Lightless Sunshine

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Friday came and I wasn't able to get into the school. I felt sick. I felt like my whole body was burning. I could feel my throat dried and it's getting painful. And my lips were quivering. I groaned, shifting my position. My back aches, my arms aches, my head aches, all over my body was in pain.

"Ate," I heard Seth's voice calling me in a sweet yet worrying tone. I forced myself to open my eyes, he was sitting on the edge of my bed, looking worriedly as he put his hand on my forehead.

"S-Seth..." I uttered, eyes still half-close.

"Inom ka muna ng tubig, ate." he said and smiled. He helped me to lift my head enough to drink the water. "May lagnat ka, Sunny." saad niya sa tahimik na boses.

I nodded and sighed before closing my eyes again. Naramdaman kong umalis siya sa kama ko at pumasok sa loob ng aking banyo. Seconds later, I felt a cold water on my forehead. Nagmulat ulit ako ng mga mata.

"Thank you..." I quietly said.

"Gusto mo bang kumain? May binili ako sa karenderya. 'Yung paborito mong atay na may itlog." he said and smiled warmly. "Sabi ni papa, pagkatapos mo raw kumain pa-inomin daw kita ng gamot at maraming tubig."

Napangiti ako dahil sa kaniyang sinabi. Pumayag akong kumain kahit wala akong gana. Kailangan kong kumain para mabawi ang lakas ko. Kailangan kong kumain at uminom ng gamot para mabilis na mawala ang lagnat ko. After I finished eating, I went inside the bathroom and take a cold shower to refresh myself and also to release my heat. Ganito kasi ang ginagawa ni mama dati, eh. Kapag nilalagnat ako dati, hindi niya ako hinahayaang mag tiklob ng kumot, bagkus ay pinupunasan niya ako ng malamig na tubig.

I sighed heavily. Parang mahahati ang ulo ko sa sakit nito. Humiga ulit ako sa kama at nagbukas ng cellphone. I texted Dori through f*******: dahil online naman siya.

To: Gebby Del Cianco

Hey, good morning. I'm sick, Dori. I can't attend the class today.

Nang mai-sent iyon ay naglog out na ako. Natulog ako buong araw. Si Seth naman ay absent din kagaya ko, siya raw umano ang mag aalaga sa akin. I told him to go and have a class but he insisted and took good care of me.

Dahil hindi naman siya nakakapagluto ay bumili nalang siya ng ulam sa labas at kanin. Nanghihinayang ako sa klase pero biyernes naman na ngayon at may program pa kaya hindi na rin masama.

"Salamat, Seth." ginulo ko ang buhok niya.

Maayos na ang pakiramdam ko ngayon kumpara noong kakasimula pa lang ng lagnat ko. He really took good care of me. From giving food, medicine, and water.

"Para saan?" kunot noong tanong niya.

I was slightly shocked. Nang makabawi ay napangiti ako. "Sa pag aalaga sa akin,"

It quite different. Yung may mag aalaga sa'yo sa tuwing may sakit ka. Nasanay na kasi ako simula nang mamatay si mama, wala ng nag aalaga sa akin, except nalang kay Preece na binibisita ako lagi at inaalagan.

Seth smiled at me. "Syempre naman, kapatid kita, eh." he kissed my forehead.

Nang tuluyan ng gumaling ang pakiramdam ko, hinanap ko kaagad si papa. I know I owe him an apology. Bahay niya 'to, dapat hindi ako basta basta nagpapasok ng mga tao rito. Nakita ko siya sa loob ng kusina't nagkakape. Lumapit ako sa kaniya. Suot ko ngayon ay isang terno pajama sleep wear, balot na balot ang katawan ko.

"Kumusta ang pakiramdam mo, Sunshine?" tanong niya sa akin, walang emosyon ang mga mata.

"Maayos naman na po." I said and sighed. "Papa, pasensya na po pala noong nakaraang araw dahil pinapasok ko dito si Sir Helios. Hindi ko po kasi alam na pupunta siya rito, eh... Biglaan po." tahimik kong saad at napatungo.

He sipped on his coffee, tumango siya sa akin. "Hayaan mo na. 'Wag mo lang uulitin. I don't wanna see that bastard stepping his shoe inside my house. I don't wanna see that f*****g asshole who abandoned you. I know I'm not a good father to you but I promised to your mom to take good care of you and your brother. I'm sorry if I had to hurt you. Just... don't let it happen again, okay?" nahihirapang aniya at umigting ang mga panga. "You don't have to push yourself to him. Hindi mo kailangang magmakaawa sa atensyon at pagmamahal niya. You don't need his money. I can give you things you want, just approach me. Hindi ko kayo hinahayaang magutom at makulangan. I may not wealthy as that jerk but I can give you the world if you ask me to do so." he chuckled. "I love you, princess. I'm sorry if papa has been bad to you... I love you."

I bit my lower lip before I hugged him sideway. Nagulat siya sa ginawa ko. His body stiffened. My eyes were burning. Wala na. Wala na ang tampo ko sa kaniya. In an instant, nawala na ang sakit sa dibdib ko. Papa may hurt me often times but I know he loves me. Even though I'm not really his daughter, he takes good care of me. He's just hurt and broken kaya alam kong hindi maganda ang kaniyang kalagayan. He's emotionally and mentally hurt. He couldn't accept his wife's death. He couldn't accept my mother's death.

And it was my fault...

"I'm sorry, papa..." I said and sobbed. "H-Hindi ko na po uulitin... Mahal na mahal din po kita. Sorry po..."

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya bago bumalik sa kwarto at humiga ng kama.

I just realized, Papa is the best. He loves me unconditionally as his daughter even tho we were not blood related. He treated me like his own princess. He can even give his world to me like how he gave the universe to my mom.

Now I know why mama was deeply in love with my father. He's not just a man with a good looks, but a man with pure heart. I was the cause of my mother's death but I never heard him blaming me for it.

Regardless of how people look at me with anger, disgust and pity. He still accepted me. Wholeheartedly. Even though I was being victim blamed, he still chose to side me. Defended me. Stood with me during the time when I almost gave up. When I was traumatized, he's there with me. And now, I also realized that family doesn't need to be related by blood. Because my step-father prove me that.

**

I wore my long sleeve white and red uniform tucked in on my skirt uniform. Hanggang tuhod na kulay puting medyas at isang schook shoes. It's Monday morning today and I felt a okay. Nawala na ang lagnat ko at hindi na masyadong klaro ang mga pasa sa aking katawan.

Nakasabay ko sa daan si Grettle, mag-isa siyang naglalakad. She's not wearing their uniforms kahit na lunes ngayon, GAS student siya katulad ni Icarus. She's tall, slim, and beautiful. Maraming humahanga sa kaniya, at isa na ako roon. They are not rich nor poor but she looks classy and admirable. Ang ganda rin ng taste niya about fasion. When our eyes met, she smiled at me. Pilit namang ngiti ang isinukli ko. I still can't accept na nililigawan siya ni Icarus. She's beautiful and kind but I'm a bit off towards her.

"Hi, Sunny. Good morning," Her voice was so sweet, her eyes were smiling.

"Hello, ate Grettle. Magandang umaga rin."I mentally rolled my eyes.

Tumabi siya sa akin sa paglalakad. "Madalang nalang kitang nakikita kapag naglu-lunch si Dori, ah? Bakit hindi ka na sumasabay sa kaniya?" puno ng kuryusidad na tanong niya.

"Wala lang, may kasabay na kasi akong iba, eh." walang ganang tugon ko.

She grinned. "Sino? Si Eleazar na kapit bahay natin? Yung grade eight?"

Natawa ako at marahang tumango. Chismosa rin ang isang 'to eh. "Oo, siya nga."

"Ayie... nagdadalaga na siya, oh!" she teased, earning a laughter from me.

Though, I hate Icarus and I don't like her for him, mabait naman si Grettle sa'kin. Bukod sa magkapit-bahay kami, malapit din ang mga pamilya namin sa isa't isa.

"Nililigawan ka niya?" tanong niya at bumungisngis.

Nahihiya man ay tumango ako. My cheeks heated up as the mention of Eleazar. Because I admit it or not, I'm starting to have a feelings towards him. "Y-Yes,"

"Mabait at gwapong bata si Eleazar, Sunshine. Medyo bad boy lang iyon pero takot iyonsa mama niya at mga kapatid na babae." seryosong sabi niya at humagikhik.

"I know." I uttered and blushed even more.

"'Di ka na lugi roon! Gwapo na, mayaman, mabait pa!" she said with conviction, raising one of her hand above her head.

Natawa kami pareho.

Tama si Grettle, hindi na ako lugi sa kaniya. Halos lahat na meron na sa kaniya. Ang maturity nalang ang kulang. Pero siguro, mag-d-develop din iyon. I think it's not that bad to give him a chance. To give ourselves a shot. Afterall, we were teenagers who aim to experience everything we wanted. To feel liberation and adopt the new environment as a teen, as a high school students.

And maybe, to find love who can give ourselves contentment, security, inspiration and motivation.

—

As a teenager and as a student, the biggest achievement I always wanna have is the recognition of the school in exchange of my hard work and perseverance. Small or not, it matters to me. Kaya habang naglalakad sa dagat ng mga estudyante at mga magulang na tuwang tuwa sa natanggap ng kanilang mga mata, hindi ko mapiglang maluha.

It was the end of the school year and I got the highest grade on this level. I felt so proud. I felt so happy. But maybe, it would be more happier if my mom was here with me. Siya ang magsasabit ng mga medalya ko katulad noon.

I shook hands with the professors on our school and they congratulated me with a proud smile.

Seth was also there, giving me his tight warm hug. Nangilid ang luha ko. At least, my brother came. Wala man rito si papa at mama, nandito naman ang kapatid ko.

"Congratulations, ate. I'm very proud of you. And I know our mother are also proud. We love you, Sunshine." he whispered.

Ginulo ko ang buhok niya.

Niyakap ako rin Dori nang magkasama kami. "Congrats to us!" she exclaimed and giggled.

May ibinigay siyang isang gift box sa akin at tinanggap ko iyon. May ibinigay rin ako sa kaniya.

Behind her was her complete family. Mula sa mga magulang, lolo at lola, mga pinsan at kapatid na si Icarus.

My heart pounds fast. His hazel brown eyes were fixed in mine intently. I almost melted. Uminit ang magkabilang pisngi ko mang ginulo niya ang aking buhok. Behind his cold eyes, I see the genuine in it. He also congratulate me. Hindi man siya ngumiti, ramdam ko nag tuwa niya para sa akin.

"Congratulations, Sunny." Tita Veronica smiled motherly at me. "I know Flower were very proud of you."

"Thank you po..."

I flashed a sweet smile. She really looks like Dori. Magkamukhang magkamukha sila.

"Sunny the sungit, congrats!" Kalib messed my hair.

Hyas pinched my cheek at the same time. "Dragon, congratulations!"

Sinamaan ko sila ng tingin at ngumuso. They laughed and even said I'm so cute. Jasmime approached me and hugged me tight. "I know we're not that close but I wanna hug you, Sunshine. Congratulations. I know your family were so proud of you..." she sweetly said and her soft, red lips pressed against my cheek.

"Thanks, Jas..." naiilang kong saad. She's so pretty. Para talaga siyang manika. Even her voice were so soft.

"Sunshine." I heard a deep baritone voice from my back. Lumingon ako rito at nakita si Icarus na nakatayo at nakapamulsa.

Bumilis ang t***k ng puso ko. I wouldn't deny he had still the same effect on me. Domodoble pa rin ang pagtibok ng puso ko sa tuwing nagkikita kami at parang pinapanindigan pa rin ako ng balahibo.

His voice alone can able make me tremble. Lumunok ako ng dalawang beses bago siya pormal na hinarap.

"Hey." I acknowledge.

He stared at me intently. His hazel brown eyes almost made me melt. Those mesmerising pair of his was directly fixed on mine as he stood handsomely in front of me. Hayan na naman, para na naman akong natutunaw sa ilalim ng nagbabagang mga mata niya.

Pinagmasdan kong tumaas ang sulok ng kaniyang mapupulang labi. Icarus never really fails to make me compliments him. Ang gwapo niya talaga kahit kelan.

"Congratulations," he said with a small smile on his lips.

I smiled back, my cheeks were burning. "T-Thank you..."

Kumurap siya ng dalawang beses at tumikhim. "Uhm... I have something for you." he said.

May kinuha siya sa kaniyang bulsa.

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at may iniligay sa ibabaw ng aking palad. Nanatiling nakatingin ako sa kaniyang mata, ganoon din siya sa akin.

Slowly, his lips formed in to a sweet smile. His eyes softened as he towered over me. Natulala ako saglit. I never imagined Icarus would smile at me like that. Never in my wildest dream I can see that smile.

My heart was beating so loudly. Parang gusto na atang kumalawa mula dibdib ko.

He pulled me in a tight hug. Napasandal ang ulo ko sa kaniyang dibdib at rinig na rinig ko ang malakas na kalabog nito.

"Please keep that." he said, referring to the thing he gave. "Congratulations. I'm so proud of you, Sunshine."

Nang sandaling humiwalay na siya sa akin, ramdam ko ang pagkabasag ng aking puso. The sides of my eyes burn. Hanggang sa lumayo na siya, sunod sunod na dumaloy ang masagang luha mula sa aking mga mata.

Pinagmasdan ko ang bulto niyang papalayo. Napangiti ako nang matamis.

Thank you, Icarus Del Cianco.

You may broke my young heart but I'm still grateful to know you and to love you... even though you only sees me as a younger sister.

**

Nang araw din na iyon, sinupresa ako ni Eleazar. He prepared a bouquet of flowers with balloons for me. Nasa may field siya, kasama ang mga barkada. May ibang may hawak na guitar at banners sa gilid niya.

"Congratulations, Sunshine!" they greeted in unison. Nangunguna na roon si Eleazar na sobrang lapad ng ngiti sa akin.

Sinalubong niya ako nang mainit na yakap. I appreciate it. So much. Ele has been so good to me. He's so good to be to true. He made me feel my worth. He made me feel so special. He made me feel like I am the most especial girl he only sees. He waited for me patiently until I was ready to say my sweet yes for his girlfriend proposal.

Noong mag summer, madalas kaming magkita ni Eleazar. Dahil malapit lang ang bahay namin sa isa't isa, madalas kaming nagkikita. He also introduced me to his family. Sobrang hiya ko pa nga noong una lalong lalo na sa mga kapatid niyang mga babae. But they were so fond of me kaya hindi na rin ako nahirapan pang pakisasamahan sila.

April sixteen, we've celebrated my birthday together sa resort na pagmamay-ari ni papa. Yes, my step father owns a resort. Sabay nila iyong pinatayo ni mama noong bata pa ako. Isang white sand beach na resort. Hindi ito masydong pinupuntahan ng mga tao pero sobrang ganda ng lugar na ito. Papa and mama wants a peaceful resort kaya hindi rin nila pinublic ang lugar. I invited my friends on my birthday including Icarus and Grettle.

Sila na pala.

I felt quite hurt but I shrugged it off and ignored it. Siguro nga masakit talaga. Ganito raw kasi kapag mahalaga sa'yo ang isang tao. About sa gift sa akin ni Icarus, it was a customized necklace. Matapos koniyong masuot ay hindi ko na hinubad. It was so beautiful. May nakaupit na ritong 'SUN' sa gitna at mga munting araw na nakasabit dito.

My relationship with Eleazar became official. The whole campus even knows it. They witnessed how smitten Ele for me. They witnessed almost everything. Lalo na iyong pagsali at pagpanalo namin sa isang pageant when I was still grade nine at siya naman ay grade ten. We also won the Miss and Mister Intramurals of the year. Our parents also allowed us to have go outside for a date. Minsan ay nagtatravel pa kami using his ducati. He's still minor for pete's sake but we just laugh it off. Sobrang saya namin palagi. There were times na mag-aaway kami but he's so cute whenever na sinusuyo niya ako. Tuloy ay napapatawad ko na agad siya.

I am on my tenth grade and in my last year as a junior high school student. Things were so busy for me. Dagdag pa na halos every quarter may cheer dance kami.

I was walking in the pathway when someone bumped me on my shoulder. Babalik na sana ako ng room mula sa office ng Science club nang mapahinto ako.

Pareho kaming napaupo sa sahig nang nakabangga ko. Nahulog ang mga bitbit niyang mga libro. An instinct, I helped her.

"S-Sorry po! Sorry! Sorry!" pauli-ulit niyang sabi, halatang nagpapanic.

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"It's okay. Hindi mo naman iyon sinasadya." I said and smiled. Tumayo ako at tinulungan siya.

She's nerd. Magulo ang buhok at pangit ang taste ng fashion. I licked my lower lip. Mukhang newbie pa lang siya. She has this pale white skin, thin body and oldy fashion style.

"S-Salamat po... Sorry, hindi ako tumitingin sa dinaraan ko." mahinang saad niya. I gave her her books. Pinagpagan ko ang nagusot uniporme bago tumayo ng tuwid.

"You're welcome." I smiled again. "Be careful next time."

She shyly nodded with a nervous on her face. "O-Okay..."

"Anong pangalan mo—" napatigil ako sa pagtatanong nang tumunog ang cellphone ko sa bulsa.

Ele:

Babe, hindi ako makakapasok ng klase ngayon, masama po ang pakiramdam ko :(

Ako:

Kahapon pa iyan, ah? Sinabi ko naman kasi sa'yong huwag magpagod ng matindi. Ayan tuloy. Btw, inom ka muna ng water at kumain ka, okay? I'll be there after class. Drink your meds, babe.

Ele:

Owrayyyttt. Muah! Love u bibi. <3

Ako:

I love you. Rest well. Rest in peace.

Char. Hehe.

I giggled after sending it.

Napaangat ako nang tingin.

"Sorry—" napatigil ako nang makitang nakangiti sa akin ang nerd na babae. Tumikhim ako. "Sorry, sige na. Una na ako, bye. Ingat ka." I said.

She nodded. Her brown eyes met mine before I turned my back.

Pumasok ako sa classroom namin na nasa may third floor.

"Kawawa naman 'yung grade eight na transferee, 'no? Palaging binunully ng mga estudyante."

"'Yong alin ba doon? 'Yong nerd ba?"

"Oo. Kawawa nga, halos walang araw na inaaway siya ng mga students rito."

"Ano bang pangalan niya?" narinig kong usap-usapan ng mga kaklase ko.

"I am not sure, eh, pero narinig ko Quinn daw ang pangalan niya. Quinn, uhm... Quinn Madrigal."

Napukaw kaagad ang atensyon ko. Ano raw? Madrigal? Quinn Madrigal? Hindi kaya... siya iyong anak ni Sir Helios. Iyong bunso? I haven't meet her pa kasi. I only know about Trisha and Travis. My half siblings.

After class, I began investigating that Quinn Madrigal they've talking. Pinag-uusapan na kasi ito halos ng buong campus, mga iilang linggo na rin ang nakakaraan. Madrigal. She was the new target of the students dahil bukod sa newbie ito, pangit din ang pananamit.

Pinuntahan ko saang room ito pumapasok. Malaking posibilidad na magkaklase sila ni Seth.

Napahinto ako sa building ng mga grade eight students.

May mga estudyanteng naghahabolan at nagsisigawan kaya tinawag ko ang isa sa kanila. Lumapit naman ito sa akin at biglang natahimik.

"B-Bakit?" naiintimida nitong saad.

"Sino rito ang Quinn Madrigal?" I asked and raised my brow.

Kumunot ang noo ng lalaki. "Yung pangit ba?"

Hindi ako sumagot.

"Ah... ewan. Mukhang n-nandoon sa l-library. Sige, una na ako!" at patakbo itong umalis.

I rolled my eyes.

Sinunod ko ang sinabi ng lalaki kahit na hindi ako siguradong nandoon yung hinahanap ko. Una kong pinuntahan ang library ngunit wala ito roon. Tiningnan ko rin ang mga mga rooms ngunit wala pa rin siya. Hanggang sa marating ko ang garden.

"Yuck! Look at your pants! It's so cheap and pangit! Just like your face! Fashion gurl, fashion!" maarteng saas ng isang babae.

"A-Akin na 'yang notebook ko..."

"Nah, darling... bakit ko naman ibibigay? Hindi pa nga ako tapos, eh." The next thing I heard was a scraping sound of a paper at hikbi ng isang babae. Humalakhak ng nakakaloko ang estudyante.

Without further ado, I came into the picture and walked towards the bullied girl who was been crying frantically.

Hinawakan ko siya sa braso at pinatayo. I looked at her. "Hey..." I softly called.

She cried and sobbed as she looked at me with fear on her eyes.

Galit kong binalingan ang mga estudyanteng biglang natameme sa biglaang pagsulpot ko.

"What did you do to her?" malamig kong tanong na siyang lalong nagpatahimik sa kanila.

Walang sumagot.

Nagtulakan sila. "Ikaw ang sumagot, Sandara." sabi nang isang lalaki na sa tingin ko ay kaedad ko lang.

Tumaas ang kilay ng Sandara. If I could still remember, she was the one who lose on the pageant where I also joined too.

"Ako, b-bkit?" mataray niyang tanong sa akin.

I threw her a sharp look.

"Kneel." malamig kong saad.

Napamaang ito at ang mga kasamahan naman niya ay napasinghap.

"Kneel!" dumaogdog ang boses ko.

They went silent. Sandara's eyes watered.

Nang walang sumagot ay pinalipad ko ang aking palad sa mukha ng babaeng nasa aking harapan. I was never been this violent my whole life. But this b***h deserves this. Hindi lang ako isang estudyante ang nabiktima niya. I was once bullied. She cut my gown before.

"I don't want you to touch her again. Do you understand?" malamig kong sabi at tiningnan sila isa-isa. Napaiyak ang nasampal ko. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!" I shouted.

"Y-Yes! Yes!" sabay sabay nilang sagot at biglang tumalikod paalis.

I sighed heavily and looked at the girl. Humihikbi pa rin ito. Biglang nanlambot ang aking mga tuhod nang marinig siyang umiiyak. I bent down my knees to level her face but her I.D caught my attention.

Quinn Hazel Park Madrigal.

Napapikit ako nang mariin at napakagat ng ibabang labi. She's really indeed, my half sister.