We Broke Up

17 - Safe Word

Jay quietly followed me to my office where he sat still in silence as he watched me get my purse, brush my hair and check my makeup.

He didn't say a word but I could hear the questions in his mind as he sat rather uneasily on the chair in front of my desk and followed me around with his piercing stare even through the mirror where I retouched my lipstick.

"It's not a date." I told him after a few minutes of unbearably tense silence as I turned to face him. "I just want to at least look presentable when meeting an acquaintance whom I haven't seen in a long time."

"Hindi niyo naman po kailangan magpaliwanag sa akin, Miss Naveah." He spoke softly and his expression was unreadable as he finally shifted his eyes from me to look out the window. "Glorified driver niyo lang naman po ako."

I was stomped by his last sentence and I felt a gripping pain in my chest at his disheartened expression. I wasn't sure if I was reading him right but I knew that something may have offended or disappointed him, otherwise he wouldn't say such harsh words about himself. I didn't know why but I felt the need to reassure him.

I sat on the chair in front of him and called his name to make him look at me. He did. The sadness in his eyes confused me and had me taken aback but I still held his stare.

"Jay, we both know that's not true. Hindi kita driver lang, you're more than that. You shouldn't even use the word 'lang' to refer to yourself because you are worth so much more than what you think." I told him.

He gazed at me in silence, looking deep into my eyes, searching for something I wasn't sure what. He sighed before speaking sullenly. "Bakit, Miss Naveah? Ano ba ako? Ano bang halaga ko?" He asked.

"You..." are special. I cleared my throat before I continued. "You are a Field Marketing Assistant and a very valued member of the team. You are smart, dependable and dedicated and very admirable as a person." I told him.

"Kaya ba isasama mo ako sa coffee date mo? Kasama pa din ba yun sa trabaho ko bilang Field Marketing Assistant o dahil driver s***h bodyguard mo din naman ako?" He asked and I saw his jaw tighten as he spoke.

I bit my lip and I found myself struggling to fight back some tears that pooled in my eyes. Bakit ba ako naiiyak?

I sighed and reached for his hand that was on his knee. More than trying to make him feel better it was to make me feel better. I couldn't understand why but I felt the need to touch him.

He didn't move although I saw him flinch a little and gasp which made me think that he also felt the sudden zap that surprised me too when my palm touched the back of his hand.

"Can I be honest with you?" I asked.

He nodded his head and looked into my eyes. "Araw-araw tayong magkasama, Miss Naveah. Mas gusto ko po yun... na totoo lang tayo. Walang pagkukunwari."

"I'd like that too." I smiled softly. "From now on, we'll only be honest with each other. Okay?"

He smiled back. "Okay."

I sighed. "So here's the deal. I don't really know Martin. I mean know but not know him. Alam mo yun. I only just met him twice, first when he went with Francis to pick Francesca up from my condo and second during their engagement party. All in all for both occasions we have only spoken for 10 minutes. He is painstakingly shy and I'm not exactly a social person. I have a grand total of three friends and I really don't know how to talk to anyone. Hindi rin ako marunong magbasa ng tao. Based on my past relationship, I'm also not a very good judge of character so I wouldn't know what to do when I meet alone with him. What if I trust him too soon but shouldn't?" 

"Then don't trust him." He said. "Hindi ka naman talaga dapat nagtitiwala agad sa tao, Miss Naveah. Maganda ka, mabait, matalino, mayaman, masarap kasama at kausap, maalalahanin, matulungin, maalaga. Sobrang buti mong tao, Miss Naveah, maraming tao ang gugustuhin mapalapit sa'yo, maraming lalaki ang naghahangad na makasama ka at ilan sa kanila maaaring pagsamantalahan ang kabutihan mo."

"I trust you. Nagtiwala agad ako sa'yo. Mali ba ako?" I asked. 

He turned his hand up so we were palm to palm and looked deep into my eyes. "Mula nung una po tayong magkakilala, naging totoo ako sa inyo, nilahad ko ang buhay ko, at lahat ng ginagawa ko, yun ay kung ano lang ang sinasabi ng puso ko, Miss Naveah. Kaya ibabalik ko po sa inyo ang tanong, sa tingin niyo po ba mali na pinagkatiwalaan niyo ako."

I found myself drowning in the deep pools of his eyes, thinking about his words and finding the truth in them, in him. 

"I trust you, Jay. And I'm not wrong." I answered.

We stared at each other in silence. The comfortable warmth from our hands, slowly seeping up my arm to my chest and I found myself wondering what it was about Jay that made  me feel that way and what exactly I was feeling for him. 

The tenderness in his eyes drew me closer to him as his hand clasped around mine. 

"Miss Naveah..." He called softly, his velvety voice smooth as it fell on my ear like a caress. 

"Jay?" I asked. 

"May kumakatok." 

"That's a reminder na may naghihintay sa baba." I sighed. "I was hoping you could go with me as a friend, Jay."

"A friend?" He asked.

"Magkaibigan tayo di ba? At least with all that we have talked about and the times we've spent together, that's what I think of us. Friends."

He sighed and smiled tightly. "Yes, Miss Naveah. We're friends."

"And since we're friends, you should call me Naveah." I smiled. 

"Naveah." He smiled and it felt good to hear him say my name, just my name. "So paano? Sasabit ako sa lakad niyo na parang wala lang?" He chuckled.

"Yes. Parang ganoon." I giggled. "Uhm... Okay. Since lalaki ka and you know more about relating to people, ikaw magbasa sa kanya. If you think I shouldn't continue the meeting with him at any time, just tell me. I trust you that much."

"Pero hindi pwedeng ako lang, anytime din na hindi ka na komportable sa kanya, sabihin mo lang sa akin." He said.

"Okay. Let's have a safe word then. Yung kung sa tingin mo dapat na tayo umalis or kung di ko na-feel dun, sabihin lang natin yun ang we'll leave." I suggested.

"Uy! Maganda yan. Anong word naman?"

"Hmmm... Hotdog." I said and his boisterous laughter filled my office.

"Bakit naman hotdog?" 

"Wala." I giggled. "Yun lang ang naisip ko bigla dahil sa'yo. I remember when you suggested for me to call you Jay instead of RJ." 

He immediately blushed after my response. "You called me RJ." He smiled. "At naaalala niyo pa pala yung sinabi ko noon."

"I won't forget that day." I said. "And I prefer to call you Jay kung okay lang sa'yo." 

"Okay lang po. Okay na okay." He grinned and stood up as he helped me up. "Tara na po. Naghihintay na po si Dr. Martin Cruz."

"Wow. Full name." I laughed.

We walked to the elevator together and shared jokes and funny stories as we rode down. 

When the doors opened, we saw a tall olive skinned man in light blue polo and black slacks with deep-set eyes, tall nose bridge, thin lips and a strong jaw holding a bouquet of flowers and smiling at me. I recognized him immediately as Martin.

"Not a date huh?" Jay mumbled. 

"It's not." I whispered back and hit his side lightly with my elbow, making him chuckle.

"Hi, Naveah." Martin greeted me with a toothy grin, not noticing Jay who stood right behind me.

"Hi, Martin. Long time." I answered.

"Oo nga." He spoke without taking his eyes off me, his stare crawling down my neck to my chest where it lingered just above the last button that held my white blouse, which I wore with a black pencil cut skirt and black stilettos, close and showed some cleavage. "You look... uhm... so beautiful." He said without looking at my face.

I cleared my throat to get his attention back above my shoulders. He looked up. "Martin, this is my friend Jay pala. He will be joining us." I told him and although he looked surprised, he still shook hands with Jay. 

 "Let's go?" I asked and started walking ahead of the two men. I could feel their stares on my back.

I had only taken a few steps when Jay called out loud. "Naveah! Hotdog!" And before I could turn to make sure I heard him right, his hand was already on my elbow as he hurriedly led me out of the building and into the car.