Trace of A Broken Lead

fourteen.caught

N  A  T  A  S  H  A

.  .  .

"There's no way he can do that," umiiling na sabi niya sa akin. He stand up and clean his mess, leaving me with this letter.

"You don't know him." madiing sabi ko habang binabalik 'yung papel sa envelope. "This is the proof that he's evil like Mr. Walter. Baka naimpluwensyahan na siya nito, hindi naman ganito si Kuya noon. He's always obedient around Mr. Walter, that's what I notice. Sobrang bait niya. Still, I can't believe that he could kill someone like this."

"Only the blacks could kill like this, Natasha." I gulped when I heard my name. "If he's with Mr. Walter, there's no way they could kill. Whites study our kind not killing them."

"Are you sure that the girl in the picture is like us?" he rolled his eyes at me, like hearing a ridiculous question.

"I'm not sure. We're just basing in the letter, Phoebe was almost exposed by someone which is out of our rule. I doubt that Mr. Walter is connected to this."

"Then how will you explain this letter? Bakit magsusulat ng ganito si Kuya? Paano niya nakuha 'yung litrato? Sino 'yung biktima?" he just looked at me as calm as he is, it seems like it was not bothering him.

I looked down, carefully analyzing the possible ways and reason of Kuya Henry's reason. Kung hindi ito kagagawan ng nga whites, isang black? Sinabi na ito mismo ng lalaki sa harap ko. 

"Is Kuya Henry a black too?" I gasp in my own conclusion.

"I'll confirm it." he said dismissively before going to work.

***

"Kuya, who's that?!" I said with my booming voice as I tried to surprise my brother in his back. He was holding something. I can see that it was a picture but due to my excitement, I didn't saw who's in there and just surprised him.

But to my dismay, he just boredly looked at me then swiftly hide the picture on his wallet then to his pocket. Huh, di siya nagulat!

"that was nothing." he answered and avoided his eyes.

"Yiee, sino 'yon? Batang babae 'yung nakita ko!" tukso ko.

He didn't answer.

Tinukso ko lang siya ng tinukso. Ilang beses ko siyang kinulit kung sino ang nasa larawan, niyugyog ko na, kinurot ko na, nagdrama na ako sa harap niya pero ayaw niya pa ring sabihin.

"Itago mo na 'yan, kuya! 'Wag mong iiwan sa kung saan-saan! Pag'yan na hawakan ko, BWUAHAHAHA—"

"What's more painful? Maiwan o mang-iwan?" napakurap ako ng ilang beses sa tinanong ni Kuya. Out of the topic 'yung tanong niya, pang-alien. Pero dahil sa matalino ako, sasagot ako.

"Siyempre maiwan!"

"Isn't more painful that you are the one who left?"

"How so?" I ask biting my nail

"Let's just say, you left me." he narrated and I gave him a smirk.

"Okay," it's seems like he's going to tell me a story!

"You know that I'm going to get hurt and worried; thinking why did you left? You hold the truth that's why you left. Doesn't it make you feel guilty—"

Ooh, nagiging cheesy na. Nagulat na lang ako ng bigla na lang itong tumigil sa pagsasalita at bumalik nanaman sa mukhang bored ang ekspresyon nito.

"Oh, tapos?"

"Uy, ano na?"

"Angara naman."

Napasimangot ako nang talikuran niya ako at uminom ng tubig. Hinarap ko siya, hindi pwedeng matigil ang pagkwekwento ni Kuya, minsan lang 'to!

"You're making fun of me, Natasha." I panicked and gave him an unbelievable look.

"Hindi kita pinagtatawanan, may narinig ka ba sa akin? Nakikinig lang ako tapos. . ." nakanguso kong sabi. Wala naman talaga akong sinabi, naisip ko lang.

"Just don't mind it. I changed my mind explaining something to you, hardheaded girl." he said casually. Minsan napakaweird ng kuya ko, akala mo kung sinong prinsepe kung kumilos. Minsan din nakakatakot ang aura nito kahit wala naman siyang ginagawa.

"Madaya~"

"Dali na kasi, ayaw pa ituloy."

"Nakakainis naman, tss."

He silently chuckled. He gave me goosebumps, ginagawa niya ang pagtawa non ng nakapoker face! Wth! He patted my head and before he spoke, he chew two grapes from his mouth.

"You'll understand soon. . ."

***

Bumalik nanaman sa isip ko ang alaalang 'yon. Matagal na 'yon pero tandang-tanda ko pa. Ang hindi ko na matandaan ay ang itsura ng batang babae sa picture na hawak niya.

Nang makabalik ang lalaki ay nagawa ko na ang dapat kong gawin. Agad akong lumapit sa kaniya nang may hawak na papel, kumunot pa ang noo niya sa mga papel na hindi naman pantay-pantay ang sukat.

Umupo ako sa harap niya habang siya ay umiinom ng tubig, "The letter was delivered right in her unit. Mabuti na lang sinabi mo sa akin kung saan siya nakatira, medyo napadali ako sa paghahanap, pero medyo lang naman."

"Oh Tapos?"

"It was not Kuya Henry who delivered it, it's the girl next door. She looked stiffed right there, ang awkward." pinakita ko sa kaniya 'yung footage sa laptop, tumabi ako sa kaniya para maturo ko ng maayos.

"Look, she's acting so weird." I looked at him when he shifted uncomfortably. "What's wrong? Do you have a wound? What? Are you in pain?"

"Just continue explaining," irap niya sa akin.

"I observe the bag that she was holding last last night, brown tote bag. But when I looked to this footage, she ran away towards her unit without her bag." mabilis na paliwanag ko habang f-in-afast forward ang footage, pinakita non si Ate Phoebe na tumatakbo papunta sa unit niya. I paused it to observe and pinpointed her missing bag.

"Now, you said that it was Kuya Henry who did that to Phoebe last last night. Nakuha ba ni Kuya Henry 'yung bag ni Phoebe? Anong posibleng nakalagay doon na kailangan ni Kuya Henry?" tanong ko pero nakatingin lang siya sa akin at hindi sumagot.

"It's the letter," pinakita ko sa kaniya 'yung xerox ng letter na nakuha niya. "Binalik mo na ba sa cabinet niya 'yon?"

He nodded at me. "So that means, that letter wasn't in the bag that time."

I grab the laptop and typed again just to reveal another record footage. "I hacked the cctv footage in the mansion and only seen kuya Henry with a bag that I recognize was from Phoebe. He went in his room and looked at the inside of the bag. Just like that and he leave it there without getting something on it. How suspicious, right?" I narrated.

"There's nothing suspicious, baka mamaya wala naman talagang nakalagay doon na kukuha ng interes ni Henry." he leaned his back on the sofa.

"Still, what could happen in that dark alley that makes her bag left in Kuya Henry's hand?"

"Simple," he pointed out and I smiled as I joined him to complete his statement, "She might thought that (Kuya) Henry only needs her money."

"Or maybe she used her bag to escape. But the question is, what is Kuya Henry's plan? What is his reason?"

"Right," pagtango nito.

"What did you got?" I asked and sip on my coffee.

"Henry's not a black. In fact, he's in my list." he answered. Naghintay ako ng ilang sasabihin niya pero mukhang tapos na siya.

"Okay," I said and started to clean my mess, 'Yon lang ang nalaman niya sa buong araw. Masyado siguro talaga siyang busy. Ayokong isipin na wala siyang pake pero 'yon ang pinaparating niya sa akin. I'll just take the fact that he's a black.

"What are you planning?" he asked which makes me stop. It was odd for him to ask that, I didn't expect it.

"I'm going to observe and as much as possible, trace what Mr. Walter will do next. I want to confirm what's in Kuya Henry's mind, is he a friend or an enemy? What happened to him when I am gone? Marami pa akong gustong malaman kay Kuya, alam kong ang lahat ng ito ay may dahilan. Plus, I want to know Phoebe more." I want the two of you to meet.

Hindi ko na sinabi ang huling naisip ko dahil baka pigilan niya ako o tumanggi siya. Wala na siyang magagawa, buo na ang desisyon ko.

"You sounds like a white person." kumento nito na nagpakunot ng noo ko. Saglit kong iniwas ang tingin ko, siguro nga, isa akong white. Pero hindi ko katulad si Mr. Walter, may hangganan ang gusto kong malaman at titigil lang ako kapag wala na si Mr. Walter.

"Are you going to kill me now?" tanong ko nang maalala ko na magkaribal ang blacks and whites sa mga layunin nila.

Suddenly, I felt chill in me when he leaned towards me that makes my head to lean back.

"You're not afraid of death, that's what you told me. Perhaps, I will go to what afraids you." agad ko siyang tinulak para makalayo siya sa akin. Ramdam ko ang kaba ko dahil sa sinabi niya, naalala ko nanaman tuloy ang paghalik niya sa leeg ko.

Wala sa sariling napahawak ako sa aking leeg habang niyayakap ang sarili. Narinig ko ang malakas na pag-tawa nito na ikinagulat ko, tumatawa siya sa mismong harap ko. He's unbelievable.

"Papatayin kita kapag t-tinuloy mo ang balak mo." pagbabanta ko, I hissed at myself when I croaked on my own words.

"I'm not afraid of death, you should know that." nakangising sabi nito kaya naiinis akong tumayo at iniwan siya roon. Tinabi ko 'yung papel at napahawak sa dibdib ko.

Ang bilis ng t***k ng puso ko, tanda ng kaba na binigay sa akin ng lalaking 'yon. Nanlalambot ang tuhod ko habang iniisip ang mukha at ang sinabi ng lalaking 'yon. Napasabunot ako sa buhok ko at pilit na kinalimutan ang sinabi niya. Bakit kailangang ganon pa ang sagot niya?

Lumabas ako ng pabrika para makakuha ako ng enerhiya, mabuti na lang at matindi ang sikat ng araw.

***

"Hoy," tawag ko nang makita ko na nag-aayos na siya, nasa tabi nanaman niya si Jane na parang linta kung makadikit. "Wala nang stock 'yung ref."

"Edi bumili ka," sagot sa akin ni Jane kaya tinaasan kita ng kilay.

"Ikaw ba kinakausap ko?" bago pa siya makasagot ay hinila na akong lalaki at pinaharap sa kaniya. Binigay niya sa akin ang wallet niya at may papel rin doon.

Halos mapanganga pa ako nang makita ko kung gaano kadami ang pinapabili niya.

"Lahat 'to?" gulat na tanong ko at binuksan pa 'yung wallet niya.

"There's a credit card, if you need coins, my purse were in my bag. I'll leave it here." tinignan ko 'yung credit card na sinasabi niya at napahinga ako ng maluwag nang makita ko ang pangalan ni Pierre.

"You're always using his name, do you?"

Pero katulad ng inaasahan ko ay hindi nanaman siya sumagot. Nginisian pa ako ni Jane nang makitang hindi ako pinansin ng lalaki.

I used his car that wasn't that appealing to the others. Back then, shopping was just normal to me and I didn't thought I would be missing this place for a long time. Yup! I used to love to shop when I was young.

Nkasuot lang naman ako ng malaking t-shirt at short. Tapos nakarubber shoes. Tinago ko pa ang buhok ko gamit 'yung black bonnet para hindi makatawag ng atensyon ang buhok ko.

Busy lang ako sa pagkukumpleto nang bibilhin ko katulad nang iba.

"You know, I always wanted to shop with you. But not in this place, lagi na lang tayo pumupunta dito." My gaze landed on a girl who have a shoulder-length hair. Kapansin-pansin din ang paglalakad nito na sakang pero ang cute pa rin tignan.

"Then where do you want to go?"

My eyes widen and before he could ever looked at my direction, I hide. Pakiramdam ko ay nanlamig nanaman ang katawan ko nang makita ko ulit ang taong nagpahirap sa akin ng dalawang taon.

Si Emmanuel. Nandito siya, hindi nakasuot ng puting lab gown, nakasuot siya ng casual attire. But he was still wearing a white v-shirt, damn! Sumilip ako at napatingin naman ako sa babaeng kasama nito. The girl clunged on his arm and lovingly looked at him.

Oh. He has a girlfriend.

Muli akong napaatras nang makita ko na papalapit sila sa direksyon ko. But with that movement, I step onto something.

"Whoah." I almost jumped in surprise when I step on someone's feet. I looked at the person and immediately apologized without looking at him directly.

"Ouch, ouch, ouch. 'yung sugat ko." mas lalo lang akong nataranta nang hawakan nito ang paa niya na para bang may iniinda siyang sakit doon.

"Omygod, I'm sorry." I said quietly, afraid that Emmanuel might hear me. Afraid that he would caught me and bring me back at that place.

Napapikit ako nang marinig ko sila sa likod ko at agad naman akong naestatwa sa kinatatayuan ko.

"Kalma, kalma. Sirius." nakayuko lang ako habang pinapakiramdaman ko kung nakalagpas na ba sila sa amin. Mabuti na lang at may isa pang lalaki ang lumapit at bahagya ako nitong natakpan mula sa paningin ni Emmanuel.

"How can I calm down, Arius? She stepped on my feet, on my wound." madiin na sabi ng lalaking nasa harap ko. 

Sinigurado ko munang wala na sa paligid namin si Emmanuel bago ko tinignan ang lalaki at binigyan siya ng nakakunot na noo.

"NapakaOA naman neto." bulong ko sa sarili ko at tinignan siya doon.

I heard his hissed at me and I just snickered at him. Totoo naman kasi. Sa pagkakaalam ko, hindi ko naman siya masyadong natamaan.

"Tss," napatingin naman ako sa isa pang lalaki. Pero napabalik ulit ang tingin ko sa lalaking nasa harapan ko. Whoa, kambal pala ang nasa harap ko.

Hinawakan lang ng isang lalaki 'yung lalaking namimilipit pa rin sa sakit ngayon at nakita ko kung paano magrelax ang katawan nito. Sabi na nga ba, umaarte lang 'to eh. Marupok din.

"Sorry talaga, ha? Ba-bye." atsaka ako tumalikod at naglakad papalayo habang tulak-tulak ang push cart na halos mapuno na.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagpaalam pa ako o kung bakit parang naging sarcastic ako kanina. Siguro dahil nainis lang ako dahil ang arte ng lalaki. Ayoko pa naman sa lahat 'yung naguiguilty ako, madali akong makonsensiya pero bakit parang sa kaniya, nainis lang ako?

Maingat ako sa paglalakad ko at dahil sobrang laki ng supermarket na 'to, nakalimutan ko na kung paano lumabas kung saan malapit ang counter.

Natatakot pa rin ako sa mga oras na 'to, baka mamaya makita ako ni Emmanuel. Baka mamaya nandito pa rin sila.

"Natasha," nanlamig ako sa kinatatayuan ko nang makarinig ako ng boses sa aking kanan. Pigil ang aking paghinga habang unti-unting lumilingon.

Napahigpit ng paghawak ko sa push cart sa nanginginig kong kamay, napalunok pa ako nang makita kong ngumiti sa akin ito. Ngiting hindi ko maintindihan.

"A-ayokong bumalik, Emmanuel. Ayoko. . ."