After Death (TAGALOG)

Kabanata Bente Kuwatro

Natameme si Asta sa sinabi ni Patricia. Hindi niya alam kung bakit ito naitanong ng babae pero may kakaibang kaba na unti-unting bumabalot sa puso niya.

"You will leave me, eventually?" tanong niya rito, "Where will you go? Kailan ka aalis at kailan ka naman babalik? You told me you're broke, do you even have the money to spend?"

"Money is not an issue," singit nito.

"Then, saan ka pupunta? I'll go with you, I still have my vacation to spend so wherever you go, I'll go!"

Biglang tumayo si Patricia kaya napatingala siya dito. He tried to stand up too but his body is too weak to move. He helplessly looked at her.

Don't leave yet. Piping saad niya.

"My business does not concern you. Go to sleep, Asta."

Wala na siyang nagawa nang lumabas na ito ng kwarto niya bitbit ang tray na ginamit nito nang dalhan siya nito ng pagkain.

Muli siyang humiga sa kama at binalot ng kumot ang sarili.

Unang beses na nag-usap sila ng ganoon katagal ni Patricia. They always have a brief talk but now is new. They talked longer and deeper.

Ngayon niya lang na-realise, he still don't know Patricia. He know her name, her characteristics and manners, but he don't know her background, he don't know what she's thinking inside that prettt little head of hers.

Inabot niya ang side table para buksan ang drawer kung saan nakalagay ang sleeping pills. He stared at the sleeping pills for a while.

This sleeping pills is the tool his sister used to commit suicide. It's not the same bottle nor brand but it's still a sleeping pill.

Kung magpapakamatay ba siya, may magbabago ba?

Maibabalik ba ang buhay ng pamilya niya kapalit ng sa kanya?

Ang maiiwan niyang legacy na pinaghirapan ng mga magulang niya, lalago pa rin ba? May mag-aalaga ba sa mga ari-arian nila?

Ang mga empleyadong umaasa sa kompanya nila, ang mga taong nagtitiwala sa kakayahan niya, anong mangyayari sa kanila?

Kung iisipin, sa oras na mamatay ang isang tao, iiwan na niya ang lahat dito sa mundo.

We can't take our money and all our things in the afterlife. Hindi tayo madadala ng kasikatan o pera sa kabilang buhay.

And the people who will get left behind, what will happen to them?

Ah, kahit pala pagpapakamatay mahirap pa ring pagdesisyonan.

He have to consider the others before his own first. But if he'll choose the right decision, will happiness smile upon him?

But he want to see if Patricia will still come to his rescue whenever he wanted to commit a heavy sin. Will she save him from his sin?

Biglang bumukas ang pintuan ng kanyang kwarto at bumalik si Patricia na may dalang unan at comforter. Hindi siya nakapagsalita kaya pinanood niya itong ayusin ang couch at humiga.

"Patty?" Takang tanong niya rito.

"I'll sleep here, babantayan kita. Hapon na at wala akong magawa kaya matutulog na lang ako. Matulog ka na rin."

His heavy heart was magically soothe by her thoughtfulness. A smile was threatening to surface kaya nakagat niya ang kanyang labi.

"Okay..."

They slept through the day. Nagising lamang siya nang may maamoy na mabangong aroma. When he opened his eyes, nakita niya si Patricia na inaayos ang pagkain sa side table niya.

"Hey..."

Lumingon ito sa kanya. She's not smiling at him ngunit hindi rin siya nakasimangot. Just the sight of her face calmed him already. Medyo okay na rin ang pakiramdam niya at hindi na sumasakit ang kanyang katawan.

"I checked your temperature earlier, bumaba na ang lagnat mo. Kaunting pahinga magiging okay ka na."

She gave him a bowl of soup and rice. May portable table na nilagay si Patricia sa kama kaya maayos siyang makakakain kahit nakaupo sa kama.

"Thank you," napatigil ito sa ginagawa at tinignan siya, "I never really got the chance to thank you for taking care of me."

"Anyone in my position would do the same if they'll see someone sick."

Umiling siya.

"It's not just that," he smiled to show her how he appreciates her so much.

"Thank you for coming into my life, thank you for saving me whenever I plan to stain my soul, thank you for being the only visible color when everyone around me looked so dull and gray. Thank you for saving me from my sin."

Tumitig si Patricia sa kanya ng matagal. They stared at each other and it's giving him uncomfortable vibes. Ang intense kasi makatitig ni Patricia, may nasabi ba siyang hindi nito nagustuhan?

"I did not save you," she said. Tinignan niya ito para hintayin ang kasunod nitong sasabihin.

"You choose to be saved, so you saved yourself. I'm just a tool to help you realise, I can't even save my own soul, so how could I save anyone? Only those who have suffered long, can see the light within the shadows."

Natahimik siya sa sinabi nito. Patricia has a point. We all have a choice, to do that or not, to take it or leave it, to be saved or to be left behind the shadows. Choices that anyone have but some choose the wrong ones.

"Have you already realized your mistake, Asta?"

Unknowingly, napatango siya. "Yes.."

"You live your life in the past, you never considered that you're in the present. Do you know why?"

Napatango ulit siya.

"Why, Asta? Tell me why are you suffering for these past months?"

"Dahil hindi ko tanggap ang nangyari sa akin. I can't accept the fact that everyone dies and leave this place. Hindi ko kayang isiping mangyayari ulit ito at iiwan na naman ako, o kaya naman ay ako ang mang-iiwan at may maiiwan akong masasaktan."

"Life is just a matter of acceptance. Accept that you lose and win, accept that it's not for you, accept the fate He gave you."

A moment of silence enveloped them He was taking all she said and bring it closer to his heart. Kahit saan mo tignan, tama ang sinasabi ni Patricia.

"It's okay to get lost in the wilderness," biglang dugtong nito. Tumayo ang babae at tinignan siya pababa, she reached out for his face and held it between her palms.

"It's okay to think about giving up on life, you're a human and it's normal but it's never okay to actually do it. Do you understand me, Asta?"

"Yes," without actually thingking, he replied. Mapapasagot nalang siya ng on the spot dahil sa kung gaano siya tinamaan sa sinasabi nito.

She's right, all she said is right but there's one thing he's so confused about.

"How did you know all my struggles when I'm not even sharing it to you?" tanong niya rito.

Patricia was taken back by his question. It's so out of the blue, it's not even close to their topic! Binitawan nito ang kanyang mukha at umtras.

He looked at her moves, confused why she stepped back looking terrified. Wala namang dapat katakutan sa kanyang katanungan, so why is she showing that kind of expression?