Lightless Sunshine

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Sa totoo lang, gusto kong manakit ngayon. I felt the rage inside me upon hearing the word 'w***e'. My mother was never been a w***e. She's a good role model to me. Ni kahit kailan hindi ko nakita si mama na naging bastos sa kapwa. At sa sarili pa kaya niya? She might did wrong in the past but that doesn't mean she's no longer a good mother. Yes, anak ako sa labas. She was once a mistress but she changed.

Really, people tends to judge a person because of its mistakes. Because that's what they saw and what they believe. Dahil sa isang kamalian lang, nakakalimutan na nila ang mga kabutihan ng mga ito. They wouldn't validate all the good things you did once they found a wrong with you.

Honestly speaking, I had no other intention when I'd approached her. I had no motives. I didn't even bother to tell her we're sister 'coz I don't wanna cause harm. Especially because she's young. I know how fragile the hearts of a child. But things went chaos.

I didn't expected she would do such thing; To hurt me with those insults words, I didn't expected it truthfully. But I know she only did that because she was carried away by her emotions. Once she get back her right mind, she'll realize what she'd done.

Tinalikuran ko si Quinn na umiiyak at galit na galit sa akin. Umakyat ako sa kwarto na inilaan sa akin ni Helios. Narito na rin ang ilan sa mga gamit ko, siguro ay pinakuha niya ito sa bahay namin. Naligo muna ako bago ko binuksan ang cellphone na kaka-full charge lang. I dialled my younger brother's number. Nalaman ko na doon siya natulog sa bahay nina Tita nang mawala ako. He was staying with them when I wasn't around. Nagpaalam ako kay Helios na lalabas at pupuntahan ang kapatid ko.

"You're not welcome here."

Napahinto ako sa paglalakad nang marinig ang boses ni Trisha. I know she was pertaining to me, wala naman kasing ibang tao rito sa sala kun'di kaming dalawa lang. Hindi ko iyon pinansin at nagpatuloy sa pag labas ng bahay.

So, what if I am not welcome here? I am your father's daughter. We have the same blood. We have the same father. We must've has the same things our dad could give. You were even lucky because I am only sharing this house... you have our father's heart and I haven't.

I smiled bitterly and headed my way towards the exit. Sumakay ako ng taxi at nagpahatid sa bahay ng tiyahin ko.

Nakita ko si Seth sa sala at tamad na nakasandal dito habang nanood ng TV. He's wearing his round eyeglasses. Bagsak sa kaniyang noo ang maitim na buhok na sa tingin ko'y kinakailangan ng gupitan. Napailing ako nang maisip na pinabayaan ko na ang kapatid ko.

Walang emosyon ang kaniyang mukha at nakakrus ang mga braso sa dibdib. Katabi niya ay ang pinsan namin na si Aciel na nag m-mobile legends. Panay ang mura at sigaw nito.

Lumapit ako. "Seth..." I softly uttered his name.

He slowly turned his head on me and I watched how his brown eyes softened. He flashed a small smile and stood up to hug me. "Sunshine," his voice was kind of baritone. Halatang nagbibinata na talaga. He's even taller than me right now.

"How have you been? I'm sorry for leaving you, Seth." I touched his cheek using my hand.

He sighed and held my hand on his cheek and brought it on his lips to kiss the back of it.

"I'm okay."

Napatango ako at huminga ng malalim. "Where's Tita?" tanong ko.

"Nasa kusina, Araw." sagot ni Aciel na naglalaro pa rin.

"Thanks."

Pumasok ako sa kusina at nadatnan si Tita na naghuhugas ng mga pinagkainan. I hugged her from the back which made her startled.

"Santisima dolores!" she jerked. Natawa naman ako at hinalikan siya sa pisngi.

"Hi, Tita. Kumusta po?"

"Jusko, ikaw lang pala 'yan, Sunny." she sighed in relief. "Maayos lang naman ako. Ikaw? Balita ko na-ospital ka noong nakaraan? Pasensya ka na hindi man lang ako nakadalaw, schedule ko kasi sa dialysis eh."

"Okay lang po." I cleared my throat to start a conversation. "Tita, uhm, pasensya na po kayo dito kay Seth, ha? Sinabi ko naman sa kaniya na hindi siya pwedeng manatili dito pero ang kulit." saad ko.

She smiled. Iginiya niya ako sa isang upuan at umupo naman siya sa katapat ko.

"Hija, hayaan mo na ang kapatid mo, ayos lang naman na nandito siya sa poder namin, eh. Hindi naman siya nakakaabala at madalas nga ay tumutulong siya sa mga gawaing bahay dito."

Huminga ako nang malalim. "Alam ko naman po, pero alam naman nating lahat dito kung ano ang kalagayan niyo ngayon." sabi ko. "Ayaw po naming makadagdag sa iisipin niyo... ayaw kong maging pabigat kami."

She shook her hand in the air dismissively. "Kahit kailan ay hindi kayo magiging pabigat, anak. Oo, mahirap ang buhay pero ni minsan ay hindi nasagi sa isipan ko ang mga bagay na iyan. Pamilya kita, kayo ng kapatid mo. At ang pamilya nagtutulungan." she said. "Para sa'kin nga'y mas nakabubuting dito nalang kayo tumira kasama namin ng tito mo. Mga bata pa kayo, Sunny. Hindi niyo pa kakayaning mabuhay mag-isa na walang sumusuporta. Ako, alam kong kaya mo na ang sarili mo. Lumaki kang mature na ang 'yong pang-iisip dahil na rin sa pagiging ate mo. Pero Sunny, sana alalahanin mo rin na bata ka pa. Dalaga..."

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at pinisil ito.

"Ang dapat sa edad mong iyan ay nagsasaya. Tinatamasa ang kalayaan. Huwag mong masyadong i-pressure ang sarili mo sa obligasyong dapat ay ang mga magulang niyo ang gumagawa. Wala na ang mama at papa niyo pero nandito pa naman ako, anak. Puwede mo akong sandalan anumang oras."

Pilit kong nilalaban ang luhang gustong kumalawa sa aking mga mata. Kumurap ako ng dalawang beses at tinapangan ang mukha.

Ngumiti ako at napatungo. How I wish I could easily take her advice and lean on someone's shoulders when the heaviness on my heart weren't tolerable anymore. But my pride was eating myself too much. I believe I can stand on my own. I believe I can be independent. I believe I can carry all these problems I am facing.

"Salamat po, Tita..." I whispered. She smiled motherly at me. I cleared my throat. "Uh, tatawagin ko lang po si Seth. I want him to decide po. If he would like to live here, I guess I just need to accept it."

"Sige,"

Tumango ako at tumayo. Pinunatahan ko si Seth sa sala at nakitang may ginagawa ito sa kaniyang laptop. Tumabi ako sa kaniya ng upo.

"Seth," tawag ko sa kaniyang pansin. He didn't look at me nor say anything. He continued what he'd been doing. Tumikhim ako. "Alam mo ba, nagkita kami ni Sir Helios. N-Na aksidente kasi ako nong nakaraang araw. Remember nang tinawagan kita? I was with him that time..." panimula ko

He acted deaf again.

"T-Tapos doon kami dumeritso sa bahay nila after kong madischarge sa ospital..."

"What are you implying to?" he straightforwardly asked. He stopped for awhile pero pagkaraan ay nagpatuloy siya sa paglikot ng kaniyang laptop.

Napaayos ako ng pagkakaupo. "He told me to l-live with them, his family. Actually, doon nga ako natulog last night eh. My things were there, too..."

"Please, say it directly." tila nauubusang pasenya na aniya.

"He also offered me to let you live with us. Doon ka na titira... tayo... we'll be living with them."

Saglit siyang natahimik. Sinara niya ang laptop at hinarap ako. Puno ng kaseryosohan ang kaniyang mukha. His brown eyes was expressionless.

"What do you feel about that idea?"

Napaiwas ako ng tingin. "O-Of course, masaya. I was given a chance to live with him, meaning I'll get the chance to know him and his family..." and maybe, to feel the feeling of being a daughter of his...

"Then go and live with them then. I'll be staying here. Tita and Tito didn't mind it anyways."

Gulat at nasasaktang sinalubong ko ang kaniyang mga mata. "Seth..."

Ngumisi siya sa akin. "I have no space on that place, Sunshine. You, you are his daughter, while me?" he chuckled but I can sense how sad he is behind it. Umiling siya sa akin at tumayo na.

Hinawakan ko siya sa braso bago pa man siya makaalis. "Seth, we knew we have rights to live in that house," gumargal ang aking boses.

Galit niya akong binalingan at nagngitngit ang kaniyang mga ngipin. "Don't ever mention that." mariing aniya.

Hindi ko na nakumbinsi pa si Seth na sumama sa akin sa mansyon. He rather choose to stay in Tita Sali's small house than to be with me.

Bumalik ako sa malaking mansiyon na puno ng panghihinayang, sakit at galit ang puso. Hindi ako umiyak o nagpakita man lang ng reaksyon sa mga taong nakakasalubong ko. Umakyat ako sa aking kuwarto ngunit nang pumasok ako ay agad akong natumba nang madulas ako.

Napaikit ako ng mariin sa sakit na pagkakatama ng aking puwet at siko sa sahig. I muffled a groaned.

Nakarinig ako ng malademonyong tawa pagkaraan. Nang tingnan ko ito ay naabutan ko si Quinn na nakahalukipkip at nakataas ang isang kilay.

And then, realization hit me.

Nilagyan niya ng pampadulas ang sahig.

"Well deserve..." she mockingly said before entering her room right in front of mine. She even slammed it hard.

Napapikit ako at huminga nang malalim. What a brat. I shook my head and smirked. Gusto kong mainis at manampal kase sobrang sakit talaga ng siko ko, naitukod ko kasi ito. But I don't wanna cause trouble if I gave into a fight with her. In this house, I only have myself while her, she has a family to support her on her back.

____

I came back to school like nothing happened. No one knew why I was absent. Our adviser talked to me about my absence. Kailangan daw hindi na maulit ito in order for me to maintain my grade especially because he knew how much important to me to graduate as a Valedictorian.

Pumasok ako sa classroom namin na walang binabati. The Cole cousins, Ashley and Trank, tried to have a conversation with me but I was too preoccupied kaya sila na mismo ay umiwas sa akin.

On my peripheral vision, I saw my friends approaching my way. Hindi ko sila pinansin. I felt the guilt within me as I recalled our last interactions. And embarrassment for myself for being such a prideful person. I knew I was wrong but hindi ko kayang makipagbati ng una.

Nagtutulakan ang dalawa kung sino ang magsasalits, rinig na rinig ko rin ang mga bulongan nila. Patay malisya kong binuklat ang libro.

"Uhm..." Ryela broke the awkward silence. "Hehe, hi, Sunshine!" she exclaimed with enthusiasm on her voice. "Kumusta ang weekend mo? Masaya ba? Masarap ba ulam niyo? Sa amin kasi masarap, eh." she said. obviously nervous.

"Shet ka," Dori hissed silently. Pinandilatan nito ng mata si Ryela na ngayon ay namumutla na.

"I-Ikaw, Dori?"

"Uhm. Haha! Ha-ha! Sa amin din masarap!" Dori awkwardly chuckled. "Uhm... uh... May assignment tayo sa filipino noong friday, Sunny!"

I nodded slowly. I suppressed a smile wanted to show up.

"Uh... gusto mo bang kopyahin iyon, hmm? Okay lang sa akin!" she cheered.

That's when I looked at them.

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig nang makitang sobrang awa ng kanilang mga mukha habang nangungusap na nakatingin sa akin. I apologetically smiled with a guilt.

"I'm sorry, g-guys." I said in my small voice.

My eyes swelled, as well as theirs.

"I'm sorry," ulit ko sa mas seryosong boses at napayuko.

Wala pang ilang segondo, dinaganan nila ako ng yakap at para kaming baliw na nagsisinghutan doon habang natatawa sa ka corny-han ng isa't isa.

"P-Pasensya na kayo sa nagawa ko noong nakaraan, ah? I didn't mean to say harsh words. I mean no harm to you, guys."

"We understand you, Sunshine. We really do. I know you were just stress and pressured. Alam namin na may pinagdadaanan ka ngayon kaya naiiintidahan ka namin. Kami nga ang dapat mag sorry eh. We were too busy on our own selves we forgot na may kaibigan pala kaming namomroblema at kailangan ng comfort. We're sorry, Sunny. And please always remember that no matter what happens, we're here for you. We'll understand you."

"And we love you, Sunshine. We love you, remember that." dagdag nila.

"T-Thank you... Thank you, girls." Pumiyok ang boses ko. I feel so damn luck to have these two.

_____

Kakatapos lang ng class namin kaya napagdesisyonan kong puntahan muna si Eleazar. It's been a while since we hang out and I already misses him. His corny jokes, his charming bright smile, his warm embrace and everything I always admire from him.

Speaking of which, hindi ko siya nakita sa classroom nila. Usually, matagal matapos ang class nila eh. Pero pagkarating ko roonay wala ng ni isang tao.

Tinanong ko si Saito, iyong kaibigan ng boyfriend ko kung nasaan siya. He told me he'd seen Eleazar at the school's garden.

Dali dali kong tinahak ang lugar na iyon habang may bitbit na favorite niyang sandwich. I bought it from the canteen. Nakangiting hinanap siya ng aking mga mata. I'm excited to finally meet him today. Nagiging madalang nalang kasi ang pagkikita namin these past few days.

"Madali lang naman ito. Wait, ah? Bigyan kita ng example."

"Parang mali naman 'tong akin, Ezar, eh..."

Natawa si Eleazar sa kausap. "Ang atat mo naman, sandali nga lang,"

"Anong atat? Hindi kaya, ikaw nga itong parang frustrated na dahil hindi ko maintindihan ang mga itinuturo mo. I told you naman kasi na hindi na kailangan. I can study alone." depensa nito at sinabayan ng pagnguso.

Mas lalong natawa ang lalaki.

"Hmp!" she pouted and folded her arms on her chest.

"Ang cute mo talaga," he pinched her cheek.

"Hindi ako aso."

"Sino bang may sabing aso ka?"

"Eh tinatawag mo akong cute!" irap nito.

"Kung aso ka man, ikaw na ang pinakamagandang aso sa balat ng lupa." he laughed hard.

I watched Quinn's lips formed into a sweet smile as she blushed. "A-Ang corny..."

They laughed in unison.

I was just standing nearby, watching them silenty as I felt my chest tightening. I flashed a weak smile. Should I show myself up or let them have their mindless, genuine time? Should I interfere or not?

I felt the jealousy starting to build up in my chest as I watched how his eyes glistened and how his smile formed into a sweet one while talking with another girl.

I clenched my fist. I know Eleazar loves me and I don't doubt it. Not even once. I don't need to be threaten by this scenario. That was only a friendly act.

I shook my head snd stepped back. Weeks of having this heavy feeling within me, we were infrequently seeing each other that I began to miss him more. I badly wanted to approach him and tell him what's surmounting in my head and tell him about what's bothering me.

But I lost my courage to do so.

"Uy, ano 'yang pinapanood mo? Stalker ka ano?"

Napatalon ako sa gulat nang may biglang magsalita sa likod ng aking tenga.

My eyes almost popped out on its socket as my heart jumped. I abruptly looked at my back.

Kunot ang noo ni Sin habang pilit na sumisilip sa likuran ko. I slapped his forehead.

"Ouch! Mapanaket ka, gurl?" ngumiwi siya.

"Bakit ka ba biglang sumusulpot?! Kabute na ka ba?" singhal ko at pinandilatan siya ng mga mata.

He pouted his lips. "Ikaw, stalker ka? Nakita kitang may tinitignan!"

Nanlaki ang mata ko. "Shh!"

He arched me a brow. "Ano ba kasi 'yun?"

"Wala, wala. Umalis nalang tayo." I said and pulled his sleeves. He protested but later on convinced. Naglakad na kami palabas ng garden.

I took a quick glance at Eleazar and Quinn. They were smiling to each other sweetly while their eyes were fixed directly on each one. My heart pounded so hard and it hurts.