Between Hate and Love

Chapter 5

“What?”

My forehead creased.

Was he for real? Am I imagining things? Was he really in front of me right now?

“You’re drunk,” Khal stated the obvious. I had too much drink and now, I couldn’t decipher if he was real or not.

Masyado ko na ba siyang miss kaya naghahalucinate na ako?

Nang hilahin niya ako papunta sa table kung saan ako nakaupo kanina ay doon ko lang napagtanto na totoo nga na naandito siya. He looked mad though, I wonder why.

“You’re here? Is this really you?” I asked. I pinched his cheeks and tried to slap my face, but he stopped me.

“Go home now,” he muttered.

I sighed deeply.

I sat beside him quietly and stared at the people dancing and having a great time.

Khal was beside me, doing the same thing. He did not speak. Siguro nahihiwagaan din siya bakit naandito siya ngayon.

“You’re supposed to be in that meeting whatever…” I muttered without looking at him, slowly getting sober.

Hindi sumagot si Khal, nanatili siyang nakaupo. I feel like a child right now.

Alam ko na nakainom ako, pero hindi ko mapigilan ‘yung sarili ko na magsalita. Isa pa, gusto ko rin siyang halikan.

“D…Did you miss me, Khal?” I asked, wondering what his answer would be.

Instead of words, he looked at me. He held my chin and make me look at his eyes directly. “What do you think?”

His eyes spoke nothing but coldnes and his tone was harsh.

He was mocking me.

I felt guilty for asking that question.

“You’ve… You’ve changed,” I stated. It was true. On my first day in his company, he did not forget to remind me that he was not the same Khal as I knew before. Marami na ang mga bagay na nagbago sa kanya. His coffee, the way he addressed me, his idea of rest, the tone of his voice, the way that he calls my name… Everything. It pains me to know that he had grown so much of being away from me, while I was still stuck in the idea of us.

Pero ano nga ba ang magagawa ko? Kasalanan ko ang lahat ng ito.

“What do you expect?” He asked, still holding my chin. “You’re cruel. You left for five years and now, I’m seeing you dancing in here. Shame.”

Pilit ko’ng inalis ang pagkakahawak niya sa baba ko. I drank the cans of beer in front of us, they were probably Venera’s because she loves beer.

Khal stood up, shaking his head in disbelief. He let me do whatever I wanted. He let me drunk everything as he stared at me. And when I couldn’t find a liquor on the table anymore, he walked away.

No… What the hell?

Khal stormed out of the bar and I impulsively followed him.

Mabilis ang lakad niya at malalaki ang mga hakbang, kaya naman tumakbo ako para lang mahabol siya. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko sa kanya, but I was certain that I didn’t want him to leave.

“Khal! Wait,” I shouted. Ilang beses na rin ako’ng nag-sorry sa mga tao na nababangga ko para lamang mahabol siya. There was one who even shouted at me, pero wala akong pakilam.

When Khal finally reached the backdoor exit of the bar, he looked at me. “What the hell, Angel?”

I was catching my breath as I was pulling the hem of his skyblue longsleeves top. “Khal… Where are you going? Please, here me out,” I pleaded.

Khal looked mad right now, and he was not often angry at me back then. He would always try to understand me, and hear my side. But… He didn’t look like that now. He was pissed.

“Khal… Look, I’m sorry. I was stupid, I know that. I should have explained you clearly why I left —”

I was not able to finish my sentence as Khal interjected. “Stop, Angel. Just the mere stating of your name hurts every part of my being.”

I was flabbergasted by his words…

Ang galit na nakita ko kanina ay napalitan ng lungkot… My Khal… He was hurt and I did that to him. Pakiramdam ko lahat ng sakit ng nagdaang mga taon ay nagsama-sama at nararamdaman ko sila ngayon.

Gusto ko’ng yakapin si Khal. Gusto ko’ng sabihin na naandito na ako, at kaya ko ng panindigan lahat. I was ready to face his wrath, if that was the only way that I could win him back. I would endure every painful words, every actions that speaks volume of his disgust over me… I could tolerate him, because I understand how much I hurt him.

“Khal… Please, listen to me.”

Khal smirked. “What do you want, huh? You’re really back for me? Did the US do you no good, and now you’re here?”

I shook my head at Khal. It was entirely my personal decision to come back for him. “No.. Khal. I’m here to start over again with you…” I said those words, unable to utter the last words of the sentence properly. I fear that I wanted to be with him, but he wouldn’t allow me anymore.

“Start over again?” He asked in amusement. Slowly, he treaded towards me, making me step back slightly too, until I hit a wall. “For f**k’s sake, you left five years ago. You hand me a letter and that was it. Now, you’re telling me that you’re back because you want to start over again?”

I nodded slowly… “Khal, please. I had no choice. It was for us, I told you that.”

Khal shook his head. “Oh, no. It was for you! Nothing, but for you! Because you’re a selfish woman. You had a choice, and you chose to leave me.”

My back felt the coldness of the concrete wall. Khal’s left hands was leaning against the wall as he was speaking just inches from me. He was frustrated, I could tell that.

I was shaking… But that didn’t stop me from getting his right hands and holding it. “Khal… Please, I’m sorry. I know you still love me. If now, why wouldn’t you be here. Tinanggap mo pati ako sa kumpanya mo, Khal… I know deep down, you still care for me.”

Those were assumptions of a drunk woman who got her heart broken because of her own stupidity.

Khal moved his hands away from me. I kept telling him that I he still loves me and that we could work it out. I was pleading him to give me a chance but his teeth gritted and he slapped the wall behind me.

“I didn’t come here for you,” he accentuated every word, making sure I would understand that.

But I just kept muttering, telling him how much I miss him. I tried to touch his face, and kiss him. But he only pushed me away.

"Go home," he spat out, his words laced with disappointment and frustration, cutting through me like icy blades. "Get sober," he added, his tone a mix of admonishment and exasperation, as if my very presence was an inconvenience. "I need a sensible assistant for tomorrow.”

And with that, he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving me shattered and alone amidst the dimly lit bar. Tears streamed down my cheeks, mingling with the bitter taste of regret and self-loathing. The cold floor seemed to mock me, offering no solace, while the indifferent wall behind me stood as a silent witness to my humiliation.