Traces of Midnight Fallacies

Every person has their own differences. Not because she has a fortunate life, that doesn't mean you will have a reasonable life too. Not because she has unpleasant behavior, that doesn't mean you have an impressive personality to deal with others. Every page of a book has an objective and is related to your life and point of view. That's why you don't need to compare yourself to them, because you have your own to engrave. Many people assume that life is unfair. Is it unfair or are we the ones who don't know how to make the things around us fair? How does it feel to have an ally in everything? Is it happy because you finally have someone to be with, or pleasured because finally, you have someone to lean on? How does it feel to have a perfect and happy family, supportive siblings, and a bubbly buddy? A family that is willing to give attention to all your complaints at all times. How about having siblings that are ready to undergo suffering and are willing to sacrifice just for your own sake? How does it feel to have a friend who is voluntarily and glad to assist you all the time even though it's against their will? I feel like the whole world is hindering me. I feel like no one wants me to be happy. No one wants me to enjoy my life. Everyone around me contradicts and ignores my existence. I feel like I’m a silhouette because my presence doesn’t matter for them. Do I have the right to receive this kind of treatment? All my life, I almost sacrificed myself. Even my dignity has been lowered just for their own sake. I don't even care about myself because they are more valuable compared to me. But my shoulders always fall every time I feel disappointed when they don't appreciate all my efforts. They didn’t care about my sacrifices and the only thing that mattered to them was the people they favored. All my efforts will be taken off with just a single shot of negligence, and that is the fact. I was a victim of bullying when I was in primary. I have no friends because no one dares to approach me. Because of bullying, I learned to become self-sufficient and not to rely on the support of the people around me. I refuse those who want to help me because I feel like they will ask for something in return once I accept any of their help. I learned to live independently and not to ask for help from them because that's what my parents did to me. They taught me to live my life privately, just like what they always say whenever I ask for their help… "You are such a disgrace!" "You're your father's mistake!" "You are not my child!" You are probably wondering what the reason is why I am uncovering these chunks of statements. Well… My parents abused me at an early age. All my mistakes have a replacement, and that is pain and t*****e. I never experienced being a child when I was still with them. I started to work hard at a young age for my studies. They never assisted me. I support myself financially at a young age. Every meal I consume comes directly from my blood and sweat. They scolded and punished me even though I did nothing wrong. They tortured me just because they wanted to. My stepfather almost assaulted me, but luckily… I escaped. Can I even consider myself fortunate at these times? I escaped my abusive parents to protect myself from enduring pain, but I ended up in an orphanage where my life would turn into a nightmare again for the second time. Am I still lucky? Do I need to end my life? "You can't escape us, Sabrina!" Her voice echoed throughout the woods. "Stop running away!" I kept running away from them. I also did not bear the scars I received from the branches of the trees I passed by. These scars are nothing compared to the wounds I have received from my parent's whips. I could bear everything as long as I could escape this place. It seems like I'm prey in a deadly scene being chased by hunters in the middle of the forest. I'm scared. Is this the end of my unfortunate life? Instead of giving up, I just kept running. The rain starts to pour as I continue to run to save myself. I didn't care about the exhaustion even though my legs were already flexing with pain from running. "Sabrina, stop!" she yelled before I heard their voices lower as I finally got away from them. I remained walking, subconsciously thinking about how to f*****g end my life as of now. My footsteps were heavy on the ground so that my feet were slightly submerged in the mud. My body remained damp even though the rain had already ended. I don't know where to dry myself, and I also don't know where to go now that I have already left the people who sheltered me for almost a year. Sometimes I wonder if it's still worth it to live in this kind of world where the people residing here are a bit cruel and harmful. What have I done wrong in my past life and why am I being tormented like this? Have I been a bad daughter in my last life and why am I being given a dreary life now? Is this a trial I have to win? Sometimes I feel envy every time I see those who can afford luxurious things without making an effort to buy the things they yearn for. What good have they done and why are they so lucky? Am I a bad daughter to him? Am I not enough? My occupied mind didn't last long when I saw a downward chasm from afar. A small smile was carved on my lips as I began to walk across the muddy forest. "Sabrina, wait!" A voice boomed throughout the forest when I heard those familiar words. I quickly ran towards the downward chasm without looking back at the person behind me, who was running towards me just to chase me. I will never allow her to touch me again! I almost threw myself off the low precipice. Fortunately, it wasn't that deep, so I didn't have to roll just to get down the flat road. I ran across the highway and almost ended in the middle when I saw a car moving towards me. Because of shock, I was unable to move and to avoid the arrival of the car. A dazzling light flashed in my eyes when I saw the light of the car's headlight coming towards me. I could do nothing but close my eyes and turn to my side to welcome the oncoming car that would soon run over me. "Sabrina!" a girl's voice echoed in my ears before I heard a loud screech. My eyes widened as I opened my eyes before being confused to get up from lying down. A soft and moist wipe hit my left cheek when I saw a school nurse sitting beside me. She looks relaxed in her uniform. She smiled at me before lowering the wipes she had applied to my cheek earlier. "This is your third time to be here at the infirmary, Charmaine. It's not good for you, "she said before she stood up and left me. Who's Charmaine, and what third time? I quickly averted my eyes at her before I looked around at the room where I was. My lips almost parted when I saw my body wearing an unfamiliar school uniform. I don't remember wearing this kind of uniform even when I was in junior high school! "How are you feeling, Charmaine?" the school nurse asks when she gets back. "Celeste said it was a bit painful for you to fall down the stairs today, just like what happened last week on the field—" "Where am I?" A shock is plastered on her face when I look back at her. I don't know what's going on, but I feel unusual. Something is bothering my mind as of now. It's kind of odd. "You are in the infirmary. Don't tell me… you don't remember anything?" she asked. I shook my head. She takes a deep breath before she smiles at me. "Is this a prank? It's not that painful to fall down the stairs, especially since you only have minor injuries compared to last week. " I don't understand. I don’t have an idea where I am now, and the people around me thought that I was fooling around. I don't tend to fool people, and what right do I have to fool them? Instead of replying, I stayed subconscious. I didn't even pay attention to why she was just looking at me as if she was still happy despite the scratches all over my body. I also don't know why all the wounds and bruises I received from my parents last year just faded like bubbles. "Oh my God, Charm! You're still alive!" A loud voice thundered all over the clinic. A girl my age came to me with a wide grin plastered on her lips. I could do nothing but raise my eyebrows, especially when I felt her palm slap my thigh. "I swear, Lawrence's nose is going to fume again for what you did to him!" she laughed mockingly, but I remained speechless. "Oh, don’t tell me you’re scared? That's not you, Charmaine. You are delighted every time you make him mad!" The nurse who sat beside her chuckled. That's why the girl my age turned to her. "She asks me where she is. It looks like she got amnesia. " The girl my age emotionally touched her chest as if she was painfully looking at me. "Do you still remember me, my friend? Don't tell me you can't remember me?" "I don’t remember you," I said while rolling my eyes. "Where am I? Am I dreaming? " The girl my age stood up and looked at me painfully. She managed to fold her long sleeves up to her arm and act like she was going to punch me. "Are you dreaming, Charm? Seriously?" she murmured. "Don't tell me I need to slap you just to prove to you that you are now here in reality?" Why do I see unusual scenarios in the eyes of two women laughing now in front of me? Based on what I see with their eyes, I feel like something bad will happen between them in the future. I rolled my eyes across the room before taking a deep breath and closing my eyes. This is just a mere illusion. A mere illusion.