The pain he never knew (Book 1)

1

Chapter 1

"hija, I'm so sorry for your loss. Are you okay?" Ani ng matandang hindi ko kilala, thinking that he's daddy's colleague, I just flashed her a small smile, she did the same. Bahagya niyang tinapik ang balikat ko at tumalikod na para makaalis. At dahil doon ay ibinalik ko ang tingin sa harapan, where the casket is placed.

As i looked at my mother resting peacefully, inside a casket, i couldn't help but tear up. Agad ko namang pinalis iyon para hindi makita nino man. Sinuot ko pabalik ang malaking shades para matabunan ang pamamaga ng aking mga mata.

I turned to look around where her funeral is held, it was full of people, alternatively wearing black and white clothings. Some of the people here ay hindi ko kilala, maybe they were my father's employees who decided to come and join us mourn, and some were his business partners. The majority of it are my families and friends. Nang makitang walang nakatingin sa banda ko ay hinarap ko ulit ang kabaong ng mommy.

With my sophisticated Louis Vuitton Lacey black gloves, i let my fingers travel on the surface of the see through glass. Like i was just touching her cheeks. I caressed it imagining that there wasn't a glass that would serve as a barrier between us two, so that i could feel her again. Pero kung pahihintulutan man akong buksan iyon, i knew it wouldn't be the same anymore. Instead of her warm and soft skin...i would be welcomed by a cold and unmoved one.

"Kahit sa lagay na 'yan, ang ganda pa din ng mommy mo 'no?"

Bahagya akong nataranta nang marinig ang boses ni daddy sa likod ko. Before turning around, facing him, inayos ko muna ang sarili, i made sure na walang bakas na iyak siyang makikita sa aking mukha.

"Indeed, she is dad. Her beauty never fades." I tried my best to smile softly. He smile sadly at me. Watching his eyes, sparkling because of the unshed tears, I can't help but sigh. This is the main reason kung bakit hindi ko pwedeng ipakita sa kaniya na mahina ako. I have to remain strong for the both of us. At least someone has to. And that's me, dad has too much on his plate right now. Ayoko nang dumagdag.

"You got your mother's eyes." He stated cupping my cheek softly. "It reminds me of hers. I remembered looking at those the same pair of brown eyes back in the old days. When your mother and i used to dance tirelessly...underneath the chilly rain." He sighed deeply. "Memories..." Aniya bago bumaling ulit sa akin.

"And that's why you should not let anyone make those precious eyes tear up. Promise me." Aniya sa seryosong boses. It made me chuckle awkwardly.

"Dad! Ano bang pinagsasabi mo?Why are we even talking about these things?"

"Because your mother didn't have the chance to say those to you nung nabubuhay pa siya." Napababa ang tingin siya sa sahig.

"Look...dad. Hindi mangyayari iyon okay? I assure you. In my age, it's just normal to have suitors. But have you seen me entertain them?" He didn't reply. "Wala! And by the way, bakit ka ba nandito? You should be sitting right now. Or better yet, matulog ka na muna, ilang araw ka ng walang pahinga. You should rest. Ako na bahala rito."

"Mamaya na anak. I'm still expecting someone."

Napakunot ang noo ko. "Sino? Eh nandito naman na sila tita analyn diba?" I said pertaining to my aunt, his younger sister.

He shook his head. "No, hindi sila."

"Then sino?" I asked confusingly

"Basta. Dito na lang muna ako. Baka darating din ang mga iyon maya-maya. We have some serious business to talk to. I can't miss this."

Humalukipkip ako sa harapan niya at strikta siyang tinitigan. "Dad, if this is your alibi na naman to escape resti—"

"Hindi anak. Talagang may hinihintay ako. I promise, magpapahinga na ako pagkatapos naming mag-usap. I'm afraid that by the time na magpasya akong matulog,tiyaka naman sila dadating." He said as he gave me a weak smile.

"Okay, then umupo na muna tayo. Doon na lang natin sila hihintayin."Pangyayaya ko sa kaniya at inalalayan na siya paupo sa pahabang upuan. "Can i get you anything? Bread? Biscuits?"

He just slightly raised his hand mid air for a no. "A coffee would be nice." He stated an option making me glare at him.

"No dad! No caffeine for you! Sinabi ko na sa'yo, Pagkatapos mong makipag-usap sa kung sinong bisita mo ay matutulog ka na. 'Wag matigas ang ulo please! Mamaya magkakasakit ka niyan." Pinandilatan ko siya, It made him chuckle tirelessly at sumandal sa upuan bago mariin na ipinikit ang mga mata. Bumuntong hininga ako. Hinawakan ko siya sa mga braso at sinandal ang ulo sa kaniyang balikat.

"If mommy was here, she wouldn't let you worn yourself out like this." I whispered. Dahil sa sinabi ay nakitaan ko ng sakit ang kaniyang mga mata. It made me feel guilty for bringing that topic up.

"B-but she's not here anymore." He stated in a painful tone.

"Kaya nga nandito ako." Tiningala ko siya. "I'll be the one to take care of you dad. I swore to you.. and to her, aalagaan kita." I swallowed the lump on my throat. "I know everything wouldn't be the same anymore pero..we still have each other. Walang bibitiw, walang susuko. It would be difficult yes, but i know mommy will just be with us, guiding us, katulad noon."

With a teary eyes, he looked down to me. Bahagya niya akong hinalikan sa noo bago nilapit ang kamay sa aking pisngi, slowly wiping the tears na hindi ko namamalayan na tumulo na pala.

"And I promise to protect you either. Hindi ko hahayaang may mangyari sa'yo. It was my fault after all...kung bakit namatay ang mommy mo."

I looked at him guiltily tsaka umiling-iling. Hinawakan ko ang kaniyang nakakuyom na kamay. "Dad, hindi mo kasalanan...Hindi mo kasalanan." Pag-uulit ko pa ng ilang beses. "Sa ating dalawa, ako yung dapat sisishin dito. I left that day, when in fact dapat hindi. Despite her situation, sana hindi ko siya iniwan mag-isa. It was my fault that she got—"

"Princess, you shouldn't blame yourself. Sa kung anong merong trabaho ako, dapat hindi ako nagpapantag. I shouldn't have settled with an unsecured home. Walang silbi ang koneksyon at yaman ko kung pati mag-ina ko hindi ko magawang protektahan." Panlulumo niya. Nagsimula nang tumulo ang kaniyang mga luha, mine too. I slowly reached for him then gave him a tight hug.

"Don't be too hard on yourself dad. We all know ako ang may kasalanan dito. 'Wag ka ng kumontra, after all, kahit anong gawin mong panlubag-loob, hindi mawawala no'n ang guilt ko. So it's best if i take the blame. Besides, wala na din tayong magagawa dad. Wala na si mommy. Walang silbi ang pagtatalo natin. Might as well give her peace. She's away from harm now, and from pain. 'Yon ang mahalaga" Pagkatapos no'n ay ilang minuto din kaming natahimik. Pinasya na lamang namin ang sarili na tumingin sa kabaong ng mommy.

"Dad?" I said, breaking the silence. He hummed as a reply.

"It might be too late dahil hindi na nasaksihan ni mommy but... i want to change,for the better." Kinagat ko ang pang ibabang labi. "Starting tomorrow, i would do as you please. Lahat ng gusto mo, gagawin ko dad. As long as it's for my well being." I looked him in the eye. "I will no longer be a weighty daughter, i promise you that."

My father looked me straight in the eye. Like he was testing if my words were true and sincere. I smiled at him, to assure him na i was true to my words. Just as he was about to speak up, my aunt showed up. Behind her were some people na hindi ko pa nakikita sa tanang buhay ko.

"Kuya, alfonso and his family just arrived" ani ng tita bago ako dinapuan ng tingin. I'm not quite sure but i think i saw guilt and apologies on her eyes. Thinking na guni-guni lang iyon, i shrugged it off. She left after lightly bowing her head and giving me an assuring smile.

My father got up from his seat then with all smiles, he approached the family. "Alfonso! Long time no see." He said while giving the man a manly hug. The man with slightly intimidating face, smiled and tapped my father's back comfortingly.

"Condolence, eduardo." The middle aged woman said apologetically after the intimidating man introduced her to my father as his wife.

"And oh! By the way this is my daughter. Zephyrine linett." Dad introduced. The man and his wife smiled at me before offering their hands. I shyly shook it, not wanting to have a bad impression. "Hija, this is your tito alfonso and tita bianca. Sila yung sinasabi ko sa'yo na hinihintay ko."

"Oh!" I smiled. "Kayo pala 'yon. I just somehow thought that my father was just using that as an alibi to escape resting" i joked making them laugh.

"Oh your daughter has quite a humor eduardo. And not to mention, lovely." Ani ni tita bianca na nagpangiti lalo sa akin.

"Thank you tita"

"Gosh! That is so satisfying to hear. Tita! Isn't it alfonso?" She said dreamily making my forehead crease. Hindi ko na pinansin ang sinabi niya. Maybe she just loves being called tita.

"She doesn't know yet bianca." ani daddy.

"Oh..."

"Know what dad? Anong hindi mo pa nasasabi sa'kin?" I arched a brow.

Umiling lang si daddy at nginitian ako.

"Will you excuse us for a minute princess? May pag-uusapan lang kami ng tito't tita mo"

"Uh yes. And you might wanna formally meet my son. I forgot to mention, nandito pala siya." Ani tito alfonso making daddy looked tensed. Pinagkatitigan ko siya.

Bahagya akong napatalon ng biglang tumili si tita sabay palakpak ng mga kamay.

"Right! You should definitely meet him. Talk to him or something! He is just right here somewhere. Teka lang." Ani niya sabay linga-linga, hinahanap ang anak. Napasimangot ako, saan-saan ba pumupunta 'yon? "Oh! He's there!" Turo niya sa lalaking nakatalikod sa amin.

He was in the same spot as my mother's casket were placed. He was standing manly with his black polo with sleeves folded just below his elbow.

Wala na akong choice kundi pumunta banda doon kung nasaan siya dahil nagsimula ng umalis ang mga magulang namin at umupo sa malayong banda. They started talking seriously and I didn't want to interfere.

I placed my hand on the casket at pasimpleng tinitingnan ang lalaking katabi. Using my peripheral vision, i saw him standing formally, hands on pocket like he was observing something.

"Quit staring at my mother, who knows baka gumalaw 'yan. She might give you a nightmare, sige ka" I broke the silence. But it seems like the guy just wanted it unbroken. He didn't said something nor replied. I awkwardly touched my insides cheek using the tip of my tongue.

"So you're tito eduardo's daughter? Zephyrine?" He said with a very manly and baritone voice. Making me look completely at him. I don't know but my name sounded beautifully when uttered by him.

Nang makita ko ang buong mukha niya ay bahagaya akong napatulala. I can't help but gape. No overacting included but...I didn't know that anyone can be this perfect! His chiseled jaw, his thick eyebrows complements his asian hooded eyes very well, pointy nose and plump pinkish lips makes him more attractive. Plus his bulgy, muscled body underneath those shirt. Napalunok ako nang hindi ko mamalayan na nakatitig na pala ako sa kaniya. Yumuko ako sabay tikhim. I felt ashamed that i chose to ogle at this guy sa harap pa mismo ni mommy! I silently prayed for my apologies bago hinarap ulit ang kabaong. He moved a bit so that he can give me room.

"Yes, ako nga. How come you know my name?" He didn't replied. He stared at my back for a pleasing minutes before walking towards me, looking at my mom.

"Condolences. To you and your father." Aniya. "It must've been tough for the both of you huh?"

"Yeah, it will be. I don't know how dad will function without her. She became his lifeline, his strength, his reason to fight for everyday, same to me. And to be honest, I don't know kung anong mangyayari sa amin ngayong wala na siya." I bit my lip at patagong pinunasan ang luha. "Sorry for the drama. That was quite an impression wasn't it?" I chuckled.

"It's okay. You shouldn't hold back tears. It's not healthy." Aniya at may inilabas sa kaniyang bulsa. There he got out a handkerchief then swiftly handed it to me. It made me bite my lower lip. "Thank you" tanggap ko.

"So...anong kinamatay niya?"

"Nagtatalog ka pala?" I stated the obvious to avoid the question. He turned to me with an amused face. He chuckled lightly revealing his perfectly white set of teeth. Gosh!

"Oo naman. You seriously think I don't?" Tumango ako making him chuckle more. "I'm a pure filipino ms. Normal lang na marunong ako mag tagalog." Iling niya. Nahihiyang tumagilid naman ako, kagat-kagat ang labi.

"Again, anong kinamatay niya?"

"Hindi mo alam?" I arched a brow.

"Ms. You seriously should stop stating the obvious." He chuckled with an amusing eyes. Napasimangot ako.

"Nalooban kami."

I stared at my mommy's face na kung saan ay natatabunan lamang ng foundation ang kaniyang mga pasa at sugat. Underneath those classy white dress, hides a bullet wounds..a lots of it.

"Hindi ko alam kung planado ba iyon o ano. I just know na siguro mga kaaway iyon ni daddy sa korte. It was their way to get back at him after jailing someone. I know na hindi magnanakaw ang mga iyon dahil wala naman silang kinuhang mga bagay o alahas e. Sana nga, I just wish they did—na mga pera at alahas na lang ang kinuha nila, in exchange for my mother's life, i would gladly give it to them. But.."

"To be honest, i really suck at giving advice. Kaya hindi ko alam kung paano ako makakatulong para mapawi ang nararamdan mo ngayon" he stated making me chuckle. "Sorry, I'm no help"

"Hindi ako nanghihingi ng advice mo no! Kung 'yan ang inaalala mo. Let's just think it this way, na i was just saying my thoughts out loud. Kaya hindi mo kailangang tumugon."

Tumawa siya ng mahina pagkatapos ay naglahad ng kamay sa harapan ko.

"Kaden Gage Arguelles. Nice to meet you"

Tiningnan ko ng ilang segundo ang kaniyang kamay bago tinanggap ito.

"Likewise. Kage"

"Kage?" He asked shocked.

"Isn't that your nickname?" Umiling siya. "Oh! Then I'm the only who gets to call you kage then. Nice!" I smiled making him amused.

"As you wish, zyline"

"So we've given each other nicknames. Does that mean close na tayo?"

Hindi ko alam pero parang nakitaan ko ng simangot ang kaniyang mukha. I'm not sure.

"Hindi mo 'ko gusto maging kaibigan?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. Umiling naman siya habang may multo na ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi.

"You want us to become friends? How ironic. Sabi nila masungit ka daw. I guess they're wrong."

"Who told you that?"

"I just heard it from a few people outside. Teenagers your age." Wala sa sariling napatingin ako sa main entrance at kumulo ang dugo ko nang makitang may mga babaeng nakatambay nga doon. They were leaning on the balcony railings, forming a circle. Bahagya pa silang nakatingin sa banda namin at nang makitang nakairap ako ay nag-iwas sila ng tingin.

"Are they talking s**t about me?"

He just shrugged. "Hindi ko narinig. All i heard was them mentioning that you were a brat" hindi na ako ulit nagsalita. I didn't even bother to defend myself. I won't justify.

"Coffee?" Pangyaya ko sa kaniya nang may dumaan na helper dala-dala ang tray na puno ng tasa, naglalamang kape. Tumango naman siya kaya kumuha ako ng isa at inilahad iyon sa kaniya. He gladly accepted it. His large hands warmly enveloped mine causing me to gasp. I felt something in me giddy kaya agad-agad kong binitawan ang nag-uusok na kape. I didn't know that he wasn't fully grasping it so I just found it falling down on the carpeted floor. Nanlalaki ang matang napatabon ako sa bibig nang saktong sa sapatos niya natapon ang laman no'n.

"Oh God! I-im so sorry" nahihiyang saad ko sabay labas ng panyo niya. "Here, let me help you with that. I'm really sorry. Sorry" hinging despensa ko when i saw the filthy coffee smudging on his classy leather shoes. Aakmang luluhod na ako sa harapan niya when he firmly grasped my pulse, making me stop mid air.

"No need for that. It's okay. I will just get it washed up 'pag nakauwi na 'ko" he said calmly. Mukhang hindi naman siya galit.

"H-hindi. Pupunasan ko lang. Baka madulas ka kasi eh. A-at mukhang mamahalin pa naman 'yang sapatos mong 'yan. N-naku! Sorry talaga! Hindi ko sinasadya" nahihiyang sambit ko.

He chuckled. Binitawan niya ang pulsohan ko as he held my both of my shoulders. "It's okay. It's no big deal. And everyone's watching. I wouldn't want them to think badly of us" ani niya at marahang inipit ang nakatakas na buhok sa likod ng aking tenga.

Dahil sa sinabi niya ay agaran akong napatakip sa bibig. "You're right! Baka anong iisipin nila! They might think na baka ako lumuhod dahil i was about to give you a blowj—" hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin dahil bigla na lang siyang humagalpak ng tawa making more people looking at us.

"No! Hindi! Jeez!" He laughed with hands on his forehead. "What i meant was they would look at you inappropriately dahil kung saka-sakaling luluhod ka nga sa harapan ko, you're thighs would be showing up because of your skimpy dress! And I wouldn't want that to happen" tawa niya pa. Bahagyang sinapo ko naman ang magkabilang pisngi dahil sa pamumula. Oh Goodness!

"God woman! I didn't know you have an unclean mind." Napanguso ako.

"Stop laughing! Mumultuhin ka ni mommy, sige ka! Let me remind you na nasa lamay ka! Hindi nasa circus. You shouldn't laugh. Everyone's mourning kaya!"

There, he stilled. "Yeah, i really think that your mom would visit me on my sleep" he seriously said while looking intensely on my eyes.

"Bakit naman?" Takang tanong ko. Ngitian niya lang ako sabay iling. "Gulo mo! siya nga pala, alam mo ba ang pinag-uusapan ng mga magu—"

"Mukhang nagkakamabutihan na kayong dalawa ah?" Ani ng mommy niya na bagong dating lang. My dad on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen kaya luminga-linga ako para hanapin siya but my eyes ended up landing at tito alfonso. Nakatayo siya sa likod ng asawa, he was looking intently at someone beside me...kage. At nang bumaling naman ako sa kaniya ay mukhang nag-uusap silang dalawa gamit ang mata. I can't help but furrow an eyebrow.

"Are you two enjoying each other's company? I don't want to interfere but i think kailangan na naming umalis? It's kinda rather late. But don't worry, you'll see each other again sa araw ng libing. Is that okay sweetie?" She said sweetly.

"Ah yes! Oo naman po tita. No problem po" I said politely.

Ngumiti siya ng matamis. "Great!" She exclaimed bago lumapit sa akin para bumeso. "We'll go now. Mag-ingat kayo dito ha?"

"Of course tita. Kayo din po. Ingat sa biyahe" Tatalikod na sana para umalis si tita nang magsalita pa ang kaniyang asawa.

"Kaden. You're just gonna leave? Ni hindi ka pa nga nakapagpaalam kay zephyrine! Where's your manners hijo!" Ani niya na sa ma awtoridad na boses. It sent me shivers at bahagya pa akong napalunok. Kage on the other hand just sighed defeatedly.

"Thanks ol—dad. Pero magpapaalam naman ako. You don't have to remind me." He said in a more cold tone bago ako binalingan. "Keep this" aniya at binalik sa akin ang kaniyang panyo na kanina ay sinauli ko sa kaniya nang matapunan siya ng kape. "Promise me to use this every time you would shed a tear" he whispered.

"A-ano?"

"I'll be back. 'Till then, keep this for me." Napababa ang tingin ko sa kamay naming magkatagpo dahil sa panyo.

Magtatanong pa sana ako nang bigla na lang siyang tumalikod sabay alis. Nang mawala na siya sa aking paningin ay wala sa sariling napababa ang tingin ko sa kaniyang panyo. Kinuyom ko iyon bago inilapit sa aking dibdib. Nilingon ko si mommy bago napngiti ng wala sa sarili.