Lightless Sunshine

Chapter 20.1

Nahagip ng aking mga mata ang pamilyar na bulto ng paparating. Awtomatiko akong napaayos ng upo at napangiti. However, my smile slowly faded when I saw how dark his face is while his jaw were hardly clenching.

On the back of him was my bestfriend who has a worried and panic expression on her face.

"Kuya, I'm so sorry!" she almost cry.

"Get dress." Icarus said through gritted teeth. "I'll wait you here. Come back after ten minutes and if you won't, expect me to ruin to this party."

"K-Kuya, please... No..." My bestfriend said, begging. She pulled Icarus' arm but the latter pulled it back and continued walking until he stopped in front of our table.

Dori cried as she ran away.

"Icarus..." I muttered. He was wearing a khaki short and plain white hoodie jacket. His hair was disheveled and his face was so grim.

I nearly collapse when his eyes shifted to mine. And the grim expression he has on his face seems even more darkening. It got even more intense. His hazel brown eyes moved as it scanned my body. I was only wearing my black bikini and my now long hair was on my back, exposing my gifted breast.

"What do you think you're wearing, young lady?" mariin at galit niyang tanong habang umiigting ang panga.

My lips parted.

What's... wrong with my outfit?

Bago pa man ako makapagsalita ay umiling na siya at naupo sa tabi ko. He then picked up the towel on the couch and covered it to me.

"Ugh! These girls are getting into my nerves!" he hissed. "Ang titigas ng mga ulo! Can't they just understand they're still minors?!"

I heard Kalib's chuckle. "Hey, relax! Sunshine isn't your sister."

"Of course she isn't my f*****g sister!" he said, annoyed. "And for Pete's sake! She will never be!"

Humagalpak ng tawa si Kalib samantalang ako at si Jasmine naman ay naguguluhan sa nangyayari.

"Don't laugh at me, idiot!"

"Relax, relax, Icarus. Baka ang puso natin diyan mahulog siya tiyan." Natatawang saad ni Kalib.

"Wazzup?" Hyas came to the view. He sat beside me and hang his arm on my shoulder.

"Hyashin," I smiled sweetly at him.

Ngumisi siya sa akin at pinatakan ng halik ang sentido ko. Hyas is my cousin on my father's side. Bago ko lang nalaman na magpinsan pala kami nang minsang may celebration sa bahay namin at invited and pamilya nila. His mom is my dad's cousin, so technically we're relatives.

Nakarinig kami ng eskadalosong tikhim.

It was from Icarus.

"Huwag mo siyang akbayan." matigas at puno ng pagpipigil na aniya habang pinupukol ng masamang tingin si Hyas.

"Oh..." he smirked. Binitawan niya ako at bahagyang lumayo. "Ba' t parang kasalanan ko?" he dramatically said.

Icarus rolled his eyes.

"Hello, everything!"

Pareho kaming napalingon sa dumating. It was Fire and Cedrick. They're wearing nothing but their shorts. Parehong basa ang katawan at topless. Their bodies were on my view, looking so hot. Napangisi ako.

However, sobrang panira ni Icarus. He covered my eyes using his hand and hissed under his breath. "Damn it! Magdamit nga kayo! Ba't ba gaganyan ang mga suot niyo?! For heaven's sake, may mga babae rito!"

"It's a pool party, bro. What do you think why we're wearing this? And chill, we're not pedophiles." Cedrick calmly said. Umupo sila sa mga bakanteng monoblock at may dala-dalang can beer.

"I saw Kelly, dude. She's one of a hot chick. I can't believe she's still nineteen." Fire said.

"Yeah, agree." Hyas nodded.

Cedrick groaned. "Who's Kelly, anyway?"

"Duh? The owner of this house. Ayan, gatecrash pa." natatawang saad ni Kalib.

"Feeling mo naman invited ka rin?" Hyas laughed. "With all due respect, guys, kaming dalawa lang ni Fire ang invited. Gatecrasher lang kayo nitong si Cedrick."

"Nahiya naman akong napilitan lang si Kelly na imbitahin ka dahil nando'n ka no'ng i-invite niya ako, 'no, Hyas?" Fire chuckled.

"Where's Siria?" tanong ni Icarus sa seryosong boses matapos ang asaran ng magp-pinsan.

Cedrick shrugged off his shoulders. "I don't know..." He sounded hurt. He looked hurt. Lumagok ito sa can beer at tumingala. "Fuck..." he then smiled bitterly.

A long pause of silence stretched us.

It was uncomfortable and so awkward.

"Where are you going, My Light?" boses iyon ni Icarus nang bigla na lang akong tumayo.

"Come on, let's have fun." anyaya ko at hinawakan ang palapulsuhan niya. "Magkarera tayo, paunahan sa paglangoy."

"Woah!" hiyawan ng mga pinsan niya. Kalib leaded. "Sun, did you just challenged the almighty Icarus?"

I smirked. Tinaasan ko sila ng kilay.

"Let's have a bet," saad ko.

"Wow, wow! Game!" they cheered. "How much? Twenty? Thirty? Thirty five?" Fire asked.

"I have no money. Just a truth or dare game." Icarus said, taking off his jacket and his khaki short. Napaiwas ako nang tingin. "Hyas, pakibantayan si Dori. Babalik iyon dito."

"Sure, sure."

"Shall we?" He offered his hand and I put mine on top of his without no hesitation. Sabay kaming naglakad patungo sa may pool.

The people immediately knew something was up. Gumilid ang mga ito at binigyan kami ng daan sa pool. Mabuti nalang at mahaba at malalim ang pool na narito.

"Ten turns." I said. Kumuha ako ng cocktail drink sa isang waiter at inisang lagok ito.

He smirked at me. "Kahit bente pa eh," mayabang na aniya.

"Ha. Puro ka talaga yabang, Ica."

We laughed.

"Woah! Go, Marcus! Go, Del Cianco!" They cheered. I am no longer a Marcus but they're still addressing me on that name. "Go, Sunshine! Go, go, go!"

"Ready?" he arched me a brow.

Tumango ako at sumenyas na magsisimula na. They started counting. "Three... two... one... GO!"

Sabay kaming tumalon sa tubig ni Icarus at lumangoy. Both of us were competitive and good. Mahaba ang water resistance ko at magaling ako lumangoy. I was an athlete when I was on grade school. Madalas akong isinasali sa mga competition ng school namin at minsan na rin akong na feature sa mga sikat na magazine. I've received a lot of rewards and recognition by having a performing this sport. However, after that incident happened, tinigil ko na rin ang pag-ensanyo at pagsali sa mga kompetisyon.

I love this sport as much as I love my life before but now, I couldn't even imagine myself doing the same stuff anymore. This thing only reminds me of that day when my mother passed away... because of me.

I swam fast as the memories began to flash back.

If... If I only didn't join, nandito pa kaya si Mama? Kung hindi ako nag-ensayo no'ng araw na 'yon, buhay pa kaya siya? Kung hindi ako nagtagal sa school, siguro kayakap ko pa si mama hanggang ngayon. Siguro kompleto pa kami. Siguro hindi nagpakamatay si Papa. Siguro masaya pa kami ngayon.

It was my fault...

All my fault...

"Who would belive it was an accident, right? That woman has a relationship with my husband, she's his mistress, she seduced him. My husband broke up with her and she couldn't seem to accept it!" The voice of Mr. Ople's wife lingered in my head.

"Liar!" My young version screamed as she cried. "H-He...touched me! H-He..." she sobbed.

My stepfather hugged my young self tight as he rubbed my back, "Hush, princess. Papa's here..."

"P-Papa... si mama..."

"I'll make them pay, princess. I'll make sure we get the justice we deserve."

"H-He touched me, Papa... H-He ripped m-my c-clothes... H-He tried.... Papa, I-I can't... I c-can't... Papa... I-it's my fault..."

"Shh, calm down... No one's gonna hurt you. Papa's here, honey... It's not your fault, hmm?"

Napahinto bigla ako sa paglangoy. Ang inakala kong nakalimutan ko ng sakit ay tila bumabalik. Akala ko masaya na ako ngayon pero nang maalala na naman iyong nangyari noon ay hindi ko mapigilang makaramdam ng galit at sakit sa puso.

Tumihaya ako sa ibabaw ng tubig at ipinikit ang mga mata, tuluyan ng nakalimutan na hindi pala ako nag-iisa ngayon at maraming nakatingin sa akin. Napangiti ako nang mapakla habang ninanamnam ang masaganang sakit sa nakaraan. Maybe this is all I need. Ang balikan ang nakaraan nang sa ganoon ay tuluyan ko na talagang matanggap ang lahat.

Kung patuloy kong sisisihin ang sarili, hindi ako makakausad. Hindi ako magiging masaya. Patuloy akong magiging lugmok sa nakaraan. I was traumatized and hurt... I was so hurt to the point I can no longer feel like living. Huminto ako sa pag-aaral ng isang taon matapos mamatay si Mama para magpagaling. Fortunately, our school allowed me to take acceleration test para masabayan ko pa rin ang mga kaklase ko noon. By the help of my step-dad, I managed to continue studying and get my older self back.

"Hey..." Icarus whispered near my ear. Binalingan ko siya at nakitang nasa gilid ko na pala siya. His jet black hair was wet and disheveled. Natatabunan nito ang kaniyang noo.

"Hey," I uttered softly.

He licked his lower lip and lifted his hand to brush his hair. His hazel brown eyes were looking at nothing but me.

"I won," aniya.

I blinked my eyes twice, processing what is he pertaining about. Nang maalala ay tumango ako at umiwas ng tingin. Nilangoy ko ang gilid ng pool at umahon. The pain and guilt was killing me.

"Hala, ba't ka tumigil, mare? Ikaw na sana ang panalo eh. Ang bilis mo! May paikot-ikot ka pa ha?" salubong sa akin ni Kelly at binigyan ako ng towel na kaagad ko namang tinanggap.

"Thanks, Kels." I weakly said.

Hindi ko nalang pinansin ang tinginan nang mga tao. Mabilis ang lakad na pumasok ako sa loob ng bahay ng kaibigan kong si Kelly at hinagilap ang bag ko roon. Nakasalubong ko si Dori at mukha siyang balisa. Nang makita ako ay bigla niya akong dinamba ng yakap.

"Sunny, please help me!" she exclaimed.

"Hey, what is happening?"

"Papagalitan ako, Suns! Papagalitan ako! Galit na galit daw si daddy sabi ni kuya. Oh, my God! He'll gonna cut off my bank account again! Please, help me convince kuya not to tell dad I went here. Please? Please? Please?" she begged.

"Dori...ano ba kasing pinagpaalam mo sa parents mo?"

"I said may group project kami sa house ng kakaklase ko. I didn't know kuya found this out. I'm dead, Sunny. I'm doomed!"

"Naku..." I uttered.

"Please, help me convince kuya. Please? Pretty please? Sunny, bestfriend, please?" she batted her eyelashes. Panic was dancing on her brown eyes.

"I'll talk to him later. Sandali, magbibihis lang ako."

She nodded and smiled. Para siyang nakahinga nang maluwag.

I immediately found the comfort room and got in. Nagbanlaw ako bago nagbihis. I'm a bit drunk from the alcohol I drank earlier. Lumabas ako mula sa banyo at dumeritso na sa may pool area upang hanapin si Icarus.

He's not that hard to find tho. Nakita ko siyang tumatawa habang may kaakbay na babae sa 'di kalayuan. The woman was obviously flirting with him on the way she nuzzled Icarus' neck and kissing him there. I ignored the sudden tightness of my chest and walk until I stopped face to face him.

He shot me a brow. "Yes, My Light?" he asked.

I glanced at him and the woman beside him. Tiningnan ko muli siya. "Can... I talk to you?"

"Honey, let's go to my place..." rinig kong bulong no'ng babae.

He removed the woman's hand on his waist. "Later, baby..." he whispered to the woman and my heart clenched once again.

Tumayo siya at nilapitan ako. He grabbed my hand and pulled me somewhere dark.

"Is there any problem?" he worriedly asked.

Umiling ako.

"Why? Why do you look sad, then?"

I looked down and sighed. Ang bigat sa dibdib ko kanina ay mas lalo lamang bumigat. Sa tingin ko ay lalagnatin na ako dahil sa pakiramdam na ito.

"Icarus..." Tiningala ko siya. He was looking at me softly. Surprisingly, the heaviness on my chest seems decreasing. "Pwede mo ba akong ihatid sa bahay ngayon? I wanna go home,"

He didn't say a word.

He kept on looking at me with a gentleness on his eyes.

I gulped hard as my heart starts to beat fast and loud.

"I'm t-tired and sleepy... please?" I added and smiled weakly.

He sighed.

"You sure, you okay?"

"Hmm..."

"Alright..." he said. "Let's go, I'll send you home." he then held my wrist and pulled me with him.

Napatingin ako sa kamay niya na nasa palapulsuhan ko. I felt the chills on my spine while feeling his warmth and nostalgic presence. A sigh of contentment washed through me and a small smile appeared on my lips.

Hindi ko na nasundan ang sunod na pangyayari. All I knew was he's driving me home while I sat next to him. Dori was left on the party with their cousins and I left with him.

"Something is off." I heard Icarus' concerned voice.

I stole a glanced at him and shook my head. Nakatangin lamang siya sa kalsada habang nagtatagis ang mga bagang. "None..." bulong ko.

"You know, you can always count on me, Sunny. We know each other too well. I know when you were lying and when you are faking it. And I can sense that something is bothering you today. Care to share it with me?"

Kinapa niya ang kamay ko at hinawakan iyon. He gave it an encouraging squeeze and I almost burst into tears.

I heave a deep sigh. "I'm okay... I'm gonna be okay..."

Natahimik kaming pareho sa loob ng ilang segondo hanggang sa basagin niya iyon.

"There's no need for you to stop yourself from crying, My Light. Do you want to cry right now, hmm?" Malambing na aniya at pinisil muli ang kamay ko.

Natawa ako nang bahagya. He sounded so concern and serious with his question but here I am, taking it as a sort of joke.

Hininto niya bigla ang sasakyan sa gilid ng daan.

Unti-unting nawala ang ngiti ko.

"B-Bakit?"

I tilted my head to face him, only to be startled when our nose touches a little. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at napaawang ang labi. Unti-unting kumalabog sa kaba ang dibdib ko.

We just stared on each other's eyes. None of us even blink once like it was a though it's impossible for us to take off our gaze on each body.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kaniyang mapupulang labi at napalunok.

I suddenly felt an urge to pull him close and press my lips against his. I know this is wrong but my mind seems in chaos, or I rather say, it went blank for a minute or two.

"W-Why are you this close?" I whispered. I can feel his warm breath fanning on my face, giving me goosebumps.

"Look at me in the eye and tell me a lie," he uttered with his husky voice.

Tumaas ang tingin ko sa kaniyang mga mata. And once again, I was mesmerised by his hazel brown eyes.

Nagrambulan ang mga paru-paru sa tiyan ko. Para akong nahihipnotismo sa ilalim ng kaniyang titig. Huli na para pigilin ko ang sarili ko. I found myself cupping his face as I closed my eyes and kissed him.

I felt him stiffened.

My heart was beating so hard and loud. I wish he wouldn't stop nor push me away. I wish he wouldn't get disgusted by me like what others did. I hope he wouldn't hurt me like what the people around usually does. I hope he'll kiss me back...

And he didn't disappointed me...

Seconds passes after I pressed my lips against his, gumanti rin siya sa halik ko. Much even more intense. He held my cheek using his left hand and deepened our kiss.

He's a good kisser, I can say. Based on the movements of his lips, there's no doubt he also has a fair share of women. He knew what to do and he knew how to make a person feel the intensity of kisses.

My lips parted open when his tongue seek for an entrance. I allowed him to explore in my mouth through his tongue.

Umakyat ang kamay ko sa likuran ng kaniyang ulo habang nakabiling ito. I brushed his hair softly through my fingers at the same time pushing him even closer.

We were both drunk by the kisses when his lips travelled down on my cheek, to my jaw line, and to my neck. He gave me small kisses there before sucking and licking it off. I let out a loud moan when he found my very sensitive spot on the ear.

The heat was starting to burn us...

"You're so sweet, My Light..." He whispered on my ear, suddenly sobering me up. As if cue, mabilis ko siyang naitulak.

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig at natulala sa kawalan. Nambibilog ang mga mata ko sa gulat at hiya sa sarili.

"What the f**k?" he hissed, still disoriented.

A long pause of silence deafened us.

My heart was thumping fast so badly.

Right here, right now, I wish to all the Gods and Goddesses, saints and unsaint, holy and unholy, to save my ass in this very awkward situation.

May the ground swallow me alive.

Oh, God...

"Sunshine..." he said in a low voice. "I-I'm sorry... Did I scare you?" maingat niyang tanong.

Napatitig naman ako sa kaniya.

I was expecting a violent reaction from him since I was the one who initiated the kiss and also the one who pushed him away. I thought he'll be mad at me for kissing him but I guess I'm wrong. He sounded sorry even though it was partly my fault why we got to that part. He's a man and I...I'm just a girl.

Umiling ako. "I-I'm sorry, too..."

We looked away and cleared our throats.

Awkwardness filled the air and it's kind of suffocating me.

Pinaypayan ko ang sarili gamit ang palad at ilang beses na napakurap. Ang isa ko namang kamay ay pinisil ang aking hita.

"I'm... a bit drunk,"

"S-Same. Nakainom din ako kanina..." I awkwardly said. "Uh, tara na? It's getting late."

Matagal bago siya sumagot. I even thought na hindi niya ako narinig. Uulitin ko pa sana iyong sinabi ko ngunit nagsalita muli siya.

"I'm sorry, My Light..." he sighed.

Tumango ako, hindi pa rin sinasalubong ang kaniyang tingin. "It's... okay," I bitterly smiled.

Ilang sandali pa kaming natahimik hanggang sa paandarin na niya ang makina ng sasakyan at pinatakbo ulit ito. Napapikit ako nang mariin at lihim kinutusan ang sarili.