Saving A Marriage

A home is not wrecked overnight. Faithfulness turning into betrayal doesn't happen in a blink of an eye. One doesn't wake up one day realizing that the once fervent affection had fallen out. It takes a process. A slow fade. A dirty joke could have started it all. The temptation that was granted access. The little white lie. Once, twice, thrice, until lying becomes natural. The second glance lingered. The first taste of sin. And there comes the reasoning. The justification of an immoral act is like a pat on the back. It was fine. It does not make you a lesser person if you make a mistake once. Everybody makes mistakes. The 'nobody is perfect' card. The overused excuse is still used to justify the unjustifiable. When a home is already ruined, can the word sorry fix it all? Worst, what if that word sorry was never uttered? I've seen my own family crumble before my eyes. I was twelve when our once happy home turned to hell on Earth. My unremorseful Papa, whom I've always looked up to like an idol, had an affair with another woman. Mama couldn't accept it. Who would? She was a good wife. The best mom. She made our house a home. She was the light and the warmth that chased away the coldness of the night. Yet, despite how perfect I saw my family be, one day, it was just gone. Like it was all a part of a dream that had no way to go back to when I woke up in the morning. "I cannot stay, Melinda! I'm choosing Pippa." "What about our daughter, Cedrick?! Are you choosing your mistress over your child?!" I could never forget when Papa shook his head, he looked at me as if he wanted to stay. But in the end, he walked out of the door and never returned home. Mama couldn't handle the depression. Especially when she found out that the sudden changes with Papa weren't sudden at all. It had been ongoing for years. The little lies he put up when he stayed late at work that Mama believed, trusting he was telling the truth, started it all. Papa had an affair with his secretary. And they had a child together. Before I knew it, my mother was gone… Depression killed her. Papa took Pippa and their daughter, Mona, home after that. In an instant, I was the outsider in their family. Pippa took over like she was my mother. And Mona was just as irritating. She was much younger than I was but she acted like she was older than me. It was never the same again. I loathed the family I had after Mama died. And in her grave, I vowed that when I will have my own family in the future, I will not let the same fate happen to me. "When is your husband going to visit?" Papa asked me. "It's been long since I last saw Levi." We were having our weekend dinner in their house. Mona was also present with her husband, Cliff, and their son, Ysmael. I got married first before Mona. But she already had a baby while Levi and I still struggle to have one. "He's busy at work, Papa," I answered. "I understand that he's a Doctor. But I only ask for a single dinner every week. Is it that difficult to free up his schedule?" "I will tell him to come next time," I said instead of pulling another busy card. I knew that Papa would not buy my lame excuses. Levi used to come with me without any problem. Because he had respect for my father. "Are you having a problem with your husband, Myr?" Pippa butted in as if she had the right to even raise an issue like that. "Of course not," I denied, picked up my glass of water, and almost emptied it. I needed that to calm myself. "Myrtle," Papa held my other hand and gave me a knowing and concerned look. I knew that he felt it too. There was worry in his eyes. I am still his daughter after all. But ever since I lost Mama because of his betrayal, I ceased to see him as someone who had any moral ascendancy over me. He knew better than to talk to me about that topic. Because even though I still see him as my father, the respect I had for him was no longer what it once was. And every time I see Pippa, I am always reminded of the mother that I lost. It still pained me to this day. "Hurry and get pregnant, Myr. Before you lose your perfect husband," Mona taunted. I felt my blood boil as I shot her a murderous glare. Mona knew exactly how to push the right button to upset me. Before I could say anything disrespectful over the meal, I stood up and grabbed my bag. "I'm going, Papa," I said. He only sighed but didn't stop me. He probably knew that doing so would start a word war. He was tired of it as much as I am. I should have never come tonight. I knew this would happen. It's been a repetitive scene since Levi stopped coming with me. I hurried outside. I couldn't lose my cool completely and tell everyone back in the dining room that they were right. But no, I will never admit nor accept that my marriage was indeed on the rocks. No. Levi loves me. He wasn't like my father who didn't get contented with my mother. I fished my phone from my bag and dialed my husband's number. I was hoping he could pick me up. After two rings, Levi answered to my relief. "What?" He immediately asked, sounding irritated. "Are you on your way home?" I asked, as gently as I could despite feeling down, that he would talk like that to me after one whole busy day. It used to be 'How's your day, my love?' from him. "Yes." "Great. Can you pick me up from Papa's house? It's hard getting a ride here." "It's out of the way, Myr. Book yourself a cab," Levi answered, then hung up. I breathed hard. Everyday, Levi was becoming someone I don't know. The Levi that I married would move mountains for me. He doesn't care even if I'm on the other side of the world, if I needed him, he would come without hesitation. But now, I'm simply out of the way. And it wasn't even like it would take him hours to get here. But he refused to pick up his wife like I was nothing but a bother to him. "Get yourself a ride, Myr," I mocked myself as I opened the ride-booking app on my phone. Once on my way home, I contemplated what was happening with Levi and I. Am I seeing a repeat of history? I shook my head vigorously. No. My marriage wouldn't be like that of Mama and Papa. Levi was far different from the man who betrayed me and my mother. He knew my family history and how much I hate what Papa did. He wouldn't let me experience the same. Levi promised me that, didn't he? On the day of our wedding, and everyday thereafter… 'I love you, Myr… You and I will build the happiest home. Put your painful experience in the past now. I won't let us suffer the same fate. Our children will be loved and will not get a taste of what you've been through. That's a promise.' I smiled bitterly at the thought as I tried to push back my tears. Three years of marriage and countless negative pregnancy test results later, everything was no longer the same. When exactly did my Levi change? When did I start losing the man who vowed to love me forever?