Chapter 9.1
1332 Words
"Don't overthink. Don't overthink, Erina........"
I whispered to myself repeatedly. I closed my eyes repeatedly because fresh tears threatened to fall down my cheeks. You stupid girl! Why are you crying like you’re in a relationship with him or something? He’s just doing you a favor!
I beg my heart to stop breaking. Do you know the feeling of wanting an ice cream so bad that when your parents decided to but it for you, you didn’t want to eat it and decided to store it in the refrigerator first? But when you finally decided to eat it, your stupid sibling already ate it and did not even apologize for eating your food.
That's exactly what I'm feeling right now. I felt cheated and I wanted to hit someone or something so bad. I'm trying to be rational despite the aching in my chest. I beg my brain to stop over thinking because I only saw a picture. I need to ask him questions first before I conclude. I wouldn’t hide from him just because I’m angry. That's what cliche leading ladies in dramas do. And I'm not a cliche leading lady. I'm a confident, accomplished young woman with a cup B for brassiere size. I don't know if having decent boobs will make Silas like me back, but we can just add that to my qualities. Especially now that I think the girl in the picture is flat-chested, hmp.
I was making jokes in my head to make myself laugh. I need to stop the tears before he gets here. I saw Silas heading towards the car with a bottle of water in his hands, so I immediately wipe the tears in my face and brought the pictures inside the compartment.
"Here," he handed me the bottled water then close the door.
"Thank you," I smiled at him then opened the bottled water to drink.
"Were you crying?"
"W-What? No! Why would I cry?" I immediately dismissed him.
He looked at me in the eye like analyzing if I’m saying bullshits or I’m telling him the truth. His forehead creased then he extended his right hand to touch my cheeks.
"Are you sure? You’re too young to be menopausal you know," I immediately hit his arm, this jerk!
"I'm only 18, duh!"
He just laughed at me then continued to drive. Menopause? We don’t even have children yet; I wouldn’t want to waste those genes!
I gazed at him while he's driving. I don't know how to bring up what I saw but I also don’t want to prolong my agony. These questions would keep me up all night. And besides, what if that girl is his non-showbiz girlfriend? It will surely break my heart to let him go but it would save my pride as a woman.
I was not born to be just another woman, no matter how good Silas is. I'm a woman driven with goals, I’m not living for boys who’s only contribution to my life is their semen, I live for myself. Besides, I have money to buy that if ever I decide to not marry and I want children.
"I could almost hear you thinking," what the f**k? Did I say that out loud? Stupid Erina.
I put my hand on my forehead then looked at him with bulging eyes.
"No, you didn't say whatever you're thinking out loud," he knows what I’m thinking!
"I wasn't informed that you’re a psychic now. How much is your fee, sir?" I said which made him laughed.
"What's bothering you? If you don't mind me asking."
I breathe deeply before looking him in the eye. It's now or never. I need to know who that girl is in his life or I would forever be bothered and it would haunt me.
"I was looking for tissue a while ago because I accidentally put potatoes in my shirt,” I started to say. He was not looking at me and continued to concentrate in his driving, so I have the chance to stare at him. But I know he’s listening.
"I have a spare shirt at the back"
"Not that stupid! Let me finish first,” I said in which he just laughs. This annoying jerk!
"I tried to look at your compartments and found these," I opened the compartment and took out the photos I saw earlier. He looked at me briefly but turn his head on the road again. Well, that’s okay because I don’t want to die yet!
"What about them?"
I showed him the pictures one by one and he was so cute when smiling whenever I show him pictures of his twin sisters.
"Who's this b***h?"
Finally, I showed him the picture of the girl. He stared at it but continued to stare at the road. His forehead creased but did not say anything. I wasn’t sure if I should press him more or just shut up. My brain is telling me to be logical, but my heart is beating crazily.
"No one."
He dismissively answered. He looked like he doesn’t want to talk about the girl which made me suspicious and more curious.
"What do you mean? No one? So, you kissed random people?"
I bombarded him with questions, and I wouldn’t stop until he f*****g answers me.
"Erina, it's not important."
He still wasn’t answering the question and he refuses to look at me. what is his deal? If there’s really no problem and the girl is not important then why is he refusing to answer my simple question? I'm starting to be pissed here.
"It is important," I turned my body sideways to look at him properly. “because if she’s irrelevant and not important, why is her picture still inside your car? Together you’re your pictures with your family! So, is she dear to you too?" I mocked him while looking at him with accusing eyes.
"What? Why are you not answering? Love of my life...love of my life, bullshit!" I finally exploded and all my emotions are all over the place and what’s more infuriating is that he look like he’s not listening at all!
"Just f*****g stay out of it!" the car stop because of red light. He looked at me like I was the most frustrating human he ever talked with. This is the first time he raised his voice at me. He was always calm no matter how much I teased him.
"I just want to know!" I couldn’t stop myself from shouting too. We’re not even together but here we are fighting like a couple.
"It's none of your f*****g business! Who are you anyway? You’re not my f*****g girlfriend!"
He’s right. Who do I think I am? I’m just the girl trying to get his attention. I’m no one.
I just want to know who the girl is. I hope he’d say she’s no one. She’s just his past and there is a slim chance that he’d like me too. Because f**k! Just when I admitted to myself that I don't simply like him anymore, that I've fallen in love with him, he breaks my heart like this. His hesitations just prove to me that he has no feelings for me. that he was just guilty about my ankle that’s why he’s being friendly to me.
The pain in my ankle can't compare to the pain I'm feeling right now. I’d trade my leg just to get out of this situation right now.
- Writer
