I See You

"Good morning, Atty. Al-ani." I smiled nang makita ko ang maaliwas na mukha ni Mrs. Martins, she's one of my biggest clients. "Sorry po I am late." Hinging paumanhin ko. "No, it's okay. Ako nga dapat humingi ng dispensa. It's Sunday yet I asked you to come over." Sabi niya sabay giya saken sa isang bakanteng upuan paharap ng sa kanya. "No Ma'am. I am your family lawyer so it's okay." I smiled, a genuine smile. "Anyway, the reason why I called your attention is because I want to make my last will." Nagulat ako. Hindi ko inaasahan na ngayon namin to pag-uusapan. "Po?" Nauutak kong sabi pero tinawanan lang niya. "I know you are shocked. Sabi ko pa naman sayo noon na ayoko sa last will. It makes me feel like I am about to die." Tahimik lang akong nakikinig sa kanya. She is not that old. I guess she's just late 50s or early 60s. "I want you to prepare my last will and testament as soon as possible and inform my son about it. Naubusan na ako ng rason mapauwi lang siya." She's shaking her head and sigh. "My son is one heck of a hardheaded guy. Ewan ko saang lupalop ng mundo na yon napadpad. His dad doesn't seem to care. Napagod na rin siguro kakausap." Mr. and Mrs. Martins are ideal parents. I adore them so much I even prayed to have a pair of parents like them but unluckily, maaga akong binawian ng pamilya. My stepbrother is in Turkey. Buti na lang we're very close. Andun siya para sa isang photoshoot. "Are you sure about this Ma'am?" I asks. "What do you mean?" "Na uuwi siya pag nalaman niya." "I don't know. But hopefully. Kinakausap naman niya ako so I know uuwi siya if it's because of me." I sigh. "Alright then. We'll talk tomorrow, shall we? Ihahanda ko lang ang mga dapat ihanda." "Very well Iha. I'll be expecting you tomorrow at 5PM. Dinner's on me." As soon as I arrived home, ginawa ko na ang mga dapat kong gawin. My night rituals. I was enjoying my rose scented bath in my big bath tub when I remembered him. Memories of him. Hindi ko namalayan na unti-unti na palang tumutulo ang mga luha ko. I smiled weakly. Hanggang kailan ako magiging ganito? It is almost 4 years since it happened pero parang kahapon lang yon. His memories are still fresh. I can still smell his scent in every corner of my unit. Napangiti na lang ako ng maalala ko ang mukha niya everytime he visits me only to find out na nasa bath tub na naman ako nagkakampo hanggang sa makatulog. He chose to accompany me in the shower room. Nakaupo lang siya sa isang silya malapit sa tub habang maingat na hinahawakan ang buhok ko para hindi mabasa at ang isang kamay ay may hawak na libro. He's sweet like that. Too darn sweet every piece of me aches when I think about him. That lasted for almost a year. It was short but he was able to capture every broken piece of me and fixed it. Pero apat na taon - apat na taon akong nag-isa dahil wala na siya. Mas pinili niya ang buhay na walang inaalalang business. Isang buhay na kung saan malaya siya. Yung buhay na pinapangarap ng karamihan. Ang mas masakit, mas pinili niya ang buhay na yun kasama yung babeng mahal niya kaya naiwan akong mag-isa. Ngayon gumagawa na ang tadhana ng paraan. Siguro dahil hindi na man talaga kami naghiwalay. Nagising na lang ako isang araw and realized that he's not here anymore. I can't even see him nor touch him. Hindi ko alam kung ano na ang nangyari sa kanya. His parents don't know about us. We were discreet about it kaya hindi maaaring tumanggi sa pinapaggawa ng mama niya. It's not the professional me kung nagkataon. I sighed painfully. All these memories make me feel so weak I hardly breathe. I used to be his girl. Altough we were secret about our relationship, it did not bother me. I was fine with all that - he visiting me, camping in my condo, doing things that people who are inlove do and a lot more. I didn't imagine myself being as inlove as I was with him. No, scratch that. I am in fact, inlove with him up until now. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang saan ako magiging ganito. I miss him. I miss everything about him. I miss us. I miss talking to him everyday until I fall asleep. I miss his sleepy voice. That voice I used to wake up with. Every night, for four years, tanging siya lang ang laman ng puso ko. I am foolishly loving him and hoping that maybe someday, if they won't end up well, I hope he comes back. I'd probably welcome him with open arms. Kahit naiwan ako noon, kahit sinaktan niya ko noon, kahit umaasa pa rin ako ngayon, I will still accept him. Because I know that this pain will all go away the moment I see him. I smiled painfully. Oh how time flies! Hindi pa rin ako nakakabangon. I worked so hard to become a lawyer. In fact, I promised that I will not stop hanggang sa hindi ko naabot yung pangarap ko - pangarap naming dalawa. It was a roller coaster ride and I felt I was stucked on top, waiting for my downfall. Kasi alam ko, konting-konti na lang mababasag na ko ng buong-buo. I touched myself. I thought it will hurt less now. I thought I will become better but I am wrong. Oo at naging successful ako in my career and I can buy all those fancy things a woman could want. Pero hindi naman natin mabibili yung taong gustong-gusto natin. I breathed hard.. trying to compose and soothe myself until I felt tired. xxxxxx "Thedore, my man! f**k wake up!" Sunod-sunod na mga katok ang narinig ko mula sa labas. s**t whoever is outside. Umagang-umaga ay nag-iingay. Ang ayaw na ayaw ko sa umaga ay ang ginigising ko. Damn. Sapo ko ang ulo kong sumasakit pa rin. f**k hangover. "Theo! Wake up motherfucker!" Mas lumakas ang mga katok mula sa labas. Mas lumakas rin ang kagustuhan kong bumangon ay suntukin ang nasa labas. I swear I will punch the hell of this guy. "f**k you for disturbi--" Naiwan sa ere ang kamao ko na handa na sanang manuntok. "What are you f*****g doing here, Dean? Didn't I tell you I hat--" "f**k you, too, Martins, and read this." Shit. If this is another debt of him that I need to pay then I'll kill this guy. Kotang-kota na ako sa mga utang niya sa bars. "What's this?" I was curious but mas gusto ko pa ring bumalik na lang sa pagkakatulog. That way, I can rest my head. "Read it." "I'm sleepy." I yawned and made myself comfortable in the sofa. "Tingnan natin kung hindi mawala ang antok mo the moment you read what's inside." He said. He looked worried so I took the envelope and opened it. Last Will and Testament of Mrs. Jennifer Yago Martins "What the hell!" I was stunned for a moment. "Last will?" I blurted out. "Yeps. And trust me, hindi masama ang pakiramdam ko. You need to go home, Theodore." He tapped my shoulder and stood up. He was about to open the door when I called him. "Should I go home?" I asked. "It's about time, my man. Aside from your family, I know she's still waiting for you to come back." He smirked. I just gave him a death glare. "Don't you dare!" I yelled. "We both know na ikaw ang may kasalanan. Now stop hiding from your loved ones and start making things right. Four years is enough." Narinig ko na lang ang pagbukas-sarado ng pinto. I stared at the papers once again. "Last will." It was almost a whisper. Why on earth Mom will make her last will and testament? Like seriously? Is she dying or something? Dahil sa nabasa ko ay mas sumakit ang ulo ko. I was about to put the papers back to the envelope ng makita ang isang pangalang matagal ko nang inaasam. Fuck. Atty. Olivia Sanem Al-Ani I smiled. So she already achieved her dream. I stared at the 4 words and I felt a pang in my heart. Olivia. My Olivia. Four years ago, we were happy. She was happy and she made me happy. It was almost one year of happiness pero hindi rin nagtagal at naghiwalay kami because I was a jerk and I chose to hurt the woman who loved me and who accepted me for who I am. She's beautiful.. the kind of beauty you want to stare every time. The kind of beauty you'd want to see the last time before you sleep and the first time you wake up. She was kind and hard-working. Madalas akong naggigising sa madaling araw dahil pakiramdam ko wala na akong katabi. Then I always found her on her study table, reading her books and sometimes, nakakatulog na siya doon. I was in denial. Sa halos isang taon namin, hindi ko maamin na gusto ko siya. I always thought that I just needed and wanted her because I can't get over from my ex who left me for another man. Olivia was there with me. She took care of me. At kahit alam niyang rebound lang siya ay pinapakita niya sakin kung gaano ako kaimportante sa kanya. I still think about her. Every damn time. But when my dad told me that I will take over the company, I immediately looked for an excuse. I don't want to accept such responsibility. Not yet. Sakto namang bumalik si Christine, the woman I loved. I thought mahal ko pa rin siya. It took me almost 3 years to wake up from my foolishness. It was Olivia that I love. No, it is Olivia that I still love. But I hurt her. Halos apat na taon akong nagpalipat-lipat ng lugar. I went to L.A and accompanied Christine. I supported her on her way to the top. We were happy. She was successful at nakuha siya sa isang sikat na modeling agency sa L.A. I was so proud of her. Until that one day when she came to me, crying. Pinapaako niya sakin ang anak niya. Muntik na akong makulong dahil doon. Dahil sa galit ko ay hinanap ko ang tatay ng dinadala ni Christine. Damn. Ilang buwan na pala niya akong niloloko at hindi ko man lang naramdaman. She was sweet yeah. Ang hindi ko maintindihan ay kung bakit hindi ako bumalik sa Pilipinas, sa taong mahal ako. Maybe I was too blinded by my anger. At takot akong malaman kung meron pa ba akong babalikan. I remembered how she called me everyday, begging me to come to her. Iyak siya ng iyak. But I hurt her and told her things that surely broke her heart.