Remember Me This Way

Chapter 19

Sa ilang oras na nakalipas ay nakahiga lang si Hanna sa kanyang malambot na kama. Still trying to keep the images out of her head. Pilit kalimotan ang tagpo kani-kanina lang nong hawakan sya at halikan ng lalaki. Ang lalaking hindi nya lubos na kilala...isang estranghero na basta nalang sumulpot sa bahay nya na walang pangalan at nakaraan.

Pero may pangalan na ito ngayon. Logan. Logan Castro. She had let the sound of it linger in her mind, had whisphered the name aloud to see how it felt on her tongue.

A stranger no longer. Not after today.

She had responded to his touch as if she'd known him forever. As if making love to him would be the most natural thing in the world.

Huh? Ganon lang kadali,sabi ng isang bahagi ng kanyang utak.

"kabaliwan talaga"sagot naman nya.

Bumangon sya mula sa kama at dumungaw sa bintana na halos pang sampung libong beses na nya ito ginawa.

She was tired and all she really wanted was to sleep. But she couldn't.

Akala nya mapanatag na ang kanyang kalooban sa oras na malaman nyang hindi kriminal ang lalaki. Na hindi ito isang member ng notorious gang, Abu Sayaff, o di kaya NPA. She hadn't wanted him to be one of those men.

Was it any better now that she knew he was a PDEA agent? ang mga lalaki kasi na gaya nila ay laging inilalagay ang kanilang buhay sa panganib.

He was a loner, maybe. He was a kind of man who probably chose not to have a family because of his work. Or because he didn't trust the violent world he lived in.

Napailing na lamang si Hanna at umakyat sya ulit sa kanyang kama para pilit na makatulog. Instead she found her thoughts again straying, wandering to the vision of Logan as he'd been in bed that first night...before she knew him...before she had looked into those mesmerizing eyes. Kahit palagi mang naka kunot ang noo ng lalaki, di pa rin ito nakakabawas sa kanyang appeal.

Ilang beses na ba nyang naiisip ang mahalikan sya nito?...At ilang beses na rin ba nyang naiisip kung gano ito kasarap humalik?

Ngayon, alam na nya.

Hanna gasped and sat up in bed. She could feel the electricity tingling in every inch of her body. The mere thought of him lying in the room next door was enough to take her breath away.

"Tumigil ka na Hanna, nahihibang ka na talaga."pailing-iling na sabi nya sa sarili.

Pasado alas dose na ng hating gabi nang makatulog si Hanna. Kinabukasan sa kanyang paggising, naririnig nalang nya ang lagaslas ng tubig sa kung saan.

Bumangon sya at nagsuot ng roba. Sa kanyang paglabas ng kwarto, nakita nalang nya na nakabukas na ang pintuan sa banyo. At doon nga nakita nya ang repleka ng kalahating katawan ni Logan sa vanity mirror na nag-aahit.

Hanna stepped quietly across the hall, noting the pleasant, self-absorbed look on Logan's face. Halatang nakatulog ito ng maayos hindi gaya nya. At halata ring walang epekto kay Logan ang paghalik nito kagabi sa kanya, hindi gaya nya na masyadong apektado sa halik na yon.

That thought irritated her to no end.

Napalingon naman sa kanya si Logan, hawak-hawak pa rin nito ang razor habang nakatitig ito sa kanya. Hinagod sya ng tingin nito mula ulo hanggang paa.

"Hiniram ko pala ang razor ng iyong lolo"anito, at itinaas nito ang kamay na may bibit na razor."I hope you don't mind."

"Of course I don't mind"sagot nya."You must be feeling better."

"Much better"he said, bringing his gaze up to her eyes."Ikaw, kumusta?"

"A-ako...Okay lang ako. Just fine. Maya-maya darating dito ang partner mo diba? nakaramdam ka ba ng nerbiyos?"

"Balisa, pilit ko talagang inaalala ang itsura nya."pahayag nito, his look one of frustration.

"Sometimes seeing someone or something will trigger a memory."sabi pa ni Hanna.

"Alam ko...katulad nalang nang makita ko ang shotgun ng iyong lolo, naalala ko ang tungkol sa mga baril."

"Exactly" napadako naman ang paningin ni Hanna sa half-open na suot na roba ng lalaki. Litaw na litaw kasi ang matipunong dibdib nito. She found herself longing to know kung ano kaya ang itsura ng lalaki pag makasuot na ito ng totoong damit.

"Gusto mo ba ng kape?"

"Oo, gusto ko"sagot naman ng lalaki.

"You seem..."

"What?"tanong nito tas tinapos ang kanyang pag-aahit.

Matapos nitong makapag-ahit, kumuha na ito ng tuwalya at pinahiran ang basang mukha. Walang duda na gwapo talaga ang lalaki. The clean scent of him seemed to move out and wrap around her as she stood staring  at his smooth face. Ano kaya ang meron sa lalaking ito na nakapag-ahit lang parang gusto na ng mga babae na mahawakan ito?

"Hanna?"untag sa kanya ni Logan.

"Oh...I'm sorry. I guess I'm not quite awake this morning...May naalala ka na bang bago?"

"Wala" iling na sagot nito."Pero umaasa ako. At least now I know who I'm not."

"Tama"sang-ayon ni Hanna."That must be a relief."

Napansin naman ni Logan ang pagod na mga mata ni Hanna. Napaisip tuloy sya kung nakatulog ba ng maayos ang babae kagabi...Was she feeling awkward about what had happened between them last night? Kung sya kasi ang tatanongin masasabi nyang apektado talaga sya pero pilit lang nyang nilalabanan ang kanyang nararamdaman.

Logan stepped out into the hallway, noting the look of alarm on Hanna's face as he came closer to her. Walang sabi-sabi na hinawakan ni Logan ang kaliwang kamay ni Hanna, at doon pa lamang nya napansin na may suot pala itong wedding ring.

"Eto ba ang dahilan kung bakit ayaw mong makipag-ugnayan sa isang lalaki? or should I take what happened last night personally and consider that I'm the problem?"

Hindi agad nakasagot si Hanna, natuyo ata ang lalamunan nya."H-hindi ko alam ang ibig mong sabihin."

Logan held her hand up between them."So, anong ibig sabihin ng singsing na ito?"

Hanna pulled her hand away and took a step away from him. Kagabi lang kasi nya isinuot ang kanilang wedding ring ni James, and it's been five months na rin na hindi nya ito suot. Kung hindi lang talaga sya nakokonsensya sa pagtugon nya sa halik ng lalaki.

Nagtama na naman ang kanilang mga mata, at hindi maipagkaila sa mga mata ni Hanna na may tinatago itong pagdadalamhati.

"Napaka observant mo naman"halos bulong na sabi ni Hanna."Siguro parte rin yan sa trabaho mo."

"Siguro"sagot naman ng lalaki.

"I was married"she said softly.

"Iniwan ka ng asawa mo?"tanong ni Logan, lifting his brows."At ngayon takot ka ng masangkot sa isang lalaki dahil baka masaktan ka lang ulit?...tama ba ako Hanna?"

Hindi agad nakaimik si Hanna sa mga tanong nito.

"Well, you're quite an armchair psychiatrist, but I hate to dissapoint you, na hindi nagtama ang diagnosis mo, doctor."

Logan lifted his brows again and a slight grimace tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"Evidently not too far."he said."If what I said upsets you so much."

"I'm not upset"she snapped, turning to go toward the kitchen.

"Hanna"tawag nya rito, catching her arm and turning her back to face him. He held here there, determined that this time she wasn't going to run from him. Or this conversation."Sabihin mo sakin ang totoong nangyari sa inyo ng asawa mo."

"Bakit? nabagabag ka ba dahil tinanggihan ka ng isang babae?"

Logan's head turned to one side and he frowned. Pero hindi pa rin nya binibitawan si Hanna, or step away from her.

"Oo, nabagabag nga ako. What's the big deal?"

"Patay na ang asawa ko."she blurted the words out."That's the big deal...okay?" she jerked away from him and headed toward the kitchen.