Dear, Joey

23

We take out the remaining food we had on the table.

I felt tired but we need to go grocery for the stocks.

"I want to ride the cart Tita Mommy?" nguso sa akin ni Jullie. 

Tegan do so, so I just let them be. Namimili ako ng gatas ng masulyapan ko ang dalawang babae na pasekretong kumukuha ng picture kay Tegan at Jullie na nasa kabilang shelves, in their own world laughing.

I put back the carton and go to them. They notice me and try to walk away.

"Hey, stop there Ms.!"

Buti na lang at huminto sila. Nakakuha kami ng atensyon sa mga namimili but I just can't ignore it.

I saw trouble on their eyes but a girl on her mid 20s try to face me.

"Erase it." mariin kung sabi.

"Ano?"

"You two took pictures on us. Let me see your phone" lahad ko ng kamay sa kanya.

"Miss, nagkakamali ka ata" iling nung isa. Holding the other girl arm.

"Nag-pipicture lang kami dito" saad nung isa. I think she's the one who took the pictures.

"Jo, what happened?" lapit sa amin ni Tegan. Staring at the two girls so serious.

"They took pictures on us." I said.

"We're not, nagseselfie lang kami rito!  Tsaka wag ka ngang feeling Ms. Hindi ka naman sikat..."

"Don't give me reasons, I saw what I saw! You took pictures on your phone. Your phone is too low for you to take picture on yourself. This is invasion of privacy Ms."

"I said I didn't do anything! Hindi ko kayo pinicturan" asik nya sa akin trying to reach me but Tegan pushes the girl and block me from them.

"Give me the phone" he said with a deep voice. The two girls seem tremble at parang nanliit sa nangyari. 

"Wala kaming ginagawa Tegan." naiiyak na sabi nung babae.

So, she knows him?

"Give me the phone." he said, again.

I go to Jullie who's watching the scene and hug her arms before pushing the cart away from them. 

"What happened Tita Mommy?" umiling lang ako at tinanaw si Tegan at yung dalawang babae. Tiningnan nya yung phone ng nakakunot noo, typing on something on it. I saw him glaring the girls and say something to them before giving the phone back.

"Is Tito Tegan mad Tita Mommy?" tingala sa akin ni Jullie.

"No Hon.." iling ko and look up to Tegan who stop in front of me.

"Sorry about this." he said watching my reaction.

"I think it's enough for now." I said feeling bad of what happened. This is why I don't go out more often.

"Okay" tango nya trying to hold my hand but I turn to Jullie and put her down on the cart.

He stares at me before going to the back of the cart and push it following us. Tiningnan kami ng mga mamimili that makes me cautious. 

"I can continue to..."

"No Tegan, yung mga maids na lang please. Uwi na tayo." lingon ko sa kanya.

He stares and try to smile. Nothing to say more.

We got Jullie's school supplies before we walk to go to the parking lot.

May mga nakakasalubong kami na tumitingin sa akin at kay Tegan bago kay Jullie na nakahawak sa braso ko.

Parang nakahinga lang ako ng maluwag ng nasa labas na kami ng mall at papunta sa parking lot.

I help Tegan putting the things on the back of the car. I let him fix it while I put Jullie on the back seat. I closr the door when Tegan walks pass me and open the door on the passenger seat.

"Are you okay?" baling nya sa akin.

Tahimik lang akung tumango at pumasok. Fixing my seatbelt and my skirt. He closes the door softly.

Pumasok sya at sumulyap sa akin. I pretend not to see his stare.

Umalis kami ng bahay na maingay, bumalik kami ng tahimik. I help Jullie out of the car while his busy getting the things on the back.

Tumulong sila May sa pagkuha ng nasa loob habang sinasalubong kami ni Mom sa front door.

I kiss her cheek while she has this stare on me.

"There's someone who took pictures on us, take care of Jullie Mom." I said kissing again her again on the forehead.

She has this worried face on me when I walk pass her. Diritso lang ang lakad ko habang paakyat ng hagdan, nasalubong ko si Kuya na nagtataka ang tingin sa akin pero di ko sya pinansin.

I just fix myself, didn't bother to take a shower and just wash my body. I tug the comforter on my body and settle myself on my pillow. Closing my eyes but I can't sleep. 

I twirl and toss around the bed. I sigh and face the ceiling. I startle when my door open and a huge body carefully get in and close the door. He turns to me, but I turn my back to him and tug my comforter above my head. It occurs to me why I'm acting like this. Bakit di ko ni-lock yung pinto?! Damn. I felt my heart starting to beat fast. Lalo na ng lumundo ang kama may humawak sa kumot ko.

"Don't come near me." mariin kung sabi at hinila ang kumot payakap sa akin, still hiding myself around it.

"What's wrong?" he asks. The side on my back deepen and the side of my waist. His hands caging me in between.

I curl more and hide myself on my pillow.

"Get out" tulak ko sa kanya kahit na nasa ilalim ako ng kumot, try to get him off of me.

I sniff and push away my tears, I don't know why I'm crying so suddenly, dahil ba sa tanong nya, sa boses nya, sa presensya nya or pagod lang talaga ko? because I felt exhausted of everything after what happened. Ayuko talaga nun.

"What is it?" he softly asks.

"Alis Tegan." I gasp and breath deep, my hair is on my face already and my tears are around my face, pinapapawisan din ako kahit na bukas ang AC.

He didn't move and just let me breath deeper and cry silently. We were on that position until an air slip in and the comforter push out on my face.

I see him between my hair and my wet eyes. He carefully pushes away the strands and cup my face between his hands.

"What's wrong? Tell me.” he said with his low voice and softness around it. 

I gasp as he weeps the sweat on my forehead.

"L-Last year. I need to go to the supermarket because our maids have things to do. So, I volunteered." I shakily said. I put out my hands to breath, he helps me and lay beside me. I face his side and hug it closer to my body. His eyes didn't even move while watching me.

My hair scattered around my neck and the pillow, on my comforter on his side.

"I was not aware that. A group of boys younger than me, took a picture of me. a lot. Tapos namalaman ko na lang. na pinost nila yun sa social media. They even pass it on the messengers for a malice. Conversation... Tapos…" My eyes blurred and my tears dropped on side. I tried to weep it, but his hand catches my face.

He pushes my head and body towards him and hug me tight on his chest. He remains silent. I was a sobbing mess on his arms.

".. Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit ganun... I call Kuya Lenuel because that time. He has connections pero pero wala sya sa bansa nun kasi. Kasi nag-stay sya sa Spain nun, I even thought that he meets Jem there. Tapos si Jullienne busy sa promotions of her upcoming movies. H-Hindi ko naman alam nun kung paano... Then Dad help me, he put all his effort to erase my pictures and the comments. He sued those boys and other people involved... I am just scared today. I'm sorry"

He held me close more, kung wala lang sa akin nakabalot na kumot, walang magiging space sa pagitan namin.

"It's not your fault." He said between softness and tight on his voice. I breathe deep, sniffing.

"Ayuko talagang pumupunta sa madaming tao. Lalo na yung hindi ko kilala ang mga tao." I sob closing my eyes and curl myself on his chest.

Paos na ang boses ko sa kakaiyak.

"You need to drink water." agad akung umiling at inakap sya ng isang braso ko.

I felt his hand caress my hair and my close eyes.

I feel really tired that it's just a second, I sleep on his arms.

Nagising akung tanghaling tapat na at wala si Tegan sa tabi ko. Tulala ako ng ilang sandali bago bumangon at nag ayos.

Halatang namamaga ang mga mata ko so I massage it until it turns back to normal a bit. Para lang akung puyat at hindi nakatulog pero ayos na rin.

Bumaba ako ng naka pambahay. Tatawagan ko na lang mamaya sila Jes at maglilibot mamayang hapon sa hacienda.

"May." tawag ko habang pababa ng hagdan but stop when I saw who’s in the living room.

Enrique stands up while Tegan walks to go to me, watching me all the way.

Kuya and Jemaine remain seated.

"Goodmorning" salubong ko. Glancing at Tegan who's held my hand and tug me to the living room.

"Hey" bati ni Enrique with a calculating look.

I smile to him.

"Hey to you too." bumitaw ako kay Tegan at sinalubong sya ng yakap.

Enrique held me close and hug me tight. I was taken a back for a minute before smiling and hug him.

"What's with this atmosphere? Did Cori busted you again?!" nabibigla kung tanong holding Enrique's arm to face him.

"I'm not." tawa nya sa akin.

Lumingon ako Kila Kuya na nasa akin ang tingin. Kumunot ang noo ko. Suddenly Tegan tug me by my waist and pull me to seat by his side.

Enrique took a seat by my side facing me.

"Okay, this giving me chill right now. Bakit ang seryoso?" ngiti ko. Tingin ko sa kanilang apat but they all remain silent.

Nawala ang ngiti ko.

"Is something happened?" kunot noo kung tanong looking at Tegan who's watching me the whole time. He just held me closer.

"Are you okay with us being together again Joey?" napatingin ako kay Jemaine, they have space like they afraid to touch. Kuya Lenuel watch my face and not bother to look away.

"If your happy, why not?" kurap ko.

Jemaine glance at Kuya and to us.

"I'm asking if your okay with it?" she softly said.

I purse my lips and smirk.

"Why bother asking me?"

"Jullieanna, your important to us. Your opinion is important." I stare at Kuya Lenuel when he said that. 

Kuya Lenuel look down when I didn't bother look away from his eyes. Talaga ba? Kailan naging importante?

"Sometimes I wonder why you all ask me this again, if you just taking it for granted." 

"Jullieanna."

"Hindi ko alam kung bakit nyo ginagawa to."

"We need your permission" giit ni Kuya. Trying not to raise his voice.

"Kapag sinabi kung ayuko kayong makitang magkasama? Or magkabalikan? Susundin nyo ba ko?"

I saw Jemaine look away biting her lips and Kuya gripped his both hands.

"Di ba hindi?" napapangisi kung sabi.

"So bakit?" I ask with a soft voice.

They remain silence until Jemaine gasp and look at me with the red eyes.

"Because I love you, Joey." she hopelessly said.

Kumurap ako ng marahan habang tinitingnan ang pagpigil nya ng luha. 

"I'm sorry. Kung nagiging pabigat kami these years."

"Hindi kayo pabigat." iling ko, I felt Tegan's hand on my waist tightened. I sigh slowly and gulp.

"Hindi ko alam... Kung ano? or paano ba?" I sigh again. There's this heaviness on my shoulder and my chest. I'm looking down, thinking deeply.

"All I know that I knew all of your feelings and deepest secrets, I am mentally prepared for it, but my body isn't balance with my brain. The psychologist says that I'm empathetic. It's in my personality. Whenever I found everything about all of you, I analyze it and catch emotions all the way and exhaust me big time, so I regain my energy back when I am alone. Kaya nung alam kung magkakabalikan kayo alam ko yung lahat ng pakiramdam nyo."

I look at them and look away when they all stare at me.

"Kaya umatras ako, when Kuya didn't show up and his going home late, I know from the fact that you're with Jem. It's either on the beach, her house, Dad's rest house or road trips. On the way, you all enjoy being together but what about the future. I knew you both didn't wanna recall the past but in my mind, I am scared because I know about your suffering when you two are apart. It's like you two combined your fears on me, so I told Kuya to take it slow."

I look up and saw them looking down not looking at us.

"So, y-you know mine?" turo ni Enrique sa sarili nya, staring at my face.

"Busted ka na di ba?" Tegan suddenly laughs when Enrique jaw dropped on me.

"You know that I can't stop right now" Ngumiti lang ako kay Enrique. Alam ko naman.

"So, that's why you’re against us?" Kuya Lenuel asked still looking down.

Umiling ako.

"I said take it slow. Hindi ko sinabing hadlang ako sa inyo. I want you to know Kuya, Love can turn into hate. Kung hindi nyo lilinawin ang lahat bago kayo bumalik sa isa't isa, palagi lang kayong magsusumbatan and knowing that, I can't listen to it anymore because I know the result and it hurts to see you both destroying each other." I waited them to talk but they are looking down like nahihiya silang dalawang tumitig sa akin. Jemaine is playing with her sleeves and any minute by now iiyak na sya. I want to go to her to ease her turmoil but No. She has this to herself ever since.

I said before getting up with Tegan.

"I'm hungry" ngumiti sya sa akin at kinuha ang kamay ko. 

"You two, I want to clarify Joey's premonition, or I don't know what it is, but I understand her very well, Kung gusto nyong mag work out to, this time pull out all of your baggage and forgive everything that hurts you. It takes time but it's still in a process, hindi na kayo magkakahiwalay pa. Just take it slow guys. Step by step."

I heard Enrique rants while Tegan and I silently go out of the picture.

I glance at Tegan. He smiles at me when he catches my eyes.

I was fully aware of him ever since. Even though it's hard for the sudden changes, and it'll going to be tough because of our different world.

All I want for now; is I'm starting to see the different light of what it is. By looking at him.