Dear, Joey

19

I'm wearily glances the two who's watching Tegan by my side. Nasa dining table kami at nagbe-breakfast.

I took my hair on a messy bond on top after I refresh. Tegan waits for me to finish at sabay din kaming umupo sa table, with this two who looks at us like a bundle of cute things.

"Why?" biglang tanong ni Tegan making me look at him.

I saw his attention to me, and he put another bacon on my plate.

"Nothing, kasabay mo ba si Jullienne umuwi kahapon? I didn't notice her car eh." I saw Enrique roll his eyes but smirk on me while Jemaine have a huge smile on her face, looking on her plate. Maghintay lang ang dalawang to! Sila gigisahin ko!

"No, I think Mang Pedring fitch her on the airport." iling ni Tegan.

"Mnhh. I saw the news report! Kaya ba andito si Jullienne?" singit ni Jemaine. Enrique even nod.

"Anong report?" kurap ko.

"Love nanunuod ka man lang ba sa TV? Gusto mo gawa kita ng sss account? or IG?" Enrique teases me making me glare at him.

"Ano ba kasi yun?!" inis kung sabi glaring the two.

Tegan put another egg on my plate, but I just shake my head to him while looking at Jemaine and Enrique.

Napapatikhim na tumuwid ng upo ang huli.

"Well, there's this news that your twin has an affair with an old business tycoon and the reporters have pictures to prove the allegation."

Jemaine glance at me and smile forcefully. Tegan watches my reaction the whole time.

"Don't worry, hindi naman yun nabalita nation wide. It's just the blind items. So, I think napigilan naman yung kumalat."

"It's Eduardo Sarmiento, isn't it?" agaw ko kay Enrique. We all become silent and I just looking at my plate.

Bakit ayaw nya tong bitawan?! She's too young when that happened, and she still bring it out on her present.

We all know her story, but we forgot it for the sake of her mind and yet this is what it turns out. Kahit sila Jemaine at Enrique alam ang nangyari but still they respect her privacy.

"She's doing fine, don't worry" Tegan said reaching my hand on my lap.

I sigh "You don't understand Tegan" agaw ko ng kamay sa kanya. Looking frustrated and bothered.

"This is not something that cannot be ignored. Why can she just fall for someone who's available and free? She's doing fine for the past years, why now?" naluluha kung sabi looking at them. I saw Jemaine looks down and Enrique just look at me.

We become silence until We bid them goodbye.

I was going into my car when I hand reach mine and tug me around to face him.

I saw his eyes serious and the line on his lips, looking frustrated on me. Pilit akung ngumiti.

"I'm fine Tegs." but my eyes started to get wet once again.

"I won't let you go this way if you're looking sad. I don't like it" he said reaching my face, holding it with his both hands. I hold his wrist and sigh when I felt the heat on his hand and his body.

"I'm going to be fine" giit ko trying to smile at him.

He dropped his forehead on mine looking unto my eyes, watching with his worried sight.

"Okay lang talaga ko." garalgal kung kung sabi trying to get my face out of his hands but he suddenly turns his face a bit to the side and a light feathery pick drops on my lips.

I heard a shriek from Enrique's house, but my big eyes are on Tegan's flawless face and what is happening.

Namumungay ang mga matang tumitig sya sa mga mata ko, licking his lower lip, look lost and high.

Another feather kiss drops on my lips this time it took 3 seconds, and a... What? What?!

"Stop crying... Please" he hoarsely said like a broke casket tape that didn't work but still sexy to the ear. s**t!

Shit talaga! Oh my gosh! s**t!

Tegan Alfonso Marval, the man who's just pop up in my life between chaos and complication kiss me, He kiss me. Period.

Parang huminto ang mundo ko ng ilang sigundo bago bumalik at umikot ng mabilis making me numb a bit for the speed, and now it crawls on me what it is. f**k!

"Don't do that" I voice out pushing his hands away, dropping my back on my car. I felt my knees buckle and ready to give up on the ground. s**t, what is this feeling?

"What?" he calls, this time broken.

"What…? What are you doing Tegan? What did you do?" singhap ko looking up to him.

I saw his face dropped the color and the glint light vanished on his eyes that he looks waking up from a dream.

"Joey"

"What are we doing?... Why are you? What's this...?" I rumble, looking confused, confused to what I feel, to his actions, to this vulnerable emotion that I felt? What is this really?

"I like you" it makes me stop.

Did I hear it right?

"I like you, I don't know when it starts but I like you, I don't know if this is what they called love, but I want you, if this is what it's like because I don't want you to be sad then, maybe it is. All I know is that every second Joey, every time I always want you by my side" he said firmly with every words.

I sprang on my feet and look at him. I saw his fleeting front and his serious but soft eyes on me.

"Don't say that!"

"Why not?"

"Because…" I stop and looking around trying to find any appropriate words, but I can't.

"Because we're friends!" I gasp heavily trying to make a point that word on him.

Awang ang labing tumitig sya sa akin at marahang umiwas ng tingin, closing his lips and stare on the road.

"You’re my friend Tegan, and_ and I don't think... I thought…"

"From the very beginning I never treated you as a friend." he said cold and sarcastic.

Tumitig ako sa kanya but he just looks away from me, with his eyes trying to get glossy.

"So, what's this?... What the are you trying to say? That you just taking advantage of me trying to befriend you, but you have this... motive?"

"I never said that..."

"Then what?!" I shouted at him, with angry tears fall on my eyes. He stares at me and it down on him how it makes me hurt.

"Ano bang dapat kung isipin bukod dun Tegan!? You use me for what huh?... For your amusement, on your vacation! In passed months you treated me as if your entertainer. Ganun ba yun!?"

"I said I like you, I never treated you that way!"

"Then I don't want you to like me!" singhap ko trying to open my door but he dashes out and try to push it back.

"You don't get it do you?!" harap nya sa akin trying to hold my arm but I push his chest away looking at him with my flush face and tears.

"I get it! I won't treat you as a friend anymore! Never again!" singhap ko at hinga ng malalim pressing myself not to cry more.

"Why are you doing this to me?" hirap nyang sabi making me stare at him.

"Ako pa ngayon?..." di ko makapaniwalang sabi.

He licks his lower lip looking around.

"I like you, ano bang mahirap dun?" he said with his soft but deep voice like his surrendering to me. Awang ang labing tumitig ako sa kanya.

"Marami" marahan ngunit mayriin kung sabi. Gulping and chasing my breathe.

"Why that fucker Del Cano can date you and I can't?" he lowly said.

"I don't want to talk to you anymore" iling ko trying to push him aside to open my car but he catches my arm.

"Answer me Jullieanna!"

"Gusto mo ba talagang marinig Tegan?!"

We stare at each other, and I just couldn't tear my red eyes on him. We both in messed form. With his attire last night and my t-shirt and short with my tears. I feel like I am losing something right now and ever since I don't like any of it. Every time I can't stop losing someone in my life. Palagi.

So, kung ano man kung mawala sya? Bago ba yun sa akin? Kailangan ko pa bang isipin sila bago nila to malaman?

Sometimes, I wonder why I can't stop investing my feelings from them even though they are just using it without any raise and let it go like wasting money? Palagi naman ganito. Ano bang bago? Bakit kay Tegan?

Feeling ko pag nag-stay pa ko sa harap nya, susuko ako. Hindi dahil paulit-ulit nyang sinasabi na gusto nya ko pero dahil gusto kung marinig na gusto nya ko. For the first time, I felt like I have a valid reason to say my emotions. Di dahil galit ako, or kailangan kung ipaliwanag sa kanila na alam ko, at ramdam ko ang pakiramdam nila. Now, it makes me confused big time, that his saying that to me. It scared me in a high level. Kasi ako ang umiintindi, at hindi nila alam na kapag ginagawa ko yun, walang natitira sa akin. Kaya nakakatakot. Nalulunod ako sa takot. In a minute, ang dami ko ng tanong, what ifs, baka ganito etc.

Kaya tumakbo ako palayo sa kanya. Without any words to say, I got in and drive away.

Nakauwi ako ng hindi ko alam kung may nilagpasan ba kung stoplight, nag overtake ba ko? because in a moment I arrive in front of our house, and stay still, seating on the driver seat looking at the huge house.

Napapasinghap na ginamit kung unan ang mga braso ko leaning on the wheels and looking at the house. I saw Kuya's car and our van, Tito Henry's car, and Jullienne's.

My tears drop on my shoulder, and I weep it. Reaching my phone on the dashboard and click the recording button.

"Hi. Dad. I miss you. so much" Paputol putol kung sabi before end it. Send it to him. I stare at the voice recorders I send to him for the past weeks, and he didn't view it once. I sigh heavily and hide my phone.

Drive away and go to the lands. I drive circle around our lands, walking endlessly. Talking to the farmers and so on until dark.

Umuwi ako at pumasok sa bahay.

Sumalubong agad sa akin si Amy.

"Nasa bayan sila Joey at dun nag dinner." tumango lang ako at nilagpasan sya.

"Anong gusto nyong dinner?" habol nya.

"Kumain na kayo Amy. Don't wait for me" I said making her stop following me.

She watches me go up stairs, but I ignore her. I lock my door and go to the bathroom.

I stayed to an hour inside before going out. I heard voices outside making me stop a bit, I heard Jullie's voice talking to someone.

I turn on my lampshade.

I lay on my bed getting my phone.

"Goodnight, Dad. Call me, okay? love you"

I put my phone aside and hug my pillow. I heard knock on my door, but I pretend to sleep.

Nagising ako ng maaga. I wore my V-neck white shirt, ripped jeans and my boots. Going down with still dark outside, I go to the kitchen and prepare my morning foods and put it on the container.

Nakita kung pupungas pungas pa si May na lumitaw sa pinto ng kitchen making me smile a bit.

"Oh, Good morning, Joey!" ngiti nito sa akin.

"Morning, Tell Mom that I go early." tapik ko sa balikat nya bago sya nilampasan sa pinto.

"Ehh. Di ba taniman pa lang Joey?"

"Oo pero kailangan ng mga fertilizers at gamot ng mga magsasaka. Ipagluto na lang ng breakfast sila Mom." kaway ko. Kita ko ang alangan nya at kaway sa akin.

Lumabas ako at sinalubong ang malamig at pabukang liwayway ng langit. I glance at Tegan's car beside mine.

I open my door and get in. It's not easy to be this way, but it'll be alright. It's going to be, even it goes slowly.