The Job Hunt: Strictly Unprofessional (Taglish)

“Ubos na ipon ko. I need a job!” Maya’s thumb hovered over the glowing blue button on her phone screen. Her heart was executing a quick, frantic rhythm against her ribs. Dito niya nakita ang isang post. @Jonah_V: Need someone to ride shotgun for a brutal day of corporate job-hunting downtown. Food's on me. Must be willing to navigate traffic and ignore my crippling lack of small talk. Jonah? “If I remember him right, isa sa mga campus crushes ’to nung college kami. Bakit wala siyang trabaho?” she murmured to herself. “Sabagay, ako nga din e, wala. Hays!” Chineck ni Maya ang bank account balance niya ulit. ₱47.10 Napapikit siya sa sakit. She was brave, independent, and currently three days away from surviving solely on tap water and pure desperation. Sure, her anxiety was screaming na medyo delikado pumasok sa kotse ng isang kakilala sa college—a guy who spoke in three-word sentences and wore plain hoodies na mukhang simple lang pero probably cost more than her whole month's rent. But a free lunch? Plus a potential lead on an entry-level desk job? Hindi na siya pwedeng mag-inarte. She sucked in a breath and typed back: @Maya_L: I have a crisp stack of resumes, an uncanny sense of direction, and an appetite for overpriced sandwiches. Pick me up at 8? I’ll send the address. Two minutes later, Jonah replied back. @Jonah_V: Deal. At 8:00 AM sharp, a sleek, terrifyingly spotless obsidian Audi pulled up sa harap ng dilapidated apartment building niya. Maya opened the passenger door, immediately overwhelmed by the scent of expensive leather at cedarwood. Si Jonah, nakaupo sa driver's seat, looked entirely too attractive for a Tuesday morning. Magulo nang konti ang dark hair niya, at may earphones na nakasabit sa leeg niya. He wore a crisp white button-down na nakatagilid ang top two buttons, revealing a flash of warm collarbone, paired with tailored dark trousers. He looked less like an unemployed college grad—years ago, searching for an entry-level filing gig and more like a man who literally owned the city skyline na nakikita sa windshield. “Hi.” “Hi.” “Hindi ka naman masamang tao?” Jonah laughed. “Well, walang taong umaamin na masama sila,” he said. “You know me.” “Not really,” tanggi ni Maya habang sumasampa sa sasakyan. “But I know your basics. At saka, I need a job.” “My basics, huh.” “Oo. Like, playboy ka years ago. In college” “What the hell?” Natawa si Maya. At ang makipag-usap sa isang taong ngayon lang niya ulit nakita, na hindi rin naman niya gaanong kakilala ay bago sa kaniya. Kundi nga lamang desperada na siya para maghanap ng trabaho. “Biro lang.” Nang makaupo nang ayos si Maya sa loob, inispeksyon naman niya ang hitsura ng binata sa driver's seat. "You look ridiculously polished para sa isang taong mapapahiya lang sa HR buong araw," biro ni Maya sabay hila ng seatbelt nang mahigpit para ma-anchor man lang ang lumilipad niyang anxiety. Jonah barely flicked his dark eyes toward her, a faint, aloof curve touching his lips. "Appearance is fifty percent of the battle, Maya. The other fifty percent is pretending you care about corporate synergy." "Sabagay." She pulled out a folder thick with printed paper. "Well, nag-print ako ng isang dosenang copies ng resume ko. Did you bring yours?" Jonah reached into his back seat and tossed a glossy black leather binder into her lap. "Printed five minutes ago. Grab two copies from the front pocket, will you? We’re hitting Apex Logistics first, then Vane Dynamics." "Apex Logistics?" Binuksan ni Maya ang binder. Inside were several neatly folded sheets of paper. Nung binuklat niya ang unang page ng resume ni Jonah, she couldn't help but burst into a sudden, genuine laugh. "What?" tanong ni Jonah, keeping his eyes on the road. "Jonah... what is this?" Maya held up his sheet, grinning. "Two years in administrative assistance at a local library? One year as a back-office clerk at a regional paper supply branch? This resume is so dry it’s giving me a paper cut just looking at it. It’s so absurdly clean. No student council? No internships? No personality? Did an AI write this while it was depressed?" Jonah’s jaw tightened slightly, though the corner of his mouth twitched upward. "It’s concise. I value efficiency." "Efficiency? Bro, you look like a cover model and your resume says you spent three years filing catalog cards in silence. It doesn't match your face at all. If I were HR, I’d think you were in witness protection." "Maybe I am," Jonah said smoothly, merging the Audi into the gridlocked morning traffic with an effortless twist of his wrist. "And for the record, filing catalog cards requires discipline." "Riiiight," Maya teased, her anxious nerves melting away into the warm space between them. "Well, compared to yours, my resume looks like a war novel. I crammed my summer barista job, my freelance editing, and my two weeks as a dog walker just to make it look full." "Quality over quantity, Maya," Jonah murmured, his voice dropping into a low frequency that made the hair on her arms stand up. "Besides... you don't need a dog-walking stint to prove you're capable." Maya blinked, a sudden warmth creeping up her neck. She looked away quickly, shuffling the papers to hide her blush. Hindi siya pwedeng kiligin, unless a company hires her. Their first stop was Apex Logistics, a cramped, beige office building that smelled aggressively of old carpet and burnt coffee. Sitting side-by-side in squeaky plastic chairs outside the HR manager's office, Maya felt her anxiety creeping back up her throat. Jonah sat beside her, perfectly composed, legs crossed at the ankle, looking completely out of place in the dingy hallway. "Mr. Villeza, Miss Lin?" The door swung open and a middle-aged manager with thick glasses gestured for them to enter. They sat down across from his cluttered desk. The manager scanned Jonah’s squeaky-clean resume first, then Maya’s colorful one. He let out a long, heavy sigh that smelled faint of onions. "Look, kids," the manager began, tossing both resumes onto the desk. "I’ll be blunt. You’re both completely unqualified for our Data Entry Specialist positions." Maya blinked. "Unqualified? Sir, it’s entry-level data entry. I type eighty words a minute!" Beside her, Jonah chuckled. Pero pilit niya iyong itinago nang irapan siya ni Maya. "And we require proficiency in a proprietary logistics software that takes six months to learn, plus at least three years of direct freight management experience," the manager grunted. He looked at Jonah. "And as for you, son... three years of library and office clerking isn't cutting it. You lack technical drive. Frankly, your background is too bland for our fast-paced culture." Maya turned her head to look at Jonah, desperately biting her lip to keep from bursting out laughing right there in the office. Si Jonah naman ngayon ang tumingin nang masama sa kaniya. Jonah simply inclined his head, his face a mask of calm composure, though his dark eyes glinted with subtle amusement. "I appreciate your time, sir." "Yeah, yeah. Good luck out there. Try retail," the man said, waving them off. Lumakad ang dalawa nang tahimik palabas ng building. "Too bland," Maya snickered the moment the glass doors of Apex Logistics closed behind them, walking toward the Audi. "You heard the man, Jonah. You lack technical drive. You need to spice up your life." "I am overflowing with spice," Jonah deadpanned, unlocking the car. "He was clearly intimidated by my library catalog credentials." "Talaga lang, ha? The Dewey Decimal System strikes terror into the hearts of freight managers everywhere." Maya chuckled, sliding into the leather passenger seat. But as the laughter faded, reality hit her like a bucket of ice water. Her stomach let out an audible rumble. Maya squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment. "Hungry?" Jonah asked softly. "I'm fine," she lied quickly, her brave front kicking back in. "Just... my bank account is currently screaming at me. If I don't secure a job today, I’m going to have to sell my blood or live off plain rice for a month." Jonah didn't laugh. His dark eyes softened as he looked at her. "You won't starve, Maya. I told you, lunch is on me today. And we still have one more stop." "Vane Dynamics," Maya sighed, leaning her head against the headrest. "The holy grail. But Jonah, if Apex Logistics thought we were unqualified, Vane Dynamics is going to laugh us straight out into the street. Hindi ba? Mapapahiya lang tayo. They don't hire mortals without ten years of experience. I’m just trying to pray for a desk at their subsidiary’s reception." "Shoot for the stars, hit the ceiling," Jonah repeated smoothly, pulling out into the midday traffic. "Hand me the resumes for Vane. Let’s make sure we have everything ready." Maya reached into his leather binder in the back seat. Inside, nestled behind a divider, were thick, ivory-cardstock pages. She didn't read them. Her stomach was doing nervous cartwheels just thinking about walking into a high-rise office building, so she simply grabbed two of those printed pages, grabbed two of her own standard printer-paper resumes, and clipped them together into two separate sets. "O, eto," sabi niya, inilapag ang set nito sa dashboard. "Teamwork." Jonah cast a quick side-glance at the clipped papers, then at Maya. His eyes lingered on her, sa namumulang mga pisngi nito na halo-halong takot at gigil, at sa labi niyang paborito niyang kinakagat kapag nenerbyos. Something dark and decidedly un-aloof flickered in his gaze before he smoothed his expression back into cool indifference. "Right," he murmured, his voice dropping an octave, sending a sudden, unexpected shiver straight down Maya’s spine. "Teamwork." Hindi nagtagal at nakarating sila sa pangalawa nilang pakay, sa Vane Dynamics. Ang lobby ng Vane Dynamics ay mukhang cathedral ng glass, steel, at nakakatakot na tahimik. Maya felt her chest tighten as they crossed the marble floor. Ini-adjust niya ang tight pencil skirt niya na medyo masikip at huminga nang malalim. "Okay," pabulong niyang sabi, leaning dangerously close into Jonah's space. "Act natural. Look like we belong here." "We do belong here," Jonah replied casually. His hand brushed against hers, at ang mga daliri niya ay napaka-init, sending a sharp spark up her arm. Bago pa ma-process ni Maya ang biglaang kuryente na dumaloy sa pagitan nila, an executive assistant with a clipboard approached them, looking thoroughly stressed out. "Are you the candidates for the open positions?" tanong ng babae na hindi man lang tumitingin mula sa tablet niya. "Yes!" mabilis na sagot ni Maya, stepping forward with her trademark brave-despite-panicking energy. "We’re here to drop off our applications para sa mga open roles!" "Great, drop them here," the assistant gestured to a polished silver tray on the desk. "The board is conducting walk-in interviews on floor 40 right now. Hand them over, take a badge, and head up." Hindi na nagdalawang-isip si Maya. She slapped the clipped set of resumes, hers on top, Jonah's tucked neatly underneath onto the tray. Kumuha siya ng dalawang visitor badges, ibinaon ang isa sa dibdib ni Jonah, and pulled him toward the glass elevators before he could even object. “Thank you,” Jonah said softly habang pinapanood si Maya na halos kainin ng sarili niyang kaba. Inside the elevator, the doors sealed shut with a soft chime. The car shot upward, pressing them together in the small, mirrored space. Maya exhaled a huge breath. "Okay. Step one complete. Now we just have to—" Napatigil siya nang biglang nag-jerk nang konti ang elevator, smoothly stopping at the top floor. But before the doors opened, Jonah stepped right into her personal space. The scent of cedarwood wrapped around her like a heavy blanket. Ipinitin siya nito nang banayad laban sa mirrored glass, one arm resting beside her head as his tall frame loomed over her. "You're very bossy when you're terrified," Jonah purred, his dark eyes locked onto her lips. Ang malamig at aloof niyang aura sa campus dati ay tuluyang nawala. It was replaced by a low, simmering intensity that made Maya's pulse skyrocket for an entirely different reason. "I... I am efficient," nauutal na sabi ni Maya. Her hands came up to rest against his firm chest, and she could feel the steady, slow thud of his heart through his shirt. "And we need jobs, Jonah. Kailangan ko ng pambayad sa renta." "Is that all you need?" Jonah murmured, leaning down until his lips brushed the sensitive skin just below her ear. Maya let out a soft, helpless gasp, her toes curling inside her heels. Bago pa tuluyang mapunta sa peligroso at intimate na sitwasyon ang lahat, the elevator doors slid open with a chime. Jonah pulled back effortlessly, adjusting his cuffs with that infuriatingly cool smirk. "After you, Maya." Maya awkwardly stepped out of the elevator and shrugged off her thoughts. An hour later, Maya and Jonah were sitting in a sleek glass conference room. Across the table sat Mr. Sterling, the sharp-eyed Head of Human Resources for Vane Dynamics, staring at the two resumes on his tablet with absolute, unadulterated shock. Alam mong gwapo ito noong kabataan niya. Pinipiga ni Maya ang mga kamay niya sa ilalim ng lamesa, her anxiety reaching a fever pitch. Itatapon na kami nito palabas, hysterical na isip niya. Gaya nung sa Apex Logistics. Nag-apply ako sa entry-level receptionist spot at baka masyado na naman tayong 'bland' para sa kanila. "This..." Mr. Sterling finally spoke, staring blankly at the pages. "This is unprecedented." Maya braced herself. "Sir, I know I might be underqualified for the main floor, pero mabilis po akong matuto, napaka-organized, at gagawin ko po lahat—" "Miss Lin," Sterling interrupted, raising a hand. "Your application for the Junior Executive Assistant role is... solid. Enthusiastic. We are happy to offer you the position starting Monday, at a starting salary of ₱50,000." Napapikit-dilat si Maya. Parang napahinto rin ang utak niya. "₱50,000? Para sa... entry level?" "Yes," Sterling said, before turning his gaze to Jonah with what looked remarkably like absolute reverence. He cleared his throat nervously. "As for you, Mr. Villeza... or should I say, Jonah?" Kumunot ang noo ni Maya at nakatingin kay Jonah. Parang hindi niya ma-pick up ang kilos ni Mr. Sterling ngayon. Jonah sat back in his chair, his expression totally unreadable, though a subtle shift in his jaw hinted at a sudden, sharp realization. Hindi niya pwedeng sisihin si Maya dahil hindi rin naman niya sinigurado ang resume na ipinasa ni Maya kanina. "We received the master resume attached to your file," Sterling continued, his voice trembling slightly. "The credentials listed here... the oversight of the European portfolio, the multi-billion-dollar liquid restructuring, the controlling shares under the Villeza Enterprise umbrella... It is an honor. Hindi namin akalain na gusto niyo na palang kunin ang open Chief Executive Officer position sa parent branch natin nang ganito ka-aga." Bumagsak ang panga ni Maya. Napalingon siya kay Jonah nang napakabilis na halos mapilipit ang leeg niya. "The WHAT position?!" Sterling pushed the printed ivory cardstock across the table. Maya’s eyes darted down to the paper. Hindi pala ito ang "bland" fake resume na pinagtawanan niya sa kotse. It was a high-level executive dossier outlining Jonah’s secret, sprawling empire as the sole heir and shadow manager of Villeza Global—a multi-billion-dollar hedge fund and tech conglomerate na may-ari mismo ng Vane Dynamics. Jonah had brought two sets of documents to the car that morning. The low-level, generic resume he’d whipped up to pretend to be a normal broke fresh college graduate... and his actual, classified executive file that he’d accidentally printed on the exact same ivory cardstock. At naipasa pa man din ni Maya ang maling papel diretso sa board. "I..." Jonah stared at the paper, then slowly turned his head to look at Maya. For the first time all day, the aloof, hyper-composed billionaire looked genuinely caught off guard. Then, a slow, dark, wicked smile spread across his face. "Ah. The CEO file." "Mr. Villeza," Sterling squeaked, standing up abruptly. "The Board of Directors is ready to sign your contract immediately. And as requested in your packet, your choice of Executive Assistant is already secured—Miss Lin, of course." Nakatulala lang si Maya sa upuan niya. "You're... you're rich?" bulong niya, halos mawalan ng boses. "You're secretly CEO rich? At pinagtawanan pa kita sa 'library clerk' resume mo?!" Jonah leaned in close to her, his breath warm against her flushed cheek, his voice dropping into a thrilling, low whisper na silang dalawa lang ang nakakarinig. "I was going to wait until date three to tell you," he murmured. His hand dropped beneath the table to rest heavily, possessively on her knee, sending a massive shockwave of heat straight down her spine. "But since you just got me hired as your boss... I guess we can skip straight to the celebratory drinks." Maya looked from the contract offering her a life-changing salary, to the terrifyingly attractive billionaire currently holding her knee, and swallowed hard. Halos kainin pa rin siya ng anxiety niya pero for the first time in her life, ayaw na niyang huminto ito. “Pangit mo namang ka-bonding!” bulalas ni Maya na ikinatawa na lamang ni Jonah—ng boss niya.