Of Lilies Time and Remorse

“ 1, and 2 and 1 and 2, 1 and 2 and 1 and 2!  be graceful!”  our dance instructor shouted. I tried to move with the others. I then tried to be synchronized with them. The dance instructor tapped me with his fan. Mukhang may hindi siya nagustuhan sa mga kilos ko. “ Smile!’ I gave him my widest smile. He then stared at me and went to the other dancers. I secretly sighed. Mahigit apat na oras na kaming nagpra-practice. Napagod na rin ako sa paulit-ulit namin dahil hindi ito perfect gaya ng gusto niya. Nararamdaman ko na ang uhaw kahit pa nga kaka- break lang namin 10 minutes ago. Then I heard a whistle. Now I smiled. A real one. Sa wakas at tapos na ang dance session namin.   “Okay, dancers! That’s all for today. Remember to always feel the music. Nakakapagod? Don't give me that expression. Passion niyo to diba? Then go for it. Di bale ng nakakapagod.” Totoo naman ang sinasabi ng dance instructor namin. We were  responsible for this.  Choice namin ang sumali. Well kahit hindi naman ako ganoon kagaling, I still found dancing entertaining. Also dancing is one of the few things that I can truly be me. 'yung tipong walang pagkukunwari when we feel like we ought to pretend just to fit in. I heaved a long sigh and fanned myself with my hands. I saw our dance instructor waved his hand. I went to the other side of the studio to get my things. “Hey”  I heard somebody speak from my back. I turned as I finally got a hold of my towel and wiped myself. “Hi”  I replied to Sixto while I continued wiping my face that’s dripping with sweat. I grabbed my water bottle and took a gulp. The water was so little that I thought it did not even reached my throat. “Tss. Napaka useless” I heard Sixto laughed. He handed me an unopened bottle. “ Ano ‘to?” He looked at me as if I said an alien word. “Bottle na may lamang tubig that can quench your thirst. In case hindi mo alam” I rolled my eyes at him. “Okay, Sixto”    I grabbed the bottle from his grasp. I tried to drink from it. Napahinto ako. The bottle wasn’t opened yet. He tried not to laugh. Kinuha niya mula sa akin ang bottle at siya na mismo ang nagbukas. “Napaka tanga naman” “What?” I raised my brows at him. He did the same. I drank the water in one gulp. “Okay, Sixto. Take two.” He laughed at me. “ Not thank you Sixto? For saving you from dehydration?” I stared at him with bored eyes. He just shrugged  and went behind me, grabbed my bag, and pushed me out of the studio. “ Tara kain.” We went inside a fast food chain and he payed for the bill. For sure I’ll be the one to pay for our fare. He ordered a lot at hindi na ako nagreklamo. Gutom na rin kasi ako. He was munching on his fries when he noticed that I was staring at him. “Hmm?” “ Hindi mo naman kailangang samahan tuwing may dance practice ako.” sabay subo ko din ng fries. “Hayaan mo na. Gusto ko naman.” napatitig ako sa kaniya. He looked at me and shrugged. “Malay mo maging dancer din ako. Hehe.” “But you never joined! Nag pa-enroll ka na lang sana.” Sixto was never a good dancer. I don’t think he’s interested in ballroom dances tho. Nang matapos kaming kumain, napagpasiyahan na naming umuwi. After all, I was the reason kung bakit siya nandito. Isa pa, magkapitbahay kami. I snorted.   Pagdating sa bahay, ay nakita ko si mama na nagluluto. I went to her and kissed her cheeks. “Oh, nasaan si Sixto?” She asked me, as she looked behind me.   “ Umuwi na ‘ma.” I answered her as I laid myself on the sofa. “ Bakit naman? You should have asked him to eat with us.”  “We ate already.” I covered myself with the throw pillow. “Hmm” Napabangon naman ako and gave my mom an accusing look. “Ma, you don’t need to ask Sixto to be my bodyguard.” “ Ha?” I looked at her who seems to be puzzled of what I said. “Never mind, I’ll be in my room.” I went upstairs and found myself jumping in my bed. Ah! What a tiring day! Napaisip naman ako sa reaksiyon ni mama. I mean she doesn’t need to act clueless. Sixto’s always accompanying me, everywhere I went. He could be my lamb. Haha! Joke intended, but seriously tho, kagaya kanina. I mean I’m old enough to be on my own. He always went with me to the studio kahit alam ko naman na hindi siya interested sa Waltz, or any kind of ballroom dance. Nanunuod lang siya palagi. He says he’s never bored, so bahala siya. Though nakokonsensya ako minsan. Pinilit ko naman siyang 'wag sumama pero mapilit din siya. One thing about Sixto is that he's hard to convince something na ayaw niyang gawin talaga.   I can remember one incident.  Pinilit siya ng mama niyang sumali sa isang contest sa school noong grade school pa kami. I was in the fourth grade habang nasa sixth grade naman siya. His mom threatened him na hindi siya bibigyan ng baon for a month kung hindi siya sasali. And guess what?  He didn't bulge. Wala siyang baon for like two weeks  at nanghihingi lang  siya sa akin. Though my mom was kind enough to prepare one for him since then.  Hindi naman nakatiis si tita so binigyan niya na din ng baon si  Sixto. I shrugged. So much for reminiscing. Naghanda na ako para matulog. I washed my face, and body and did the things for my hygiene.I tried to recall my day before I tucked myself to bed. The next day, I took a bath early.I combed my hair and got myself ready para sa practice namin ng mga kaklase ko. I’m wearing a white shirt with a colorful skull printed on it. Black not so short shorts accompanied with my white sneakers. I wore my black watch.(The common black watch) and had my hair in a ponytail. I grabbed my black bag pack and wore the straps to have it on my well- back. As a high school student, we have a lot of activities. Kulang na lang  ay sa school kami matulog para sa mga practices. Nakakalito pa ang mga gc dahil sa dami ng grupo ko sa iba’t-ibang subjects for presentations. Konti na lang at magdadala na ako sa school ng placards na may nakalagay na “WE ARE ONLY HUMANS” o kaya ay “STUDENTS ARE NOT ROBOTS” kagaya ng nakikita ko sa newsfeed ko. I rolled my eyes at the thought. I grabbed my phone and was about to go out when the door opened. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko dahil sa gulat. “Oh. You’re ready. Let’s go?” “Anong let’s go? Pupunta ako mag-isa noh.” I went out of my room. He followed me. “Didn’t you know that we both, by the way, go to the same destination?” I squinted my eyes at him. “At paano mo naman nasabi na pareho tayo ng pupuntahan?” We went down the stairs. “Well, ano pa bang bago? Edi pupunta sa freedom para mag practice. Besides you have your backpack on.” “Excuse me ha, pero it doesn’t mean na may bag pack ay sa practice ang punta.” “Well, I know your schedule.” he gave me a smile. I looked at him weirdly. “WTF stalker.” he stared at me as we got out of my house. “Excuse me, but your language please.” I looked at him,c****d my head, and acted innocent. “ What? I meant where’s the flowers? You should bring me flowers next time you come.” “And why is that?” he raised his brow at me. Kalalaking tao nagfle-flex ng kilay. Luh. “It wouldn’t hurt to give some. May flower shop kayo.” He clicked his tongue and later on resulted in a chuckle.With both hands in his pockets, he went ahead of me. I smiled triumphantly and hopped towards him.   “ Okay guys! From the top!”   sigaw ng leader na si Diane. Alam ba niya na ang hirap ng magpatuloy dahil sa pagod? Well I guess she does. But can’t blame her tho.We wanted to win and success needed sacrifice. For this case, our voices. This is a speech choir after all. I heard my classmates groan in frustration. “Baka naman pwedeng mag break?” suggest ni Mara. “Break? ‘Wag masakit ‘yon.” hugot ni Kent. It made me roll my eyeballs. Napatingin naman kami sa kaniya at sabay-sabay na nag “ Aaaah” “Aaah ang lame.” Lame pero natatawa naman ang lahat. Maybe that’s what happens when you are tired.  Thank God our president listened and gave us a ten minute break na naging one hour. Talking about how precious time is. Natapos kami around 4. “Guys, sa MAPEH nga pala na group ha!” nagremind si Mabel at dahil doon nagkaroon na naman ng commotion. “Group 1! Dito na!” “Group 2! Tapos ko na ang script” “GROUP 3 ANO NA?” umalingawngaw ang tinig ni Kent. I sighed. High School life is the best. “ May test daw sa ARPAN sa lunes. Summative.” “Huh? Diba sa Filipino ‘yon?” “ English naalala ko eh.” “Ano ba talaga?!”  Napailing na lang ako. Maski nga ako nalilito na sa mga sinasabi nila.Yep, High School life is the best. “Uy, Lucy!” napatingin ako sa tumawag sa akin. Si Kent.  “May naghahanap sa ‘yo.” “Sino?” “Yung senior high mo” he smirked at me. Nagka radar naman ang mga classmates ko at sabaysabay na nanukso. “YIEE NA OLL MAY SENIOR HIGH” “NA OLL MAY KOYA HAHAHA” sinamaan ko naman ng tingin kung sino mang kumag ‘yon. Lumapit ako kay Sixto at sinamaan din siya ng tingin.   “Hala, hala. Galit na galit ang grade 10. Oy! ‘Wag kang mapanakit! Kaya tayo iniiwasan eh.” habol pa ni Zandro.Hindi ko na lang siya pinansin. “Hi.” he greeted at me with a smile. I greeted him with a brow raised. “Uh, taas ah?” I ignored his remark about my eyebrow. “Ano bang ginagawa mo dito?” “ Sinusundo ka?Uuwi na rin kasi ako” I gave him a blank face. “Kaya kong umuwi mag-isa.” I confidently told him. “Ay weh?” I hit his arm. He just laughed it off. “Tara na senyorita. Iuuwi na kita sa hacienda. Mag-aalas sais na at hinahanap ka na ni senyora.” I intently looked at him for a minute. I leaned over him at kahit pa hanggang balikat lang ako, I gave him my most serious look. He seems uncomfortable. I can feel his tensed. I leaned closer. “Sixto?” “Y-yeah?” “ Kabit ka ba ni mama?” I saw him gasped. Napahawak pa siya sa bibig niya na para bang napaka crucial ng sinabi ko sa kaniya. I rolled my eyes at him. Napaka OA. “Ano bang pinagsasabi mo? You’re blabbering nonsense. Ma- issue ka din sis.” “Baka kasi gusto mo akong maging anak. May papa ako.” Napatitig siya sa akin. “Anong anak?” I rolled my eyes at him and crossed my arms. “Duh. Baby. Baka gusto mo akong maging baby.” He bit his lip and tried to hide his smile. “Adik ka ba?” “Nagtatanong lang eh. Unless guilty.” He just shrugged. Still, with a smile on his face. Nang nasa pedestrian na kami, napaurong ako. Hindi ako marunong tumawid mag-isa. Wala naman kasing traffic lights sa small city namin. Sensing my dillemma he gave me a look. “Wow ha. Kaya ko namang tumawid mag-isa eh.” I made a face. I knew he was mocking me. “Hawak ka na senyorita.” I held on to the hem of his shirt and together we crossed the streets. The usual.   “Let’s just do our best! Basta mag-enjoy lang tayo.” pag e-encourage ni Phil. “Oo nga! Ang importante ay matapos natin ‘to.” Pinatawag na kami para pumunta sa stage. Kami na ang magpeperform. “Who do you think will have the first place? Shout your bets! And you’ve got it right! Congratulations to Section Daza!” We clapped our hands as the winners got up in the stage. We weren’t part of the top 3, and we weren’t expecting na manalo din. That’s how it is. You win or you lose. We were the latter. I can feel my classmates' disappointment. We didn’t even get the special award tho karamihan ay nagsasabi na we should have got it. But no more crying over spilled milk now. We had fun and it was a memorable experience. I knew we did our best. Never mind if it’s not enough.