Traces of Midnight Fallacies

CHAPTER TWO

I don't have an idea why I'm still here. If I was dreaming, then I should wake myself now, right? I secretly whack my dumb head on my desk. Unfortunately, because of what I did, I caught Kevin's attention. He neared me to ask if I was okay, while I hid my face to cover my embarrassment.

"Is there anything wrong?" he whispered, which made me shake my head. "You always did that for almost two and a half hours. I doubt if you're still okay. Is your head hurting a lot?"

"No," I answered back before I shifted in my seat.

There's a suspicion on his face. I did nothing but smile awkwardly at him to at least tell him secretly that I'm okay and he needs to quit bothering about me.

"Are you sure?" he asks, which makes my mood lighter than earlier. "We can talk to our lecturer if you want…"

I shook my head. He wanted to ask some questions because of the doubt I saw in his eyes, but when our lecturer finally stepped in front, he could do nothing but bite his lips.

"Oh, you're here, Charmaine," the lecturer said before he put his things under the table. He stared at me confusingly behind those thick glasses before proceeding with what he was going to ask. "I've heard your accident earlier. Are you okay? Your classmates tell me that you were unconscious when Lawrence brought you to the infirmary."

Because of what my lecturer said, I've heard some whistles and growls of amusement from my classmates, including Kevin who is now supporting my classmates. I did nothing but secretly stare at my side where the boy they were talking about was sitting in his chair. I almost scoffed when our eyes met. Before he could do anything, I hastily averted my gaze from his eyes. I knew that he was already annoyed by what I did, and added to it the amusement and the growl from my classmates because of what my lecturer said.

Because of their tease, I felt my face getting heated.

"Are you sure you can cope with the test?" the lecturer said as if he was concerned about what happened a while ago.

I nodded, and when he saw my nod, he somehow grinned with amusement. It was as if he was amused by my answer. Is there anything wrong? Does the girl in my body know how to deal with her test, or is she that stupid to answer a simple test on her subject?

"Sorry, I'm still surprised that despite the accident a while ago, you can still cope with the test." I don't know if it was a joke or if he was complimenting me? I don't know. "I've heard a lot of news from my recent class that you've lost a lot of memories… including your friend's name. I don't know if it's true, but then, if you didn't answer the test correctly or you failed the whole examination, maybe I will give you your second chance."

I smiled a bit because of what he said. I don't know, but I feel so relieved because of what he said. My lecturers in my recent life aren't fair like him. They only give preferential treatment to students who can afford their tuition. I know it's illegal, but in today's life… there are no restrictions—except if they leave a complaint about you with the higher authorities.

I heard someone mocking us, but it's not like they're accusing me or him of being unfair. I find it funny though.

One of my classmates asks, "Sir, what if she reviews those tests then passes them on her second chance?"

My lecturer looked at her before he turned to me. Before he decided to answer her question, I quickly stood up and brought my things with me to bid my goodbye.

"Is it okay if I go out while they are answering their test? I find it unfair though. I will take my exams on Friday if it's okay?" I asked politely. A small smile is plastered on his lips before he nods.

"That's okay, Charmaine."

The girl who asked my lecturer stared at me apologetically. I smiled at her to let her know that I was not hurt by what she suggested. That's fair though. I think that they have the right to complain. I'm not a special one just to have and to receive special treatment from someone.

"I'm sorry, Charmaine!" she said, which makes me smile and nod.

It's not a problem. Why do I feel that they care so much about my feelings? Why do I feel like they were scared of treating me unfairly?

Before I forgot one thing, I quickly folded Kevin's blanket and threw it back to him. He smiled widely at me while I remained at a distance and finally left our room.

I still have no idea where I am or how I ended up in this situation. It feels surreal for me, but the circumstances I found in this place were real.

I feel as if I'm in a dream, albeit one that appears to be an illusion.

Maybe, I suffered from my abusive parents. I'm not new to it. Some say that they think that I have some kind of mental illness, but some say that dreaming is a normal way to escape from reality. If I am suffering from a mental illness or if they think that I need therapy, then I will accept it. I will do it just to clear things and to be healed if it's true.

Having abusive parents is such a nightmare. It feels shallow for me. Leaving with them feels like hell. I never made the mistake of choosing myself over them.

Why would you choose to stay with them even though they hurt you physically and mentally?

Why would you choose to reside with them if they could raise hell just to make you leave?

My aunt says that my mother suffered from postpartum depression. Just like me, she was a victim of r**e and I am the product of her mistake.

Is it fair to label it as a mistake if only I was a victim too? We're the same. She was a victim, and I was her unwanted child from the past. I don't get it. She could have aborted me from the very beginning, but she didn't do that. She can continue with her life without me in her womb. She can do whatever she wants without me… but she didn't.

She let me live in this kind of cruel world. She let me suffer alone without her instead of guiding the way for me. I didn't experience being a child like what they expected. She labeled me as a leech in her family. Something that she defines as a pest that may affect her family.

I let myself roam around the building. While my time was free, I decided to travel around to gain some memories that didn't seem to help me. What memories can I get from a place I have never been to? I know that I'm dreaming. I just don’t know how I can get back in the real world where reality exists. Sometimes I think of having a good life here if I stay here instead of going back to the place where my parents don't want me to live with them.

Sometimes I think that I just might stay here in this world.

What if I just stay here in this world? The people here love me and I can’t deny that thing, something that I never experienced in the real world where I grew up in.

I calmly stared at the butterflies flying around the leaves beside me. I kept a small smile on my lips as I watched them fly, as if they didn't mind the pain they were enduring. The smile on my lips disappeared when someone sat on my side where I was sitting.

His face did not register with me, but when I stared at him for about five seconds, my eyes almost widened when I recognized his face.

"How's your head?" he asks while keeping his eyes on his book.

What is he doing here? Didn't we have an exam that he needed to take? It’s been only twenty minutes since I left them for their exam.

"W-What are you doing here, Lawrence?" I asked, still shocked at his presence.

He looked up at me seriously, which made my eyes almost widen. Just like what I saw in Celeste and the nurse's eyes earlier, I saw an unusual event that leaves me in shock. I tried to keep an eye on him and I was almost frightened when I saw a dazzling light from a car heading in my direction.

"Charm…"

Because of shock, I quickly picked up my belongings and left him. I could hear him calling me, but I didn't look back at him. I hurried to the library and looked for a vacant seat to calm myself. I know this is not the appropriate place to think about stupid things, but I am sure this is the only place I can find peace at this moment.

I don’t know what’s going on with me. The unusual scenarios I see in the eyes of the students I encounter have something to do with their future, and I also know that the future I saw in Lawrence’s eyes will be tragic.

I let out a heavy sigh before I let my head rest on the table where I was sitting. I spent the rest of my time in the library thinking about the possibilities that I may have faced while I was here in this strange world. I have no idea what can happen to me here, so I have no choice but to keep up with its flow or else I will end my life because that seems to be the only way left for me to return to reality.

I slowly made my way back to class. As soon as I entered our room, I immediately jumped in panic when a blanket hit my face and I stepped back because of shock. I didn't expect myself to hit a student behind me, so when my classmates moaned in amusement, I quickly removed the blanket from my face. I turned my back and almost stepped back when I saw the deadly stare of Lawrence.

"I'm sorry. I did not mean it!" I said before avoiding his stare and proceeding to my seat.

"What's up? You're avoiding him?" Kevin laughed at my side.

I quickly threw him the towel he owned, which made him laugh.

As Lawrence approached his seat, I knew that he was staring at me. Instead of staring back at him, I avoided looking at him before distracting myself with nonsense things.

In subsequent classes, the same thing happened. Before the discussion started, the lecturers asked me if I could listen to our discussion and if my head was okay. I don't know if Kevin is my friend or what. I feel like he is one of my spokespersons in this life because he is the one who often speaks for me to our lecturers who keep asking about my condition.

"She's okay now, Miss. "You don't need to worry about her," he said before pouting at me and winking as my cheeks turned red.

I was dumbfounded walking down the hallway that was now full of students busy talking to their friends. I even saw a group of mean girls on the side. They smiled slightly at me and nodded that I replied with a nod before averting their eyes. I'm not stupid to think that they won't ignore me. In my long time in the world, I know that people like me who are quiet are always the victims of bullying. I know that because I have been a victim as well.

I could feel Kevin’s towel wrapped across our back as we walked down the middle of the pathway. When I turned to him, he smiled, which I was unable to return because of my mind being preoccupied.

"I'm not used to you being quiet, Charm," he said, causing me to turn to him again as he smiled. "Don't you have any plans to roll on the floor again like what you did yesterday?"

"Roll?" I asked, confused, which made him laugh before nodding at my question.

What kind of manner does the woman in my body have and why does everyone here in this unusual world expect me to do something stupid?