Save Me

4: Fix

I'm not feeling well when I woke up the next morning. My head is killing me. Pero pinilit kong magayos dahil kelangan kong pumasok sa school. Major subject pa naman ang mamimiss ko If I chose to absent. I can't afford to have a failing grade especially that I'm graduating.

Agad akong nagpark sa empty space at hindi katabi ang black Mustang. Hindi ko naman na tiningnan ang ibang mga sasakyan na nakapark dun.

Naglalakad na ako papunta sa Archi building nang makita ko sya sa may hallway, his hands are inside his pockets and he looks like he is waiting for someone. Napakunot ang noo ko ng makita syang nakagray hoodie.

Napalingon sya sa gawi ko at agad akong nilapitan. I noticed that his cheeks are rosy. And he plastered a smile when we got close.

"Hi. How are you?" He asked.

Tinaasan ko sya ng kilay. He flashed a grin.

"I'm fine. Thank you for yesterday. You saw me again in that state."

"Not a problem for me. I'm glad that you're ok."

Nagtitigan lang kaming dalawa. Namumula talaga sya pati dulo ng ilong nya. I wonder if he's ok but I won't ask him.

"I'll go ahead. See you." At tumalikod na sya.

Dumiretso na ako sa classroom. Wala pa si Queen kaya nagbasa nalang ako ng notes. At nang dumating sya agad syang tumabi sakin.

"Do you have plans this weekend Maze?"

"I'll stay in condo. I have no plans of going outside Queen. I just want to rest."

"Ok. Naabutan ka ba ng ulan kahapon?"

"Oo but I stayed in the library and then nakauwi din naman ako."

"Ok."

Bumalik na sya sa pwesto nya ng dumating na ang prof namin.

We went to cafeteria as usual to take our break. Walang baon si Queen kaya pareho kaming bumili ng pagkain sa cafeteria.

"Hi Queen, Maze."

Pareho kaming napatingin ni Queen sa bumati samen.

"Hi Clayton."

Tiningnan ko din sya kasi may dala syang 1 liter na Gatorade na blue.

"I'll go ahead. Dadalhin ko pa itong Gatorade kay Ace. Nasa clinic kasi, inaapoy ng lagnat."

Natigilan naman ako sa sinabi nya. Kaya pala sya nakahoodie, masama pala ang pakiramdam. That explain his look earlier. His rosy cheeks. He really look sick.

"What happened to him?" Tanong ni Queen.

"Ayun, nagpaulan kahapon nilagnat tuloy. Lamigin pa naman yun."

"Aww. Please tell him to rest well and take meds."

"Thanks. See yah."

Nakatingin nalang kami sa papalayong bulto nya.

"Such a good friend naman ni Clayton. Sana gumaling na si Ace. Buti ikaw hindi naulanan kahapon."

Natahimik ako. Guilt consumed me.

"It's because of me Queen." Kitang-kita ko ang pagkunot ng kanyang noo. "Nagpaulan sya dahil sakin kahapon. I used his umbrella."

"Oh.em.geee! What's going on between you and Ace?"

"Nothing. Wala. Zero. Not possible. Ok na?"

"And why did he do that? Hindi naman kayo friends, unless..."

"What??"

"He likes you Maze!!"

"What the hell? Stop that Queen!"

"Never kasing nagkagirlfriend dito sa university si Ace and he never shows interest to women either. Pero I think nagbago na yun and pano kayo nagkakilala?"

Natahimik ako sa tanong ni Queen. Hindi nya alam ang ginawa ko. I can see some mixed emotions in Queen's eye.

Hinawakan nya ang kamay ko.

"Don't worry, if you're not comfortable telling me those things, I won't mind. I understand Maze."

"Thank you Queen. In time, I'll tell you everything."

"Let's go back with Ace. I'm really curious about him. I want to know his intention. Hmmn, tho I think he's a good guy naman."

"He doesn't concern me Queen."

"Whatever you say Maze."

We still have time after our lunch so Queen decided to sleep in our classroom. I yanked my phone. Nakatitig ako sa convo namin ni Mr. Stranger. Naguiguilty ako dahil nagkasakit sya ng dahil saken. Kung masama ang pakiramdam ko mas malala pala ang sa kanya.

Namalayan ko na lamang na naglalakad na ako papunta sa clinic. Hihingi nadin ako ng meds para sa sakit ng ulo.

Pagkapasok ko sa clinic, I went stilled when I saw him sitting on the bed gulping his 1 liter blue Gatorade. Napatingin din sya sakin at huminto sa paginom.

"Hey there!" Kumaway pa sya sakin.

Lumapit muna ako sa nurse saka humingi ng meds.

"Pasign nalang po dito." Sabi ng nurse.

Saka lang ako lumapit sa kanya ng makakuha na ako ng gamot.

"Not feeling well too?" He asked.

"Headache." I looked at him and still have his rosy cheeks. His hair is disheveled and still in his hoodie.

"Nilagnat ako eh. Badtrip kasi yun ulan." He chuckled.

"I know it's my fault that you're sick. I'm sorry."

He stared at me. Naconscious ako bigla sa paraan ng pagtitig nya. Feeling ko tumatagos hanggang kaluluwa ko. Creepy naman.

"It's fine, it's my fault kasi sinugod ko ang ulan. Nakalimutan kong lamigin nga pala ako." He smiled.

I stared at him and let out a deep sigh.

"Thank you for all the things that you've done for me. Honestly, I'm thankful that you saved my life but I'm not happy about it." I stated.

"All for you."

I was taken aback with his answer. He's gotta be kidding me. Hindi nya ako pwedeng magustuhan. Hindi kami pwedeng maging magkaibigan. Hindi kami pwedeng magsama.

He already saw my suicidal attempt. He witnessed my vulnerability. I can't be with him. I heaved a deep sigh and looked at him.

"I'm telling you this to serve as a warning. Don't let yourself get involved with me. You don't know me. You saw what I'm capable of. I'm mentally unstable and my mind is in chaos. I might cause you trouble and even may risk your life. So I'm telling you Aziah Connor, stay away from me and leave me alone. It's for your own good." I declared.

"You're not the boss of me Maziekeen."

"Just keep your ass away from the miserable me!"

He scoffed. He run his fingers on his hair. Napatitig ako sa ginawa nya. His top knot hair is messed up. But he look so good. What?

"Now you know my name. That's a good start."

"Listen to me. I can't be your friend. We can't be friends. Whatever plans you have in mind, make it stop. It's not gonna work."

He stared at me intently and I can feel the weight of his stare.

"Wala pa nga tayong nasisimulan, tinatapos mo na agad."

"Kasi wala naman tayong sisimulan."

"Sure ka?"

Tinaasan pa nya ako ng kilay. The nerve of this man.

"Oo sure ako. So, please don't let our path cross again. We can't be friends."

He bit his lower lip and slowly nodded.

"Thank you."

At tumalikod na ako. There's a slight pang of pain I felt in my chest. I can't name it. I just know that a part of me is hurting. Tama sya, wala pa naman kaming nasisimulan tapos natapos din agad.

It's not gonna work. I knew it. Ayokong mainvolved ang sino man sa buhay ko. I know my life is a living mess. And what I hate the most and I'm fully aware of is that I am suicidal and mentally unstable. Baka masaktan ko lang siya or masaktan ko sila for my own gratification.

That I don't want to happen. As much as possible I kept my distance to people. I'm not letting anyone enter my fortress. The barriers I built were impenetrable. My gate is heavily guarded. My doors and windows are locked. No one will be able to find the key. My walls are unbreakable. I'm locking myself from this cruel and hateful world. This is what I deserved.

And just like that, I lost a good friend. I lost a good man.

Days passed and I felt that my request was granted. I never saw him inside the University. Hindi kami nagkita or nagkasalubongan in any part of the University. I saw his Black Mustang once na nakapark sa may dulo and not his usual parking space. I felt relieved because he is true to his words.

Naririnig ko nalang kay Queen ang kanyang pangalan kapag nababanggit nya si Clayton. Obviously they have a thing. He is really avoiding any situations that may lead him to cross our path.

I also deleted his number in my contact lists.

"Hindi na kayo nagkikita ni Ace?" Biglang tanong ni Queen sakin.

"No. Bakit kami magkikita?" I asked.

"I thought friends na kayo."

"No, were not friends. We will never be."

"Ako nga pala ang nagbigay ng number mo sa kanya nung hiningi nya. I thought he will make his moves na. See I told you. He likes you Maze."

"Mas ok na hindi kami magkakilala. I don't want another friend Queen. Ok na ako sayo. Pero kung papipiliin ako, mas gusto kong wala akong kaibigan."

"Hindi masayang hindi maging masaya. You deserve to be happy like everyone else does."

"Queen."

I felt my phone vibrating and I checked it. It's an unregistered number.

"Hello?"

Walang sumasagot.

"Hello? Talk you twerp!"

Wala padin. Kaya pinatay ko nalang. Minsan gusto kong isipin na sya yung tumatawag pero natatandaan ko na ang kanyang number kaya kahit nadelete ko na, useless din.

I decided to stay in the library to spend my breaktime. I'm sure na hindi magbablack out kasi maaliwalas ang panahon. Marami ngayong mga students dahil malapit na ang exams week. Busy sila ngayon sa pag-aaral. I found a vacant space malapit sa may dulo kaya agad kong inilabas ang mga books and notes ko para simulan ang pag-aaral.

Huminto muna ako sa pagbabasa at nag-angat ng paningin. At pagtingin ko sa paligid, mga mata nya ang nakasalubong ko. Our eyes met for seconds but he immediately looked away. I also averted my gaze and went back reading. Of all people sya talaga ang makakatinginan ko. And I didn't know he was here.

This is the library and since malapit na ang exams week malamang mag-aaral din sya. But he is with someone. A woman. And so, anong pakialam ko dun? Naiiling na binalik ko ang pagbabasa but somehow I lost my focus. Pakiramdam ko kasi may nakatingin sakin. Creepy.

Naglalakad na ako sa parking lot when I noticed his Black Mustang meters away from Max. Hindi ko naman yun napansin kanina na nagpark ako. His car is luxurious and noticeable pero alam kong wala dun yun kanina. Pati yata plate number nya alam ko na and I think its customized.

"Hi Max. Let's go home."

I was driving when my phone beeped. It was my mother.

"I'm home Maze. Come home."

Wala pa naman akong planong pumunta ng bahay kundi sa condo. And besides I don't want to see her, as if I care if she returned from her London Trip. She will just brag her expensive bags and shoes that she shopped from there. I know I also have those but I don't need those things.

Pagpasok ko ng pinto ng bahay, I saw her sitting in the sofa and obviously waiting for me.

"Maze dear! I'm glad you came home."

"I don't have plans of coming home. I need to study that's why I need to stay in my condo." I answered flatly.

"I know, I know. I just want to give my pasalubongs."

Napatingin ako sa mga paperbags na nasa sahig. Lot's of them. One paperbag caught my attention. Chocolates! Feeling ko nagningning ang mga mata ko ng makita ko ang mga yun. This is also my weakness. Any kind and varieties of chocolates. I heaved a deep sigh.

"Fine. I'll take those."

"I know. I have lot's of chocolates in that paperbag Maze."

"Thanks Mom."

Napatitig sya sakin ng mapatingin sya sa right wrist ko. Hindi ko naman tinatago sa kanya ang bago kong tats.

She let out a deep sigh and stared at me intently.

"Maze, I told you to stop getting new tattoos. I know it's hurtful. Stop hurting yourself."

"Stop from there Mom. This is what I want. Stop saying those coz I don't f*****g care."

"Your language Maze!"

"This is what I need Mom. This is what I want."

"Maze, please. Stop hurting yourself. I'm so sorry."

"It's ok Mom. I'm ok. I'll get going. Thanks sa pasalubong."

Agad ko syang tinalikuran at kinuha ang mga paperbags. Hindi na ako lumingon kahit pa tinawag nya ang pangalan ko.

Pagsakay ko kay Max agad kong binuksan ang paperbag at kumuha ng isang chocolate. I opened 1 large bar of Toblerone and immediately ate the half of it.

"Yumm."

I remember my mother's face, she looks worried about me. She looked like she really care about me where in the truth is, she is just pretending. And I hate her for that. Ngayon lang sya nagpapakananay sakin, kung kelan huli na ang lahat. I was broken and I was ruined. I don't need her anymore. I don't need anyone.

"Joyride tayo Max. Let's go to Tagaytay."

And I drove my way to Tagaytay since weekend naman kinabukasan. I told Queen that I have no plans on weekend but here I am, mag-eenjoy magisa sa joyride.

Mabilis naman akong nakarating ng SLEX. Dumaan muna ako sa Starbucks to buy Double Chocolate Chip Frappe. Bumalik na ako kay Max para makaalis na ulit kami.

But when I tried to start the ignition, it didn't work. I tried again. And again. And again.

"Holy s**t Max! Bakit ngayon ka pa nagloko?"

I heaved a deep sigh. Kinuha ko ang frappe ko at uminom.

"Nakakainis ka naman Max. Magjojoyride pa tayo eh."

I yanked my phone to call Queen. Ito na nga ang sinasabi ko eh. Dapat talaga inaaral ko na si Max. Umaasa kasi ako sa talyer eh.

"Queen! Nasiraan ako! I'm stuck!"

"Where are you ba?

"SLEX."

"What are you doing there?"

"Magjojoyride sana ako Patagaytay then Max happened."

"Bakit ka magtatagaytay magisa??? Bakit hindi mo ako sinama??"

"Nabadtrip lang ako. Galing ako sa bahay Queen. Si Mom kasi."

"Ok. You need help? I'll send you help. I can't pick you up may family dinner kami."

"What help??"

"Basta I'll send help. Stay there and wait for my text. Maze stay where you are!"

"Wala naman akong choice."

"Ok. Just stay there. Take Care."

"Thank you Queen."

And just like Queen told me. I stayed inside Max. I just opened the door and waited for the help she mentioned. And after Thirty minutes of waiting I finally received her text.

"Help coming. Text me when he gets there."

Kumunot noo ko sa mesage ni Queen. "He?"

Saka ko lang narealized ang message nya ng may pumaradang Black Mustang sa harapan ng sasakyan ko. Alam na alam ko kung kanino ang sasakyang to, plate number palang. What the f**k Queen? Seriously, this is the help she's talking about.

Nakatingin lang ako ng bumaba sya mula sa kanyang sasakyan. He is wearing a blue hoodie, faded pants and a white sneakers. I met his gaze when he comes closer. And I can't explain why my heart is beating insanely fast. Just what the hell is happening to me?

"Hi."

I bit my lower lip to refrain from talking but I failed.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm on my way to my grandparents rest house when Queen asked me if I can pick you up."

"I asked Queen's help. I didn't know that she asked for your help."

"I was on the way too. Can I check your car?"

I let out a deep sigh before nodded. He is already here and might as well accept his help. Wala naman akong alam sa sasakyan. And that is my biggest regret now. I should have alloted some time to study about mechanics. I learned to be independent but neglect some simple things like this.

He opened Max bumper and he checked on something.

"Did you hear some growling noises from your car?" He asked.

"I'm hearing some small noises."

"Did you notice that you're headlights running brighter as you accelerate and dimming as you stop?" He asked again. I nodded. Hindi ko lang kasi binigyan ng pansin yun kay Max.

He closed the bumper. "You need a mechanic. Replace your alternator."

"Huh?"

"I'll contact someone to pick up your car. I know someone who can fix your car."

"Hindi ko iiwan ang sasakyan ko." I answered.

"I know. Let's wait for it. Don't worry your car will be in good hands."

I nodded in response as if naman may magagawa ako kay Max.

"I'm sorry." He uttered. Napatingin ako sa kanya. "I know that I should keep my distance from you and never let our path cross again. But I can't help it knowing that you needed help. I promise after this I'll do my best to stay away from you."

Natahimik ako sa sinabi nya. I heaved a deep sigh.

"Matagal pa ba yung contact mo?" I asked.

"On the way na daw. In 20 minutes nandito na sya."

I nodded in response. "Kain muna tayo."

"Huh?"

Kitang-kita ko ang bakas ng gulat sa mukha nya. Hindi pa sya sumunod sakin ng lumakad ako papunta sa Jollibee.

"Ayaw mo ng Jollibee?"

Ngumisi muna sya bago sumagot. "I love Jollibee. Now."