Ambushed Heart

Eleven

I SIGHED as I watch her peacefully sleeping. 

I got selfish again.

Sinabi ko pa rin sa kanya even knowing that she would possibly bleed.

Nataranta ako kanina ng bigla nalang siyang namilipit sa sakit habang humuhawak sa ulo niya at unti unting tumulo ang dugo mula sa kaniyang ilong. 

Months ago, seeing the blood of other person makes me feel nothing, but when I saw a blood dripping from her nose makes me feel cold. I got afraid.

Mabuti nalang at naagapan ni Ched which is surprisingly a doctor.

I held her hands, at doon ko nakita ang engagement ring na isinuot ko sakanya. It is the proof that she's mine, always been and always will be.

We have been on an eight months relationship when I decided to propose. 

Everything was perfect on that day, but we got into a life challenging situation, where in my decision matters the most.

I was so happy when she said yes.

Nagpaplano na kami ng kasal. 

I wanted it to be civil para mas mapadali yung proseso, but I also wanted to give her the best wedding that she could ever have. Everything was planned, but then.....

I realized. Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay masusunod ang plinano mo para sa sarili mo o kahit para sa mga taong nakapaligid sayo.

There will always be hindrances, and challenges that needs wise decisions to and sometimes.....

Sacrifices.

Napatungo ako habang naalala ko ang sinabi ni Hiro when we talked privately on the hospital.

"Anong karapatan mo para pahirapan siya ng ganito ngayon? She's been in pain! At hindi ba't Nang dahil sayo kaya napilitan siyang lumayo, because you are not strong enough to fight for the both of you! Ay oo nga pala, you dont know it because you are a coward, Dahil naging duwag ka! Iniisip mo lang yung buhay niyo ni Amelie, wala kang pakialam sa mga taong nakapaligid sa inyo." 

Every word that he says ay tumatagos sa akin. Oo naging duwag ako because I think that in that way ay maililigtas ko si Amelie.

But I was wrong, Amelie is the type of person who will decide for the best o para sa ikakasaya ng lahat kahit pa nga itaya niya ang sarili niyang kaligayahan. She always think of the others before herself.

"Bakit ako ang sinisisi mo?! I did that to protect her"

"Yeah, pero naisip mo ba na hindi siya sang ayon sa gusto mo? Sa gusto mo na hahayaan mo ang buhay ng ibang tao para sa buhay niya"

Natahimik ako. Well, thats true.

"You also wanted her to quit that job!"

"Yeah, I wanted her to quit but I know her, as long as someone needs her, she would always do her best, but if you have choosen the right decision, you could have protected what she looks doing and also her"

"What exactly is the reason for her to leave me like that?" 

I demanded. I needed answers.

"You already has the authority and power to know that, you could have find it out sooner"

Yun lang ang sinabi niya bago siya nawalan ng malay.

Yeah, I already have the power so, I did investigate and I have learned the whole truth. At talagang magbabayad ang sino mang may pakana ng lahat ng ito.

"W-what happened?"

Agad akong napatingin kay Amelie. Dahan dahan siyang bumangon upang maiupo ang kaniyang katawan.

Inalalayan ko naman siya.

I give her water nang maiupo ko siya. Agad niya naman itong ininom.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry" I said, I am really guilty that I got really selfish

"Why are you saying sorry? Its not your fault, no one wanted that to happen"

"Kasi sinabi ko pa rin sayo kahit na alam kong possible na mag bleed ka ulit. I am so stupid, Im sorry"

She sighed.

"Its okay, sila Hiro?"

"Naghahanda na ng hapunan, its already evening. Eight o'clock to be exact"

"Tara bumaba tayo, gusto kong makasalo sila Hiro kumain" maligayang sabi nito.

"Are you mad at me?" She seems distant.

"N-no----" 

"Then, why cant you look in my eyes? Bakit parang iniiwasan mo ako?"

"Because.... just because"

"Come on, tell me, I wont go out of this room if you wont tell me"

"I-I.... I... I mean, you are my fiance right?"

"Y-Yeah, why? Dont you want me as your fiance?" I know that I sounded worried.

"I'll.... I'll do everything, just.... just please.... please...!"

I sounded really desperate this time as tears started to stream down my cheecks.

I felt safe and sound when she embraced me. He arms are small yet strong, kahit gaano man kalamig ang binibigay ng aircon dito sa kwarto niya ay hindi parin nito mapantayan ang init na nanggagaling sa katawan ng fiance ko. Yes.. she is my fiance.

"Shh... Its not w-what I mean" she said.

"When we meet that night here in Greece, I cant understand how I feel. I wanted to ease the pain that you feel at gusto kong punasan ang mga luha mo. I want to hug you tightly and I feel the longing that I can see in your eyes. I evem questioned myself. Bakit naman parang namimiss kita? E ikaw lang naman yung lalaking nakita ko sa hotel, I even feel a sirkus in my stomach, kaya feeling ko masusuka ako, I also feel the racing na nagaganap sa mismong gitna ng puso ko, that is why I assumed that you are my closest friend... but I really thought you are my boyfriend....."

She paused at dahan dahan na itinulak ang aking balikat.

We are now facing each other, intently looking at each other's eyes.

Hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang pag angat ng kanyang mga kamay upang punasan ang mga luha ko na hanggang ngayon ay patuloy pa ring umaagos.

"But no..... You are my fiance! And I am so happy about it you know? I am really grateful to have you Cleve"

"So am I.... so am I my love, I am so grateful to God for giving me such a wonderful woman. But if that is so, why are you being distant?" 

 "I am distant because I think this is just a dream and I dont want to live in my dreams, if its just a dream I just want to wake up right now"

"Why would you wake up? Is that b-because you d-dont like your dream?"

"Yes"

"B-but you said... you said you are happ---"

His voice is trembling. Awww.

"Sshh, I would wake up to make that dream a reality"

"R-really?"

"yeah,  but---- why didnt you told me about it the first night that we meet?"

"I just cant tell it to you that night because I dont want to look pathetic, because I thought you left me for another man. I love you baby, and I am soo sorry."

I said as I kissed her.

Marahan na nagtagpo ang aming mga labi, kalaunan ay namalayan ko nalang na kinakagat ko na ang pangibabang parte ng kanyang labi.

It was so hot, that I wanted to take off my shirt.

I was about to insert my tongue on her mouth when she cut the  kiss.

Shit! Im having a f*****g hard on!

"Bumaba na tayo, baka hinahanap na tayo nila Hiro"

"He told me na ihahatid nalang daw ni Ched ang pagkain natin, 'wag ka na raw bumaba"

"Napaka thoughtful talaga ng kapatid ko, but dont listen to him, tara baba na tayo."

"Okay, just let me carry you"

"Ano ka ba okay lang ako, I can walk"

"Then, hindi tayo bababa"

"Sige ako nalang bababa, kung ayaw mo"

"You're being hard headed again! Just liste---"

My words were cut when we heard a soft knock on the door.

"Amelie? Clever? Can I come in?"

Its Ched.

"AH, SIGE Chad, pasok ka"

Chad entered the room with a tray on each hand. Ibig sabihin dalawang tray ang hawak niya. Two trays have the same menu.

"Ay nako sana hindi ka na nag abala, bababa nalang sana kami. Actually pababa na kami ni Clever" sabi ko.

"Its okay, its already past eight, nakakain na rin si Hiro at patulog na"

"Oh, so earl--- ah okay" I said when I realized something.

"Ikaw kumain ka na ba?"

"Yeah, sabay kami" he said and chuckled, tsk iba talaga pag inlababo.

"kumain na kayo"

Sabi nito.

"Salamat ah"

"Thanks for the food" Clever said.

"Dont sweat it, enjoy your food" sabi nito at tuluyan nang naglakad palabas ng kwarto ko.

"Bakit hindi mo man lang kinausap si Ched?" Tanong ko kay Clever na siyang tahimik na nakaupo sa gilid ng kama ko kung saan ako naka upo.

"Wala naman akong masabi eh" sabi nito ng nakanguso pa, naalala ko tuloy yung kiss--- okay I'm not going there!

"Kumain na nga lang tayo"

Sabi ko at agad na pinulot ang kutsara't tinidor

"Hmm, ang sarap naman nito, these are my favorites"

"Yeah, pero walang adobong manok, that was your favorite of all, right?"

"You knew?" 

Nagtatakang tanong ko, I never told him about it----

"Of course, I am your fiance after all" 

He sighed.

Oh, oo nga pala.

"I'm sorry"

"Hey, its okay, do you want to eat adobo? I can cook for you tomorrow for lunch"

"Talaga?!"

"Of course, anything for my baby"

He said and pinch my nose.

I blushed.

Yeah! I blushed like a teen ager!

"Then, I'll be looking forward sa adobo mo bukas"

"Alright, adobo for lunch tomorrow then. May gusto ka pa bang kainin bukas aside from adobo? Anything. Steak, tinola, what? Just tell me"

Nang magtanong siya ay tila ba mayroong umilaw na bombilya sa taas ng ulo ko.

Great idea!!

"Ahm, KBL. Alam mo ba yun?"

"Yeah, that's also one of your favorites, the spicier the better"

"You got it!"

"Yung pagkaasim, the juiciness of the beef, pati ang malambot na langka! Nalalasahan ko naaa! I am so excited!"

He chuckled at ginulo ang buhok ko.

"So cute"

I pouted. Hindi ako cute! Maganda po ako, again, MAGANDA PO AKO!

"Why is my baby pouting?"

"You called me cute"

"Yes, I did. You are the cutest, something wrong?"

He said ang pinch my cheecks.

"No! I'm not cute!"

"Yes you are!"

"Hindi nga sabi eh!"

I said at binitawan ko pa ang hawak kong kutsara't tinidor kaya nabitin ang pagsubo ko.

"Yeah, yeah of course"

He said while chuckling. Anong nakakatawa? He just called me cute! Ano tingin niya sakin? Bata?

I dont know what I feel pero parang naiinis ako na sinabi niyang cute ako. Feeling ko tingin niya sakin bata. Like a daughter or a sister.

Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kanya at tumingin nalang ako sa kaliwa ko kung saan hindi ko siya nakikita.

And then I felt his finger on my chin. 

Iginiya niya ako upang tignan siya.

He intently look at me.

His pupils were dilated, a sign that he love what he see.

His eyes were full of emotions that I can't name.

"Maganda ka"

He said.

His brown eyes were facinating, parang kahit di niya sabihin na maganda ako ay malalaman ko parin daahil yun ang sinisigaw ng mga mata niya.

"Ikaw ang pinakamaganda sa lahat"

Madamdamin niyang turan. 

And then, there it is again, the fast heartbeat and the sirkus on my stomach. It makes me feel light like I am on the cloud nine.

Feeling ko nagiging teen ager na ako ulit.

He is so serious that I got carried away.

I slowly leaned unto him...

.. .. .. to kiss him.

Nag pang abot ang aming mga ilong.

I tilted my head to have a better position

Our lips were about to touch-----

"Amelié?!"

Agad kong nailayo ang sarili ko kay Clever nang marinig ko ang pagkatok ni Ched.

Shit!

Nasagi ko pa ang bed table kaya natapon ang laman nitong sabaw na isda.

"Come in"

I calmly said.

"Si Hiro"

"What happened to Hiro?!"

I said, I got nervous, He is pregnant, hindi pwedeng may mangyari sa kanyang masam---

"Hindi niya ako pinapansin"

He said and pouted like he has the worst problem in the whole wide world.

"He dont want to sleep beside me, saying that I smell like a fish!" Pagmamaktol nito.

"I already took a bath, three times! That's three times Amelié, at naubos na yung cologne mo, ginamit ko na yung cologne niya para magkasing amoy kami pero amoy isda parin daw ako! Eh kanina naman enjoy na enjoy siya sa pagkain ng isda, nagpapasubo pa nga sya eh tapos ngayon, ayaw na niya sakin kasi amoy isda daw ako!"

I chuckled.

Kaya pala nanunuot sa ilong yung bango niya. Pinaligo pa ata yung pabango.

"Hayaan mo na, magbabago rin ang mood nyan bukas"

Sabi ko.

"Dito ka nalang matulog, doon ako kay Hiro--"

"Amelié!"

Objection was heard on Clever's voice.

"Yes?"

"I want to sleep beside you"

He lovingly said.

"Please?"

"Ahm,"

What? Kassiiiiiii. Kinikilig akeee Hahahaha

"Ahm, pwede bukas na lang? Doon muna ako kay Hiro ngayon"

"Why? Its a couple problem, let them fix it, ikakasal na yang mga yan"

He doesnt know about Hiro's pregnancy yet, kaya di niya ito maintindihan. 

"Its okay Amelié doon nalang ako sa---"

"No! Dito ka sa kama ko, kayo ni Clever, doon ako kay Hiro"

"But--"

"No Buts Cleve"

"Why? I cant underatand ngayon na nga lang tayo---"

"You wont understand it really"

"Baby---"

"No more buts Cleve."

I said with a strong accent.

"Okay"

He said na para bang sumusuko.

I heard Ched chuckled.

"What are you chuckling for?!"

He angrily said to Ched but Ched just raised both of her hands like he surrender.

"Cleve, behave!"

Agad naman siyang yumuko.

"Ibababa ko nalang itong mga pinagkainan natin"

"Hindi ka pa tapos kumain"

"Its okay, busog na ako"

"Then let me handle the dishes, ako na magbababa at maghuhugas"

"You sure?"

"Yeah"

" Ched, pasok ka na. Dito ka nalang matulog ah"

"Thanks Ameliè"

"Oh, shocks! Natapon pala ang sabaw, wait, I'll just change the sheets"

"Dont sweat it, I'll do it"

He sincerly said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah"

"Thanks"

Nang nagsimula nang magpalit ng bed sheet si Ched sa kama ay agad naman kaming bumaba ni Clever, dala niya ang dalawang tray na naglalaman ng mga pagkain kanina.

Dumiritso kami sa kusina. Nang makarating kami doon ay iniwan ko muna siya sandali upang manghiram ng damit pangtulog ni Hiro.

Kumatok muna ako ng tatlong beses sa pintuan.

"Don't even think to open the damn door! You stink!"

"Hey Brother! Its me"

"Oh, come in"

When I opened the door, Hiro is already sitting on the bed, pouting.

"Ched's in my room, he'll sleep in there with Clever"

"Thanks. I just cant be near him. He stinks! Di ko alam, baka sa pacific ocean niya pa hinuli yung mga isdang niluto niya, baka siya pa yung sumisid at nakipag yakapan sa mga isda kaya ganun ang amoy nya. Pero... yung isda, masarap naman. Ang bango, para bang nagpalit ng amoy yung isda at si Ched, ay ewan!"

I chuckled.

"Ang hard mo naman, but dont worry, effect lang yan ng pagbubuntis, mawawala din yan"

"Totoo naman eh"

"Yeah, yeah" I said, still chuckling to myself. Kung alam niya lang, nangangalingasaw ang pabango ni Ched. 

He sighed,

"Oh, anlalim naman ng buntong hininga mo?"

"I just dont feel normal"

Agad akong umupo sa kama na kinauupuan din ni Hiro.

"Hey, its normal okay? Tsaka, arent you happy? You and Ched will soon have a baby of your own. Hindi na kailangan surrogate"

"Im happy but what if Ched will leave me because Im abno--"

"Dont even say it Hiro, naalala mo sabi niya kanina? Having what you have does not make you less of a normal person. Its a blessing"

"I know but----"

"Look, Ched loves you. There is no way na iiwan ka nun, patay na patay ata yun sayo"

"You think so?"

"I'm sure of it! Tsaka dont think of it nalang, Im sure youre just thinking that because youre pregnant" I said.

"Come on! Be happy! You are going to ba a father na! At magiging tita na ako, siguradong spoiled sa akin yang anak mo!'

"Dont spoit him..... or her too much"

"We'll see"

Sabay kaming napatawa.

"By the way, why didnt you told me that Clever is my fiance?"

"I dont want you to bleed, at saka akala ko mahuhulaan mo agad"

"Ano tingin mo sakin manghuhula? Haha"

"Remember dati? I always told you, hindi ako mag aasawa hanggat hindi ka pa nag aasawa"

He said and look at me.

He held my hands with his right hand and pat my head with his left hand.

"Do you think, I'd propose to Ched if you're not yet engaged"

I chuckled. Oo nga. He's always true to his words.

"Thank you"

"I am your brother, I'd always put you first"

"No please. I can take care of myself. Always Put yourself first, you'll be having a baby"

He sighed.

"Oo, but If you need me, dont hesitate to tell me everything okay? I always got your back"

"Thanks" I said and kissed both of her cheeks.

"By the way, can I borrow a tee shirt and a boxer? For Cleve."

"Oh sure, kunin mo na,ang please? I dont feel like standing"

"Sure, thank you"

"No wories"

"Ibigay ko lang to kay Clev, babalik ako agad"

"I'll wait"

"Naku, matulog ka na jan, tatabihan nalang kita mamaya, I'll cook breakfast"

"Really?"

"Hmm-mm"

"Then, I want steak, ahm, I want pure calamansi with a lot of vinegar as the sauce"

Pure kalamansi tapos vinegar? Asim nun.

"Sure, now sleep na, babalik ako agad, 'kay?"

"Okay, good night!"

"Nighty!"

Nang makababa ako sa hagdan ay agad kong nakita ang malapad na balikat ni Clever, nakatalikod siya sakin habang nakatukod ang mga kamay niya sa gilid ng sink.

"You done?"

Mabilis na umikot paharap sa akin si Clever.

"I'm sorry"

"H-huh? Bakit?"

"Ahm, I ahm"

Sabi nito na tila ba nag aalangan na sabihin ang gusto niyang sabihin.

"Clever? What did you do?"

Napakamot siya sa kanyang batok.

"Y-yung mga p-pinggan"

Nag iwas ito ng tingin.

"N-nabasag, l-lahat"

"What?!"

Dali dali akong lumapjt sa kaniya at tinignan ang sink, andoon yung mga plato, baso, at bowl, puro basag!

What did he do?

"A-anong ginawa mo?"

"Kasi! Yung sabon!"

"Anong ang sabon?"

"Nilagay ko lang naman lahat ng h-hugasin sa sink tapos inuna ko yung m-malaking pinggan, t-tapos bigla nalang dumulas sa k-kamay ko at n-nahulog doon sa mga baso k-kaya nadamay sila, Its not my fault! Sisihin mo yung---- y-yung... sabon"

Napatulala ako sakanya.

Sisihin ko ang sabon?

Huh? Bakit ang sabon?