Between Hate and Love

Chapter 4

"Di mo sinabi na uuwi ka na pala. Sana nasundo ka namin sa airport."

Ngumiti lang ako kay mama at dinahilan na ayoko silang abalahin at mapagod kaya hindi na ako nagpasundo.

“Sana sinabihan mo manlang kami,” paghihimutok niya. Hindi na ako sumagot pa.

Ayoko talagang sunduin nila ako kasi siguradong sa airport pa lang, tatanungin niya na agad ako kung bakit hindi ako nagtagal sa US. Sayang ang oportunidad at saka kung sa Pilipinas, parang magsisimula na naman ako ulit.

Marami pa’ng sinabi si mama pero hindi ko na naintindihan iyon. Binuksan ko ang dala ko’ng mga bagahe at saka ibinigay sa kanila ang mga pasalubong ko.

“Ate, ‘yung rubber shoes na sinasabi ko sa’yo. Dala mo?” tanong ni Atticus, kinuha niya ang isa ko pa na bag at saka mag-isang inalwas ang mga gamit mula roon.

“Nandiyan,” sagot ko. Tumakbo si Atticus para yakapin ako nang makuha ang pares ng white sneakers na matagal na niyang pinapabili sa’kin.

Maya-maya pa, bumaling naman sa akin si Allison at saka nagpasalamat sa dala ko na cellphone para sa kanya.

Five years in the US did some magic in our lives. I was able to save a lot of money. Bukod sa mas mataas ang sweldo, wala rin naman akong ibang ginagastos dahil sa loob ng eskuwelahan ako nakatira. There were dormitories for the teachers there and my only problem was my food.

It was a sad five years, and I couldn’t even remember how many times I cried. Saglit lang ako nakapag-adjust since sanay na ako’ng mag-isa magmula nang tumuntong ako sa kolehiyo, pero iba pa rin pala talaga kapag sa ibang bansa.

We had lunch and Mom prepared us my favorite sinigang na hipon. Nakailang sandok ako ng kanina dahil sa gutom. Besides feeling tired from my tasks at the company due to Khal's numerous orders, matagal na rin akong hindi nakakakain ng sinigang na niluto ni Mama.

Matapos kong mag-lunch, nagpasundo na ako ulit kay Venera. Mom demanded me to stay for the night but I told her that I had work. She told me how secretive I was and how I was not telling her anything anymore, but I just hugged her, telling her I would just visit them whenever I could and whenever his boyfriend’s not in the house.

“Wow, ate ko? Ginawa mo akong tsuper mo,” she said, opening the door of her car for me.

I still didn’t have a car in the Philippines, and my money wasn’t enough to buy a car. Binuhos ko lahat ng ipon ko sa binili ko’ng maliit na bahay at para masuklian ‘yung iba naming kamag-anak para sa bahay nina mama na tinitirhan ngayon.

“Pumapayag ka naman na sunduin ako.”

I entered her car and gave her a kiss. Venera was a fashion designer in the Philippines, but she was starting to become known in the countries nearby. She was doing runways and fashion shows, and owns three boutiques around Manila.

“Pasalamat ka hindi pa ako masyadong busy,” she muttered.

I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. She probably noticed how tired I look.

“Ganiyan ba talaga kapag galing ka sa pamilya mo, mukha ka’ng pagod lagi?” she asked, knowing the situation I have with my family.

“Nope,” I said. “This is all because of Khal.”

Venera groaned.

Since I became Khal’s assistant, the first one I informed was Venera. Hendrix knew it already since we were seeing each other in the company.

“Why? Pinapahirapan ka?”

I nodded.

Venera laughed at me. “Kind of deserve mo. Sorry,” she said. I told her I wanted to go home and rest because I was really tired. Kasama ko lang sa company si Khal on the first day that I was hired, then he was not in the company for the next four days anymore. He had an out of the country trip, and specifically asked me to stay in the company.

Only then did I realized why did he asked me to be in the company. He was calling from time to time,asking me this and that. Parang hindi rin siya umalis, dahil ang dami niyang utos sa’kin.

Even Henderix was wondering why Khal kept asking me to do something—taking pictures of some papers and sending them to him, when he could have brought it or prepared it already even before he left. But he didn’t.

“Couldn’t blame him, if gusto ka niyang pahirapan,” Venera muttered. She continued driving, and it was not even on my way home.

“Saan tayo papunta?” I asked her, wondering where she would bring me.

“To the bar, saan pa ba?”

I did not protest at her. Maybe I need a few drinks.

We arrived at the exact bar where I met Khal again after five years. I rolled my eyes at Venera for that but she just laughed at me.

The few drinks that I promised to myself became non-existent. Hindi ko alam kung nakailang vodka and wine na ako. Venera called some of her other friends and Hendrix even came too.

“Yow,” Hendrix greeted me. We did a fistbump and he sat beside me.

Venera was dancing on the floor already.

“Hey,” I greeted Hendrix back. We had a conversation about work and what I really wanted to know about why I was there, but then I just shrugged my shoulders at him. I didn’t tell anyone about my exact plan, and Venera only had an overview of it.

“Can you uhm… Tell me about Khal for the past five years that I was gone,” I asked, shyly, not knowing if it was because of the liquor that was why I had the courage to ask, or if I was just brave enough to ask now. “You told me na gusto niya pa rin ako, how sure are you about that?”

Hendrix shrugged. “He was linked with a lot of girls, but they are really not that serious. So, I think he’s specifically waiting for your return.”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” I said to him.

Hendrix chuckled at me. “Malamang, ikaw ‘yung nang-iwan.”

I groaned and left him. I went to the dancefloor and loosen myself a bit.

Ako ang nang-iwan… Tama.

All of our friends knew about it. All of them were expecting that we would end up with each other and that we would never be separated, but it happened five years ago. They had witnessed how much Khal adored me, so I couldn’t blame them for always reminding me that I left him. It was real.

The music was so sexy and it was probably because of the liquor that I had the urge to take off my clothes and just dance erotically on the floor. I swayed my hips and removed the blazer that I was wearing. My eyes were shut close, feeling the music.

I was startled when a hand was placed onto my waist and caressed it.

My heart pounded upon opening my eyes, seeing that Khal was now in front of me with a creased forehead and a disappointed look in his eyes.

“Is this your way of winning me back?”