Love Me Again, Sweetheart

Chapter 4

“Why did he do that to you?”

“Do what? Breaking up with me? It’s because he couldn’t teach himself to love me. Whatever the reasons are, I hope it makes him happy. Maybe he doesn't want to be in a relationship where no love exists. He could not really love me since the beginning so I couldn't blame him.”

Siguro ang rason niya ay si Mildred. He wants to be with Mildred. He wants to focus on her so he wants me out of his life. Lucky girl, isn't she?

I thought leaving him for good can help me erase the feelings that I have for him. Kung sana ganun lang yun kadali.

“Mommy, are we safe here? Can we peacefully sleep now mom?” I looked at him with a smile on my face. I know why he's worried and I understand him.

Natatakot siyang may biglang dumating na mga masasamang tao at may dala na naman na baril. And as a helpless mother, I couldn't even do anything but to beg them not to hurt us most especially my son.

Naawa ako sa anak ko, gustong-gusto kong bigyan siya ng normal na buhay tulad ng ibang mga bata.

“Yes, son. We can now peacefully sleep here.”

“No bad guys with guns?”

I nodded. “No more. They can't harm us here.” I pampered him.

We slept in one of Ley's guest-rooms comfortably. My son hugged me so tight.

On the other hand, hindi pa rin ako makatulog. I'm still thinking of Xandros.

Kumusta na kaya siya? Hindi ko akalain na kaya ko pala na hindi pakialaman ang buhay niya ng matagal na panahon. How amazing!

Anytime soon, I'll face him again. I’ll see him again and I don't even know what to do kung sakali na magkatagpo kami. What should I address him? It felt so weird calling him by his name or with his surname. So awkward!

I kept kissing my son’s forehead. I know everything will be alright soon.

I could still remember how we started as couple back then.

[Flashback!!!]

We attended a birthday party of one of his colleagues and he got drunk while I also drank a little.

“I’ll drive.” Sabi ko sa kanya. Oo at natuto na rin pala akong magmaneho dahil tinulongan ako ni Leah. May lisensya na nga rin ako.

“No, I can manage.” At first, he insisted on driving but later on gave up the key of the car to me.

“Nandito na tayo.” Sabi ko sa kanya. Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang malasing ng ganito. He's the type of man who drink occasionally.

We safely arrived at his apartment so I opened the door of his car for him. I'll just park it and I'll be heading home. But I was worried when he didn't walk right.

“Xandros, I guess you're drunk. Want me to accompany you to your room?” I asked him. Yeah, that was what I've been calling him. Xandros. While he keeps on calling me Maya.

“I’m not drunk, okay?” He said at patuloy sa paglakad until he was out of balance kaya malapit na siyang matumba. Mabuti na lang at nahawakan ko siya agad.

“Are you alright?” I asked him.

“No, are you alright?” Balik tanong niya sa akin. Nagtataka akong nakatingin sa kanya.

“Of course, I am alright.” I smiled at him at inaalalayan siya papasok sa loob but his body didn't move which made me look at him. And he's right here, looking at me intently without even blinking.

“Why are you… looking at me like that?” Mahinahon kong tanong. “I mean… do I have something on my face?” Bawi kong sabi at baka iba ang iisipin niya sa unang tanong ko.

“Are you alright with how I treated you, Maya? Aren't you tired of what I’ve done every time you're around? You know, I didn't want to imprison you in a world that you didn't deserve. Stop yourself from pursuing me. You didn't deserve all this.” He spoke.

“Enough, please Xandros. I don't like you saying that to me. I'm fine with what I have right now. I have you and I'm content with that. All the sacrifices, the pain, and the hardships that I've been through are worth it. You're worth it. Do you get me Xandros? You're worth it all.” Sabi ko sa kanya but he just closed his eyes and sighed.

“I’m tired, Maya. I'm tired of taking advantage of you. You can still find a man who'll love you honestly and would light up your world in a way that you want. And that man wasn't me. We're just making a fool of ourselves kung ipagpatuloy lang natin itong loveless relationship natin. You deserve the best and I couldn't give it to you. We both know that I loved someone else and I couldn't give you back the love that you want. I'm really sorry.” He was about to go when he fell kaya inaalalayan ko na.

Is he breaking up with me already? I think so.

My heart was crumpled and couldn't accept what he just said pero wala na akong magagawa pa. It's his decision already to let me go. It hurts! Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapahikbi dahil sa mga lalabas na salita mula sa bibig niya.

“I can manage.” Paulit-ulit na sabi niya pero inaalalayan ko pa din siya.

“Can I ask you a favor?” I spoke. He stopped as I opened the door of his apartment.

“Speak.”

“C--Can you break up with me when you're sober?” He stayed silent as he continued to walk habang nakaalalay pa rin ako sa kanya.

I put him in bed and got his shoes.

His eyes were closed so I just turned on the aircon and stood up to go home but as I opened the door, I heard him speak.

“It’s too late for you to go home. Stay here and sleep here in bed.” Sabi nito. He moved a little to give some space for me. I wanted to decline but my mind says otherwise. It doesn't want me to go home either.

Nagdadalawang-isip pa ako kung tatabi ba sa kanya o hindi na lang. But I still laid in bed beside him. I want to know the feeling of being this near to him. During normal days kasi, it's as if he's forbidden to touch, to see or to look at.

I couldn't sleep but I always heard him heaving deep sighs. Ganun na ba talaga kalaki ang problema niya tungkol sa akin?

Is he asleep or not?

I accidentally touched his arm when I turned to look at him. I saw his eyes looking at me so I looked away and turned my back from him. I could feel my eyes watered. I couldn’t help but sniff and tool a silent breath at the same time.

Nakaraan ang ilang minuto ay hindi pa rin ako makatulog. I guess he already fell asleep so I turned again to look at him but to my surprise, he's totally awake.

“Xandros!” I whispered.

I could feel his hand touching my face. “You’re too innocent to get hurt. You're too beautiful to be in pain. You're too precious to get broke. You don't deserve me, Maya.” He said while caressing my face. He touched me. I feel like I wanted to cry in happiness.