Reckless

Chapter 21

Ano bang problema niya? Why is he blaming everything to me? Is it my fault that mom died?

That she left everything to me? That she can’t stay in US anymore? That’s f****d up. I can’t even argue with her ‘cause she’s older than me. I still respect her. Mother raised me well and I won’t disrespect anyone.

“I can’t believe it. Why did she give everything to you when I’m the older one?” Mother told me that ate Danicah is too irresponsible.

She even told me to take care of her. Do you know how hurt I was when she told me that? I’m the one who needs to be taken care of, but I accepted it ‘cause I’m old and I think I can handle it by myself.

Ayoko rin naman madisappoint sa’kin si mama.

“f**k it.”

She said and threw everything on the floor and left me. Umupo ako sa sahig at pinulot ang mga papel habang umiiyak.

Ate Reah helped me pick the documents up.

“Nako, huwag mo na pansinin ‘yun. Mainit nanaman ang ulo. Kahit kailan talaga ‘yung bata na ‘yon.” Sabi niya.

Hindi ako nagsalita dahil umiiyak na ako. I just don’t think I can handle everything now. Especially that I’m pregnant. Everything is too much.

“Magpahinga ka na sa kwarto mo at ako na ang bahala dito. Dadalhin ko ‘to doon.”

Tumango ako at tumayo habang pinupunasan ang luha ko. I walk towards my room and I can’t help but to stop and sob. My emotions are heightened.

I’m trying real hard not to stress myself, but I just couldn’t. Nagpapatong patong lang ang lahat. Walang nababawasan.

“Katherine?” Lumingon ako at si ate Reah iyon.

Dala dala dala niya na ang mga dokumento.

“Ayos ka lang ba?” Tanong nito.

“Opo. Thank you, ate.” Sabi ko at kinuha ang mga papel mula sa kamay niya at pumasok ng kwarto.

Buti nalang at bawat properties nito ay naka bind. Kung hindi, iisa isahin ko lang para mabuo ulit silang lahat.

I wanted to tell ate Danicah that I’m pregnant, but the moment na nakauwi siya dito ganun na ang ugali niya. Puro nalang siya sisi at galit na galit pa sa’kin.

That’s why I kept everything to myself. Umalis siya nung gabing ‘yon at tumira sa hotel. Mas mabuti na ‘yon para hindi niya makita na lumalaki na ang tiyan ko.

Ang secretary naman ni mama muna ang namamahala sa kumpanya. Work from home lang ako dahil nga hindi ako pwede mastress at medyo maselan ang pagbubuntis ko.

Kapag may mga importante lang na meetings, dito ko sila pinapapunta kung maari. But mostly, we do virtual meetings. I’m glad everything is more on technology now.

After that, she spent all her days on that expensive hotel. She even asks me for money since my mother used to give her allowance every month and now all of the money is transferred to me.

I have no choice but to give her. The worst is, she has one million allowance a month. I can’t imagine how she’s able to spend it all in one month.

Hinahayaan ko nalang.

That’s what mother used to give her so it is. I won’t change anything. Baka masabihan pa ako ng madamot.

I’ll just give her everything she wants so she won’t add to my stress. - After five months, my belly got really big. I’m really insecure on how I look like in the mirror.

Hindi ako makalabas ng bahay dahil doon. Mas mahirap pa dahil mixed emotions ang nararamdaman ko. I don’t know how to cope up with it, but I’m glad my OB is really friendly.

She taught me what should I do to calm down and do some yoga exercises. Si ate Reah naman sinasamahan ako pag ginagawa ko ‘yon dahil kailangan ko din ng guide or kasama. Ate Reah became my family at those times.

Yung mga guard din at maids ay araw araw ako kinakamusta. That’s why I’m very thankful to every one of them. I was so kind during those times.

Up until I gave birth. Brion is his name. Brion Valerio. Mom thought about it a lot. Kapag babae daw gusto niya ang pangalan ay Bianca at kapag lalaki naman Brion.

I wasn’t really interested or wala akong gana magisip ng name ng babies so I just go with what my mother wants. When I gave birth, I experienced postpartum.

It was like a hell to me. I feel so depressed and I couldn’t eat properly. Hindi ko rin maalagaan si Brion. I only hold him when I need to breast feed him. Si ate Reah ang gumagawa ng lahat. I feel so sad and empty that I couldn’t function properly.

Kailangan ko din muna magpahinga sa trabaho dahil hindi talaga nila ako makausap ng maayos.

“Kathy? Breastfeed na ni baby,”

Pumasok si ate Reah sa kwarto ko. Tumango lang ako at kinuha si Brion mula sa kamay niya. Umiiyak ito.

Hindi ko alam pero naiinis ako sa pag iyak niya. Hinayaan ko nalang siya dumede at tumigil din naman siya sa pag iyak. Nakatulog na din.

Si ate Reah naman nakaabang lang sa kwarto at nanonood ng TV. Hindi sa kwarto ko natutulog si Brion. Pagkatapos ko mag breast feed sa kanya, si ate Reah na ang umaalaga sakanya.

“Ate, tulog na si Brion.” Sabi ko.

Agad naman itong tumayo at binuhat si Brion. Kung may tao man na nakakalaam ng paghihirap ko, si ate Reah iyon.

Nasubaybayan niya lahat. Danicah never visited me here. Tinetext niya lang ako kapag may kailangan siya at pagkatapos non hindi na siya magpaparamdam.

-

(This is what really happened)

One day, someone visited our house. Ang lola ni Louis. I was so shocked to see her in my front door. Hindi ko inexpect dahil hindi naman kami close noong pinakilala ako ni Louis sa pamilya niya. I wonder why she’s here?

“Kamusta, hija?”

“Ayos naman po. Pwede ko po ba matanong kung bakit kayo napadaan dito?”

“I’ve talked to your mother before she passed. Sinabi niya sa’kin ang lahat.” Hindi ako nagsalita.

Edi alam niya na binubuntis ko si Brion noon? Why didn’t she visited me a bit earlier?

“Nasaan ang apo ko, hija?”