Everything Started on New Year's Eve

Let the Games Begin

JAXX

After a year of peace, Grace suddenly made an appearance in the office one day and it was Cara who warned me. And like any other time, we ended up at her place. However, the morning after my first night with Grace, I knew I was over her completely.

I thought I would be heartbroken again, I was afraid that I’d call in sick again because I would be too smashed from crying and drinking. But this time, when I woke up, I felt like a d**k because all I could think of was, “Damn, that was fantastic s*x, but I gotta go.”

I knew that we could never be anything more than f**k buddies, but there was still that tiny party of me that was still drawn to her. That part still held on to our good times, the same part that made me hold to her up to now, as friends. After everything she’d done to me, I should be running in the opposite direction but I guess it was the familiarity that made me stay.

 I smiled to myself as I gathered my clothes that were littered in her condo. Our clothes were everywhere. It was a wild night and I think I took her all over her place. When I ran out of protection, she had a box of them stashed on her bedside table. It was not the usual ones I used. In fact, she knew I despised the orange flavor on it.

Come on, people! Orange flavor? If I wanted Robitussin, then I’d buy Robitussin, not a god damned condom!

Damn, how am I seeing through her just now? How was I so blind to realize that, of course, I was not the only one she was sleeping with when she’s here?

God, Jackson, you dumb goat. I placed my free hand over my eyes and shook my head as all of the other things that pointed to that same conclusion dawned on me. I slipped my hand to cover my mouth as I quietly laughed in disbelief. But there was no hurt or sourness, just shock at my realization and disappointment in myself for taking too long. 

I looked at the clock in the microwave oven; it said 4:15. Damn, I’ve been here for nearly ten hours. I was now very hungry and thirsty for real food. Too bad only McDonald’s would be open at this time. I quickly got dressed and slipped out the door soundlessly.

Grace dropped by a few more times in the next two weeks and each time we would end up in her place, and I would end up sneaking out in the wee hours of the morning. She wasn’t pleased with this new blasé behavior of mine. She was used to me sticking around 'til the morning, cuddling. I used to hold off work when she was around but this time I simply told her that I had to be at work in the morning so I could not stay. I had been liberated from the shackles that was Grace, and I would be damned if I let her claws on me again.

When we weren’t having s*x, Grace would and I would talk casually. She would tell me about her work and all her adventures. She occasionally dropped hints that she was single and, very subtly, she insinuated that she is looking for someone to settle with. I was not used to this kind of conversation with her and I was a bit taken aback when we broached the topic of relationships, commitment, love, and settling down. She was making all these allusions about us, but I could not be bothered to pick up and continue the subject.

One thing that bothered me though, was Cara’s absence. Ever since she met Grace at the office, hindi ko na nakita anino nya. She replied tersely to my messages, and she ditched band practice thrice already. That was not her at all. Something was up and I intended to get to the bottom of it.

It was Thursday and we were supposed to have band practice that evening. I was looking forward to seeing Cara in the Green Room. Otherwise, maybe at Ace’s place. I had been in a good mood since I woke up. Not because I got laid but because I was going to see Cara. It has been weeks and I have to admit, I kind of miss her. So imagine my displeasure when Ace forwarded me her message that she won’t be attending practice again, for the fourth time now.

I have been thinking about her a lot lately, I have no idea why. Out of the blue, the thought of her would intrude my mind, especially when I’m bored or tired. My thoughts about her started out platonic and just out of concern – how was she? Why was she ditching practice? Did something happen to her?

Then they evolved to something more physical, how I miss the smell of her hair, how I enjoyed slow dancing with her even though she was drunk and senseless, how I miss her dry humor and our bantering. Then they became outright s****l, how I missed the mint-and-berry taste of her lips, how soft her body felt against mine, and how she would feel – okay, I’m stopping right there.

I knew I had it bad for her when she was all I was thinking of this one time while I was with Grace. It was a perverted asshole thing to do but I tried to imagine how it would feel like making love to Cara. I closed my eyes, imagining her softness beneath me, I pictured her face, her eyes and I knew I was moving differently because Grace had the audacity to tell me that she had missed me making love to her. Because it was true, all we did was f**k. I almost called out Cara’s name when I came, buti na lang I stopped myself in the nick of time. After which, I bolted out of her condo in record time. And I never touched her again.

After our meeting that afternoon, I headed straight to Ace’s room. When I opened the door, he immediately signaled for me to stay quiet and to go to his desk swiftly; he was on the phone with someone and it was on speaker. He typed something on his laptop and showed it to me.

“Am I on speakerphone?” the caller asked. It was Cara. I felt my heart race.

 “Uh, Yes. I’m finishing an email before I forget to send it.” Ace replied. We continued to converse through his laptop. I told him to ask Cara if Grace had something to do with why she isn’t coming to practice. He furrowed his eyebrows and mouthed to me, “You think?”

 I typed, “ I dunno, ask her.” He nodded and pressed the space bar once more.

 “Sent. O so ano na, are you coming? Chino is still in Valle.”

 “Nah, I’ll pass Ace. Chino can play bass. Andiyan naman si Seb, complete na kayo.”

 I nudged him and pointed to the screen to ask my question.

 “Is this about Grace?” We both listened carefully. The chair squeaked as I leaned far too forward towards where the phone rested and Aced glared at me placed his index finger on his lips, telling me to keep quiet.

 “You know how I feel about her, I don’t want to upset Jaxx. Mabuti na yung let’s keep the peace by avoiding any confrontation.”

 I knew it! I looked at Ace and pointed both my index fingers at him, telling him I was right.

 “Sabi na nga ba e. You and Val are avoiding us like the plague.”

 “Well, we both feel the same way about her. I don’t know how you guys handle it, to still be all nice and chummy chummy sa kanya despite knowing that she broke Jaxx into a hundred pieces over and over again. Hindi ko kaya. And mas lalong hindi ko kaya to witness na mangyari na naman because she’s all over him. Hindi ko naman sya pwedeng palayasin because that is Jaxx’s prerogative.”

 I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees, eyes staring on the phone.

 “Hmmm…So you’re just going to sit back and watch it happen?” Ace and I looked at each other, unsure of what her answer will be.

 “Aren’t you doing the same thing, if not worse?” she scoffed.

 “Bakit worse?”

 “Because you’re actually entertaining her and making her feel welcome! E di feeling niya na ok lang kayo sa ginawa niya, it’s no big deal kasi you still accept her and make her feel like a queen. Nagpapaka-tuta land din kayo sa kanya! Sorry guys but di gumagana sa amin ni Val yang mga pangiti-ngiti nya at mga pang aakit nya. You may all fall at her feet but not Val and me. However, we respect your choice. If you want to be her friend, go ahead. Pero wag nyo kaming piliting makipag plastikan sa kanya.”

I was shocked at her venomous reply. I was surprised that she felt so strongly against Grace. It was sweet and I could not help but smile a bit. This was something I did not know and her being concerned with my well-being to that extent was touching, even if she did not show it to me. She was never good at faking friendship or politeness, and I would have to agree that it was better that she and Grace not be placed in the same room for a prolonged period of time.

“I’m surprised you actually feel that strongly against her.” Ace said exactly what I was thinking.

“I’m surprised you don’t! This is ridiculous, Ace, you were there the entire time! You were with Jaxx when he was at his lowest point, kulang na lang tumalon yun sa Guadalupe bridge. You were there when nag OD sya on their what, fiftieth break up? He was a zombie just going to work and doing things routinely to survive.

“How are you not doing anything right now to stop it from happening again? How can you still be friends with that b***h? Pagkatapos ng lahat ng ginawa nya sa kaibigan natin, pano nyo sya natitiis? She almost killed Jaxx! How can you not want to strangle her and pull her hair and push her face down the toilet bowl each time you see her, huh? Paano Ace? Paano? Kasi putang ina, hindi ko kaya!”

Both our jaws dropped. Neither one of us was not prepared for this hostility from her. And as depraved as it may sound, my heart swelled and I felt warm and fuzzy when I heard her outburst. I did not know that she really cared, even as a friend, I did not imagine that she cared for me that intensely.

I could hear her heaving from the other end and looked at Ace and mimed that I was chopping my neck off with the side of my hand: abort the mission.

“And Seb! After everything that happened! Gusto ko kayong ---“

“Hey hey hey! Calm down! Tama na, yung high blood mo. Sige na, you don’t have to go to practice. We can’t talk about this right now kasi Seb will be here any minute.” 

“Ugh! I hate you!” and she hung up.

Ace leaned back on his chair as we both sat there staring at the phone.

“Whew! That was intense.” He turned to me and continued, “Jaxx, sorry pare but you gotta —“

“Consider it done.” I cut him off and looked him in the eye as I spoke. Ace’s eyes narrowed and he tilted his head. He doubted what I said.

“I’m not sure you got what I wanted to say…”

 “O sige, humor me, what did you want to say?”

 “I wanted to tell you that you should not invite Grace to practices anymore.” He said slowly, making sure I got every word.

 “And like I said, consider it done. In fact, I just might tell her not to visit our office if that’s the reason why Cara is avoiding us like hell.”

“Okaaaay…. Are you okay? We’re talking about Grace. Look don’t get me wrong, pare, I am thrilled that you’re okay with not inviting her. But this is just confusing me.”

“By the way, let it be known that I don’t actively invite her to our practices. She just asks me where we are and when I tell her, she shows up. And, Ace, pare, just humor me once more and let this confusion be.”  I stood up and patted his cheek. I walked around his table and made my way to the door. I opened the door and turned around to ask “Seven o'clock, at your condo?”

 “Uh-huh.” He nodded, still with doubt drawn all over his face. “It’s Cara, isn’t it?”

Bilis talaga pumick-up nito ni Ace.

 But before I could answer, Seb asked as he walked in, “Anong meron kay Cara?”

“May dysmenorrhea daw siya kaya she can’t come,” Chino answered as he walked into the office after Seb.

“Cara, you’re bandmate? That’s a shame.” A feminine voice purred from behind Chino. My jaw tensed. It was Grace.

Long story short, she joined us for practice that night but that was the last time. I talked to her about it before dropping her home. Gave her some bullshit reason why we can’t have her around during practice. She did not take it well. She slammed the door at my face and did not invite me over. Thank God, for a good night’s rest that night.

Over the weekend, Ace and I had a one-on-one talk at my house in Valle. It was weird to know that Val, Cara, Seb, and Chino were just a few blocks away and not one of them was with us. Well, Seb and Chino wanted to join us but Chino’s folks were holding a dinner with the business partners and both of them had to be present in that gathering.

So it was just Ace and I, just like the old times: he was acting as my therapist as I waded and weaved through all my scattered emotions, doubts, expectations, and fears. Add my ego to the assortment and you have a wonderful mix of confusion and denial.

“Jaxx, pare, mahal kita pero ano na naman tong katarantaduhan na pinapasok mo?” he started as we were playing Grand Theft Auto in Xbox.

“Ace, I can kick this guy’s ass,” I answered as I concentrated on beating up the guy. I lost. “Ah f**k! Tang ina, ang gulo mo kasi.” I threw the controller on the couch.

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” He saved the progress and ended the game. “Sonic all-star?”

I nodded at his suggestion. “What are you talking about then?”

“Who, not what.”

 “Then who?” I tried to play innocent.

 He coughed out “Torpe! Torpe! Sorry Makati lang lalamunan ko.”

 “f**k you.”

 “Come on, Ben. What’s the score? At least for you. And don’t tell me na you have—“

 “I have no idea. Okay? Well, okay I do, but I’m trying to take it one step at a time.”

 “Grabe congratulations pare! After 100 f*****g years, finally!” He raised his glass of whiskey for a toast. I raised my eyebrows at him.

 “What do you mean ‘after 100 f*****g years’?” now I was really confused.

 “Duh! It’s obvious you’re so into her, it’s about time you admitted it to yourself. And to her.”

 he did not look at me. He was busy setting up Sonic and All-stars and choosing his character.

 “What? I just happened recently!” I was a bit peeved at how he made it sound that he knew I liked Cara for a long time now. Well, he did actually but he didn’t have to say it to my face. My ego doesn’t like being predicted. I started the game.

 “Ulol! College ka pa ganyan e. It made me wonder why you even courted Grace halatang may gusto ka naman kay Cara.”

 Wrong! High school pa, gago. I smirked.

 “So what’s the plan? Wait, you guys are already going out, right? Like, nililigawan mo na sya?” He glanced at me briefly before getting a boost and dropping a bomb on the track.

 “Not yet, but, well, I will now. I’m not touching Grace again.”

 I knew that he was trying to play it cool but inside he is bursting with a lot of questions. But I was not in the mood to beat around the bush. I had barely two months to spend with her and maybe make her my girlfriend. The sooner I admit this to myself, the sooner I can pursue her wholly and it will be solely her.

 “Oh well, this is exciting.” Ace smiled widely. The game was indeed exciting, we were on our second lap and we have been throwing whatever tricks we could against each other.

 “Tell me about it.”

 “But alis ka. Pano na?”

“Well, if maging kami then I’ll probably just postpone or take the MBA at AIM.”

“Wow, breaking your big plans ha.”

 “She’s worth it.” We continued to play. It was our 4th lap out of five.

 “What if she says ‘no’? Ah puta. Move, dammit!” he was screaming at his character, Amy rose.

 “Will she? I don’t think she will.” I said smugly. I had a feeling she wouldn’t.

 “Egotistical jerk. Or what if she’ll tell you to go to Wharton pa din? Can you do LDR?”

 “Bahala na si Batman.” s**t. He used his All-star move.

 “Take that, b***h!”

 “Pffff. I was just warming up.” I began choosing the next terrain for the Grand Prix.

 "Ok lang matalo in this game. I hope you don’t lose with Cara though.”

 “Yeah.” I drawled and rubbed my eyebrows. Suddenly I felt nervous, but what the hell. It was now or never.

I pressed start. Let the games begin.