Lightless Sunshine

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Leave me alone." malamig kong saad at umiwas ng tingin.

He chuckled gently and I felt him sitting next to me. "Why are you crying, hmm? Araw?"

"None of your business, Icarus, back off." I scoffed, earning a laughter from him.

"Sungit talaga." he murmured causing me to looked at him and glared.

I rolled my eyes.

"But seriously... why?" his voice turned serious this time.

I pouted and wiped off my tears. "Hindi ako na-inform na chismoso ka na pala."

He froze, lips partly open. Natawa ako nang mahina at sumandal sa punong kahoy. "Curious lang," he said, licking his lower lip and looked directly into my eyes. "Ngayon lang kita nakitang umiyak."

I scoffed. "I wasn't crying, okay? Nalagyan lang ng anghang ang mata ko kaya nagtubig." I reasoned out lamely.

"Lies."

"I was just practicing our role playing project."

"Lies."

"At may sipon ako." dagdag ko at sinamaan siya ng tingin.

"Alright. I believe on you." he smirked, unconvinced.

"Totoo nga!" I whined, pouting.

He chuckled, shaking his head a bit. "May sinabi ba ako?" I glared at him one more time before looking away, embarrassed.

"Just pretend you hadn't have caught me self pitying." malamig kong sabi at inayos ang sabog na buhok.

Hindi ko na narinig ang sagot niya. Tumingin ako sa harapan kung saan naroon ang napakalaking soccer field, may mga iilang estudyanteng mag lalaro ng volleyball doon at ang iba naman ay grupo ng mga estudyante na nagja-jam. Yung iba naman ay magbabarkada na naka upo sa damohan at nagkukulitan. Umihip ang hangin at pareho kaming naging tahimik lang ni Icarus.

He stayed silent beside me.

My heart was still pounding so hard. And again, I felt this kind of feeling na naiintimidita sa kaniyang presenya. I cleared my throat.

A long deafening silence stretched between us. I could feel the air was getting awkward. Or maybe, it was only me who feels this way? Kalmante lang kasi siya habang magkasiklop ang dalawang palad at nakapatong ang dalawang braso niya sa kaniyang mga tuhod. We were silently sitting under the tree.

"M-Mahirap ba ang mag college?" I curiously asked, creating a topic. Suminok ako at nakita ko ang habagyang pagtaas ng sulok ng kaniyang labi.

He glanced at me sideways before turning back his eyes on the field. "There were a lot times I felt quitting." he answered.

Natawa ako kahit na nahihiya. "Y-You seems like a person who doesn't give up easily, Icarus. Don't joke around." Sinabayan ko iyon ng irap.

I saw him smirking. "Research is fun."

"I guess too." tumango ako, sinang-ayunan ang kaniyang sinabi. "How about senior high, was it hard?"

"A bit." he shrugged, licking his lip.

Tumaas ang kilay ko. "I bet that's a scam. Some seniors says it's hard."

"It's fun." he smiled a bit. "Not until you fell for a grade seven student..." he whispered, almost inaudible.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Ha? Hindi ko narinig."

He laughed hard, yumogyog pa ang kaniyang balikat sa sobrang lakas ng kaniyang pagtawa. Napapailing na umiwas siya ng tingin at ngumisi.

"Nah. Nevermind." he chuckled.

Ako naman ay natulala. Icarus was a kind of man who show less of an expression.

And now, seeing him laughing genuinely makes my heart skip a beat.

Napatikhim ako at umirap sa hangin.

Nag isip ako ng bagong topic. Ano naman kaya? Should I ask him about his life? How is he? Should I ask him how's his relationship with Grettle? Should I ask him he's okay? That sounds as if I'm interested towards him. Pinalobo ko ang aking pisngi at dahan dahang binuga ang hangin.

Should I, shouldn't I?

Maybe, oras na siguro para umuwi? Tama. Dapat umuwi nalang ako. Total naman nakita na niya akong umiyak kanina, wala nang rason para manatili rito. I'd just embarrass myself even more.

I glanced at him and fake a cough. "H-Hindi ka pa ba uuwi? Ako kasi uuwi na..."

"Later." he answered with a shrug.

"Uh... uuwi na ako, eh."

He looked at me. "Anong sasakyan mo pauwi?" he batted his eyes lashes. Siguro ay nasilayawan siya sa papalubog na araw. He's so handsome with the sunrays hitting his face. He's the perfect definition of God-like beauty.

"Sasabay ako kay Eleazar." I smiled as I remembered my boyfriend. Tiyak na naghahanap na iyon sa akin.

He suddenly grimaced as his eyes darkened. Nagulat ako roon pero nagkibit balikat nalang ako. "Be careful then." parang labag sa loob na aniya.

"I will." I said and stood up. "By the way, ano palang ginagawa mo dito? Malayo layo rin ang building nyo, ah?"

Tumayo na rin siya at nagpagpag ng damit. He was wearing his white polo long sleeve shirt tucked on his black slacks. Expensive watch on his left wrist.

"I sent Grettle to her mother. I was about to go home when I've seen you." he said. He cleared his throat. "I... I, uhm, I saw your biological father outside the campus..."

Napangisi ko at napayuko. Ramdam ko ang mga karayom na tumutusok ngayon sa dibdib ko.

His finger lifted my chin up, he smiled at me at ginulo niya ang buhok ko. Sumeryoso ang kaniyang mukha pagkaraan. "Life's full of uncertainty to stress yourself out, Sunshine. Our deaths were unpredictable. Hindi natin alam kung kailan tayo mawawala. I just want you to know that whenever you feels upset, sad and down, look at the positive sides of you. Your mother doesn't want to see you crying when she was still alive. She doesn't want you to get hurt."

"Icarus..." I murmured.

"I may not know the reason why you cried but one thing I am sure of... it'll gonna be okay." he said and tapped my head, as if comforting me.

I bit my lower lip as I felt my tears trying to pool down on my cheek. Tumango ako sa kaniya. "I'll k-keep that in mind."

He pulled me in his arms and he hugged me tight. "There's a lot of people out there who loves you, Sunshine. Who sees your worth. You just need to roam your eyes."

"I-Icarus..." I felt a lump in my throat.

"You can always lean on my shoulders, Sunny. I'm always here to listen and to wipe your tears..." he then kissed me on my temple.

We parted our ways and I jogged towards the exit. The heavy feeling I felt earlier eases. Self-pityng won't do anything good, makaka-wrinkles lang ako kung hahayaan kong mangyari ulit iyon.

"I love seeing your smile..." I remembered Icarus whispered on my ear before I turned my back and left him.

**

"Trank, you don't have to cover me up, okay? Ako na ang bahala mag explain kina Lolo. Just trust me!" I heard one of my classmate said. If I am not mistaken, it was Ashley Cole. The hard headed b***h in this campus.

"Ash, ano bang gusto mong mangyari? Na hahayaan nalang kitang mapahamak? You don't know what grandpa can do if he finds out you what we did!" Trank said with a horrible expression on his face.

Tumawa naman si Eulynne. Ang pinakaboba sa classroom namin. "Eh, Trank. Bakit ba? Hindi rin naman iyan papagalitan talaga ng Lolo niyo eh. More on like, he will make an agreement para hindi na ulitin iyon ni Ashley. Like before, you know? He offered a concert ticket VIP para lang hindi na niya ulitin iyon. Bobo ka rin, eh. " sabay bumingisngis nito.

Napanguso naman si Trank at wala ng nagawa.

"Ack! This is what I like about you, Yols eh! Hulog ka talaga ng langit!" Ashley exaggeratedly exclaimed

"Siyempre! Ako pa ba, eh baho ko'g bilat!" she innocently giggled.

Napahinto ako sa pag-s-scroll sa socmed ko at nangunot ang noo.

Natawa ng malakas si Ashley.

"W-What? W-Where did you learned that from?" maang na tanong ni Trank at halata sa mukha ang pamumutla.

"Ha?"

"T-That... who taught you that?!" Trank's eyes widened.

"Ha? Iyon bang baho ko'g bilat—"

"STOP!" his face turned bright red. He has this disbelief expression as he looked at his b***h cousin who happened to be the next seat on where I was seated. She was laughing hard. "JOSEFINA ASHLEY COLE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER MIND?!"

Napangisi nalang ako nang yakapin ako sa braso ni Ashley. "Araw, oh! Si Trank, away atho!" she blinked her eyes twice.

I just rolled my eyes at her.

Just a few hours then, I saw myself inside my room studying the most hated subject on my whole high school life. Ugh! As I kept on reading the textbook I brought from the school, one story caught my attention. It was entitled as "The Fall of Icarus"

I blinked and pouted. Sure thing, Icarus Del Cianco's name got from this book. It picked up my interest. Why did they name him after this? I'm sure his parents did. Kinuwento na iyon sa akin ni Dori, eh.

"The myth of Daedalus and Icarus tells the story of a father and a son who used wings to escape from the island of Crete. Icarus has become better-known as the flyer who fell from the sky when the wax that joined his wings was melted by the heat of the sun..." I read its summary. I suddenly shivered. This one was kind of a tragic. Well, majority of the Greek Gods and Goddesses stories ended up tragically.

I looked at the wall clock, 10:31 in the evening. My body was slowly crawling into the bed and then the last thing I knew, I fell asleep. Too much for that subject. Ah, I need to sleep. Tomorrow lunch, I found myself looking at the bulletin board where I could see my name on top of it. I smiled proudly at myself upon seeing my name being the top not only to our class but also for the whole graduating students im 4th grade om highschool.

And then I remembered my mom, I promised to myself I will give her my medals once I graduated. I'll make sure to make her proud of me even tho she's already gone. And I know Seth would also be proud of me. Including Papa and my friends.

I'll make sure to graduate valedictorian...

That's my goal as a high schooler. That's my dream as a teen and that's my promised to my love ones.

I excused myself out of the crowed when I received a call from my younger brother.

"Yes, Seth?" I asked, my smile was still intacted on my lips.

[ A-ate... ] said by his raspy shaky voice.

Naglaho ang ngiti ko at biglang kumalabog ang dibdib ko sa kaba. "Seth, bakit? Anong problema?"

[ A-ate... umuwi ako ng bahay k-kanina ] he said, scarier now. My heart beats fast. [ T-tapos... si papa, ate... S-si papa...] he cried on the other line. [Ate... si papa, ate... Si papa... Uwi ka muna, please? I-I need you... Ate... Please... ]

He keeps on saying 'papa' and I almost lost my breath, anxiously anticipating for the next words he would said. "Seth! Ayusin mo ang pananalita mo! Hindi kita maintindihan! Ano ba?! Ano bang ibig mo ng sabihin?!" I shouted angrily at the same time with fear.

[Ate... s-si papa... papa, ate... Si p-papa ko...] he sobbed loudly and my heart almost broke. My knees turned jelly but I managed to compose myself.

Hindi ko na hinintay ang ano pa mang sasabihin niya at pinutol ko na ang linya. Patakbo akong pumunta sa may entrada ng eskwelahan pero hinarang ako ng guard.

"Hindi ka pwedeng lumabas, hija, oras ngayon ng klase." paliwanag nito. I almost raised my voice at him but I controlled myself, trabaho lang nila iyon. I left with no choice but to run towards the college and high school boundaries. Bead of sweat dropping from my forehead, down to my neck and back.

Catching my own breath, I climbed up to the wall few inches above my head. Tumapak ako sa may upuan na nakalagay doon at iniangat ang isa pang paa sa pader para lang makalabas. Nakapalda pa ako ngunit hindi ko na iyon pinagtuunan ng pansin.

"Damn! f**k! 'Tangina!" someone hissed as soon as I landed.

Nanlaki ang mata ko nang makita ang isang lalaki na nakatalikod sa akin habang ang katawan ay nakasobsob sa lupa. At ako... nakaupo sa likuran nito! Dang it! Dali dali akong tumayo, remembering why I am at this state right now. I needed to check my brother!.

What... What if something bads happen! s**t. I need to go home now!

"I need to go. I'm sorry, mister-whoever-you-are. I'm sorry." I said, my voice was shaking.

"s**t—what..." he muttered.

"I need to go. I'm sorry!" I exclaimed. Sakto namang may dumaan na taxi kaya yun nalang ang sinakyan ko.

"Sunshine! Wait! Sunshine!" I heard the man I bumped just a second ago shouted my name. I couldn't even recognised who it was as my mind keeps on thinking possible scenarios.

My clenched fist. I gritted my teeth. I told the driver our address and in no time, I was running towards our house. Loud murmurs, gossips, crowded place, ambulance, police officers, and a familiar painful cry greeted me. I almost lost my balance. What... happened?

Slowly, I walked to check what they've been looking and my breathing hitched. Tears automatically pooled down on my cheeks. Lips trembling. My body shook and I fell into the ground. Almost breathless.

Papa... Papa...

Napailing ako kasabay ng pagdurog ng aking puso sa pang-ilang pagkakataon

"Ate!"

My body went numb. My head went blank.

"A-ate... si papa... w-wala na.." he said, barely audible and he sobbed frantically. I bit my lip to suppresed my sobs.

"A-Anong nangyari...?" I asked, looking at the people who's been looking at me and my brother with pities and sympathies in their eyes.

No one answered me. I looked at my brother questioningly. "S-Seth... tell me," my voice broke. Niyakap niya ako at doon humagolhol.

"H-He committed suicide..." That words came out from his mouth made a big strike on my chest.

I closed my eyes tightly and I screamed my lungs' out, crying helplessly.

"Papa!" I cried like a child, not minding people was watching me. Tumayo ako kahit nangangatong na ang aking tuhod, pilit kong hinabol ang stretcher na pinaglalagyan sa kaniya.

I crazily pushed the rescuer. Nagulat ang mga ito at napahinto. I, then, hugged the lifeless body of my stepfather...

Napahagolhol ako. This is one of a hell day for me.

"Pa, gising ka na, please. Papa, please. Please... Papa. Papa, please..." I begged hopelessly and shakes his shoulders, hoping he could hear me. "Papa! Please, gising ka na, papa... Please. Huwag mo k-kaming iwan. Please, please. Papa, huwag... No, please. Wake up, papa. We n-need you. We n-need you, papa... Please..."

I looked around, getting to lose my mind. "Please, save our father. Please, buhayin niyo siya. Please! I beg you. Please, nagmamakaawa ako, buhayin niyo si papa. P-please..."

Sabay sabay nag iwas ang mga ito ng tingin. Seth ran towards me and hugged me tight. "Ate..."

"No, Seth! No! H-Hindi pa patay—" I couldn't finished up my word. "Where's papa, Seth? Do he have his game? Saan siya naglalaro ng bilyar ngayon? Maybe we could go and check him. Yes, nasa malayong lugar lang si papa, diba? H-Hintayin natin siya sa bahay, Seth. Ipagluluto ko pa siya eh. I'll make his coffee. I'll be a good daughter for him. Seth, 'di ba—"

"A-Ate... wala na si papa..."

Natulala ako at saglit na namanhid ang aking puso sa sakit. He cupped my face and flashed a sad smile.

"He left us already..."