Play Pretend

Chapter 18

Gown

Another day, another play pretend.

Mabilis akong napalabas sa kwarto nang matanggap ko ang text ni Xaiver. He said he was five minutes away from our house. Kahit medyo may kalayuan pa siya, lalabas na ako para agad kaming makaalis at hindi na niya kailangang maghintay.

I was afraid that my mother would find out even before we broke the news to her. Baka magtaka siya kung bakit may mamahaling sasakyan na sumundo sa akin. I was already lucky that she didn’t get to see Xaiver driving me home last night. Hindi pa ako handa sa magiging pag-uusap namin.

“Aalis ka?”

Napatalon ako nang biglang madinig si Mama. Kalalabas niya lang ng banyo at bagong ligo. She was supposed to be taking siesta at this time of the day, pero mukhang huli na ata siya sa schedule niyang routine. Nataon pa talaga kung kailan ako aalis.

“Opo. May pupuntahan lang,” nag-aalangan kong sagot. “Huwag ninyo na po akong ipagluto ng hapunan. Sa labas na rin ako kakain.”

Xaiver told me we were eating outside after our visit to Manière. Ayaw ko namang masayang lang ang lulutuin ni Mama.

“Gagabihin ka?”

“Uh, opo…”

Bahagyang naningkit ang mga mata niya. “Nakahanap ka na ba ng trabaho?”

Napalunok ako. I didn’t expect her to ask me about that. Siguro ay nahahalata niya nang hindi na ako abala samantalang halos baliktarin ko na ang mundo nitong mga nagdaang buwan para lang makahanap ng trabaho.

“Hindi pa po, uhm—” Natigil ako nang tumunog ang cellphone ko. My eyes widened slightly, and I was horrified to see Xaiver’s name on the screen.

He’s here!

“Uh, Ma, mamaya na po tayo mag-usap. Kailangan ko na pong umalis.” Nagmadali ako sa paglapit upang yakapin at halikan siya sa gilid ng ulo. “Tawagan ninyo na lang po ako kapag nagkaproblema rito sa bahay.”

After flashing a smile, I briskly walked out of our house. Wala sa mismong tapat ng bahay namin ang sasakyan ni Xaiver. I found him waiting next door. Medyo nakahinga ako nang maluwag dahil doon. Alam na alam niya talaga kung ano ang dapat gawin at hindi mo na siya kailangan pang sabihan.

Madaling-madali ako sa pagpasok sa kanyang sasakyan para lang hindi makita ni Mama. I felt like a teenager hiding a relationship with her boyfriend from her parents. Nagtatago dahil bawal pang magka-boyfriend. Nagtatago dahil baka mapagalitan.

“How’s your day?” bungad na tanong ni Xaiver nang makaayos ako sa sasakyan.

“Uhm… Ayos lang,” sagot ko habang nagsusuot ng seatbelt.

“Have you eaten already?”

“Kaninang lunch…”

“Good.”

My eyes narrowed in confusion. I found it weird that he was asking me basic questions. Hanggang doon lang din ang tinagal ng pag-uusap namin. Xaiver grew quiet, and so did I.

Our lips were shut until we reached Manière. The skies had turned orange and violet, hinting at the darkness about to take over and rule the night. I just kept my eyes on the side of the road and witnessed how time flew without doing anything. I calmly sat quietly on my seat while Xaiver drove us to our destination. He had the wheel, and I was just his passenger.

“Are you ready?” tanong ni Xaiver nang mai-park ang sasakyan sa tapat ng Manière.

Tumango ako at ngumiti. I forced a smile because I had to start acting bago ko pa makalimutan ulit. I learned my lessons yesterday. Xaiver warned me to perform better. Hindi puwedeng makahalata si Diego dahil kaibigan siya ni Mrs. Dela Vega. I had to keep my expressions in check the whole time.

“What’s with that look?” he asked, his eyes narrowing a bit.

Itinagilid ko ang aking ulo at nanatili pa ring may suot na ngiti. “What look?”

“That look.”

“Anong—”

Xaiver cut my words as he reached out his hand to touch my face. The warmth on his palm seeped through my skin when it rested on my cheek. His thumb then gently and slowly traced the smile on my lips.

“You’re smiling,” he pointed out, sounding very curious. He might have found it weird to see me smiling.

Napalunok ko at bahagyang iniwas ang mukha. I chuckled lightly and beamed at him. “‘Di ba sabi mo kailangan kong ayusin ngayon?” paalala ko. “I want to make up for my shortcomings yesterday. Handa na ako ngayon. Nag-practice ako kagabi.”

“You… practiced?” ulit niya.

Tumango ako agad. “Kaya huwag ka mag-aalala. I'll make sure na hindi tayo mabubuko. Walang makakapansin na nagpapanggap lang tayo.”

Xaiver’s expression suddenly became stern after that slight hint of shock that crossed his face. “Good,” he said. “I’m looking forward to your performance.”

Pagkatapos niyang sabihin ‘yon ay agad din siyang lumabas ng sasakyan. Umikot siya papunta sa akin upang pagbuksan ako ng pintuan. Gaya kahapon ay inalok niya ang kamay niya sa akin upang alalayan ako palabas.

I let him hold my hand, and I was the one who initiated intertwining our fingers the way he did it yesterday. Mas lumapit pa ako sa kanya, not letting even an inch of distance come in between us. Sisiguraduhin kong wala na siyang masasabi. I’d make sure to satisfy him with my performance as his pretend lover, the same I did back when I was still his secretary.

“Ano pala ang tawagan natin?” mahina kong tanong kay Xaiver habang naglalakad kami palapit sa building. “‘Di ba, usually, may tawagan ang mga couples? Ano ang sa atin? Ano itatawag ko sa ‘yo?”

“Call me whatever makes you comfortable. Kung saan ka sanay,” simpleng sagot niya.

Napataas ang kilay ko’t sinilip siya. Naalala ko tuloy noong sinabihan niya akong tawagin siya gamit ang first name niya. He didn’t want me calling him… “Sir?”

Agad napahinto sa paglalakad si Xaiver dahil sa naisip kong itawag sa kanya. He turned to look at me, and his eyes were shooting daggers.

“Bakit?” I innocently asked. “Doon ako mas sanay, eh, Sir?”

He sighed. “Mag-isip ka ng iba.”

Umiwas na ako ng tingin sa kanya at nagpatuloy na kami sa boutique. “Wala na ‘kong maisip. Ikaw na lang bahala.”

Muli kaming natahimik. Bago nga lang kami tuluyang pumasok sa loob, sandaling huminto ulit si Xaiver para tingnan ako. He looked as if he had set his mind on something after thinking about it carefully.

“Xavi.”

I felt a loud thump in my chest. “H-Ha?”

“Xavi,” he repeated. “Call me Xavi.”

“Xavi?” I echoed.

Tumango siya. “Xavi.”

I couldn’t keep my cool for a few seconds. I knew we were supposed to act close as an engaged couple, and calling him Xavi was one of the ways to pull through our play. However, that nickname seemed to be something too personal to him. Ang mga narinig kong tumatawag sa kanya no’n ay ang mga magulang niya at mga pinsan. Other than his family, I believed no one else was allowed to be that close to him.

“Xaiver!” Diego was all smiles when he welcomed us inside the familiar VIP receiving area. “I’ve been looking forward to this meeting ever since you called me. The time has finally come, huh?” makahulugan niyang sabi saka ako nilingon. “Chantal! It’s nice meeting you again!”

I confidently smiled and nodded. “Thanks for accommodating us tonight. Nasabi ko kay Xavi na ikaw po ang gusto kong mag-design ng wedding gown ko. I’m glad you’re available.”

I couldn’t believe I sounded so natural calling him Xavi.

“I won’t miss this for the world!” Diego laughed; his eyes sparkled to express so much interest. “Sinasabi ko na nga ba at mayroong namamagitan sa inyo. I was never wrong with my instincts.”

Sa totoo lang, mali naman siya. He’s wrong. Wala naman talagang namamagitan sa amin ni Xaiver. We’re just pretending at walang kahit konting bahid ng katotohanan ang relasyon namin. Pero syempre, hindi ko puwedeng itama siya ngayon. Mabubuko kaming dalawa kapag ginawa ko ‘yon. I would breach our contract and pay him millions na hindi ko alam kung saan ko huhugutin.

“I hope you kept your word, Diego,” singit ni Xaiver, may halong bahid ng pagbabanta.

“Of course, I did! No worries. Hindi ko kayo pangungunahan na dalawa. I won’t tell anyone — not even your mom.”

“Thanks.”

Napakunot ang noo ko. Hindi pa sinasabi ni Xaiver sa mama niya ang tungkol sa kasal namin? I thought he wanted her to stop setting him up on blind mates? Ayon ang pinakarason kung bakit namin ‘to ginagawa, ‘di ba? Bakit hindi niya pa sinasabi?

“My pleasure. Should we start with the meeting now? I’m so excited to come up with a beautiful gown for you, Chantal,” he said.

Ngumiti ako at tumango.

Pumuwesto kami sa tanggapan ni Diego. He served us cakes and juices. May hinanda rin siyang sparkling water kung gusto namin na tubig lang ang inumin.

“I’ve come up with a few ideas after Xaiver called me to schedule our meeting, but of course, the bride’s opinion still matters the most,” sabi ni Diego at hinanda ang kanyang notebook kasama ng iPad. “Hit me with the details. Tell me everything you want for your dress.”

If I was the same person who came unprepared, siguro ay natahimik na rin ako ulit dahil pinapakitang enthusiasm ni Diego. I would never understand how they looked more thrilled and excited for our wedding than I do. Kasal ko ‘yon pero mukhang mas masaya pa sila. Given na siguro na hindi nila alam na kasunduan lang naman namin ni Xaiver ang lahat, but still… I just don’t get it.

“We’re planning for a classic grand wedding…” sabi ko at inilapag ang kamay sa hita ni Xaiver. I stopped myself from swallowing hard and acted naturally. “May mga nakita akong peg sa internet. I’m leaning towards these designs more, pero alam ko pong may sarili kayong branding sa mga ginagawa ninyong gowns.”

Kapag si Diego ang nagde-design ng gowns, unang tingin pa lang ay alam mong sa kanya na ‘yon. His branding helped him build his name and make it big across the globe.

I searched the internet last night to make sure I’d come prepared for the meeting. Naglista rin ako sa notes ko ng mga iba pang masasabi. Ang mga kilalang mga artista at influencers sa bansa na kinasal ay nakuhanan ko ng inspirasyon, but my most favorite was Anne Curtis’ wedding gown when she got married in Queenstown, New Zealand.

“You don’t have to worry about that, Chantal. I can certainly accommodate your request,” Diego assured me.

“Thank you po.”

“No problem,” he said and closed his notebook after taking down more notes. “Oh, right! Can we get your measurements now? Para dire-diretso na rin tayo once we finalized the design.”

“Sure po.”

Inabot ko muna ang bag ko kay Xaiver at agad niya naman ‘yong tinanggap. I followed Diego and entered another room. His assistant was inside, holding a measuring tape ready.

“Cynthia, please.” Ayon lang ang sinabi ni Diego at alam na agad ng assistant ang gagawin niya.

“This way po, Ma’am.”

Cynthia led me to another room. Maliit na lamang ‘yon. Mayroong mga sabitan ng damit at salamin. It looked like the fitting rooms you see in the malls but fancier.

She asked me to remove my clothes para makuha nang tama ang measurements ko. The process was quick, but it felt weird to be almost naked the whole time. Kaya rin siguro hindi si Diego ang mismong kumuha ng sukat ko at hinayaan na ang assistant ang mag-asikaso sa akin.

“Done already?” Diego was quickly drawing something on his sketchbook when I got out. Agad siyang tumayo at sinalubong ako ulit ng ngiti.

“Yes.”

“So, I got this….”

Ipinakita niya sa akin ang isang draft sketch ng wedding gown. Halatang minadali niya lang ‘yon dahil hindi pa ganoon kalinaw. It was also on the plain side. Despite that, though, I could immediately tell that it was up to my liking. Nakuha niya agad kung ano ang gusto ko nang ipakita ko sa kanya ang mga peg kong wedding gown.

“I have yet to put details on the bodice, but this is the base,” he explained briefly. “Can I get your email para mai-send ko sa ‘yo kapag tapos ko na ang design? Xaiver told me we’re pressed for time. Mas madali’ yon. If you want any revisions, we can sched a video call. I know Xaiver is a very busy man, and he’s not always available.”

“Ayos lang naman po kung ako na lang ang bumalik since I have nothing else to do. Xavi told me to focus on the preparations at gano’n din ang gusto kong gawin,” I said and smiled, biting my tongue for a second inside my mouth after spitting those lies. “But I’m already liking this one kahit hindi pa po tapos. I’m excited to see the final design.”

“Great, great!” He sounded elated again. “I really can’t wait to see you wear the gown once done. I’m sure his mother will also feel the same way once you break the news to her. Matagal na niyang gustong ikasal si Xaiver. He is her only son. Her dreams are finally coming true now.”

I forced a smile when I felt something hot sting the corners of my eyes.

Kahit na hindi totoo ang relasyon naming dalawa ni Xaiver, I hoped she would still like me as her son’s wife. Sana nga ay maging masaya siya. Milya-milya ang layo sa akin ni Xaiver. I could never catch up to his achievements. Malaki rin ang pagkakaiba naming dalawa at agad mo ‘yong napapansin.

The women his mother liked for him were all from prestigious families. Kahit papaano, kaya nilang tumayo sa tabi ni Xaiver na hindi nanliliit ang tingin sa sarili. They are all deserving to be a part of their family unlike me.

“Chantal? Are you okay?”

Natigil ako sa pag-iisip nang muli akong tawagin ni Diego. Mukhang nag-aalala siya.

“Uhm, sorry. May naisip lang,” pagdadahilan ko. “Nagsisimula pa lang kasi ‘yung preparations sa kasal. Madami pang kailangang gawin. I can't help but space out.”

Gumaang agad ang ekspresyon ni Diego sa sagot ko. He chuckled and patted my shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’m sure hectic ang mapangasawa ang isang Dela Vega,” biro niya. “If you need a hand, don't hesitate to call me. I can help.”

“Thank you. I'll keep that in mind,” sabi ko na lang dahil ayaw ko nang humaba ang usapan.

I had enough of pretending for the day. Kailangan ko pang sanayin ang sarili ko na mas tumagal sa pag-arte. Pero sa ngayon, hanggang dito muna ako kaya kailangan na naming tapusin.

“So far, I got everything I need from Chantal, Xaiver,” sabi ni Diego nang makabalik kami sa private lounge. “We’ll just set a schedule when needed, right, Chantal?”

“Yes, yes. Just call or message me po,” agap ko.

Habang kausap si Diego, naramdaman ko ang pag gapang ng kamay ni Xaiver sa aking tiyan. He wrapped his arm around my waist to stand closer beside me. Pinigilan ko ang sariling mag-react, showing Diego that it was a usual thing for us.

“Thank you so much, Diego,” si Xaiver. His rough baritone brushed past my ear when he spoke.

“No problem, Xaiver, and congrats again on your engagement.”

After exchanging smiles with Diego, nagpaalam na kami ni Xaiver. We still had to eat dinner outside because we had a reservation, but at least, I didn’t have to act that much. Kahit thirty percent lang siguro ng ipinakita ko kay Diego ay ayos na. Kakain lang naman kami.

Hawak-hawak ni Xaiver ang kamay ko nang lumabas kami ng Manière. Tuluyan nang nanalo ang dilim mula sa naglalarong kulay kanina nang dumating kami. Nang makita ko naman ang sasakyan niya ay agad akong may naalala kaya tumigil ako saglit upang lingunin siya.

“I’ll drive,” sabi ko sabay lahad ng kamay.

We had decided before na ako na ang magmamaneho sa gabi kapag kaming dalawa lang ang magkasama. I could still remember how he looked so terrified that night. Ayaw kong mangyari ulit ‘yon para hindi kami madisgrasya.

“No need,” he said and held my hand again instead of giving me the keys. “I’ve been practicing… I can’t have you driving for us every night we go out. That was your job as my secretary then. You’re my fiancée now.”

“Pero—”

And as if it was planned by fate, a white SUV parked beside Xaiver’s Porsche, stopping me from reasoning out. Hindi ko na rin sana papansinin pa masyado ang dumating, ngunit nang makita kong bumaba sa sasakyan si Zoe Bautista ay mabilis kong itinikom ang bibig, lalo nang bumaba agad ang kanyang tingin sa magkahawak naming kamay ni Xaiver.