Lightless Sunshine

Chapter 19.2

Chapter 19.2

Nanatili siyang nakatingin sa akin. His hazel brown eyes were fixated on mine and so as I. Napamaang ako at hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi ko at ganoon din siya. He looks like a lost boy while trying to process what he heard from me. My heart was thumping so fast and loud I worried he might hear and feel it. Nanatili kami sa ganoong posisyon sa loob ng ilang segondo hanggang sa makarinig kami ng tikhim.

"Ma'am, Sir? Are you okay?"

I gasped in embarrassment and immediately pulled myself up. Maliit akong ngumiti at nahihiyang tumingin sa tumawag sa amin. I smiled shyly and put the few strands of my hair behind my ear. Sobrang lakas ng t***k ng puso ko na animo'y nanggaling ako sa isang karera. Medyo hinihingal din ako.

Pinagpagan ko ang suot na dress at inayos ang nagusot dito. Tumayo na rin si Icarus na nanatiling tulala at mukhang wala sa sarili.

Pinaypayan ko ang sarili. "A-Ano ba 'yan! Ka-bwesit naman no'ng bumangga sa' kin!" I hissed and flushed.

Ramdam ko ang mga kuryusong tingin ng mga tao sa kaniya-kaniyang mga table nila. Now that my senses are back, ramdam ko na ang hiya sa sarili dahil sa sinabi kanina kay Icarus.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA SHEET! KAHIYA!

I heard him clearing his throat. "A-Are you fine?" tanong niya sa akin. On my peripheral vision, nakita ko siyang nilingon ako.

Tumango ako at hinawi ang buhok upang takpan ang mukha. "O-Oks lang, hehe."

He nodded and glanced at our back. Mukhang hinahanap iyong bumangga sa akin. "Putangina iyon, ah?" he murmured and was about to run after that man when I grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Gutom na ako, tara na, pasok na tayo."

Hindi naman na siya tumutol nang hinatak ko siya patungo sa pinakadulong bahagi ng restaurant. Nang makaupo na kami ay agad kong binuksan and menu at nagkunwaring busy sa paghahanap ng pagkain.

"Sunshine, about—" I cut him off.

"Ha?"

He cleared his throat and straitened his back. "About earlier—"

"Hakdog."

Napamaang ulit siya sa akin. I glanced at him and saw how stunned he is. Literal na nakanganga na siya. Umirap ako sa at binalik ang tingin sa menu. Nahihiya na akong tumingin sa kaniya. s**t! What have I done? Kaloka ka, Sunny!

"Sunshine," I heard his low chuckle. Nagulat ako nang kinuha niya mula sa akin ang menu na hawak.

"A-Ano..."

"Baliktad." aniya at binigay muli iyon sa akin, ngayon ay maayos na.

My lips parted in embarrassment once again. "Shet," bulong ko at uminit ang pisngi.

Tatawa-tawang inabot niya ang aking pisngi at pinisil iyon, dahilan upang samaan ko siya ng tingin. "What's your order, madame?" Icarus asked teasingly.

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. "Libre mo, Ica?" I asked.

"Hmm," he nodded and took the other menu and look at it.

"Talaga?" gulat kong tanong. Tumango ulit siya kaya tuluyan na akong napangiti. "Wow, thank you!"

"Yeah, yeah. It's like as if I've let you pay before..." bulong-bulong niya na may ngiti rin sa labi.

"Ha? May sinasabi ka?"

"Nothing, just pick whatever you like to eat. It's my treat." he shrugged.

Ngisi-ngisi naman akong nag-order ng mga kakainin. Hindi na ako nahiya dahil madalas naman namin itong ginagawa. Everytime na magyayaya siyang kumain, siya talaga nagbabayad ng mga kinainan namin. Hindi naman sa pagiging abusive but he always persists... so who am I to decline his offer, right? Pabebe gurl pa ba ako?

Food is life but libre is lifer.

"I'll pay for our meal nalang," I said while looking at the menu, remembering the last time we had a lunch. Sayang ang libre niya pero naalala kong nilibre niya pala ako last week.

"Huh? Why?"

Ngumuso ako. "Nilibre mo'ko dati, right? Nakakahiya naman sa'yong ikaw nalang palagi nanlilibre. Besides, may pera naman ako rito from my small business kaya keri ko 'to."

"You sure?" he asked and I nodded, still pouting. "Parang napipilitan ka lang ata, eh."

"Uy, hindi ah!" agaran kong depensa. "Eto naman parang ano...di ba pwedeng nasasayangan lang sa libre?"

"Then, let me pay for it." aniya at nangunot ang noo.

"Hindi na nga, ako na lang. Libre ko today."

"Are you sure? I'm the guy here, let me just—"

Inirapan ko siya. "Are you saying na dahil babae ako hindi ako p'wedeng magbayad ng pinagkainan na'tin? Are you belittling women now, Icarus?"

He grimaced. "I didn't say that. I'm just offering a free meal,"

"Hindi, eh. You are underestimating women, Icarus!" I insisted and threw him a sharp look.

Ngunit imbes na mainis ay tinawanan lang niya ako. Inabot niya ang aking pisngi at pinisil. Natawa naman na rin ako dahil sa kalokohan namin.

We ordered food and it was served less than fifteen minutes. Parang gusto kong magsisi na ililibre ko siya sa dami ng mga inorder niya. Ngisi-ngisi naman ang loko at tiningnan ako na para bang sinasabing 'ano ka ngayon?' Inirapan ko naman siya muli at ngumuso. Nagulat ako nang bigla niyang kinuha ang plato ko na may lamang pagkain at ipinalit iyon sa kaniya.

"Why?" naguguluhang tanong ko.

"It's so small, you must eat a lot. You're too skinny," aniya.

"Ha?" Bumaba ang tingin ko sa plato at nanlaki ang mga mata. "What the... ang dami naman nito!" I exclaimed.

Dahil nasa isang Japanese restaurant nga kami ay sobrang dami ng rice rito. Fried rice to be exact. I'm not familiar with its name because I am not really fond of eating Japanese food. May mga soup, noddles, raw vegetables din kaming nakaserve sa lamesa. Tapos sa gitna namin ay grilling pan para kami na mismo ang magluto ng tuna at iba pang seafood na binili namin.

"Nah. That's enough," he smirked. Dinagdagan pa niya ng fried rice ang plato ko kaya napapadyak ako.

"Ica!" ungot ko.

"Eat, My Light." he uttered with an authoritative voice. Wala na akong magawa kun'di sundin iyon.

Icarus was busy cooking the tuna while I was struggling on how to use chopsticks. Nakakainis, ba't ba kasi kami rito kumain. Puwede namang sa karenderya nalang, eh. Ayan, Sunny. Inarte pa!

Tiningnan ko si Icarus.

"Hmm?" he hummed.

Alanganin akong ngumiti bago nagsalita, "Uh, may kutsara ba sila rito?"

"You don't know how to use—"

"Marunong ako!" putol ko sa sinasabi niya.

Tinaasan naman niya ako ng kilay.

"Really?"

Umiwas ako ng tingin. "Y-Yes, of course!" nauutal kong saad. "Sandali, comfort room lang ako." mabilis akong tumayo at halos takbuhin na ang distansya ng ladies room.

I quickly went into the sink and washed my hand. I retouched my light makeup by putting a powder on it and applying a lip gloss. Nakakahiyang hindi ako marunong. Ako pa naman ang nag-insist na riti kami kakain.

'Yan na nga ba ang sinasabi ko, eh.

Siguro, magkakamay nalang ako mamaya kung wala talagang kutsara rito. I sighed and pouted. Naghugas ako ng kamay para in case na magkakamay nga ako mamaya.

"Oh, my God. What's that smell? So gross!" I heard a voice from a girl I think has the same age as I.

Nasa katabing sink ko siya at naglalagay ng liptint sa labi. Sa tabi naman niya ay mukhang kambal niya dahil magkamukha naman sila.

"Yeah, disgusting." sagot naman no'ng isa.

Pa-simple kong inamoy ang sarili ko baka ako pala ang tinutukoy nila. Mukhang hindi naman dahil mabango pa naman ako.

Bumukas bigla ang isang cubicle. "Hays, ang dami talagang bobo sa mundo. S'yempre, nasa loob ka ng CR, expected na 'yang mabahong amoy! Kung gusto mo ng mabango, doon ka sa perfume shop! Tangina, ang bobo naman oh!"

The twin gasped. "Excuse me?!"

"'Ge, daan ka lang." anito sa sarkastikadong boses.

The girl was very offended, the embarrassment was all written on her face. Kumibot ang labi nito na para bang may sasabihin ngunit walang lumabas na salita. The other girl dragged her twin out from the room and they even slammed it.

Tatawa-tawa naman iyong babaeng nagsalita kanina. "Bobo tarantado,"

Kumunot ang noo ko. That voice was so familiar. Nilingon ko ito at umawang ang labi ko nang makilala kung sino siya.

"Ashley?!"

From looking at her bag, umangat ang tingin nito sa akin. "Hala, ikaw pala iyan, Sunny!" she exclaimed. Agad na gumuhit ang matamis na ngiti nito sa akin.

Tumango ako. Tumabi siya sa akin sa sink at naghugas ng kamay.

"Akala ko nasa davao ka ngayon?" malumanay kong tanong ko.

"Akala ko rin, eh." she shrugged and laughed. "Charot!"

"Silly," I smiled.

"Kidding aside. Ano kasi, hindi natuloy." aniya bago ako binalingan. "Nakapag-enrol ka na ba, Araw?"

I shook my head. "Hindi pa, eh. Nag-lunch break na kasi at hindi ako nakahabol. Siguro babalik na lang ako bukas, ayaw ko rin kasing pumila ulit. Kapagod,"

"Oh, wow! Sabay nalang tayo at ni Atlas! Same strand lang tayo, right? Sinabi mo 'yon..." Nanliit ang kaniyang mga mata.

I chuckled. "Of course, same tayo."

"Yay! Classmate sana tayo! For sure sa 11-A ka ipapasok!" she giggled. Napahinto rin siya pagkaraan at napaisip. "Eh, bobo kami no'ng pinsan ko... paano tayo magiging classmate...? Ah! Alam ko na! May tito pala ako!" she giggled and jumped like brat kid.

I looked at her. She's really indeed beautiful. She's tall, taller than me. Mahubog na ang kaniyang katawan at may maliit siyang mukha. She looks like those women I've seen in the famous magazines. She doesn't even look like a girl on her age because of her height. I think, 5'6 or 5'7? Matangkad na nga iyong kagaya kong 5'4 lang, paano pa kaya ang sa kaniya?

Her features reminded me of someone. Hindi ko lang matukoy kung sino pero mukhang may kakilala akong kahawig niya. Her turquoise blue eyes was so uncommon but I'm certain someone has that kind of eyes in the Philippines. Probably, on our school.

"By the way, why are you here pala? Lunch?" she asked.

I nodded and brushed my hair through my fingers. "Yes. Ikaw?"

"Same!" she enthusiastically uttered. "Sunny, may shade ka na roon sa sinabi ko sa'yo?" tukoy niya sa flavor at color ng liptint na ibinibenta ko.

Nakangiting tumango ako. "Oo, may dala nga ako rito, eh. Gusto mong kuhanin nalang ngayon?"

"Really?!"

I gave her a small nod and opened my shoulder bag before pulling out the small pouch. "Here,"

She extended her arms to take it from me but instead of taking it, her brows furrowed and held my wrist. "What's this?" she asked, pertaining to the black band covering my wrist.

Natulos ako sa kinatatayuan at napamaang. Kumalabog nang malakas ang dibdib ko kaya dali-dali kong binawi ang kamay at itinago sa likuran

"Ba't ka nagsusuot ng ganiyan?" she added. Tumaas ang kilay niya at tiningnan ako na nagtatanong.

Umiling ako at napakurap. Pilit akong ngumiti sa kaniya. "J-Just...tagging along with the trend."

"Huh? Uso ba 'yan?" she asked.

I shrugged abruptly and smiled. "Sige na, Ash. Labas na ako, naghihintay na 'yong kasama ko, eh."

"Oh, okay..." she said. "Wait, give it to me nalang. I-send ko nalang sa bank account mo iyong payment." Kinuha niya ang liptint at nilagay sa bag niya. "There. Bye, Sunny!"

"Bye,"

Lumabas na ako at bumalik sa table namin. Naabutan ko roon si Icarus na magkasalubong ang kilay habang seryosong binabaliktad ang niluluto.

I sat in front of him and smiled when our eyes met. The crease on his brows slowly faded and a smile etch on his lips.

"Let's eat?" he asked and I nodded. "There's a spoon and fork, use that." aniya.

I gasped. "Thanks!"

"Welcome," he answered briefly. "but please, finish that vegetables."

My shoulders fell. I looked at him flatly. "Icarus..." ungot ko.

"Nah. Finish that."

"No..."

"Yes." matigas niyang sabi. "C'mon, it's delicious."

I slowly shook my head and batted my eyelashes. "Ayaw... please?"

"No. You'll eat that."

"Ayaw nga..."

"Sunshine." he warned.

Ngumuso ako. "Ayaw."

"Yes."

"Yes na payag ka?" I asked.

"No."

"Icarus... ayaw ko..."

"My answer is no." aniya.

"Ayoko niyan... ayaw ko sa damo, please?"

"Sunshine."

"Yes po?"

Napapikit siya nang mariin na para bang nahihirapan na siyang kumbinsihin ako. "Sunny, you'll eat that. Period."

Bumagsak ang balikat ko. "Icarus..."

He opened his eyes and our eyes abruptly locked on each other. I pouted and batted my eyelashes more. His brows creased as he pursed his lips into a thin line.

I flashed a cute smile. "Icarus—"

"Fine!" he sighed in defeat and rolled his eyes.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. I giggled and clapped my hands in glee. "Thank you po!"

He scoffed. "Yeah, whatever."

___

Our lunch ended peacefully. Well, sort of. Kasi habang kumakain kami, panay kami talo. He would always insist I must eat a lot and I, the other hand, couldn't even finish a half cup of rice. Tapos isang bowl pa kaya? Seriously, is he nuts?

After we had our lunch, I've invited him to watch a movie on the cinema and he agreed. We watched a horror film and we were seated on the back where less people was sitting. Maaga pa naman kasi para bumalik doon sa school. The school staffs were probably busy chit-chatting with their co-worker. Ganiyan naman talaga 'pag mga teachers.

"f*****g shit..." I heard him cussed under his breath and I laughed while elbowing him.

"Icarus, may bata sa harapan natin. 'Yong bibig mo," mahinang sabi ko.

"Sowi..." he whispered back. Naramdaman kong gumapang ang kamay niya sa aking likuran patungo sa aking balikat. He then, hung his arms on my shoulder and pulled me closer to him.

I silently gasped. My heartbeat starts to get faster and wilder. I could also feel the butterflies grumbling inside my tummy.

I bit my lower lip.

"Icarus," I called and looked up to see his face.

He was busy looking at the movie while I observe his face and reaction. As usual, I find every single detail of him gorgeous and sexy. Especially his stubborn and angled jaw. There was a small stubble on it but it didn't make him less handsome at all.

Hays, sanaol.

"Hmm?" he asked.

Napakurap ako at lihim kinutusan ang sarili. May tanong nga pala ako sa kaniya kaya ko siya tinawag.

Tumikhim ako. "I have a question," saad ko.

He looked at me briefly before averting it to look back at the movie. "What is it?"

"I know it's kinda nonsense but..." I trailed off. "D-Do you think I'm attractive? Uh, no. That's not what I mean, let me rephrase it. Don't you think there's something on me... makes me attractive?"

He went silent. Pinagsiklop ko ang sariling mga palad at pinisil iyon. "I mean—" he cut me off.

"Of course, there is."

Umawang ang labi ko. "R-Really?"

He nodded and smirked, looking at me straight in the eye. His smirk turned into a small smile. And the next thing he said makes my heart stopped itself from beating.

"I love your smile."

He looked away after saying it. I noticed how his ears reddened and his Adam's apple moved up and down.

"It attracts me whenever you smile," he whispered, almost inaudible.

I think... I think... my heart is going to explode.

A long deafening silence stretched us until I broke it with an awkward laugh. "Uhm," I uncomfortably muttered. "Yeah... uh, thanks?"

Napapikit ako at napangiwi.

What the f**k, Sunshine?!

He exaggeratedly cleared his throat. "Oh, s**t. There's a white lady behind you!"

"Ha?"

"Oh, c'mon! Why was the director made these characters so dumb?" he asked himself.

Sinundan ko naman ng tingin ang tinitingnan niya at napahiway nang bigla na lamang lumabas sa screen ang mukha ng isang white lady.

"What the f**k?!"

"Hallelujah!" boses iyon sa likuran namin na kasabay kong napahiway.

I heard Icarus' low chuckle. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Tuluyan ng maagaw nang pelikula ang atensyon ko. Nawala na rin sa isip ko iyong tanong ko kay Icarus at ang awkward moment kanina. Hapo-hapong lumabas kami ng sinehan at agad na dumeritso sa Starbucks para bumili ng milktea. We bought Dori and Ryela their milkteas before going back to the school. Alas tres na ng hapon at makulimlim ang langit kaya nagpresinta siyang ihahatid ako sa bahay. Pumayag naman kaagad ako.

I kissed Ryela and Gebby's cheeks before going out from the front seat of his car. I waved at him when he rolled down the mirror. Nasa harapan na kami ng bahay ngayon.

"Bye, girls!" paalam ko sa dalawang kaibigan na nasa-likuran. Kumaway naman sila sa akin.

"We'll get going," sabi ni Icarus at nagpreno muna ng dalawang beses bago tuluyang lumisan. Nasa iisang village lang sina Dori at Ryela kaya sabay rin silang pumapasok sa school dati at ngayon naman ay sabay ring uuwi.

I can say that this day was one of the happiest day of my life. I have friends around me who cares and love me. Even tho the love I seek on Helios' shelter weren't given to me, I am still glad because I have my friends who made me feel loved and treasured. They treats me the way I deserve to be treated.

And I realized that family can not be only found by blood... when you love somebody, it can be your family.

I held my right wrist that was covered by a cloth. Tiningnan ko iyon at hinawi ang tela. Hindi ko mapagilang mapangiti nang mapakla habang nakatingin doon.

There it is, the cut I did to myself.

I feel bad after hurting myself once again. If Icarus and my friends would know this, they would probably get worried. I remembered the last time I did it, I caused trouble.

I sighed heavily and looked at the car slowly vanishing on my sight.

Pinanood kong mawala ang kotse na sinasakyan nila sa paningin ko bago ako pumanhik nang tayo at tumalikod na para pumasok sa loob.

I was about to open our gate to get inside when I stopped upon hearing a familiar voices.

"Isha, please..."

"Stop it! I don't w-wanna hear anything from you, F-Fourth! I'm tired! Please, umuwi ka n-nalang..."

"Please, listen to me... t-there's nothing going on between us, okay? Lhea was just an ex—"

"Shut up! I said stop it! I saw you, Sinon. I f*****g saw it on my very own eyes! Nakita ko kayo. Nahuli ko kayo sa akto! Tangina naman, Fourth! 'Wag mo naman akong gaguhin ng ganito..." at sumunod niyon ay ang mga hikbi ni Isha. "K-Kung hindi ka naman seryoso, please, tumigil ka nalang... kasi nasasaktan na ako eh. You kept on telling me you love me pero...why can't I feel it, hmm?"

"N-No... please, believe me." Sinon said, begging. "I love you. I really do. I love you so damn much, Angeline—" she cut him off.

"I am not f*****g Angeline! I am not your dead girlfriend! I am not Angeline! I am me, Sinon! Ako 'to! We may have the same name pero iba ako at iba siya. Please! Tama na... ang sakit na... I am not her... please stop. Stop seeing her in me..." Trisha fell in the ground as she cried hard.

Sinon tried holding her but she pushed him away. "Isha, please... let's talk, hmm? I love you—"

"Then f*****g prove it! Say it to me without thinking of her! Say it without a guilt in your eyes! Say it without wishing it was her and not me. Say it, Fourth..."

"Isha, no... I love you... I love you, please, give me a chance. Please give us a chance. I'll be a good boy I promise. A-ayusin natin 'to. Mahal kita... mahal na mahal kita... huwag naman ganito... Isha, please, babe..." he sobbed as he knelt down.

Nagitla ako at ganoon din si Trisha. I had never expected a guy like Sin would kneel down for a woman. And it shocked me even more because I didn't expected that the happy-go-lucky man like him would cry as hard as like this.

Trisha laughed humorlessly. "F-Fourth... stop it, please... I'm begging you. Y-you're just making it hard for the both of us. Ikaw, alam mo sa sarili mong mahal mo'ko—"

"Yes, I do!" he cried like a child. A lost boy to be specific. "I do f*****g love you!"

"Mahal mo lang ako kasi nakikita mo siya sa akin..." she said bitterly. "Nakikita mo si Angeline, hindi ako."

Napatakip ako sa bibig at natulos sa kinatatayuan. Hindi ko inaakalang makakarinig ako ng ganitong klaseng rebelasyon. Para akong nanood ng heavy drama at ang bida roon ay si Sinon at Trisha.

"Umalis ka na, ayaw na kitang makita pa." Trisha said. "Alis! Umalis ka na!" she yelled as she got up into her feet and ran away inside our house, leaving Sinon crying and begging.

Nakanganga ko namang pinanood si Sinon na umiyak nang umiyak habang paulit-ulit na sinasabi ang katagang 'sorry'.

Nang tuluyan ng nakapasok si Isha ay mabilis akong lumapit kay Sinon.

"Sin..." I whispered.

Pumanhik ang ulo niya at nagkatinginan kami. His face was full of tears and the pain on his eyes were visible. He then flashed a miserable smile as he uttered, "I lost her, too..."