Viktor was telling her. Parang nais kong mainis. Sino ba 'tong malanding babaeng 'to? Kung maka hagikgik daig pa ang teenager.

Gumana nanaman ang pagiging selosa ko.

Naisip ko naman na baka ka-trabaho lang 'to ng nanay ni Viktor? Bagamat kasi related ang mga Ignacio sa mga Sobrevega--isa sa mga pinakamayayaman na pamilya sa Pilipinas--hindi ganoon kayaman sila Viktor. May kaya sila, oo. But they weren't as big time as his cousin's family.

Mas mayaman din ang pamilya namin kaysa sa kanila. Kaya nga kung minsan ay may pagka-insecure si Viktor pag napaguusapan ang tungkol sa yaman yaman na 'yan.

"Viktor.." I approached them once they were out of the gate.

"Hera?!" gulat na sabi niya. Kahit madilim ay napansin ko ang pamumutla niya. "What are you doing here?"

Bakit parang nagagalit siya? Heto ako ngayon, buntis, at nababasa na ng ulan. Habang siya, todo payong sa matronang 'yon!

"M-may sasabihin sana ako.." nangangatal na ang labi ko sa labis na ginaw. Patuloy na lumalakas ang ulan at nakatayo lang doon ang walangya kong nobyo at pinapayungan ang kasama niya.

"Vik, who is she?" maarteng sabi ng babae. Sa pananalita at pustura nito, halata nang may sinasabi sa buhay. Mukhang mayaman na nabubuhay na lang sa kakapa-Botox at Liposuction. Mukhang matrona na nagpapakapasasa sa pera na kinikita ng asawa. There are a lot of socialites in the world where I came from. I know one when I saw one.

"Uhh.." tumingin si Viktor sa kasama. "Let's go, Katrina, let me take you to your car."

Confirmed. Mayaman nga. She actually had a chaffeur. Nagtagis ang mga bagang ko. Sino ba 'tong babae na 'to? At gaano kahirap para kay Viktor na sagutin ang tanong nito kung sino ako? Girlfriend niya 'ko, ano bang problema dun?

Matapos makasakay ng Mercedes Benz niya si Katrina ay agad na umibis iyon. Noon lang ako binalikan ni Viktor. Kung kailan basang basa na 'ko ng ulan at nagbabanggan na ang mga ngipin ko sa sobrang ginaw.

"Go home, Hera." malamig na sabi ni Viktor sa'kin.

Natigagal ako. "I have something to tell you, Vik!" desperadang sabi ko. Pag hindi ko pa naipaalam sa kanya ang kundisyon ko ay baka mabaliw na 'ko! Two months na akong delayed. Hindi magtatagal mahahalata na nila mommy at daddy na may dinadala ako. I'm having morning sickness and they're already suspicious!

"Umuwi ka na. It's raining. Bukas na tayo mag-usap." his tone was so clipped.

Hindi naman siya ganito nung huli kaming magkausap. He is certainly not like this when he lured me into having s*x! Gustong gusto kong magalit at sigaw sigawan siya. Pero nangangamba ako sa kalagayan ng dinadala ko.

"B-but--"

Gusto ko pa sana siyang pigilan pero pumasok na siya sa gate. "Sige na, Hera, umuwi ka na, I can't drive you home now. I'm busy. I'm sorry."

Naiintindihan ko naman na busy siya. Viktor is hard working as much as he's ambitious. Pero gaano ba kaimportante ang trabaho kumpara sa kalagayan ko ngayon? I am his girlfriend and I am f*cking pregnant!

Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagluha nang saraduhan ako ng gate ni Viktor at dirediretso siyang pumasok sa loob ng bahay nila. Tangina! Ganon na lang? Gano'n na lang yon? Pagkatapos niyang magpakasasa sa katawan ko? Pagkatapos ng paulit ulit naming pagse-s*x, pagkatapos niyang magpakasarap, gano'n? Gano'n na lang?

Putangina!

Tumalikod ako habang humihikbi sa ilalim ng ulanan. Naghalo na ang ulan, luha at uhog sa mukha ko. Hindi parin maputol putol ang paghagulgol ko.

Nakayuko akong naglakad palayo nang maramdaman kong nawala ang patak ng malakas na ulan. Napatingala ako. I saw Kuya Noah, my adopted brother, towering me. Pinapayungan niya ako at mataman na tinitigan.

Ang susunod na namalayan ko ay nasa bisig na niya 'ko.