Eight
3102 Words
Julianne Victoria
I need coffee..so bad.
The skype conversation just hours ago only ignited the unwanted emotions that I have been suppressing. I tried to sleep my way out of it, but sleep seemed evasive.
I'm tired and exhausted from all of the deadlines and I cannot afford any panic attacks right now.
How I manage to stay awake, beats me.
I have three choices on how I'll deal with this:
✔Coffee
✔Get wasted with alcohol
✔Take some valium or xanax
I know, there might be other 'non-suicidal' options but this has been my coping mechanism.
Of course, option number 3 is just a fail safe.
Hindi pa naman ako tuluyang nababaliw.
I guess the wisest choice right now is coffee.
Halos alas otso na ng gabi when I decided to come out of my room. Ako lang kasi ang naiwan dito sa condo. E and Leslie are still at the office. We all agreed to give everyone a breather--at least a day to recuperate, and today is my off. Actually wala naman talaga kaming pasok pag weekends but given the deadlines that we have to meet, we all forgot what Saturday and Sunday felt like.
Kahit nga ako naninibago ngayon, it's like my mind and body is tired, but my muscle memory is wide awake. Yung kamay ko sanay na yata na may pinipindot or sinusulat at nakalimutan na kung pano magpahinga, naghahanap ngayon ng magagawa.
I took a quick shower, deciding to take a hot long bath later after visiting my new favorite coffee spot just a few blocks away from our place.
I placed my moleskine and some charcoal sticks on my bag para may magawa ako habang nagkakape.
Putting my earphones on, I pulled in a grey hoodie jacket over my black tank top. Medyo humid ang weather ngayon so I decided to wear some washed gym denim shorts and a pair of flipflops.
I locked the doors and proceeded to the elevator.
-----
Vincent Alexander
I was pulling over the side of Julianne's place when I saw her coming out of the building.
I thought about coming here for atleast a hundred times and despite all the warning bells to stay away from her, my need to see her finally won.
Hindi pa nga 24 hours mula ng ihatid ko siya dito, pero parang ilang araw na yung pakiramdam.
I have never felt this kind of need before.
I am practically married to my work and nothing or no one had ever took my mind off it, except..her.
Hell, I hardly got any sleep especially when those pair of hazel eyes comes to mind.
The way they went blank and void of any emotion when she found out I was the one calling and texting her.
She looked haunted.
And I'll be damned if I don't do something to change that look as soon as possible.
I punched a number and called my security detail who's driving behind me to take my car and stay put.
It's not a matter of choice, kahit ayoko ng laging may nakasunod sakin--I can fully protect myself, I cannot be blindsided, since Imperia Leon is a high profile company.
Though no one has dared to try, there will always be threats waiting to happen lalo na ngayong matanda na si Seb, and ako lang ang inaasahan niya.
I went out of the car and took long strides so that I can walk behind her.
Naka earphones siya so I don't think narinig niya yung pagtawag ko sakanya.
Damn it, she's wearing shorts. Sabihin na nating normal yun, but I hate the thought of other men ogling those luscious pair of toned legs.
I cursed while trying to calm myself down.
This is Julianne, and by now I should know that she's unpredictable. One wrong word from my mouth will cause her to walk away from me immediately.
Tumigil muna ako sa labas ng coffee shop na pinasukan niya and took a huge breath.
Damn it, this woman will be my undoing. Hindi pa man, I'm already losing control.
I waited for her to order and be seated.
I smiled upon the fact that she chose the farthest table on the shop and secluded herself from everyone.
Oblivious to the stares of the men inside, I clenched my fists to stop the urge of punching their faces and taking off their eyes.
Fucking hell.
I raked my hair in frustration and proceeded inside to order.
After getting my coffee and cookies for her--this is how f*****g clueless I am on how to please a woman--don't get me wrong, even my fingers does wonders in the bedroom--but outside it? Not a f*****g clue.
As I have said before, I date girls so it is easy to wine and dine and wham bham thank you mam them.
Now I feel like a f*****g teenager and all I can think about ordering for her is a plate of cookies--because it seemed safe to assume that she'd like it.
Who hates cookies anyways?
Naglakad na ako papunta sa kina uupuan niya ng bigla akong natigilan.
There were charcoal smudges on her fingers and she was humming some song. I couldn't help but be in awe of the beauty infront of me.
Nakataas kasi yung hood niya kanina and ngayon ko lang siya napagmasadan ng mabuti.
Her hair is a bit damp indicating that she just had a shower, her face freed of any make up and her brows furrowed as if she was concentrating hard on what she's doing.
Her lips are pursed and I am pretty sure that what she's sketching is not a happy one.
I couldn't help but smile.
This is the other side of Julianne, this is her bubble.
As much as I want to leave her alone in it, I can't.
I am beginning to realize that I am becoming selfish when it comes to her.
I slowly walked towards her and placed the plate of cookies on her table.
"Whaa-what are you doing here?" She was clearly startled causing her finger to smear some charcoal on her cheeks when she removed her earphones.
I wanted to kiss her right then and there.
Damn it.
I took out a chair and sat beside her.
"I couldn't sleep last night." I sighed and took some tissue from the table.
Tinitigan niya ako sandali, na para bang nag iisip ng sasabihin."And that would be my problem because?" she said with an eyebrow raised, while closing her sketchbook.
"Because.." I sighed, then tried to remove the charcoal on her cheek.
Her eyes locked with mine and I could feel the heat transfer from her skin to the tips of my fingers.
Her cheeks started to flush.
Holy f*****g hell, I'm in trouble.
I stopped what I was doing and cupped her cheek.
"I couldn't sleep because you make me want to ask the questions that I never intended to ask. And you made me need to demand the answers Julianne."
Her response was a confused look and an abrupt removal of my hand on her.
"Mr. Guttierez, I think this is inappropriate." She fumbled with her sketchbook and stared at the glass walls of the shop.
Tumawa ako at umiling.
"Anong nakakatawa dun?" Tinapunan niya ako ng tingin.
God, she's perfect.
"Everything mi reina.." (my queen)
"Por favor Mr. Guttierez, no soy su reina (I'm not your queen)..so, wag mo na ako tatawagin ng ganyan ulit." Wow. She keeps on surprising me.
Tiningnan ko siya ng marahan at ipinatong ang braso ko sa lamesa.
"Julianne, por favor mírame (please look at me)." I gently placed my hand on her chin and turned her to face me.
God, she's even more beautiful when she's trying to fight it.
"Can we please have a truce? I just wanted to talk to you." My other hand reach for her hand and held it gently.
She contemplated for a moment then let out a sigh.
"Then..talk." she whispered.
Fucking hell, her cheeks are blushing and it is the sexiest I've seen of her so far.
"Tell me what's bothering you."
I heard her sigh then took a sip of her coffee.
"You don't want me to answer that...trust me." She gave me a wry smile..fucking hell. "How about you? Don't you have somewhere important you need to be?"
She took her hand from mine and opened an empty page of her sketchbook and began sketching.
"I'm perfectly fine just being here, with you..where I needed to be..where I wanted to be." Natigilan siya sandali sa mga sinabi ko, pero nagpatuloy pa din sa pag sketch.
Isa yung upuan..sa isang madilim na lugar.
It looked..tragic.
"Does it make it go away?" I asked when she didn't say something for a while.
"What do you mean?" Tanong niya habang busy pa din sa ginagawa.
"Whatever it was that made you want to bury those memories away." s**t, I hope she doesn't take my questions the wrong way.
"Sometimes.."
------
Julianne Victoria
Can this night be any surreal?
There I was thinking of having a quiet night on the corner of the coffee shop, when all of the sudden, the hurricane that was Vincent Alexander came in.
Hindi na lang yata crack yung meron sa mga pader ko, kasi parang gustong gusto niya ng gibain sa mga tanong niya.
And I found myself unafraid and vulnerable at the same time.
I don't know what he wants from me, but I can see that he's not usually like this.
"What's your favorite book?" Tanong niya na nagpatigil sakin mag sketch.
"Seryoso?" Naiiling kong tanong.
"Hey, I don't want to push you into answering much personal questions..but if that's okay with you.." Ngumiti siya.
Oh my goodness, abot mata yung ngiti niya.
I contemplated and bit my lower lip.
"Fine. Love in the time of Cholera.." Ibinaba ko muna yung charcoal stick at hinarap siya.
God, this man.
I'm not sure if talking to him is good for me.
But I found myself responding..and..at ease.
"Ahhh..Gabriel García Márquez. What made you like the book?" He took a sip of coffee then a bite from the cookie. "Gusto mo?" He offered.
Actually hindi yun request, more of a command because the cookie was as inch away from my mouth.
Whatever possessed me to take a bite, I had no clue.
"Salamat." I know kita ko din pagkagulat niya sa ginawa ko. I chewed before continuing. "Well, for me the book made me realize that there is no such thing as pure love.. That love can be many different things, but pure."
"Interesting. So it didn't matter that Florentino waited for Fermina for almost 5 decades?"
"Oh please.." Tumawa ako. "Waited my ass, eh kung sino sino ang babae nun. Good thing napangasawa ni Fermina si Urbino, I'm pretty sure kung si Florentino nakatuluyan niya, kawawa siya. Whatever's bound, will eventually happen. It may have taken years, but infidelity will happen."
"That's cynical. How about change? Change is also bound to happen. There are lots of what if's that could happen Julianne. It's only a matter of choice." Halos di ko maintindihan na yung sinabi niya nung binanggit niya nanaman yung pangalan ko.
"That's a lot coming from someone like you.." Darn it, me and my big mouth.
"And what do you think am I Julianne?" Oh god, he's brooding.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.." Binawi ko ang tingin sakanya at kumuha ng cookie.
"It's okay, but please, at least let me know what you think of me, para naman mapaliwanagan kita." Inabot niya yung kamay kong may hawak ng cookie at kumagat.
Holy s**t.
This is too intimate.
His hold on me burns.
"Uhh.."Hindi pa din niya tinatanggal yung pagkahawak sakin and he looked at me..waiting for me to speak. "I know, it's bad to assume, but remember that time I spilled your drink? You were with that beautiful woman.."
"Ahh, Sandra."
"Yes, Sandra. Ang ganda niya, kaso b***h. Alam mo yun, yung tipong shallow..hey, eto na yung mild words na naiisip ko, I'm holding back ha." I couldn't help but giggled.
Umiling ito at hinintay ako matapos.
"Anyways, I figured you were into that kind of women, and you right now talking about choices and what if's is a hell lot of contradictories. I guess, you're a paradox Mr. Gutierrez."
This actually felt good, talking to him.
He leaned his back on the chair as if weighing in what I have said.
Ngayon ko lang napansin na naka suit pa din siya. His blue eyes were really smoldering, holy crap this is the first time that I am using this kinds of words in my thoughts.
Smoldering.
Brooding.
I took a sip of my coffee and waited for him to respond.
"Actually, we were set up by a colleague.." he started, as if a little embarrassed. "Truth is, they are the ones who come to me.. I mean those girls.." Napakamot siya sa ulo at tiningnan ako.
"I'm married to my work and I have no time for romance." He said nonchalantly.
"Yet you have time for s*x?" I retorted. "Don't get me wrong Mr. Gutierrez, but based on everything that you have said--whatever this is.." I motioned my finger between the two of us. "This is a hell lot of confusing. You say women come to you and yet you are here.."
"Yet here I am..." he echoed back.
Saglit kaming nagkatinginan.
"What do you want from me?" I asked almost a whisper.
Huminga siya ng malalim at hinilamos ang kanyang mga kamay sa kanyang mukha.
"I don't know.. I feel like I need to be with you all the time. It's...frustrating."
Gone is the ruthless aura that he always sported.
Holy crap Julianne.
"You don't want to be with someone like me. Trust me."
Martir? Hindi.
Sa dami ng emotional baggage ko, at sa laki ng hawak niyang responsibilidad, masyado naman yata akong selfish kung hihilain ko pa siya pababa sakin.
There are lots of things at stake..big things..and people.
Right now, is not the best time to be selfish.
Atleast I can still control my unwanted emotions.
"Don't you get it Julianne?" I can see his fists clenched. "I..don't want to be with you.."
Ouch.
Gago to ah.
"Then why are you really here?" I crossed my arms and glared at him.
He just smiled and took both of my hands in his.
"Because I need to be with you. I ache to be with you Julianne.." Then he kissed both my hands.
Holy freaking s**t.
I bit my lip as I felt all my nerves tingle at his kiss.
Ahhhhh!!
Halos pumutok na yung mga nerves ko sa utak at halos mabutas na yung dibdib ko sa lakas ng heartbeat ko.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
English ang tunog niya para cute.
This is insane.
"I..ah.." Damn it nerves! Para na tuloy akong tanga nanaman. Binawi ko yung kamay ko sakanya at umayos ng upo.
"Is Andre courting you Julianne?" his voice was impassive, a contrast from his heartfelt tone a while ago.
"What?" linigon ko siya at nakitang parang galit nanaman.
Haay, kailan ba mawawala ang hot and cold treatment namin sa isat't isa?
"Are you going out with Mr. Tan Julianne?" His jaw clenched.
"He asked me to have coffee with him." I answered him truthfully, instead of giving him some bitchy retort.
"And what did you say to him?" Mas galit na yung tono niya ngayon kahit pilit niyang itinatago yon sa pagkamalumanay na pagsasalita.
"Nothing. He didn't wait for my response. He said he can wait whenever I decide to have coffee with him."
Damn, he's confusing.
From charming, to smoldering then to brooding the next.
If anything, I think he's jealous.
Damn it, bakit kasi how to get away with murder ang pinapanuod ko lately, dapat pala nag re watch ako ng gossip girl para naman ma figure out ko ang mga kadramahan ng lalakeng to.
"Well, nagkakape na tayo ngayon, hindi mo na kailangan mag kape kasama siya. Tell him no."
"Wow ha, at sino ka naman para pangunahan ako?" Medyo tumaas na yung boses ko sa pakikialam niya, and I don't f*****g care.
Shit, that escalated quickly.
He's stirring up my emotions and I don't think this is good for me.
"Fine! Go out with him!" Pasigaw na din yung pagsasalita niya.
"What the hell is your problem?" I closed my eyes out of embarrassment. Halos lahat kasi ng nandon sa cafe nakatitig na samin.
Para siyang natauhan at pinisil pisil ang kanyang noo.
------
Vincent Alexander
Fucking hell.
Ito na nga ba yung sinasabi ko.
I am losing all my control.
Nakatingin pa din samin ang ilan sa mga customers ng cafe, kaya liningon ko sila.
"Mind your own damn business!" Sigaw ko sakanila.
What the f**k.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Tanong ni Julianne habang nag aayos na ng mga gamit niya.
Shit.
Don't leave please.
I can't believe I was about to say it..
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Natigilan siya.
Kahit ako.
I rarely apologize, and when I do, I always see to it that every fact is checked and cross referenced and that I'm really at fault.
"Uuwi na ako."
Can't she see what she's doing to me?
"Fuck.." Nasuntok ko yung mesa ng hindi sinasadya.
Fucking frustrating.
"Minumura mo ba ako?" Tanong niya na nakatayo na at bitbit ang kanyang bag at kape.
"Nooo..ahhh. Noo." Tumayo na din ako at sinundan siya ng bigla siyang naglakad palayo.
"Gabi na Mr. Gutierrez. Umuwi ka na din." Just like that, bumalik nanaman yung mga pader sa paligid niya.
Her tone was cold.
"Ihahatid na kita."
"No thanks. And kung magpilit ka pa sisigaw ako dito. Mapapahiya ka lang."
Tumigil siya sa labas ng cafe at liningon ako.
"Look, Mr. Gutierrez, I understand that I'm like some kind of conquest to you. So, for the last time, let me lay it out para maintindihan mo. You don't want to be with someone like me. I have a lot of secrets that could ruin your reputation. You said it yourself, you are married to your work. You don't want me as a mistress. I'll just drag you down to hell with me."
Her eyes were blank and the sparkle was gone.
Hindi ako nakapagsalita.
I didn't even notice her walking away.
I know she wasn't kidding.
I wanted to go after her, but my mind's telling me to make the safe choice.
She's right.
I am married to my job.
I need to think about this.
............
- Writer
