PLAYING HIS GAME

IKALABING-ISANG KABANATA

"Lexi, umuwi na tayo. Sige na."

Pinili kong wag pansinin ang pagmamakaawa ng kaibigan kong si Joi na umuwi na kami. I chugged another bottle of drinks as I turned my gaze to her.

"May lakad ka?" I asked. She slowly nodded.

"Sa Central may pupuntahan ako."

I let her go kahit na nagaalangan siya. And in just a spur of the moment, magisa nalang ako. Wala si Liam, si Ranz, si Leo, si Joana, pati si Joi ay umalis na. Sometimes, I wanted to shout at them.

I wanted to tell them I'm not fine but I always choose to keep the pain by myself. Sino ba ako? I will never be someone's priority.

"Dude, can you give me full bottle please?" Pagmamakaawa ko sa nakahilerang kalalakihan sa may bar counter. Lumihis ang tingin nila sa akin na mukhang ayaw akong bigyan.

Napamura nalang ako sa inis.

I spent my entire time watching at the sea of people. Nakakainggit ano? They look so free, young, and happy. I used to be like them, mahilig magsaya kahit di na kaya.

But then I realized, sadness, problems, and depression has no face. Even the happiest face, can hold the deepest wounds. Even the sparkling eyes can hold a bottle of tears. And even the best laughter can hide excruciating pain.

Lahat naman tayo mapagpanggap. Sa iba't ibang paraan nga lang.

Pinilig ko ang ulo para iwasan ang pagiyak. Inuto ko pa ang isang waiter na bigyan ako ng inumin saka ako nakipagsayaw sa mga estranghero sa gitna.

Nakakabaliw maging malungkot. Pero nakakabaliw magpanggap na masaya.

"Geez..."

I heard someone hisses beside me nang maapakan ko ang paa nito habang nagsasayaw. I turned my gaze to the lady at nagulat nang sikuhin ako nito sa tiyan.

Suddenly, my sight gets blurry. Hindi ko alam kung ang inumin iyon. Baka nga dahil marami na rin akong naubos na alak.

"I HATE MY LIFE, I HATE ALL OF MY FRIENDS, I HATE MY FAMILY, I HATE MYSELF, I HATE EVERYTHING!" I shouted the pain. Some turned their eyes towards me but they just ignored the sight.

Wala silang pakialam.

"Why do I have to be alone? Why can't I be someone's favorite? Never been the best friend. Never been the best daughter. I am just some f****d up lady, f****d by his boyfriend and now with a f*****g baby!"

I laughed as tears streamed down my face. My body shivered, as if cold water were splash directly at my face.

"Ah!" I shouted from pain. My fist clenched at my tummy as another bolt of agony travelled all over my spines.

No...

No

"Help!"

Hot liquid gushed down my thighs. Rinig ko ang reklamong pandidiri ng mga tao. They immediately went away from me na para bang ayaw mapalapit sa akin.

"Ahh! Please... please help me."

Umiiyak akong sumalampak sa sahig. May kung ano sa tiyan ko ang kumikislot sa sakit. But the sight, the place where people seems not to care about my condition, made the situation even worse.

Ramdam ko ang malagkit na dugo na patuloy pumapaibaba sa paa ko. My eyes fluttered close from tiredness.

My baby..

"Miss, you okay?"

I tried to open my eyes as I heard someone's voice. I managed to open my mouth and say 'please' the moment I felt his protective arms sneaked around my waist.

"Stay awake please." The man demanded, shaking my shoulders as my eyes drifted close.

"My baby.."

"I know.. I know.. I'm taking you to the doctor."

My eyes remained close, ramdam ko ang paguga ng sasakyang kinahihigaan ko at ang paulit-ulit na mura ng lalaking tumulong sa akin. I tried to open my eyes and only his red dragon tattoo were visible to my sight.

I kept that sign in mind.

"Nandito na tayo." I heard him say with his unusual tagalog accent.

Tiredness and pain consumed me. Hinayaan ko ang lalaki na buhatin ako papasok sa kung saan, may tinawag ito bago ko narinig ang isang malumanay na boses.

"What happened?" It was a voice of a woman, too angelic, too kind.

"I don't know! She needs help, please do everything you can!"

Their voices were just muffled sounds as my ears took it in. Wala akong maintindihan sa mga sinasabi nila. My hands only remained at my womb, trying to feel my baby inside.

"Is she your girl?! Is she the reason why you wanted to get divorced?!"

"What?! Aika, the lady needs help!"

"No! How dare you bring that girl to me! Buntis din ba siya? Binuntis mo din?"

"Aika, tinulungan ko lang siya! I think she's having miscarriage!"

I heard a loud sound before a delicate hands massages my shoulders, I immediately relaxed. Rinig ko ang mahihinang hikbi na hindi ko alam kung akin o sa iba.

"You're his new girl, aren't you?"

And then the hands massages my boobs as another bolt of pain travelled all over my veins.

"You're pregnant."

Ang malamig na kamay na iyon ay bumaba at napamulat ako sa sakit nang tusukin nito ang pusod ko. Nakita ko ang maamo nitong mukha.

Her hair flows directly above her shoulders, it glistened as the yellow light from the ceiling reflected her frame. Her eyes fluttered open and close as it stared back at me.

"H-help me.." I pleaded. She gave me her sweetest smile.

"Sorry."

And then she started the most horrifying act I could ever imagined. She started thumping her fist above my womb. Paulit-ulit niyang sinuntok ang tiyan ko at kasabay noon ang pagragasa ng likido pababa.

"Ah! N-no-- p-please..."

"You ruined my family! You ruined us!"

I could almost hear the ladys anger as she punch my tummy. Bumaluktot ang higa ko saka sinubukang gumapang palayo.

"You b***h!"

Her cold hands held my calf saka ako hinila muli palapit. Rinig ko ang pagkiskis ng balat ko sa magaspang na sahig at tila may kuryenteng dumaloy sa akin na nagpadagdag ng takot.

"Liam..Liam..help.."

A moment of silent.

I finally accepted my defeat as I chose not to open my eyes anymore. Natatakot ako na baka makita ko na naman ang mukha ng maamong demonyong dahilan ng paghihirap ko.

Ang isip ko ay naglalaro sa isang eksena. Nakikita ko ang sarili sa isang imahinasyon na tumatakbo, tumatawa at hinahabol ang napakacute na bata.

Parang nasa paraiso ako. Nasa gitna ng malawak na palayan, at ang tawa ng anak ko ay parang ibong humuhuni.

"Check her vital signs."

"Unstable breathing doc."

Sa dulo ng paraiso ay doon kami nagtampisaw ng anak ko. Naglalaro.

"I'm his husband, please help her!"

"Sir you have to get out here!"

Para kaming masayang pamilya. Walang problema.

"Lexi I'm sorry! Please!

"Darwin! Anong nangyari?"

And then silence...

Ang bahagyang pagkislot ng tunog mula sa isang makina ang gumising sa akin. Nanatiling nakapikit ang mata ko at ramdam ko ang marahang paghagod ng isang kamay sa braso ko.

"Sino ka?"

"Lexi?"

The voice felt too familiar, sounds so familiar.

"Doc, nurse, gising na ang pasyente."

I can hear hurried footsteps before I opened my eyes. Binaling ko ang tingin sa tabi ko pero wala na ang tao doon. Ang tanging kaharap ko nalang ay ang doctor at mga nurses.

"What happened?

They only exchange glances.

"I'm sorry, Miss Alexis. We've done what we can, but..."

The hospital's bright light that shines directly to my face, with the nauseous words of apology from the doctors and nurses gave me nothing but a mere emptiness inside my head.

And then I felt it, the pain, the agony, as if the truth just completely sank in my mind. Hindi ko na napigilan na umiyak, magwala, at murahin ang Diyos sa ginawa niya sa akin.

I removed the dextrose tube inserted in my pulse, squeezing my skin with a lot of blood. Then I ran away, calling the name of someone I just lost.

"Anak?! Baby come here! Mom's awake." I called my dead child, hoping to find her at places my eyes turned to.

"Miss Lexi!"

I can hear hurried footsteps behind, all of them are calling my name and asking me to come back. I didn't.

"Aahhh!"

And then I felt a pain, an excruciating pain inside my belly. Sobrang sakit. Sobrang nakakapanghina. Kaya kahit gusto kong tumakbo ay mas pinili ng katawan ko na tumigil, humiga sa lupa, at sumigaw sa sakit.

I felt a hot liquid gushed down my thighs and I only screamed in horror.

Oh God!

I felt so dizzy and weak. The blood all over my body added a bolt of fear and anxiousness inside me. I'm losing my breath, my eyelids are cautiously fluttering close.

"Sir Darwin! Si ma'am Alexis po!"

"Lexi!"

"My baby..." I cried before I finally puffed the last breath of air I was holding, losing my consciousness altogether.