Heal Me, Roughly

Chapter 6

“YOU skipped meal?!” Ish shouted through the phone. Simula ng gabing iyon ay nagpalitan na kami ng numero dahil sa kagustuhan niyang magkaroon ng kumunikasyon sa pagitan naming dalawa.

I chuckled. “Calm down Ish.” Minaobra ko ang sasakyan at dumaan sa drive thru. Galing ako ng manila dahil kinausap ako nila daddy about Syd’s death anniversary.

It's been years since Kuya Syd died. And like the other death anniversary, hindi nila ako sinasama. Sinabihan lang nila ako na 'wag kalimutang pumunta sa sementeryo para paulit-ulit na humingi ng tawad.

“Calm down?! Mamon sabi ko naman—“

“Na ‘wag magpapagutom at kumain four times a day.” Natatawang tuloy ko sa sinabi niya. Four times a day talaga. Paranoid bestfriend.

I can hear Ish’s sighed. This guy really cared about me. Lagi siyang tumatawag sa akin para tanungin if I’m okay. He even set an alarmed in my phone about my meal.

“Mamon mamayang gabi na ako makakarating diyan sa Quezon Province.” Sabi nito sa kabilang linya. Kinuha ko naman ang inorder ko sa drive thru at nagpatuloy sa biyahe.

“Ish. Hindi mo naman kailangan pumunta ng Quezon Province.” I answered. Kumuha ako ng isang fries at kinain iyon.

I heard someone talk from his line. “Tangina mo naman fafa Levi! Mamaya ka na lumandi!” Rinig ko ang tawanan doon at naiiling na lang.

“f**k off Ephraim!” Sigaw niya na alam kong bahagyang nilayo ang cellphone. “Hello? Mamon? Still there?”

“Yep. I hang up na Ish. Mukhang busy ka.” I said while smiling.

Bumuga siya ng hangin. “Na-ah. But yeah. I need to hang up.”

“Bye Ish.” Paalam ko.

“Bye Mamon. Take care.” And he ended the call.

Nilapag ko ang cellphone ko sa dashboard at nagpatugtog. I smiled when the song echoed inside my car.

Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me,

But bear this in mind, it was meant to be,

And I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks,

And it all makes sense to me...

I tapped my fingers on the wheel in every beats of the songs.

I know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes,

when you smile,

You've never loved your stomach or your thighs,

the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine

But I'll love them endlessly

Ish love this song for a reason he only knows why. Nakasanay ko na rin itong patugtugin dahil natutuwa ako pag kinakanta niya ito.

I won't let these little things

Slip out of my mouth,

But if I do

It's you,

Oh it's you,

They add up to,

I'm in love with you,

And all these little things.

Sabi niya sa akin, ang kantang ito ay inaalay niya sa isang babae. I just laughed by his sentiment. He always like that. Swerte ng babaeng iyon. Ish is a good catch.

Tumunog ang cellphone ko at dinampot. Hininaan ko ang volume at akmang sasagutin ang tawag ng pagbaling ko sa daan ay isang truck ang kasalubong ko.

“s**t!” Nabitawan ko ang cellphone at iniwas ang sasakyan. I heard my car screech.

My heart runs fast nervously. Napatulala ako sa harapan ng ihinto ko ang sasakyan matapos iwasan ang truck. I leaned my back against the seat of the car.

Memories from the past flashed unto my mind. Agad kong ipinilig ang ulo ko at huminga ng malalim.

“No Swella. You are fine now.” I whispered to myself.

Inabot ko ang cellphone ko at nilagay sa tenga ng hindi tinitingnan ko sino ang tumawag.

“Hello? f**k! Swella answer me? s**t!—“

“Hey. Ish.” I breathe deeply. His voice sounds panicking.

“What with the screech sound?! Are you okay? Nasaan ka na ba? I’m on my way to Quezon.” His voice was husky. He’s tired I know.

“I’m fine. May kung ano lang na tumabon sa windshield ko. Malapit na ako sa Quezon Province.” Pagsisinungaling ko.

“Okay. I hang up. Baka mabangga ka pa diyan, hindi mo masisilayan ang kagwapuhan ko. Take care Mamon.” He ended again. Kahit kailan talaga isisingit niya ang kahambugan niya.

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagdadrive at six pm na rin ako nakadating sa resort. Agad kong pinark ang sasakyan at dumiretso sa unit ko.

Pagkapasok ko ng unit ay naligo lang ng madalian at nagpahinga na. Driving for a long hours is painful at the back. Humarap muna ako sa salamin at nagpahid ng cream sa mukha.

I traced my freckles in my face and pouted my lips. Ayoko talaga ng freckly face ko. I sighed.

Tinabi ko ang cellphone ko at nilakasan ang volume. Para kung tumawag man ang hambog ay maririnig ko. I smiled and stretched my arms.

“Nakakapagod mag drive.”

Humiga na ako sa kama at nagpasyang matulog.

“No! Help me Swella!”

“Save yourself sweetie!”

“Swella! Come back!

“Call for help!”

“No!”

THE moment I opened my eyes, I’m gasping for air. I can’t breath. The nightmares is hunting me. I sucked an air to breathe but I can’t. It feels like someone’s choking me.

No. No. No. Not now.

I scratched my arms. I feel itchy and it feels like there are thousand of needles in me. I tried to wipe them away. My chest is squeezing because of the pain. It’s hurt.

“Oh my God! No!” I cried in pain. I gripped my hair and pulled it up. My scalp feels hurt. This is happening to me again.

I froze when I heard screams, the same screams for the past years. They are asking for help. And all I can do is to cover my ears. I don’t want to hear it. I want them to shut up. My tears started streaming down to my cheeks and my breathing became heavy.

“No! Go away!” I shouted and breathe hardly.

I rubbed my arms trying to get rid of the painful prick. I closed my eyes and sobbed. I continuously scratched my arms and cried my heart out. Opening my eyes, I looked down to my hands. The needles were gone but it turns to blood. My eyes widened in horror.

My hands are full of blood.

My brother’s blood.

My friend’s blood.

My own blood.

My body is trembling hardly. I can’t feel my legs. My shirt is soaking wet because of my sweats. My hands is shaking as the blood stained my arms.

No!

Hinablot ko ang nakita kong panyo at pinunasan iyon. Ayaw niyang mawala. Bakit ayaw mabura. Bakit?!

“No! Help me!” I shouted.

Narinig ko ang malakas na pagbukas ng pinto at agad lumapit sa akin ang taong iyon.

He cupped my cheeks and looked at me with a worried eyes.

“s**t! What happened?!” He asked desperately.

“Ish..” I gripped his shirt. “Make it stop. Wash it away!”

Pinakita ko ang braso ko sa kaniya. But to my surprise, the only left was the wounds I made by scratching myself. The thick blood of everyone was gone.

“f**k!” Nanlaki ang mata niya at agad siyang dumukot ng panyo. “What the f**k did you do?!”

Galit na galit ang mukha nito habang pinupunasan ang mga sugat ko na nagsimula ng dumugo ng bahagya at namula.

“There was blood.” My voice is shaking. “I… I was filled with blood.” I started crying.

He caress my cheeks. “There’s no blood.”

“Ish..” I sobbed. “It’s hunting me. Nightmares hunting me and I hate it!”

He hugged me tight and all I can do is to cry. “Hush now. I’ll help you. We will fight this mamon.”

In his arms, I feel relaxed. The screams, itchiness and blood was gone.

I feel his fingers comb my hair gently. This man manage to tamed all my demons. Walang maingay sa utak ko. Walang dugo.

Iginiya niya ako pahiga at tinitigan ako sa mata. He caress my cheek and wiped the tears. I sobbed and stared to him.

“Go back to sleep.” He said and smiled.

Akmang tatayo na ito ng pigilan ko siya sa braso. I don’t want to be left alone.

“No! Don’t.. Don’t leave.” Muling nag init ang sulok ng mata ko.

He hold my hand and sit on the floor. “I’ll stay then. Now rest.”

Hinalikan niya ang likod ng palad ko at hinahaplos ang buhok ko. Nakaramdam ako ng antok dahil sa ginagawa niyang iyon. I feel fine.

The nightmares didn’t bother my sleep again.