Forbidden

Kabanata 3

Kuya Adam was not only my brother but he is my best friend. Hindi ako nahihiya na magkwento sa kanya ng mga bagay-bagay na tumatakbo sa isip ko. He was always silent while listening to me. I can always notice his smiling face kahit na pakiramdam ko ay wala naman ng katuturan ang sinasabi ko.

That’s why I love him the most. As a child, masarap sa pakiramdam kapag may taong laging nakikinig sa iyo. Aside from it, he was being talkative whenever we were alone. Marami rin itong baong kwento sa akin. I remembered being so excited with every stories he was telling me.

Kinatok ko ang pinto ng kwarto ni Kuya. It was almost 7 pm during that time and I still can’t feel sleepy. Sa tuwing nangyayari iyon ay nagtutungo kaagad ako sa kwarto ni Kuya.

Hindi nagtagal ay bumukas ang pinto. Bumaba ang tingin sa akin ni Kuya Adam at napangiti.

“What is it, Eva?” malambing na tanong nito. I hugged the teddy bear I brought with me and pouted my lips.

“I can’t sleep, Kuya...” I heard him laughing softly. Maingat niyang kinurot ang pisngi ko saka niluwagan ang pagbukas ng pinto. He held my hand and we walked towards the bed.

Pinaupo niya ako sa higaan niya. I roamed my eyes inside the room. I saw his study table full of papers. May nakabukas ding lamp doon, senyales na nagambala ko ito sa pag-aaral o sa kung ano mang ginagawa nito.

“What were you thinking? Bakit hindi ka makatulog?” kalmadong tanong nito. Umiling ako sa kanya at nagkibit-balikat.

“I just can’t sleep, Kuya. I need story time...” pakiusap ko dito. Saglit siyang napabaling sa kanyang lamesa saka muling tumingin sa akin. He took a deep breath and smiled at me.

“Alright, I’ll tell you a story.” Ngumiti ako nang malaki at excited na nahiga. Lumapit ito at tumabi sa akin saka marahang hinahaplos ang aking buhok.

“There is this girl who is a princess in their kingdom. She is so beautiful and charming. She has a good heart and she never fails to show it to other people. Everyone loves the princess because of her kindness.” I smiled while listening to him.

“One day, while walking outside their kingdom, she saw a man looking at her. The man looked dirty and very ill. The princess was about to walk towards the dirty man’s direction when the guards stopped her.” Nagsalubong ang kilay ko noon.

“Why, Kuya? Why did they stop her? Maybe she’ll just talk with the man.” Ngumiti si Kuya at inayos ang buhok ko.

“They stopped her in order to protect her. Ang maruming lalaki na iyon ay hindi niya kilala. He is a stranger. What did I tell you if there’s a stranger, Eva?” Naliwanagan ako sa sinabi ni Kuya.

“Never talk to a stranger. Huwag sasama sa hindi kilala kahit pa sinabing kakilala si Mommy at Daddy.” He looked proudly at me. He kissed my forehead and continued speaking.

“Very good, baby. Now that the princess was surrounded by guards, the dirty man was unable to see the princess. He tried walking near them but the guards stood firm to protect the princess.” Dahil sa batang edad at sa murang pag-iisip ay agad akong naawa sa kalagayan ng lalaki sa kwento.

“Nang makalapit na ang lalaki sa gwardiya ay nagsimula itong manghingi ng pagkain. The princess felt pity towards the man. She talked to the guards to let her go and to talk with the dirty man.” Nagpatuloy siya sa paghaplos ng buhok ko.

I was starting to feel sleepy because of what he was doing to me.

“The dirty man said to the princess that he was very hungry. He needed food and drinks. He had been lost and walking around the streets for days. Wala na siyang pera kaya naman gutom na gutom na ang lalaki. The princess, as expected of her kindness, asked the guards to let the man in their kingdom.” Humikab ako napapapikit na.

“The princess gave the dirty man different kinds of foods and drinks. The man looked delighted because of it. He couldn’t thank her enough for the blessings that the princess gave him. It was true, indeed, that the princess is so kind. The man get to experience her kindness and he wouldn’t forget the help she gave to him.” Ito ang narinig kong huling sinabi ni Kuya Adam bago ako tuluyang nakatulog.

Basta pagkagising ko ay naramdaman ko na lang na nakahiga siya sa tabi ko at nakayakap sa akin. I looked at my brother’s face while sleeping. He looked so tired. Mukha rin itong puyat dahil sa lalim ng ilalim ng mata nito.

Gumalaw ako at napansin kong hindi ito gumalaw. He was really in a deep sleep. Umalis ako sa pagkakahiga at lumapit sa study table niya. Malinis na ang gamit niya doon hindi katulad sa nakita ko kagabi. As a kid, I have no idea of the things that he did kaya naman wala akong malay na bumalik sa higaan.

I had a huge smile on my face when I started jumping on his bed.

“Kuya! Good morning!” masaya kong bati dito. Saglit na kumunot ang noo nito at dahan-dahan na dumilat. Grabe rin talaga ang pagiging maligalig ko noong bata. Mabait ako pero may pagkamakulit talaga.

Lalo kong nilakasan ang pagtalon-talon sa higaan. Nakakatuwa rin kasing tumalon dahil ang lambot ng higaan. It was as if I was bouncing.

“Baby... stop.” Umiling ako at mas pinag-igihan ang pagtalon. I can’t contain my laugh kaya naman hindi na ako nagulat na bumukas ang pinto at nakita namin doon si Mama at Papa na nakangiti sa amin.

“Eva, dito ka ba natulog kagabi?” Tumango ako kila Papa.

“Yes! Kuya Adam told me a story last night. Hindi po kasi ako makatulog kagabi kaya dito ako kay Kuya natulog.” Huminto ako sa pagtalon ngunit nanatili akong nakatayo. Sinilip ko si Kuya at nakita kong nakahiga pa rin ito ngunit nakatakip na ang braso nito sa kanyang mukha.

“Eva, let your Kuya Adam rest. Mukhang puyat nanaman iyan dahil sa dami ng school works niya. Come here, let’s eat our breakfast.” Muli kong tinignan si Kuya Adam. Inalis niya ang brasong nakatakip sa mukha nito at bumangon.

“It’s okay, Mama. Susunod kami ni Eva.” Salitan ang naging tingin sa amin ni Papa bago sila nagdesisyong bumaba na.

Naupo ako sa tabi ni Kuya at mahigpit itong niyakap.

“Kuya, good morning!” I greeted him full of energy. Ganoon talaga siguro kapag bata. Hindi nawawala sa mood, maliban na lang kung may mga hindi nagustuhan o may mga nakitang hindi maganda. Ang aga-aga at ang hyper ko na kaagad. Well it only happens when I’m with Kuya Adam or with my parents.

Gumanti siya sa pagkakayakap sa akin at hinalikan ang ulo ko. Mabilis din akong humiwalay at nakita kong humihikab ito.

“Hindi ka ba natulog, Kuya Adam?” His eyes were red that time. May eye bags din ito pero noong mga panahong iyon ay hindi ko pansin iyon. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung anong ibig sabihin kapag ganoon ang itsura.

For me, he just looked fine. He looked like my normal brother who just woke up.

Dahil sa weekends ngayon ay pareho kaming walang pasok. Habang kumakain kami ng almusal kasama sila Papa ay nag-usap sila ni Kuya.

“Ilang taon na lang at makakatapos ka na sa high school, Adam. What are your plans?” Nakikinig lang kami ni Mama sa kanila. Well, si Mama lang siguro pero ako, kahit naririnig ko silang nag-uusap noon ay hindi ko naman sila maintindihan. I was still young back then to understand that they were already talking about my brother’s future plan.

How I wish I could already understand them back then.

“Wala pa po sa ngayon, Papa. Hindi pa po ako masyadong sigurado kung anong kurso ang kukunin ko. May ilang taon pa naman po ako para makapag-isip-isip.” Tumango si Papa sa sinabi ni Kuya.

“Okay, kung mayroon ka mang naiisip ay sabihin mo na kaagad sa amin para mapaghandaan na. Baka kasi maisip mo na mag-aral sa Manila, pwede naman iyon kaya dapat sabihin mo lang sa akin ng mas maaga para makapaghanap na tayo ng matitirhan mo doon habang maaga pa.” I busied myself on my food. I still can’t comprehend whatever they were talking about.

“Hindi siguro, Papa. Baka dito ako mag-aral ng college sa Abra.” Lumingon sa akin si Kuya kaya naman nagtataka ko siyang tinignan. He just smiled at me and shook his head.

“Whatever your decision, we will support you,” kalmadong sabi ni Papa.

Nang matapos kaming kumain ay nagtungo kaagad kami ni Kuya sa sala. Our parents already left for work. Tanging kami na lang ulit ni Kuya Adam ang naiwan. That was why it was never a surprise why we were so close to each other.

Madalas na kami ang naiiwan sa bahay. Siya ang nagbabantay at kumakausap sa akin. Sometimes, he would play with me kahit na pambabae ang mga iyon at kung minsan ay masyado na siyang bata sa mga laruan ko.

Habang nasa sala kami ni Kuya ay nagsimula akong magkwento ng mga random na bagay. Of course, nakinig siya sa akin at natutuwa ako sa tuwing pinapakita niya na nag-eenjoy siya o namamangha sa mga sinasabi ko. He never failed to make a comments on it kaya naman hindi ako na-bo-bored na magkwento sa kanya. He was really attentive

“And then I watched my classmates play on the playground. Ako, nakaupo lang ulit sa swing kasi akala ko susunduin mo ako ulit. I always look for you when the car was already there. Kapag hindi kit nakikita doon ay nalulungkot ako, Kuya.” Napahinto ito at seryoso akong tinitigan.

“Why don’t you make friends with other children?” nagtatakang sabi nito.

“Why would I do that when I have you? You are my best friend!” Ngumiti ito at umiling.

“I know, Eva, but it would still be good if you have more friends. Hindi lang ako kasi hindi mo naman ako laging kasama. You should have friends in school. Try doing it next week.” Nakaramdam ako ng takot sa sinabi niya.

I badly want to have a friend in school but it seemed to me that they didn’t want me. I already tried it before but no one approached me again ever since.

Mukhang napansin ni Kuya ang pagiging malungkot ko.

“Why, Eva?” Nagsimulang mag-init ang mata ko. Really, batang iyakin talaga ako noon. Kaunting kibot ay iiyak. Kaunting drama, iiyak. Lahat na lang iniiyak. Pero bakit ngayon parang napakahirap ng umiyak?

“I bet they didn’t like me as their friend, Kuya...” Nagsalubong kilay nito.

“What are you saying? Is someone bullying you in school? Bakit ka naman nila aayawan na maging kaibigan?” Tumulo ang mga luha ko sa pisngi. I started crying. Naramdaman ko ang galit sa boses niya habang sinasabi iyon. Talagang hindi siya natutuwa na nakikita akong umiiyak ngayon.

“I already tried talking to them but I was ignored. Ayaw ata nila sa akin, Kuya.” He quickly hugged me.

“Ssh... tama na. If they didn’t want you then it’s okay. Don’t push yourself on them, okay? And don’t ever think that you’re not good enough for them. It was their loss that they didn’t see how kind and beautiful you are. Hayaan mo na sila, Kuya Adam will always be here.” Tumango ako sa kanya at niyakap din siya ng mahigpit.

“You will not leave me, Kuya?” naiiyak kong sabi. Bahagya siyang lumayo at marahang hinawakan ang magkabila kong bisngi.

He slowly shook his head and smiled at me sweetly.

“I will never do that, baby. I will be your friend. I will be your best friend when no one wanted to. Don’t worry, I’m sure that time will come, may mga tao rin na gugustuhing maging kaibigan ko. You would find them unexpectedly.” I wasn’t sure if I understand everything he was saying pero isa lang ang sigurado ko.

He promised to never leave me. He promised that he will always be my best friend no matter what happens. Pero bakit ganoon? None of his promises were kept. He made so many promises to me and all of them were all broken now.

He still left me. He abandoned me and treated me far from how he was treating me before. I felt like I didn’t only lost my brother. I also lost my best friend.