Undestined

To him

"  what time is your class ? " I looked at my brother while his preparing a breakfast

" 7:30 "  

" bakit ba ayaw mung umuwi sa apartment na binigay ko " 

" ayaw kulang " 

" ano bang nangyari ? pumunta ka dito na umiiyak " 

hindi ko siya sinagot dahil biglang sumikip yung dibdib ko dahil sa naalala ko

" yung doctor na naman ? " 

yumuko muna ako saglit at saka guminhawa

" jeez ~ you can talk to me ,  you're still my little brother even though you're like that . So ? yung doctor ba yan ?

Tinignan ko siya at saka umo - o 

" bakit , anong nangyari ba ? " 

" ka- kasi naman eh ahm " 

I could not answer him . Waah !

" if you want , we can seek advice to someone "

someone ? sino ?

" sino kuya ? " 

na curious tuloy ako

" kaibigan ko , seven years ata sila ng kasama niya " 

seven years ? waah ! nakakaingit naman 

" yes seven years , his living with his partner "

woah ! na amaze naman ako sa sinabi ni kuya na seven years , paano kaya nila nagawa yun ?

" do you want to meet with him ? " 

gusto ko ata siyang makilala 

" sige kuya ! " 

" but you have a class , maybe next time " 

eh ? but gusto ko sanang makausap 

" it seems that the professor will be absent , may important meeting ata sila " I told him but it was a lie

Im so sorry bro but I want to meet this person 

" then do you want to meet him now ? after breakfast let's meet him  " 

" okay po kuya " 

Tumayo ako saka naghilamos bigla namang nag ring yung phone ko . Tinignan ko yung phone pero hindi ko sinagot dahil pangalan niya ang naka rehistro . It's been a week and he always call me everyday. Ayaw ko muna siyang kausapin , not now but maybe later 

" he will be waiting in the coffee shop " nabigla nalang ako ng biglang sumulpot yung kapatid ko sa gilid

" really ?  yeey ! cge po "

" after breakfast so hurry up " 

" yes sir ! "

Kapag kami talaga nagkatuluyan ni Lino gusto ko forever na pero malabo atang mangyari yun . 

Ting !  binasa ko yung message at hindi ko talaga mapigilan yung sarili kung ngumiti . Jeez ~ bat ba ako kinikilig sa message niya ?

" hurry up habang mainit pa yung pagkain "  narinig kung sumigaw yung kapatid ko

" sige po kuya ! teka lang " 

argh ! I really do love him . Jeez ~ . 

" ayaw mung kumain ? "  nabigla ako ng biglang sumulpot yung kapatid habang tumatawa

" kuya naman eh ~ " sabay pout ko sa kanya pero kinurot niya lang ang pisngi ko 

" may pa smile smile ka pa diyan habang hawak yung phone mo , oops ! sorry bro " sabay tawa niya sa akin . Argh !  I walked slowly towards the table and startd eating

"  good mood ka ata ? may nag text ? " sabay tawa niya sa akin

:" mind your business bro " jeez ~ tumatawa parin siya sa akin kaya hindi ko nalang siya pinansin bagkus ay kumain nalang ako habang pinabayaan siyang tumatawa

" bahala ka diyan , wag kang kumain ! hmp ~ "

 tinawanan niya lang ako at saka siya bumalik sa pagkain 

" by the way kuya , kailan yung kasal niyo? " 

malapit na ata siya ikasal sa long time girlfriend niya

" after six months kapag okay na si dad " 

" ah ok "  yumuko nalang ako ng binangit ni  kuya si dad 

" no worries ! dad was waiting for you together with mom " 

" next time kuya "  nakita kung ngumite siya sa akin kaya ngumite din ako sa kanya

Mga ilang minuto pagkatapos naming kumain ,  umalis na kami sa apartment saka pumara ng taxi

" kuya mabait naman siya diba ? " 

" yeah ! no worries mabait naman siya " 

Ilang minuto din ang nakalipas at dumating kami sa coffee shop na sinasabi ni kuya . Naglakad muna kami saglit saka pumasok sa coffee shop . May nakita kaming masculadong lalaki na nakaupo sa gillid at saka nag wave sa amin . 

His face seems familiar , saan ko kaya siya nakita ? 

"  Dwin , this is Evan . By the way Evan this is my brother that I tell you " 

nag bow nalang ako sa kanya saka umupo

" brother " I whisper at him saka ko pinopoint yung kaibigan niya kaya nagets niya naman 

" ahem ! my brother want to ask you Evan "  tumingin naman siya sa akin saka nagsmile 

OMG ! ang gwapo naman ng lalaking to , ang swerte naman ng nakasama niya !

" yung tungkol sa doctor na sinasabi mo ? "  tanong niya kay kuya kaya tumango naman yung kapatid ko

" ahm I really like this doctor pero one sided lang ata " 

jeez ~ ayaw kung sabihin na may nangyari na sa amin baka mapatay pa ni kuya si Lino 

" and ? " tanong niya sa akin sabay inom ng kape 

Napansin ko ata yung ring sa fingers niya but I averted my eyes . Jeez ~ nakakaingit naman eh 

" nag confess ako sa kanya but it was nothing for him .He still looked at me as a kid not a man " 

" maybe you have to try to understand him and talk to him again " 

Napaisip naman ako sa kanyang sinabi , maybe he have a reason why he always called me a kid , maybe I should act a mature 

" gets ko na po " 

Napatingin naman silang dalawa sa akin 

" thank you po ! "  lumapit naman ako sa kanya at saka ko siya shinake hands 

" bye bro , thank you sir "  I bow my head to them and walked away 

Narinig ko ang sigaw ng kapatid ko pero sinabihan ko lang siya na  " papasok pa ako sa school " saka ako tumakbo palabas.

I will try to understand him and talk to him again ! . Alam kuna siguro hindi ako matures mag isip or siguro hindi ako matured kumilos kaya niya nasabi yon. 

" hmmm ? ano kayang dapat gawin ? " 

ah ! tama ! I will go to the bar and watched those people on how to act as a matured  . I need to learn with these people siguro pupunta muna ako sa gay bar pagkatapos ng klasi

I started walking towards the school kasi malapit lang naman yung school dito , pagpasok ko palang sa gate ay nakita ko na si Shade na may kasamang babae . Naku ! napaka babaero naman ng lalaking to ! kung sinong sino nalang babae ang kasama nito . Nakita niya ata ako dahil bigla siyang tumakbo papunta sa akin saka niya kinurot yung pisngi ko . 

" Why you didnt attend the class ? "  

" no reason " saka ako  nagsmile sa kanya but he pinch my nose unti it turned red

" hindi ata tayo naka punta sa karaoke hmm ? " nakita ko siyang nag iisip muna saglit kaya huminto muna kami sa paglalakad

" after class how about a few drinks ? " 

drinks ? ayaw ni Lino na umiinom ako 

" ahm I dont drink alcoholic " 

" oh ! come on , please " he plead at me with a puppy eyes 

Siguro kailangan ko atang umiinom din . To become a matured man kailangan matuto akong uminom

" okay but few drinks "  ngumite naman siya sa akin saka niya ako inakbayan

" yup few drinks , just the two of us . Lets go to the bar after school " I nod at him and we started walking towards our room

Time passed by and our class ended . I looked at my watch and its already 6:15 PM . Nakita ko si Shade na naghihintay sa akin sa labas . Hindi kasi kami same ng schedule .

" sorry natagalan kasi si Sir sa pagdidiscuss niya " 

" okay lang so lets go "  

" okay ! " saka niya ako inakbayan

" ah right , I really want to go to this place . Do you mind ? " 

" I dont mind " 

" good ! cause their drinks was really great " 

" saan ? "  

" basta malalaman mo pagdating natin " kaya tumango nalang ako sa kanya 

Pumara muna siya ng taxi saka kami sumakay ata sa loob naka akbay parin siya sa akin . Naiilang na ata ako dito pero hindi ko nalang binigyan ng pansin dahil matagal na kaming kaibigan . Huminto naman and taxi at saka kami lumabas nakita ko yung sign ng bar na Male Pub. May lumabas na dalawang lalaki saka naghahalikan . Jeez~ is this a gay bar ? 

" Isn't this one was a gay bar ? " 

" yes " sabay tawa niya sa akin 

" are you gay ? " 

hindi niya sinagut pero inakbayan niya lang ako saka niya ako pinupush sa loob kaya wala akong nagawa kung hindi pumasok . Pagpasok ko palang sa loob ,  napaka wild na ng dating . May iba naghahallikan yung iba naman sa gilid naman parang nag se - s*x na ata . 

" Shade ! bakit dito ? "  pero hindi niya ako sinagut

" to have fun " saka siya tumawa ulit sa akin at saka ako hinila papunta sa counter. 

" Deep Thrust with hard lemons  "  

woah ! kakaiba ata yung mga drinks nila dito 

" shade , few drinks lang " I told him but he just smiled at me . After a seconds lang ata saka dumating yung drinks na Deep Thrust with hard lemons.

" drinks this but its kinda hard "  sabay bigay niya sa akin , saka ko siya narinig na mumorder pa ng iba .Jeez ! this guys is insane .  Marami siyang inoorder na drinks at lahat ng yun ay binigay niya sa akin. Masakit na yung lalamunan ko sa mga binigay niya , bigla nalang nanlabo ang aking paninign . Argh ~ I really can't hold a drinks , until I feel dizzy . 

I stood up and whisper at him that I will go now but he grabbed my hands 

" Ihahatid nalang kita " hindi nalang ako sumasagot sa kanya 

Na feel ko yung kamay niya na nakahawak sa aking beywang habang inaalayan ako . Na feel ko yung hininga niya na nakalapit sa mukha ko . I jump when I feel his licking at my neck 

" Shade ! "  I shout at him but he just laughed at me 

Jeez ~ enough with the joke . I really feel dizzy, My mind went blank and suddenly I feel his hands gropping at my butt . I have no strength left to push him so I just let him do whatever he want. Argh ! this guy !

I really feel to throw up . I suddenly stumble and I lost my balance . I fee that I was pushed at the wall and he corner me . I feel dizzy and I fele to throw up but he just smiled at me and pinch my nose,

" lets go the taxi is here "  I just nod at him and I feel a sudden hotness 

Naglalakad lang kami papunta sa taxi na naka parada pero bigla nalang may humila sa kamay ko at saka ko siya nakita na umuusok sa galit . 

Why ? What is he doing here ? 

" we have to talk "  he grabbed my shoulder and pulled . He give me a hug . Tinignan ko siya ng maigi pero nakatingin lang siya kay Shade ng masama 

" who the f*ck are you ? "  I heard shade talking to Lino but he didn't answer 

" let him go ,  we will go home "  Na feel ko yung daliri ni Lino na tumatagos sa balat ko kaya napasigaw nalang ako sa wala sa oras

" ouch ~ wait it hurts " 

" sorry "  he whisper to me 

" Dwin lets go " narinig ko si Shade na tumatawag sa akin but I dont have strength kasi mahigpit yung pagkayakap niya sa akin

" hey kid ~ you choose which one will you choose " I feel shiver down to my spine when he asked me 

Nakita ko sa mga mata niya ang galit at na fe - feel ko yung pagkayakap niya sa akin ng mahigpit 

" ahm , sorry Shade I have to talk to him "  I saw shade sigh and wave his hands and started walking towards the taxi 

" ahm ~ ca can you let go of me ? "  

" No ! Im really sorry for what happened . I just realized when you didn't contact me for a weeks " 

I feel his tears fallling down but I keep quiet for a while 

" do you hate me ? "  he asked in a low tune 

I cupped his face and face it towards me . I saw his eyes turning red , it seems he didn't rest for a while.

" no I dont hate you " I smiled at him and kiss his lips

Am I dreaming ? He apologized to me ! HE CAME FOR ME !  I cant believe it ! . A word happiness could not describe on how I feel. 

" then , stop avoiding me "  I hugged him tightly and he hugged me back . He kiss my lips and I kiss him back .

The worlds stop the moment he told me the words that I'm waiting from him . Salita na matagal ko ng hinihintay , salita na matagal ko ng pinapangarap

" Dwin , I love you . Don't leave me again "  I smiled at him and say   " Me too. I love you too "  as I kissed him again

I really love this guy !  I really can't believe what  happened right now !