The pain he never knew (Book 1)

"Miss zephyrine?" I was awakened by the sound of the dropping of landing gears and it was accompanied by a loud bang. "Miss zephy? We have arrived at the airport na po? Miss zephy...gising na po." Patuloy pang pagyugyog ng flight attendant sa akin. I grunted before opening my eyes. I was welcomed by the bright and flashy sunlight passing through the plane's window. Napangiwi ako. "We have safely arrived at the philippine's international airport na po. I have already called your father and he said na hinihintay na kayo sa labas ng inyong sasakyan." "My luggages? Where are they?" Tanong ko habang minamasahe ang noo. "It's already properly placed on your car's trunk na po. No need to worry." She informed with a flashy smile. "Okay lang po ba kayo? Are you feeling well? No headaches? Nothing?" Umiling lang ako. I thanked her then sleepily dismissed her afterwards. Inilibot ko ang tingin sa buong eroplano. It was now silent dahil bukod sa nakalapag na ay ako lang ang nag-iisang pasahero na umuokupa dito, it is my dad's after all... I proceeded to walk towards the exit. Every time my heels would meet the floor, it would make a satisfying click clack sound...echoing on the whole plane. Nang makarating sa b****a ng eroplano, i was welcomed by the blinding sunlight. It's warm and summery rays landed on my skin making me feel euphoric. I gently closed my eyes then sighed. How i miss this. Inayos ko muna ang suot kong sombrero before slowly stepping down the stairs. Two steps left, may naglahad sa akin ng kamay. I looked at it for a second before smirkingly looking at his face, expectingly. "You shouldn't have wore heels you know. It's dangerous. Pano kung natapilok ka habang pababa ng hagdan? 'Yan pa ang kinamatay mo" he rolled his eyes. "You know what? Sabihin mo lang kung naiinggit ka...I would gladly lend these heels to you." I teased. He dramatically rolled his eyes bago ako niyakap ng mahigpit. I grunted, tapping his back. "Parang ilang years tayong hindi nagkita ah? Hindi naman halata na miss na miss mo 'ko no?" He just tsked. "Okay sige, ganito ha? Kung pagbubuksan mo 'ko ng pinto. Sagot ko na ang surgery mo. Ano? G?!" Nginitian niya lang ako ng sarkastiko. "Alam mo? Funny ka!" Irap niya pero pinagbuksan pa rin ako ng pinto ng kotse. I just laughed. "So ano? Ready ka na para mamaya?" Napawi ang ngiti ko. Bigla akong kinabahan. "Hindi ko alam" buntong hininga ko. "Kinakabahan ako." "Why would you be? I saw your gown. It looks elegant! With all guarantee, you will look stunning." "I'm not pertaining to the gown van." Ani ko at nilalaro ang kwintas sa aking leeg. "I saw the guest list." Binalingan ko siya. "He's coming" In his reaction, parang ine-expect niya na na pupunta nga 'yon doon. "And that's the main reason kung bakit kailangan mo ngang magpaganda pa lalo. Para mamaya na makita ka niya, he might forgive and consider getting back with you." "It's not that simple van" i smiled sadly. "Kung sana ganoon lang kadali. I already felt it. He will hate me. At sa tingin ko hindi ko iyon kakayanin." "It's just normal zeph. I mean kung ako ang iiwan mo ng ilang taon tapos babalik ka ng ganon-ganon na lang. naku! Talagang magagalit ako sa'yo! Hindi pa nga ata kita papatawarin eh!" Napasimangot ako. I was about to tear up pero parang biglang umurong yung luha ko."Wow huh! Thank you! Sobrang ganda ng panlubag-loob mo. Promise!" Sumisinghot kong saad. "Kidding aside zy. Maybe we just have to move on? Besides, 5 long years had already passed, who knows naka move on na 'yung tao. Maybe it's time you should do the same?" I looked outside the car window, remembering all i have swore before i left. "Van. I have long awaited for this moment to come. Na makauwi na ako ng walang bakas ng mga hirap na pagdaanan ko. Alam mo 'yon." Umiling ako. "I don't want those to come to waste. I swore to myself...and to him—na babalik ako, na babalikan ko siya." "But what if—" "Those what if's would just be answered when i finally decided to try. Giving up is not an option." I glanced at him. "It won't resolve anything." Malakas akong bumuntong hininga, pinapalakas ang loob. "Besides! Walang silbi pakikipaglaban ko noon kung susuko lang ako ng ganon-ganon lang. laban lang! Tama?" Hindi siya sumagot. When i glanced at him. He was already looking at me worriedly. Pinilit niya lang ang sarili na ngumiti at nakakuyom na itinaas ang kamay. "Tama. Laban!" "Laban" i whispered. Minutes of driving, we finally arrived home. Nang makababa sa sasakyan, pinagmasdan kong mabuti ang buong mansion. I smiled lightly. It was amazing to think na after ng ilang taon ay gan'on pa din ang ayos ng bahay. It was like i never left. The structure, the painting of the walls, even the garden itself looks exactly the same. When i was assured that my luggages were already taken care off, pumasok na ako ng bahay. And as the double doors were open, we were welcomed by a loud bang, kasabay no'n ay ang pagkalat ng mga confetti. "Welcome home ma'am zephyrine! Na miss ka namin!" Our helpers loudly shouted what was written on the tarp they were holding. I smiled widely at lakad takbo ko silang pinuntahan at niyakap. "Thank you! Gosh! I missed you too!—Oh my God!" Napatabon ako sa bibig ng makita ang mga kaibigan sa gilid na naluluhang nakangiti sa akin. "Oh my God! girls! Anong ginagawa niyo dito?! na miss ko kayo!" Naluluha ko silang hinarap at niyakap habang tumatalon-talon. "Na miss ka din namin" tas, one of my friend said in a shaky voice. Kumalas ako sa yakap tsaka hinarap silang dalawa. "It's been what? 5 years? You look good! You changed beautifully!" Yas smiled at bahagya pang hinawakan ang maikli kong buhok. "You don't look so bad yourself. You changed a lot too! Asan na ang glasses mo?" Tanong ko when i noticed that she was wearing contacts instead of her glasses. Nakakapanibago. "Hindi ko na ginagamit. She convinced me" turo niya kay tas. "Sabi niya ang pangit na daw tingnan. Mukha daw akong manang. I mean kahit noon pa kinukumbinsi niyo na ako na itapon 'yon pero ngayon ko lang napagtanto na hindi nga bagay sa akin ang magsuot ng gano'n." I smiled. "That's good! Tama nga naman. You should try something knew." Tango-tango ko. Indeed, not maybe all, but a lot has changed since i left. "By the way, i need to head upstairs na. Kailangan ko pang mag unpack at mag ready. You guys are also coming mamaya diba? Why not doon na lang tayo mag catch up? Ano? G?" Humalakhak silang dalawa. "Girl, you need to calm down. You look tensed, mamaya pa naman 'yon eh. Are you that nervous na makita siya?" Napasimangot ako. "Oo naman! Sinong hindi kakabahan? I just—i just need to get ready. I badly need to soak myself on a lavender bath dahil feel ko ang haggard-haggard ko ngayon." "Bakit ba kasi ngayong araw ka pa mismo umuwi? A few hours before the gathering, really? Bakit hindi kahapon? Or last week? O di kaya last month?" "Last week lang kasi ako binigyan ng doctor ko ng go signal. Tsaka nahirapan kasi ako sa paghahanap ng passport ko. I found it underneath my bed. Hindi ko alam pero parang sinadyang tinago iyon" i silently glared at van beside me. Nginisian niya lang ako. "Anyways, magkita-kita na lang tayo mamaya huh? I'm sorry but I really have to go and get ready". They just nodded willingly, it made me smile. "Nandito na po tayo ma'am" ani ng driver na naghatid sa akin sa venue ng party. One last look in the mirror before i stepped out of the car.The venue wherein the party is held was very huge. It is after all the finest hotel found here in manila. There was a red carpeted floor rolled in the entrance at sa gilid no'n ay may mga media. Their flashy cameras makes my gown sparkle like the sun every time it's rays hit the ocean surface. With a seductive smile, i graced the entrance making everyone glance at me. Wearing a red silky V-neck beading gown with a high slit, nails coffined and painted with bloody red polish, i glanced at the cameras facing me. Pagkatapos no'n ay pumasok na ako sa loob. Nang tuluyan nang nakapasok ay bahagya akong namangha sa buong venue at sa dami ng tao. Not that i have not expected it. This party was made for businessmen and socialites locally kaya normal lang iyon. Luminga-linga ako para mahanap si dad pero bagkus ay yung mga kaibigan ko yung nakita ko. They were all smiles as they were leading towards me. "You're here! Finally! And you look stunning! As always." Puri ni tas. It made me laugh shyly then i flipped my hair, bragging. "thank you, kayo din syempre!" "Nasaan na 'yung lalaking kasama mo kanina?" Tanong naman ni yas. "Sino? Ah! Si van?" Tawa ko. "Wala pa nga eh, pinauna niya ako dito, umuwi kasi siya sa condo niya para magbihis." Tumango-tango naman silang dalawa. "By the way, nakita niyo ba si dad? I can't seem to find him anywhere." "Ah yes! Parang nakita ko siya kanina talking with some group of men. Colleagues niya ata or what. Doon malapit sa stage." Turo ni tas sa dulong part ng venue. "Okay sige. Pupuntahan ko lang muna huh? Just save me a seat." Ani ko bago umalis. Nahihirapan pa ako maglakad dahil sa taas ng heels na suot at bahagya ko pang natatakapan ang aking gown. And on my way there, may mga bumabati at pumapansin pa sa akin kaya natatagalan ako. Hindi ko na magawang isnabin dahil baka isipin nagmamaganda na naman ako. "How was states? Ang tagal mo ding nawala ah?" Maarteng tanong ng babae sa akin. She is maybe just my age? just a wild guess. And also think i already saw them before? College days. "Ah oo. Five years" i smiled. They gasped dramatically. Sa loob-looban ko, gusto ko na silang irapan. "Ang tagal din ah! No wonder we didn't get to see you around here very often." Tango-tango ng isa. Hinawakan naman ako ng isa pang babae sa braso na tila close kami. "And didn't you know? A year before you left, there was a rumor going around saying na kaya ka daw umalis dahil may nagkasakit daw sa pamilya niyo. At dahil kayo-kayo na lang naman ng daddy mo ang natira, we ought to believe na ikaw iyon dahil umuuwi naman daw ang daddy mo dito sa pinas every now and then." Pang-usisa niya. My mouth parted at that. "Really?" Hindi makapaniwala kong saad pero agad din namang nakabawi at pinalitan iyon ng ngiti. "Gosh! That is so not true! Y'all girls know naman...how this circle works. In the social life we live in, lahat gagawin, lahat ipapalabas para masiraan lang ang isa't-isa. Besides, kung totoong may malalang sakit nga ako, I wouldn't be here in this prestigious event, chatting with all of you, wouldn't i?" Tumango-tango naman sila. It made me relieved. "Anywho, i gotta go. I still have to find my dad. See you around" paalam ko at hindi na hinintay ang kanilang tugon. Saktong pagtalikod ko ay nawala ng aking mga ngiti, gosh! This is why I don't like social gatherings anymore. I wouldn't want to have an encounter with people like them! Luminga-linga pa ako, it was so hard to pass by dahil sa mga taong hindi man lang nag-abalang umupo, dito sa gitna pa mismo nag chikahan! And at last, i saw dad. And he was just a few meters out of my reach. Just like what tas had said, may mga kausap nga siya, colleagues nga niya siguro? I was about to go near them nang tuluyang nag side view ang lalaking nakatalikod kanina sa akin. My heart skipped a beat, i began sweating profusely. I saw him—i saw the man i was longing for. I saw the man i so loved dearly—i saw my love. Looking at him, i realized na maraming nagbago sa kaniya. His built, his facial features, his eyes. Those eyes...I used to look at those eyes with pure admiration, as it was to me. But now, all i can see is blank—a blank, unpainted canvas. Lalo na't dumapo ang tingin nito sa akin. Nakita ko kung paano umawang ang kaniyang mga labi, pero agad siyang nakabawi. I saw him stilled. He's bored face ay biglang napalitan ng madilim at malamig na ekspresyon. He's jaw tightened and his eyebrows furrowed. Dumiin din ang kapit nito sa wine glass na hawak, showing his veiny hands, i feared it might broke., i feared na baka masaktan na naman siya dahil sa akin. I felt uneasy, i felt pained. At dahil doon ay wala sariling napalunok ako at kasabay no'n ang pag-atras ko pero dahil sa ginawa ay may naapakan pa ako at kasabay no'n ang bahagyang pag-igik ng taong nasa likod ko. Hinawakan nito ang aking bewang para maalalayan ako paalis sa kaniya. When i faced that man, i can't help but felt relieved, it was van. Nanginginig ko siya hinawakan sa kamay at hinila na paalis doon. I didn't care kung hindi ko na approach si daddy. All i wanted was to get the hell out of there! Funny how this situation works. Noon, halos gawin ko lahat, halos tiisin ko lahat ng sakit para lang makauwi kaagad dito at makita siya, pero nang tuluyan ko na ngang napagmasdan, ay parang nawala lahat ng tapang ko. Lahat ng mga eksplenasyon na gusto kong ipaalam sa kaniya ay bigla kong nakalimutan. "Teka lang zeph! Saan tayo pupunta?" Taranta niya nang makitang tuloy-tuloy lang ang hila ko sa kaniya patungong ladies room. "Zeph! Ano ba!bawal ako dito! Baka may makakita!" Wala na siyang nagawa ng tinulak ko siya papasok doon sabay lock ng pintuan. Good thing walang umuokopa no'n. Wala sa sariling hinarap ko ang malaking salamin at sinuporta ang dalawang kamay sa lababo na gawa sa marmol. Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagbilis na paghinga. Nanginginig ang kamay na nilabas ko ang lipstick sa dalang purse at naglagay sa labi kahit na hindi naman kumupas ang kolorete sa bibig. "Zeph? Okay ka lang?" Hindi ko siya pinansin at pinagpatuloy pa din ang ginagawa sa labi. "Zeph! Huy! Kumalma ka nga! Zephyrine! Kumalma ka!" Singhal niya pa. Hinawakan niya ang nanginginig kong mga kamay at kinuha doon ang lipstick. Hinihingal ko siyang hinarap. "H-hindi ako makahinga van! D-do something." "You're just having anxiety attacks right now. Breathe. What happened? May nangyari ba? Nadumog ka ba ng mga guests?—Ng media?" "I-i saw h-him." Nanginginig ang boses kong saad. "N-nakita ko siya. and he also saw m-me" naitabon ko ang mga kamay sa mukha kasabay no'n ay kumawala ang hikbi na kanina ko pa pinipigilan. "galit siya sa'kin van! Galit siya! nakita ko. Nakita ko kung pano niya ako tingnan. Galit siya." "What exactly did happened? Nakalapit ka ba sa kaniya? Sinaktan ka ba niya?" Pag-aalala niya at inenspeksyon ang mga braso ko. Umiiling binawi ko iyon. "Wala. Hindi ako nakalapit." Kinagat ko ang aking dila para mapigilan ang pagtulo ng luha sa aking mga mata. "I just—i just saw it, how he looked at me. Hindi na katulad ng dati van. I mean, expected naman na gan'on, na magagalit talaga siya pero...ang sakit lang kung nasaksihan mo na pala no? Galit na siya nito, kahit hindi pa ako lumalapit sa kaniya. Kahit—kahit wala pa akong ginagawa. Pano pala kung may gagawin na ako? Mas lalo lang kayang madadagdagan ang galit niya sa'kin?" He sighed, " zeph, ikaw na nga mismo nagsabi diba? Na hindi mo ine-expect na hindi siya magagalit sayo. Normal lang naman talaga yan zeph eh. Iniwan mo yung tao. You made him fall in love with you hard tapos sa huli iniwan mo din. You even deprived him the truth. So don't expect na matutuwa siya sa pagbabalik mo." "Then what do you want me to do? What should i do?" Tinaas niya ang kanang kamay habang nakakuyom iyon. "Just like you always say when things gets tough. Laban lang zeph. Laban!" "You're right. I can do this van. I will get him. No matter what. I will bring him back" Just you wait...love.