Illicit Love

Chapter 9:Familiar Faces

KESIA

Pumasok ako sa loob without looking at the man lying on the bed at nakatingin lang ako sa babaeng nakaupo. Just having him in my peripheral view makes my heart tighten and my whole body tremble.

"Ok, doc. Salamat," sabi niya sa doctor habang nakangiti. Lumabas ang wrinkles nito sa mata na may violet na eyeshadow. Narinig niya ang pagbukas at pagkasira ng pinto at napatingin sa dereksiyon ko.

Napatigil siya sandali at bumuntong hininga at tsaka ako tinitigan ng masama, ayan nanaman, ayan nanaman ang mga matang ayaw kong makita. Hindi pa rin talaga siya nagbago.

Ibinaling ko ang pansin ko sa doctor na may kasamang isang nurse, lumapit ako sa kanya para magtanong. Tinignan ako ng doctor naghihintay sa sasabihin ko.

"Doc—"

"Wag ka ng mag-abala," sabi ng babae na naka taas ang kilay habang nakangisi sa akin.

Ngumiti ang doctor sa babae at sa akin.

"If you have some questions, you can come to my office, Ms Fuentes," sabi ng doctor at lumabas kasama ang nurse.

"Tapos ka na ba? Sa nakikita mo buhay pa naman ang ama mo kaya pwede ka na umalis. At saka bakit ka ba nandito? Akala ko ba wala ka ng pakialam sa pamilya mo?" taas kilay na sabi nito habang nakahalukipkip.

Napabuntong-hininga lang ako at nagkalakas-loob na tignan ang lalaki na payapa na nakahiga sa hospital bed. His skin was black and mottled, seeing it again reminds me of the accident. My breath became heavy and my chest suddenly tightened. Hinila ko ang kwelyo ng damit ko dahil feeling ko sumikip ito.

Agad na iniwas ko ang aking tingin sa lalaking nakahiga at ibinaling uli ang tingin sa babae. "Anong nangyari? Mamatay na ba siya?" I asked with no emotion.

Nanlaki ang mata ng babae sa gulat pero agad din napalitan ng pagkawalang-paniwala. The woman laughed sarcastically and shook her head.

"Too bad, hindi. Masyado kang nagmamadali. Kaya ka nawala ng ina at kapatid eh, dahil sa asal mo. " she said taking a banana from the table beside her.

I closed my eyes and was about to grab my inhaler in my pocket when I couldn't grab anything from my pocket. P*ta! Ba't ba palagi kong nakakalimutan 'yun? I forced myself to look at the man in the bed with mixed emotions. Why did I even come here? Was I worried? B*LLSH*T!

Bigla na lang bumukas ang mata nito na siyang dahilan ng mas nagpalakas ng t***k ng dibdib ko at mas lalo akong hindi makahinga. Ang sikip ng dibdib ko. I turned my palms into a fist to stop it from shaking, at tumayo ng tuwid gamit ang nanginginig Kong mga paa. The man in the bed looks at the woman without moving his head.

Napansin ng babae na nakatingin ako sa lalaking nasa kama kaya lumingon ito para tignan ang lalaki. She smiled and touch his hands and the man smiled back. I feel infuriated. Why are smiling? should you be suffering? Why the f*ck are you smiling right now? How? HOW? F*cking how?!

The man finally sensed my presence and looked at me, his eyes confused and quickly turned scared, and angry. His mouth was open like he was shouting but there was no sound. But I could tell he wanted me gone like how I wanted the same thing to him. He was cursing me with his eyes. Napatingin ako sa babae, she looked at me back as she smirked as if mocking me.

Mas lalong sumikip ang dibdib ko, and I was already gasping to breathe that I'm afraid I could hide it anymore. They shouldn't see me having an attack. I have to escape. In great difficulty, I turned around to leave. Hinawakan ko ang doorknob at bubuksan ko na sana ang pinto para lumabas ng kwarto nang nagsalita ulit ang babae.

"Buti naman naka bisita ka. Akala ko wala ka ng pakialam sa ama mo. Ang selfish mo naman, Kesia. Panahon na siguro mag-move on? It's been 10 years already. I'm sure napatawad na ng kapatid mo 'yang ama mo," sabi nito habang ngumunguya.

My breath turned heavy again as I grit my teeth. I have to remain calm, hindi ko pa naman bitbit ang inhaler ko. Hinarap ko siya, at tinignan siya ng masama.

"You don't decide that," I said. I want to cry not out of sadness but anger. I'm so angry that I want to die.

She laughs in disbelief. "10 years, Kesia? Hindi ka ba nagsasawa? Kath is already forgiven for everything she did, at lalo na ang ama mo. D*mn, can't believe na, ganyan na pala katagal noh? Miss ko na siya, haah. It was unfortunate of her. Pero alam mo, Kesia? Mas better na mag-move on na lang tayong lahat," sabi nito at bigla na lang nag-iwas ng tingin na napakunot ng noo ko.

Haaah, I can't breathe. My vision is getting blurry. F*ck.

"Like, maybe pwede na natin makuha 'yung pera? Alam mo naman ikaw lang makakakuha nun. I mean just look at your dad. Hahah," sabi nito habang nag-iiwas ng tingin, and continue laughing awkwardly.

"I'm sure Kath is already forgiven and so is your father. I mean, 10 years? Pati nga siguro ang Diyos ay nakalimutan na iyon? Masaya na sana buhay nating lahat kung 'di lang sa kanya. Kung hindi lang sa batang iyon ede sana masaya at kumpletong pamilya pa tayo hanggang ngayon kung 'di lang sa Ate mong iyan, hindi ba?" she said while shaking her head. Kumunot lalo ang noo ko at nanlaki ang mata. I glance at the man lying in bed who continues shouting at me and looking at me in rage.

"F-Forgiven? Siya lang naman ang may kasalanan dito, hah. What do you mean Ate Kath is already forgiven? What did she do—"

"Oh, shut up. What do you know? Kung binalewala na lang sana niyo 'yun lahat edi sana buhay pa siya ngayon. Buhay pa mama mo at hindi naging ganito ama mo. Kaya kasalanan niyo lahat, di’ba? Ano i-de-deny niyo pa eh totoo naman? 'Wag ako na nakita ang lahat umpisa pa lang, heh. "

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa galit. "What? W-What did you just—"

"Oh bakit? Tama naman ako, hah? I mean, 10 years? Wala na nga sigurong natira sa kapatid mo eh 'tas ganyan ka pa? I think it's really better to move on, kasi sigurado akong iyan din ang gusto ni Kath. " she said enjoying another banana.

Fury vibrated through my being. Anger heated my blood. Lalapit na sana ako sa kanyang para sampalin siya nang, a flying object ran past me. I looked at the object and it was an apple. Napatingin ako sa lalake ng tumapon nito. Naka-upo na ito at may bitbit itong basket ng prutas. Anger thrummed through his veins. I was about to say something when he threw something again, at yumuko lang ako, while my hand was in the air.

"Ugh!" I feel my head breaking in two when the apple hits my head so hard that it breaks in half. I was about to raise my head when he continued to throw every fruit in the basket. Napaungol na lang ako sakit at walang nagawa tuwing may tumama sa akin na prutas.

Ilang segundo na ang nakalipas pero wala na siyang itinapon sa akin. Ubos na ba ang prutas sa basket? I look up, just to see him about to throw a knife. Oh, my heart hurts. A tear escaped from my eyes out of nowhere. Why was I even worried and scared of your death? The woman named Rina took the knife and the basket from his hands and put them on the table far away from him. I just watch her telling the man to calm down and lay down and the man obeying her.

I just stood there and looked at them, my tears continuing from escaping. Napa tawa ako sa sarili ko. What the f*ck, Kesia?

Tumalikod na ako and turned the doorknob and wipe my tears.

As I was about to open the door, I heard her scoff and say, "Yung pera pala na ipinadala mo, naubos ko na. Hindi ko na ibayad sa hospital. Ehem, baka may extra ka diyan. " Napalingon ako sa kanya ng wala sa oras at tinignan siya.

I can't believe this woman.

"Ano? Pinaghirapan ko 'yun. Binigay ko sa'yo kasi sabi mo ikaw na magbabayad. Wala na akong maibigay," I said.

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa dala ko, ang paper bags.

"E ano 'yan? May pera ka naman pangbili, nag-shopping ka pa nga. Ikaw na lang magbayad. Kaya mo yan, ikaw pa. " sabi niya habang binabalatan ang saging.

Hindi ko siya pinansin at binuksan ang pinto at sinira ito ng padabog.

Pagkabukas na pagkabukas ko sa pinto nakita ko si James sa harap ng pinto, tulalang naka tingin sa pinto habang kinakain ang kuko niya.

"Anyare—" Hindi niya itinuloy ang sasabihin niya nang napansin niyo na wala ako sa mood para makipag usap.

"Oh, okay," he said and retreated.

Hindi ko siya pinansin at naglakad papalayo. Ayokong magtagal pa sa lugar na 'to. Pumasok ako sa CR na nakita ko to fix myself and to hide the redness of my eyes.

I look at the mirror. D*mn. I feel like killing myself. If only I wasn't afraid to jump out of the building and wasn't afraid to cut myself with a knife. If only I could do the same thing Ate did.

As I stared at the mirror, tears fell endlessly and my feet finally gave out.

"Are you okay?"

"Anong nangyari?"

"Hala! Okay lang po kayo, miss?"

…

Lumakas na ako ng banyo, after fixing myself and trying to hide my red eyes, and after lying to those people who are only worried about me for a moment and are sure gonna forget about me.

As I was walking, may nararamdaman akong mata nakatingin sa akin. Tumingin ako sa direksyon ng matang nakakatitik. I smiled at the familiar man who's staring at me. It was my cheap Knight in armour. I wave at him and laugh. He wore a haggard look than before. He was still wearing the same clothes that he was wearing at the bar. May nakita akong dugo sa likod niya na parang pawis. Napangiwi ako.

Ang sakit siguro niyan. Anong nangyari?

He smiled at me back as a greet, his eyes turned crescents. Hindi na niya ako pinansin at nagpatuloy sa paglakad. Napangiti ako at napailing, a stranger just made me forget my problem for a second.

Plano kong umalis agad sa lugar na 'to pero gusto ko sana siyang pasalamatan, oo magpapasalamat lang kahit na dinala niya ako sa cheap na hotel kahit halatang mayaman. And every reaction he makes is always so cute. He is always frustrated, so innocent.

I should greet him goodbye. I should return his suit, na naiwan ko sa bahay ko. Should I play with him? Nah, I have a job I need to do. I have to do it seriously so I can finally escape this place.

Naghintay ako sa gilid ng pintuan kong saan siya pumasok. Gusto ko rin malaman pangalan niya.

I'm not the type who forgets things when I get drunk so I remember everything that happened that night. Hindi ko alam kong bakit ako nagwala sa harap niya siguro may na trigger siyang button na hindi ko alam. He kinda reminds me of someone.

Yeah, I remember someone who used to be my knight and shining armour, and she's not here in this world anymore.

"Kesia?" Napalingon ako sa likod ko ng may tumawag sa akin.

Isang pamilyar na mukha ang nakita ko. Ba't andaming pamilyar na mukha ang nagsisi datingan?

May kasama siyang babae na mas matangkad pa sa kanya at ngayon ko lang nakita. She gave off a boyish vibe which is strange kasi nakasuot ito ng floral dress. Why would she give off a boyish vibe? Hindi ko pinansin ang nagsusukat niyang tingin at ibinaling ang tingin kay Yvonne.

Nakasuot siya ng pulang fitted off-shoulder dress na may punit at ang kunot-kunot.

She didn't look as professional as before, at ang smooth na smooth niyang buhok ay magulong-magulo na ngayon at ang haggard din ng mukha niya, para siyang galing nagsabunutan. She also has a bandage on her both legs. Galing nga yata siya sa sabunutan. When we first met, galing siya sa marathon at sa low-budget na spy movie. Every time yata na magkikita kami, iba-iba ang kanyang set up.

"Why are you here?" tanong nito na parang close kami.

"Your father, huh?" sabi nito habang nakangisi.

I was about to reply to her when the door on my side opened.

"Ate?" the man who opened the door said, habang nakatingin kay Yvonne.

Ate?

Tinignan ako ng lalake na may nagtatanong na mata at saka ibinaling ang tingin kay Yvonne na gulat na nakatingin sa lalake.

"Bakit ka nandito? And you know her?" naguguluhan na tanong ni Yvonne.

Tinignan ako ni Yvonne, bakas sa mata nito ang pagka-kaba, palipat-lipat ang tingin niya sa akin sa lalake. Nagmukha tuloy siyang closing scene sa teleserye kung saan malalaman na ang katotohanan na Episode 1 pa lang obvious.

"She's my student." Napatingin ako sa matangkad na babae. Tumingin siya sa akin sabay ngiti. "Right, Kesia? Good thing I ran to you, we have something to talk about the project. Let's go, and have a cup of coffee. " She said still smiling.

"Kesia?" tanong ni Charles sa Ate niya. Tinignan niya akong naka kunot noo.

I smiled at him. Charles, huh? I didn't know Charles. Ngayon ko lang nalaman.

Right, he doesn't know my name, but now we both know each other's names. Fate did us a favour. Napatingin ako kay Yvonne. Nakangiti ito ng pilit. Ibinaling ko ang tingin sa babaeng matangkad at ngumiti.

"Okay, po," I said like a student.

"What?" hindi makapaniwala na tanong ni Charles.

Hindi na namin sila inabala at naglakad kami papalayo sa dalawa.

"Why are you here? Akala ko ba gasgas lang?"

"Charles, I would like to ask the same thing," rinig ko ang pag-uusap nila habang papalayo kami ng papalayo.

Lakad kami nang lakad hanggang nasa labas na kami ng hospital. Tumigil siya at nagbuntong hininga. Hindi niya ako hinarap at nakatalikod lang at nakatingin lang sa kalsada kung saan may nag-aaway na ale at dalawang aso na gumagana ng bata sa gilid nila.

"Kesia, right?" tanong nito habang nakatingin sa kalsada. She took something from her pocket. Isang kaha ng sigarilyo. She took one cigarette and lit it.

She looks like she just realized something as she looks at the lit cigarette in her hand. Tinapon niya ito at inapakan at binalik ang kaha ng sigarilyo sa bulsa niya.

"Yes," sagot ko.

"I don't trust you," she said.

Natawa ako ng mahina dahil sa sinabi niya.

"So?" I asked.

"So just do your job, and I'm not in the mood for a coffee so go buy yourself one," sabi nito habang nag-abot sa akin ng papel na puro libo. Tinignan ko lang ito at hindi kinuha sa kamay niya. 10, 000, it was 10, 000. So small? Hindi nga talaga uso checke sa kanila?

"After your mission is done don't let us see your face again. After all, pera lang naman gusto mo diba?" sabi niya.

Dahil sa taas niya kailangan kong tumingala, she looked at me with her head still and just looked at me with her eyes down. Like looking at an insect she could get rid of any time she wants. I know this feeling, I'm familiar with this. Kinuha niya ang kamay ko at inilagay ang sampung libo.

Binuksan niya uli ang pitaka niya, "I don't have that much change. Call me if you need more, and we'll see if I'm in the mood to give you," sabi niya at kumuha ng tatlong libo at nilagay sa kamay ko bago naglakad pabalik sa loob ng hospital.

Buntong huminga ako tingnan ang pera na nasa kamay ko.

"How many coffees should I get?"