Everything Started on New Year's Eve

S is for Sexmates

I had been pondering the meaning of life and what it meant to be alive when the thought of Jaxx suddenly invaded my mind.

Well, what a lovely distraction from the profound.

I am an embarrassment. I’m twenty-five years old yet I think and act like I am fourteen when it came to Jaxx. I did not know how to decode what I felt, I wasn’t sure how to interpret what he said or his actions. I know kinikilg ako sa kanya but infatuation is different from love. I know what I had with Collin was infatuation and curiosity. And it almost killed me. This thing with Jaxx, it feels the same and it’s killing me but it’s a slow sweet death that I’m still undecided if I should welcome or not.

 Jaxx and I have somehow moved to that gray area in between being friends and being lovers. I know we were not merely friends even though we both denied our feelings for one another about a few months ago. But I didn’t want to assume anything. Jaxx had a lot of girl friends, and a huge fraction of which feel more than friendship with him. Isa ako dun.

 I’ve been a little confused with what we are lately. I want to make sure that we’re still on the same page. What if I’m just reading too much into the things he’s doing? What if we’re just really going out as friends because he needed some company and I was free? I was always available for him, it’s becoming suspicious. But what if he says he still sees me as his little sister?

 Teka, ano ba to? Bakit ba ako ang kinakabahan na ma-basted? Hindi naman ako ang nanliligaw ah! Para kang tanga, Cara. Umayos ka nga!

 “Oh god, this is crazy. Get your s**t together, Cara.” I slapped myself lightly on my cheek just as there was a knock on my door.

 A drop-dead gorgeous Jaxx with a new haircut greeted me when I opened the door. He had cut his off his man bun, but his hair was still long on the top and short on the sides. His hair was fashionably tousled and he had a slight stubble growing. He was in a plain white V-neck shirt and sweatpants and I could not, for the love of me, fathom bakit ang gwapo nya in something so plain. His eyes were twinkling, his smile showed his dimple and don’t get me started with his lips. I want to kiss them to death!

 Apparently, hindi advisable to have these kinds of thoughts while the object of desire was right of you because the next thing I realize was that the jerk was laughing at me. Sobrang init ng tenga ko I bet pwede nang magprito ng itlog dito.

 I don’t know what came over me but instead of being annoyed, I started giggling myself. I covered my mouth and walked back into my room, leaving Jaxx by the door.

 “So, can I come in?”

 “Yeah, sure. You had your hair cut.” I now stopped giggling. Why was I giggling in the first place? Nabaliw lang ata ako saglit.

 “Yeah, it was a waste of shampoo and I got tired of blow-drying it. What do you think?” he turned his head from side to side, pausing a bit to strike a blue steel pose. He walked over to my desk and sat on the chair.

 “Looks clean,” I answered in a non-committal manner as I made myself comfortable sitting on my bed.

 “ ‘Looks clean’? That’s it? I spent the last half hour fixing it and that’s all I get for my hard work? Damn, woman, what does it take to impress you?”

 I shrugged my shoulders and smiled at him. The silly butterflies were taking flight again. Bwisit!

 “Anyway, I think we should take this outside, you’re folks aren’t gonna like it when they see you alone with a boy in your room.”

 What? Papasok sya tapos lalabas din agad? Ang labo! Parang kami.

 Jaxx looked at me intently, his eyes scanning me, but he did not make a move to get up from the chair. “Do you want to go to Tagaytay?”

 “What? Now?”

 “Yeah, now. If we leave now we’ll make it there around dinnertime.” He said looking at his watch then back at me with a hopeful look. I have no excuse kasi wala naman akong gagawin bukas or sa susunod na araw.

 “I’m not sure, Jaxx. What are we gonna do there?” I hesitated. I had to protect my stupid heart.

 “Eat dinner, have coffee, hang out. Come on, I’ll take you to that hole-in-the-wall coffee shop that serves your Yirgacheffe coffee.”

 “Oh, so we’re now going down the bribery road, eh? You’re not playing fair.” I picked up the closest thing to me and threw it at him. He caught my scrunchie and twirled it in his index finger.

 “Better than the “throwing fit” road. I’ll wait for you downstairs. Bring a jacket.” He stood up and left my room, closing the door gently. Bitbit nya pa panali ko sa buhok.

He knew I would say yes.

 I was supposed to protest. I was supposed to say no. Galit pa ako sa kanya diba? Diba I did not want to clarify anything with him yet?

 But how could I say no to him? Unang tingin pa nga lang nakalimutan ko na whatever I was thinking a few minutes prior. My stupid heart wanted to be with him it was over-riding my commonsense. Sana may ctlr+alt+del na function din ang tao. I could really use it nowadays because there was only one word to describe me right now: marupok.

 So help me, God.

 Sa sama ng traffic, hindi kami umabot ng Tagaytay. We made it as far as Parañaque so we just decided to scour the area for some hippie resto and homey café. We ended up in a hidden gem somewhere in BF, which checked 8 out of 10 of the characteristics of a hippie restaurant, according to a food blog. They did not have a lot on the menu but a there were vegan options and a lot of seeds – chia, hemp, flax, a variety of nuts, you name it.

 The ambiance was unpretentious, cozy, and relaxed. The place was lit from lamps of various sizes, shapes, and colors, a lot of which had a Moroccan design with stained glass and colorful beadwork. The walls were littered with plates, pictures and frames. A Berber rug was laid on the couch as a throw and there was no table and chair setup that were alike. I think this might become one of my favorite places that Jaxx and I discovered.

 I got one of their Vegetarian Nourish bowls while Jaxx ordered pizza and a squid salad. We also ordered two bottles of locally brewed beer. We were in the middle of dinner when Seb called and invited himself to join us. An hour later, Seb and Ace walked into the restaurant.

 “Wow, hayop sa date place ah. How did you guys find this?” Seb looked around before he sat beside me while Ace was taking photos of the lamps and the decors.

 “Just hunted around. Order na kayo. The squid salad is good.” Jaxx proposed.

 “Nah, we ate along the way. Ito kasi si Seb di makapag hintay.” Ace declined but he took his fork and ate one of the remaining calamari in the salad bowl. He raised his eyebrows and nodded in agreement to Jaxx’s food review.

 While Ace and Jaxx were discussing the food and the beer, Seb and I were busy being mature and played FLAMES on the paper placemats. Sinumulan nyang ipag match ang names namin ni Ace, which ended on the letter ‘A’.

 “Psssh. That’s the most useless letter sa FLAMES. Para lang may panira. Anger or Affection, or ‘Ah, kayo na bahala’!”

Then he did our names, which ended up as Friends.

 “Bam! We’ll be friends ‘til the end. This game can see the future. It’s clairvoyant.” He threw the pen on the table, catching Ace’s and Jaxx’s attention. I gave him a high five and raised my beer towards him. He clinked it with his and we drank together. Then he got excited.

 “O sige, I’ll try you and Jaxx.” He said while grinning from ear to ear. I rolled my eyes at his childish behavior while Jaxx and Ace scooted closer. I took a long swig of my beer as Seb began to count a crescendo after they’ve finished crossing out the similar letters in our names.

 “Ten.. eleven.. twelve. Twelve, ‘S’! you guys are” he made a gasping sound while covering his mouth “s*x-mates!”

 I sprayed the beer on the table, splashing a good amount around and on them.

 “Punyeta ka, Miguel, ang sakit ng ilong ko!” I pinched my nose and coughed, my eyes were welling with tears, but I was laughing with them.

 Imbes na tulungan ako, pinagtawanan ako ng hinayupak kong mga kaibigan. Ace handed me a table napkin and rubbed my back. He was also laughing hard. Jaxx was also tearing up but he held his laughter when I glared at him. His fist was over his pursed lips, his eyes glistening from the tears of joy and even in the dim lights, I could see his ears were a beautiful shade of crimson.

I think we were willing to believe the idiocy that this game was spewing if only to hold on to that sliver of hope na sana nga magka totoo, sana nga maging kami. Sana nga we were soulmates. And of course, s*x-mates.

Hihihi.

~*~*~*~*~

Before I knew it, it was the weekend of Val’s birthday and I was getting ready for her party. I decided to wear jeans and a sleeved top with a high neckline because mahirap nang makitaan mamaya when I’m drunk shitless since I was expecting it to happen.

 Jaxx was sitting in the sala reading an old issue of Cosmo magazine. He wore a light patterned button-up dress shirt, jeans, and brogues and I crushed on him even harder. How? How does he do it?  He heard the clacking of my heels and looked up to see me.

 “Hey, looking good.” He closed the magazine and stood up, his eyes running along my body once again as I walked toward him. I felt myself blush even more noong nag beso sya.

 Dammit Cara, stop blushing! Beso lang yon, anak ng tipaklong!

 “Welcome to the party!” they all greeted us. Val was wearing a shiny, silver headband that said “birthday girl” and a magenta haltered peplum top, white skinny jeans, and silver heels. Seb was seated beside the driver, just as previously agreed. Chino stood up from my seat beside Val to move to the back with Ace. There was confetti on the floor and Val was now filling champagne flutes with white wine.

 “Tara, have a glass, we’re loading up already.” She handed each of us a flute that was three-fourths full just as Jaxx settle at the back seat and I enjoyed my captain seat beside Val.

 “Happy birthday Valerio!” Seb shouted over the music and we all drank, bottoms up. This was going to be one hell of a night, nakikita ko na.

 Four hours and three bars later, I was already spilling my guts in the bushes outside the last club we were going to. Val had reserved some tables in the VIP area for her party. She said she invited some of her med school blockmates and some of our college classmates.

 “Hina mo, Claraval! Magsama kayo ni Gochino!”

 “Go to hell, Seb!” I retorted and flipped him. Jaxx pulled me up and rubbed my back as I leaned my head against his chest. He held me there for a while. I loved how comfortable it felt to be there with his arms around me. He smelled so good I wanted to stay there and listen to his beating heart. But he gently peeled me off his chest.

 Would he be mad if I copped a feel and pass it as a drunk move?

 Oh my goodness, Cara you perv! I chastised myself. I am an embarrassment!

 “Huy, wake up! Bawal matulog! Kala ko ba malakas ka na uminom? What happened there?” tumawa sya as he guided me to the door, hand on my elbow.

 “Isa ka pa. Wag mo kong mahawakan! Hmp!” nagdrama ako na kunwaring galit and pulled my elbow harder than I planned and lost my balance. Nasalo ng lalaki sa likuran ko.

 “Whoa, easy there, Cara.” the guy chuckled. The deep, rich voice made me turn my head very slowly with my eyes wide open, parang nag slow-motion sa movies.

 “V-vince! H-hi.” I stood up and faced him, his hand was still on my hip while I stupidly rested my hand on his forearm. He still wore a clean, taper fade cut, which was neatly brushed up and to the side, looking like a very likable young doctor. His deep brown eyes were so dark were sparkling and his smile showed his perfect teeth. Angular jaw? Check. Aquiline nose? Check. He was still handsome and he looked more buffed up. “Long time, no see. You going up to Val’s party?”

 “Yeah, actually. You alone or..?” he asked, looking around and slowly slipped his hand off my hip.

 “Uhm, no. I’m with a friend.” Tumalikod ako to find Jaxx biting the inside of his cheek, emotionless. Tumango sya kay Vince and Vince held out his hand. Mabuti naman Jaxx shook it. I held Jaxx’s forearm but he quickly took my hand off.

 “You guys go on ahead. Vince, right? Ikaw muna bahala dito. I need to take this call.”

 Aba, para naman akong aso na pinamimigay lang? Kani-kanina lang, pagkasaya-saya, daig pa ang isang Kisapmata! Pero naintindihan ko ang mga pangyayari when I saw the caller ID flash on his screen before he made his exit. It was Grace.

 Ouch.

Nawala ang amats ko sa inis na nararamdaman ko. Even the presence of Vince was not enough to lift my spirits up. Ang bilis nya talagang bitawan lahat sa isang tawag lang ni Grace, sa isang kisapmata. Bakit ba umaasa pa ako? Migraine!

 “Uy biglang nagbago yung buntot mo. Nasan si Jaxx?” bulog ni Val when she noticed that I with Vince.

 “Nakay Gracia.” Maikli kong sagot.

 “O, e bat parang galit ka? Affected si friend?” she laughed. Inirapan ko lang sya.

 Tanga kasi tong puso ko e.

 The VIP area was filled with a lot of our med school friends and Ace was already flirting with Jasmine when I found her. Tinaasan ko lang sya ng kilay and she waved. I made my rounds with our friends na parang ako din ang celebrant.

 “Cara! Beer pong, dali!” tawag sa akin ni Kaloy. By this time, I was once again very tipsy kabo-bottoms up.

 “San ka muna mag-aapply?”

 “Ay, coercion? Dun ka sa kabilang side, kung ganyan ugali mo!” tinulak ako ni Kaloy palayo, muntik na naman akong ma off balance. “By the way, strip beer pong to ah!”

 “No! Thanks, but no thanks.” Tuloy-tuloy lakad ko palayo sa table but Vince pulled me to his side of the table. I wasn’t able to stop myself on time I practically collided with his chest. I was tipsy and quite frankly I was getting dizzy from people pushing and pulling me.

 “Parang lagi kang nahuhulog  sa akin tonight.” Vince teased as he helped me up. “Wish that happened a few years ago, too.” He said quietly, but still with humor.

 “Sorry, I just wasn’t in a good position.” When I looked, his face barely a foot away and I saw the twinge of disappointment in his eyes, which quickly disappeared when he blinked and smiled. It was true. I wasn’t in a good position then and now. That’s why I couldn’t be with him then.

 “Wag ka maniwala kay Kaloy. Let’s just play. Ako bahala sayo.” Pilit nya, his eyes were now smiling at me. I looked at Kaloy na busy sa pagpe-prepare sa table.

 “I’m not stripping.”

 “It’s easy to cheat stripping, Cara. Start with your earrings, your necklace, shoes. You get my drift?” He laughed and the sound of it sent shivers down my spine. Why am I suddenly feeling this way towards him?

 “Is your aim still good?”

 “I’m already tipsy but, yeah I think so.” I chuckled.

 “Uy, Vince, you’re playing?” Kaloy asked, surprised.

“Yup, we’re teammates.” Turo sakin.

 “Well, then I’m changing the stakes. We’re doing body shots!” he squealed.

 Napanganga si Vince before he looked at me, “I really hope your aim is still good, Cara. I’m not sure how we can escape this one.”

 Of course, we lost, no thanks to my aim. Vince looked at me, shaking his head in amusement and feigned disappointment.

 “Okay, Vince, strip.” Kaloy approached him, may hawak na tequila shot and lemon drop.

 “What? NO! Best of three!”

 While they were arguing, Ace shouted over the crowd and started singing “Happy Birthday”.

 Val’s cake was a two-tier angel cake and mouse layered cake, covered with macarons on the sides and chocolate carvings on top. It had lit sparklers and confetti poppers were released as Seb brought out the cake and Chino brought in the very much surprised birthday girl. We all gathered to sing to Val, even the other people in the VIP section joined in the merriment.

 There was more singing, more candles and sparklers, and more drinks it almost felt like New Year’s Eve.

 Yes, para ngang NYE: I was more than tipsy and I really wanted to kiss a half-drunk Benedict Jackson.

 But he was nowhere to be found this time.