Love Me Again, Sweetheart

Chapter 6

KANINA pa ako paiba-iba ng posisyon para makatulog but nothing happened until morning came.

“I’m going to study here?” His voice seems excited.

“Your tito Ashton will accompany you at school kaya wala kang dapat ikatakot. Okay? Your tito's a great man and is good at martial arts but I can't deny the fact that your daddy's greater than him.” I smiled as I looked at him.

“Mom. I missed daddy. When could I meet him?”

“T–This year. M–Maybe next month I'll try to contact him.” I lied but I don't want to disappoint my son.

“How long will it take to reach him? Does it take another year?”

Hinaplos ko ang kanyang buhok. He's looking a lot like his dad.

“Don’t worry anak, because I'll make him come before your birthday arrives.”

His face lit up.

“Really, mommy?”

“Yes.”

Nag-agahan na kami. Nauna nang umalis sina Ashton at ang anak ko para ma-enroll ito sa bago niyang eskwelahan.

“You’re giving him false hope, Maya. Why not tell him the truth? That his daddy didn't know about his existence? I'm sure he'd understand.” Sermon ni Ley sa akin pagkatapos namin kumain.

“I tried, Ley. I wanted to, pero iba ang sinasabi ng bibig ko. It wants me to tell my son that he'll see his dad soon.”

“And how are you going to tell Spade about him?”

That question hit me. I never think of it.

Paano ko nga ba sasabihin sa kanya ang tungkol sa anak namin? Makakaya ko bang sabihin?

“Now, you have to choose whether you're going to tell your son that his dad didn't know him after all or you tell Spade about it. You know Spade and what he can do once malaman niya ang tungkol sa anak niyo. Kasi alam mo, kung hayaan mo lang sana ako, I would go to Spade right now and definitely tell him the truth. Which is which?”

Hindi ganun kadali iyon.

Hindi magiging madali ang lahat lalo na at hindi ako sigurado sa magiging reaksyon ni Xandros.

Will he be happy?

Or will he get angry?

Ewan ko. Bahala na si kupido.

I went to a nearby coffee shop to unwind. I tried to erase the doubts and worries about my son's existence but it didn't go away. Alam kong darating ang araw na magkikita at magkikita ang mag-ama ko. Mag-ama ko?

How dare I, for addressing Xandros like that when he's not mine to begin with.

While sipping the hot chocolate and eating my cheesecake, I remembered something. It felt like I've been in this scenery before.

The aroma of the hot chocolate and the taste of the cheesecake makes me remember something.

The day of our breakup!

I can't help but sigh and drive away those thoughts. I don't want to think of it again. I'm so tired of the heartache I caused myself.

Pero kahit anong pilit kong kalimutan ang nangyari noon ay iba naman ang nanumbalik sa aking isipan. Yung araw pagkatapos namay mangyari sa aming dalawa ni Xandros.

[Flashback!!!]

At four in the morning, I went home already. Hindi ko na siya hinintay na magising pa. Ayaw kong maabutan niya na nasa ganoong sitwasyon kaming dalawa. I don't want him to think that I took advantage of him and his drunkenness last night. Hindi ba ay sinamantala ko naman talaga ang pagkakataon na iyon? Okay I admit it, I don't want to get caught in the act by him. Baka kasusuklaman niya pa ako.

Hindi ko siya sinabihan tungkol sa nangyari sa aming dalawa. I waited for him to speak about it but I heard nothing from him as days went by. Did he forget what happened between us? Well, if he did then good for him.

Mas mabuti ng ganoon. I tried to distance myself for a while pero hindi ko kaya. Hinahanap at hinahanap ko pa rin siya kaya hinayaan ko na lang ang lahat. Siguro nga ay hindi na niya natandaan pa ang nangyari sa aming dalawa.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ba kami ngayon. Hindi ko na alam. Basta ay nakahanda na akong hiwalayan niya anytime. O baka nga ang akala niya ay hiwalay na talaga kami. Kasi nga diba, nakipaghiwalay rin siya sa akin sa mismong araw na may nangyari sa amin?

So, I busied myself with the paperworks when Leah came into the office and asked me to attend a party.

“Birthday kasi ng parents ni Ashton today and they'll be having a big party tonight. He said that it's okay to invite anybody else and I thought of inviting you. Pupunta ka ba?”

“Who’ll be there?” Walang gana kong sagot.

“Some of our colleagues and well, Mildred and her father might be there.” Nang marinig ko iyon ay tumingin ako sa kanya.

If there's Mildred then there's Xandros.

“Hindi na lang ako pupunta. I'll just stay at home.” Sabi ko sa kanya.

I don't want to witness how deeply in love Xandros is, to Mildred.

Ako lang ang masasaktan. Leah's about to leave when she came back and say something.

"Spade’s expecting you to be there. He even said, na samahan daw kitang mag-mall to buy a dress you wanted to wear.”

“For what? Hindi naman siguro required ang date sa party na iyan, diba?” Hindi ko mapigilang sabihin.

“Nah, I guess he just wants you to be there.”

Pagkatapos ng trabaho ay umuwi na ako sa apartment ko para magpahinga. I felt empty right now. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng nangyari sa akin.

Parang may kulang.

Was it Xandros? Well, yes, it's always him. I've been dreaming of him coming home to me. Gusto ko siyang ipagluto habang naghihintay ako sa kanya galing sa trabaho. Natatawa na lang ako sa iniisip ko. How dare I for dreaming of cooking for him when I can’t even cook food properly. Most of the time, I burnt them. So ridiculous!

Well, I've decided to not attend to the party. Ngayon pa lang, dapat kong sanayin ang sarili kong wala siya.

[End of flashback!!!]

I came back to my senses and now, I felt a sudden pain in my chest. I'm glad I survived those times when he's not around.

Buti na lang pala at kinaya ko ano? Or else, I would have died a long time ago because of this stupid heartache.

Ang hirap pala pumasok sa isang relasyon na ikaw lang ang nagmahal.

I could feel the tears that are flowing down pero agad ko naman na pinunasan. Naubos ko na rin pala ang cheesecake ko kaya nakapag-desisyon akong umalis na at bumalik kina Leah.