Trace of A Broken Lead

twenty.sistem

N  A  T  A  S  H  A

.  .  .

It felt like I was back on that place. 'Yung lahat ng sakit, hapdi, naramdaman ko ulit ang pakiramdam na parang hinuhugot ang lakas ko. Pati 'yung liwanag na halos ikabulag ko araw-araw. . . Sa mga oras na iyon, muli kong naramdaman.

And it fvcking hurts. I don't know what just happened. I don't know why I suddenly got a punctures and holes like someone injected a syringe on it even if I was only standing there, untouched.

Those agony. . .

"You think, you could get away from me?" it's Mr. Walter but all that I could see was the blinding light. I cried in agony, I don't want this!

At kahit na puro liwanag lang ang nakikita ko ay naramdaman kong may humaplos ng pisngi ko at kasabay non ay muli kong narinig si Mr. Walter, "Darling, I will hunt you. I will be your living nightmare."

Marahas kong tinanggal ang kamay nito sa pisngi ko. I balled my fist, the pain was still there but my emotional state still overwhelme my body. Afterall, emotional pain was more painful than physical pain. "Stay away from me, you, killer!"

He chuckled, "Have you receive my short poem? What can you say about it?"

"Nothing!" I tried to shrug off and tried to remove that sticky liquid that felt like covering me right now. Hindi ko alam kung ano 'to.

Ang dami pang sinabi ni Mr. walter at hindi ko na siya masagot ng maayos dahil hindi na ako makahinga, hindi ko rin maipikit nang maayos ang mata ko. Dahil kahit anong ipikit ko nandoon pa rin ang liwanag.

"Natasha, you will always be stuck on my light."

Then I blinked. I can still feel the soreness on those part of my body that got holes, parang namamanhid. Kumurap ako ng ilang beses nang ang makita ko lang ay ang malabong paligid, nang gawin ko iyon ay nagsituluan ang mga luhang namuo sa mata ko. Ang sakit pa rin sa mata, ang hirap magadjust.

Napatingin ako sa harap ko at nakita ko agad si Ephriam na nakatingin sa akin nang seryoso, hindi ko alam pero parang ang talim ng tingin niya. I felt intimidated at his expression right now, plus, his hair wasn't tied up that added my anxiety.

"Yo," I croaked. Bakit ganito na ng boses ko? Iginala ko ang paningin ko s paligid at halos kumunot na lang ang noo ko nang mapansing tirik na tirik na ang araw sa labas. Ang sakit sa mata. . . Bigla akong nahilo sa ginawa ko kaya napapikit ulit ako.

He was so still and didn't answer me. "Hoy," tawag ko pa dahil natatakot na talaga ako sa tingin nito. The pain started to fade away and anxiety replaced it, he really looks mad. What did I do that makes him express this action?

I was about to reach out when something stop me from moving my hands. And as I realize I was tied in a rope, both of my hands and feet. Nakaupo rin ako sa isang upuan na walang sandalan, kaya pala ang sakit ng likod ko. I looked at Ephriam and he was still staring at me.

"Hey, what is this? Tanggalin mo 'to," I demanded and tried to free myself. I can feel the tightness of the rope that grip my wrist, so tight that I could think that my fingers were already red. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nakatali ako.

He still didn't answer and I was getting frustrated as I move restrictedly.

"You're not going to free me?" I asked and tried to make my voice intimdating but he has still no reaction.

"Hoy, Ephriam Dwayne Eren!"

"Napipi ka na ba?"

"Are you deaf?"

"I swear if I get away from this, I'll kill you."

"Argh, can't you see this? It's hurting me!"

"I thought you're not going to do this?!" hindi makapaniwalang sabi ko sa kaniya. Pinilit ko ring salubungin ang titig nito kahit na nahihilo pa rin ako. And finally he avoided his gaze.

"Are you done?" he asked, coldly.

"What?!" I exclaimed, I felt like I was running out of voice. Bakit parang paos na rin ako?

"Di ko alam ang sinasabi mo, just get me off this thing." he sighed and then started to untie the rope in my hand.

"I thought you're not going to stop." he said and I felt the rope loosened so I immediately massage my wrist to ease its pain. I helped him to untie my feet.

"Ano?" nagtatakang tanong ko.

Tinignan lang ako nito habang pilit na sinasalubong ang mata ko. "You started to freak out for about 3 hours, you know? You cried like you wanted to die and started to bang your head on the floor. You mumbled things that was so creepy, you were cursing me."

Nagulat ako sa sinabi nito. 3 hours?! But it was just a minute ago since I felt that pain. I can still feel it! Hindi ko alam na nangyayari 'yon, naguguluhan ako.

"Are you saying that I was hallucinating?" mariin kong tanong.

"Yes, don't you ever do that again." sabi pa nito at tuluyan niya nang naitanggal ang tali sa paa ko.

I can't still believe it, am I really daydreaming? Kanina nang naririnig ko si Mr. Walter at ang nakikita ko lang ay ang liwanag, ibig sabihin si Ephriam ang nasa harap ko non?

Napahilamos na lang ako ng mukha at kinalma ulit ang sarili ko. Hinang-hina ako dahil sa nangyari. I don't understand what the heck just happened, but one thing for sure, Mr. Walter can still control my body. . . and the big question is how?

It's 4 pm in the afternoon, and that's when I realize that I haven't eaten anything since this morning and he is too. I can't help myself not to stare at his eyes, 'yung talukap ng mga mata niya ay mabagal sa pagpikit, matatamlay na rin ito. Wait, don't tell me, hindi pa siyang natutulog?

After he gave me my food, we started to eat together. "Hindi ka pa natutulog," I said and he just nodded.

"I'm sorry, did I make you stay awake? How many times I have touched you?"

Napakunot naman ang kilay ko ng bigla itong napaubo kaya agad kong inabot sa kaniya 'yung tubig. Tahimik lang siya at pansin ko na hindi na siya makatingin sa akin ngayon, hinaharang niya pa ang buhok niya para itago ang mukha niya.

"Hey, what happened? Bakit ganyan ang itsura mo?" I asked and he sighed another deep breathe. He looked at me then a playful smirk was already displayed.

"You've touched my head, the other head." agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya, at kahit na kakalunok ko pa lang ng kinakain ko ay parang gusto kong mabulunan.

"W-what?" I asked frozen.

"Just kidding," agad akong napapoker face sa sinabi nito. Gusto ko siyang batukan, mabuti na lang at hindi naman ganon ka-big deal ang reaksyon ko.

"You've just scratched my arms." siguro hindi ko na kailangang gantihan o batukan siya, what I've done earlier was enough.

"Napaka-ano mo." ngumisi lang ito ng malapad and I swear, those kind of smirk has an effect on me, but why?

Hindi rin naman nagtagal ay unti-unti na akong nabobored. I felt like I would be drown by my own thoughts if I wouldn't distract myself. Plus, Ephriam was already sleeping. I didn't insisted anymore because he really looked tired. At kahit na hindi pa nito sabihin alam kong binantayan niya ako sa mga oras na iyon.

***

Few hours had passed and everything was okay. Hindi ko na rin maramdaman 'yung mga sugat ko pero hindi pa rin sila naghihilom. Jane and Haymitch wasn't still visiting but Haymitch surprisingly called me in phone.

"That's good," sabi ko habang nakaipit ang phone sa aking balikat at tenga. Nililinis ko kasi ang gamit na nakita ko na paniguradong madalas gamitin ni Ephriam.

("Isang linggo ata kaming magtatagal dito, ang tagal, diba?") he said on the other line.

"Nagmamadali?" I taunted and glance at Ephriam who are boredly laying in the sofa.

("Gusto na raw makita ni Jane si Eph. Nakakairita 'yung boses!"

"Haymitch!"

"ANO?!")

I wince when I heard him shout in the other line. Dahil rin doon ay nahulog ko ang cellphone at nataranta.

Nang maibalik ko sa tenga ko ang cellphone ay kinakausap na pala ako ni Haymitch.

("Uy, okay ka lang? Anong nangyari?") nag-aalalang sabi nito.

"ANG LAKAS NG BOSES MO!" sigaw ko rin sa telepono kaya natawa ako nang marinig ko ang malutong nitong mura sa akin.

Ilang minuto pa kami nag-usap ni Haymitch bago siya tawagin ng mga kapatid niya at nagpaalam sa akin. Huminga ako ng malalim nang maibaba ko na ang telepono.

Napatingin naman ako sa itaas na part ng pabrika, kitang-kita ko mula dito sa baba ang ilang mga bakanteng kwarto. At habang nakatingin ako sa itaas may iisang kwarto ang nagpakunot ng noo ko kaya naman pinuntahan ko ito kahit na wala naman akong balak. I don't know, I'm just curious about it but it wasn't my intention to go there, well, let's just say that I want to check it out. May pinagkaiba naman sila diba?

Napakalutang ko naman.

Pagkadating ko roon ay may nakita akong reclined chair na parang katulad sa dentist room. Hindi rin nawala sa paningin ko ang ilang gamit na nakakalat sa buong kwarto. What's disturbing was the graffiti paintings in the walls, it looks dark.

Lumapit ako sa upuan at napansin ko na may iilang wires ang nakapalibot dito. It almost looked like an electric shock chair, I couldn't take it off my mind that maybe someone died in here. Something caught my eye, the sunlight that peeks out of a broken roof shines through a tarpaulin.

No, it was a blueprint template. My eyebrow knitted as I scanned it, it was a blueprint of something that was attached on that chair. That chair was the main thing of this. At habang binabasa ko ito ay naiintindihan ko na kung para saan ito.

Para kay Phoebe. . . The blueprint template was entitled by Rendezvous point where it was planned that Phoebe should sleep in that chair and her conciousness was displayed on a screen. The template was perfectly made like a professional engineer. Wow, siguro kung maayos lang ang pamumuhay ni Ephriam at wala siya dito, siguro ngayon sikat na siyang magaaral sa kolehiyo ng pagi-engineer. Well, if I remember it right, he's just only a year older than me, 19 years old just like her sister.

One thing that I've found out in Mr. Walter's research was that we grew up faster than humans. Hindi kami mukhang teenager dahil sa mga kakayahan namin at mas may kapasidad para maging malawak ang pag-iisip.

I tried to study the template and complete this thing but I was in midway of learning it when I heard a thud in a distance. Chills went over my spine when I hear a series of mumbled voice from a far. What's happening?

I stand up and see what's happening. Dahan-dahan akong pumunta kung saan ko narinig 'yon. It was coming from Ephriam's direction but I immediately stop walking when I'd seen him talking to someone.

He was facing his back at me and he was talking to Jane! Akala ko ba ay hindi sila makakabisita ng isang linggo? Kausap ko pa lang si Haymitch kanina. Bakit nandito na si Jane?

"I told you, Jane. I can handle it." rinig kong sabi ni Epiales. "All the things that you could do to help me is to keep your mouth shut about this."

"You know that I can't, Ephriam Dwayne." mariing sabi nung Jane. Kinilabutan ako nang marinig ko ang pangalan ng lalaki mula kay Jane, hindi niya ito tinatawag na Tarzan.

"Why? Do you really—"

"She's in my new adhere list." what are they talking about? Are they talking about the list that I've seen in his black tablet?

Ephriam grab her wrist, I can see how she wince in his grasp. "She's mine. You can't kill her,"

"Then recommend her!"

"She doesn't want that."

"Kill her,"

"No,"

"What really is happening to you? This is against the order. Alam mong bawal tayong bumuo ng grupo na hindi rehistrado sa kanila." Jane insisted.

"Hindi ako gumagawa ng grupo."

"Then do the right thing. Baka may makakita sa'yo." rinig na rinig ko kung paano magiba ang tono ni Jane nang sabihin niya 'yon. I took a clandestine peek and seen her worried eyes.

She cared for him. I gulped.

"No one will know."

"You know that it's not always like that."

"Just keep your distance. Humiwalay na tayo sa grupo nila, they wouldn't know something about this." Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi ni Ephriam.

Alam kong laging magkasama sila Ephriam, Jane at Haymitch na akala ko isang grupo na sila pero meron pa silang iniwan na grupo? What happened?

"That's the bad thing, I begged Harry to help me clean my mess." Jane bit her lip, "And I didn't knew that they have a new member who could make someone confess, and then I told them about Natasha."

"What?" malakas na sabi ni Epiales na para bang hindi niya nagugustuhan ang nangyayari. "Fvck, you did what?"

"Kaya agad akong pumunta rito. If you really want to keep her safe without doing anything, Harry could protect her—"

"I said no, Jane!"

"I'm sorry that I went to Harry. But I couldn't change it anymore." naiiyak na sabi ni Jane. 

"You're getting in my nerves, Jane. Mas lalo mong pinalala ang sitwasyon." Ephriam brushed her hair upwards, controlling his temper.

"Bakit pa kasi tayo umalis sa grupo nila?"

"Bakit kasi sumunod ka sa akin?" singhal ng galit na lalaki.

"Iiwan niyo 'ko ni Haymitch!"

"Kung hindi mo kami kayang pagkatiwalaan, sana nanatili ka na lang sa grupo ng Harry na 'yon!" he shouted.

"Why are you shouting at me?!"

"Because you're unbelievable!"

"You know that you're not the leader, it's Harry. Wala kang karapatang magdesisyon sa sarili mo. We still belong to them even we left, they still own us."

"f**k this system, tangina."

The tension between them had reached me, I can feel that Ephriam was already fuming in anger by the tone of his voice. Parang nahirapan din akong mahinga para sa kaniya. Bakit sinabi ni Jane 'yon? Ganito ba kapag naging black na? Everything is secluded?

"And you know what did he told me after that?"

There was a long silence.

"It's either you'll give her up in return of our freedom to create a new group or we'll go back to their team with her. If not, she'll die in our hands."