Dear, Joey

21

 We go home after dark. Nasa daan kami ng magring ang phone ko sa bag na nasa gilid ng kambyo. I saw him glancing at me, taking the bag. Placing it on my lap.

I stare at Kuya's name. Answering it after ninth rings.

"Kasama mo ba si Tegan?" salubong nya.

I felt bad somehow. Akala ko tatanungin nya kung bakit wala pa ko sa bahay.

"Oo, do you want to talk to him?"

"No need, Hindi nya kasi sinasagot tawag ko. Akala ko may nangyari, anyway ingat na lang.."

"Kasama mo si Jemaine?" agaw ko sa kanya making him stay silent.

"You don't have to hide."

"We're not hiding." he stop talking when he felt what is wrong on my voice.

"I won't hurt her Jull." pagkaraan ng ilang sandali.

"Sometimes I wonder why you all are saying that. If in the end you all crying to me." I said looking at the dark outside.

"Joey" warning nya.

I smile.

"She's just come out in a broken relationship Kuya. Kung hindi mo alam or nagta-tanga tangahan ka lang, paki intindi. Kasi sa huli, kapag bumalik si Vito ikaw ang talo."

"She's in love with me! Ever since!"

"Yun nga eh! She has been loving you for all these years, and yet she wanted to marry Vito? Ang sinasabi ko lang you have to take it slow hindi yung bara bara ka! Isipin mo naman, Jemaine remain in Spain for years to forget you, she even ready to marry just to let go of her feelings."

"Kung hindi lang humarang ang tatay nya sa amin..."

"Wag mong isisi sa magulang nya ang paghihiwalay nyong dalawa Kuya! Ever since I always said this to you, choice mo nung nakipag break ka, choice mo ng pinakawalan mo sya, she then chooses to agree with you, bakit?! kasi feeling nyo hindi na magwo-work out! Ang tanga lang! Sinasabi nyo mahal nyo isa't isa pero ano?! Kunting sulsol ng magulang aatras agad kayo! Tapos ibabaling nyo sa kanila ang sisi"

"In the first-place kung hindi lang sila humadlang kasal na sana kami ngayon!"

"Let me straight to the point here baka hindi nag po-process sa utak mo hanggang ngayon, Wala kang income that time, nag aaral kayo! Did you even realize your actions back then Kuya?! Para kang mamamatay kapag wala si Jem sa tabi mo, even Dad didn't stop you kahit alam na alam nila, Jemaine's father is brave enough to do that our family can't do, para kang addict na iniisip that falling in love is enough to live, Jem's father let you two for months, you don't have dreams aside from settle with her, anong iisipin ng tatay ni Jem? Na mabuti ka, magaling ka kasi mahal mo anak nya. No! His looking at you as if your delusional and yet he let you two for the sake of his daughter and suddenly You two broke each other just for what? Dahil hindi mo kayang mahiwalay ng kunding sandali!" the other line became silent.

"You choose this! You've been very guilty! For 3 years Kuya kitang kita ko yun! Tapos nawala lang si Vito ura-urada kayong magbalikan.. Kung ginagawa mo to para sa panandaliang saya wala akung magagawa, but sooner or later lilitaw at lilitaw ang sama ng loob nyo at wala kayong magagawa doon. Iwan ko na lang kung kaya ko pa kayong pakinggan sa susunod." 

I waited him to talk but he just silent the whole time. I end the call feeling frustrated once again.

I felt a hand wrap mine. I look at Tegan and he smile giving me a reassure grip. I sigh resting my head on the back.

"I didn't think that this could happened. Akala ko matino na utak nila after years of separation. Lumala pa ata ngayon"

He laughs a little.

"Lenuel knows what you’re talking about Jo, trust the two. They can make it."

"Hahayaan ko na lang sila, they won't listen to me anyway" I said looking outside.

We become silent comfortably until we got home.

Pababa pa lang ako ay tanaw kuna si Jullienne sa tapat ng front door with her elegant dress and make up. Lumilitaw ang kaputian nya sa dilim.

Tegan looks at me and wait for me to move. I step out and walk, he follows me leisurely.

"Where have you been?" tanong nya agad.

I thought that she's asking Tegan but when I go pass her, she steps to block my path.

Napapabuntong hiningang tumingin ako sa kanya. Stepping back.

"Why are you asking this so suddenly?" kunot noo kung tanong sa kanya.

She gives me a strong front, but I know at the back of her mind, she's thinking why we are together.

"Masama bang tanungin kita, it passed dinner and you are out there. Pinag aalala mo si mom."

"Jullienne, Mom knows I always go home late because of work. Magtetext ako kapag late akung makakauwi."

"But it seems like you didn't go to work." mariin nyang sabi looking at my face.

Anong ibig nyang sabihin?

Tinitigan ko sya ng matagal. Tegan sense tension on us.

"Let's get inside."

"I'm talking to my Twin, Tegan." I said looking at him and turn to Jullienne who have this shock reaction on her face.

Tegan respect it and stay behind me.

"So, you two are close?" parang hindi makapaniwala nyang sabi.

"Ano naman ngayon kung Oo? Ano yun sayo? Kasi sa pagkaka-alala ko wala kang pakialam kung hindi ang sarili mo. Tell me"

I saw her cheek turn red and purse her lips to grim. Wala na yung angelic face na palaging nakikita ng lahat.

"Are you playing with me?!" nauubusan nyang pasensyang sigaw.

"You are playing with fire here Jullienne. Wag mo kung tatanungin kung saan ako nanggaling or anong ginawa ko kung wala ka naman talagang paki alam sa akin. Tegan is here why not ask him yourself."

"I am concern about where you at!? Bakit si Tegan ang sinasali mo dito?!"

she's starting to shed tears. My bad, best actress nga pala sya.

"Now, you’re at it. Kinakausap ka ng maayos, sumisigaw ka na. Ayusin mo muna yang takbo ng utak mo bago mo ko kausapin. Don't pretend as if we have a good relationship either, kasi sa pagkakaalala ko. It's been months since we fought, and you never even bother to know what's on me ever since."

"Sumu-sobra ka na!"

"If you wanted to know, Tegan and I are friends. Kung may problema ka dun, problemahin mo pero walang mababago dun" taas ko ng kilay sa kanya bago sya inirapan at lumagpas.

Diritso akung umakyat sa kwarto, stopping on the side of the bed and drop my bag. I can't help but to seat gripping my shirt on top of my chest.

I sigh shakily and dropped my chin on my knee. Sakto naman na bumukas ang pinto ng kwarto ko at sumilip si Mom. Agad akung tumayo at mabilisang kinuha ang bag ko.

"Hi Mom" bati ko trying to smile at her before going to my walking closet to put my bag inside. I open my light and saw a small space of my clothes, the long drawer with a mirror, sa ibabaw ay mga make up at perfumes na si Mom ang palaging bumibili pero hindi ko naman talaga nagagamit.

"Did you have your dinner?" sunod nya sa akin.

"Yeah. I thought your sleeping already" umupo ako sa harap ng drawer with my chair of course and untie my shoes.

"Hmm. I woke up because of Jullie."

Napahinto ako ng naging tahimik sya. I look at her and saw her leaning on the wall while watching me with her concerned eyes.

"Mom." I call.

"I'm sorry Hon." garalgal nyang sabi making me shake my head and try to smile at her.

"It's fine mom."

"It is not for me baby, ako dapat ang unang nagbibigay sa yo ng kailangan mo but turn out that you give us everything you own"

"Hey. Hey, don’t say that mom" lapit ko holding her both arms.

"You give us a complete family for years; you tried your best and I'm thankful for that. We are now an adult. I'm a grown woman and all I want for you now is your happiness. Hindi ikaw or si Dad ang makakapagsabi kung ano ang makakapagpasaya sa amin, we have issues of our own Mom, but don't think less as if you don't deserve being free or to love your lost love again. Makita lang kitang masaya kay Tito Henry, magiging masaya ko dun but half of me crying for Dad and that's inevitable. Naging anak nyo muna ko bago tumayo sa sarili kung paa, and for that I'm grateful to live."

She holds my face and kiss my cheek hugging me. I hold her head and tap her back.

"You know, ever since I'm proud of what you become, of who you are Jullieanna. Kaya hindi ako nag aalalang hindi mo kaya lahat kasi nakita ko ang tatag at tibay mo, and for that I am proud Mom for everything you achieve and accomplished. I want you to choose your happiness over us this time, can you promise me that?" Harap nya sa akin.

"Mom" naiiyak kung sabi holding her hands on my face. Why is she saying this anyway?

"Promise me" titig nya sa mga mata ko.

I stare at her and nod.

"Promise" I whispered. She smiles at me and kiss my forehead.

"Good girl, now fix yourself and rest" tapik nya sa balikat ko.

Pinanood ko syang lumabas ng kwarto. I stay stand for awhile before going to my closet to find my pajama.

Naligo ko ng mabilis. Palabas pa lang ako ng bathroom ng makita ko syang naka upo sa gilid ng kama, paharap sa pinto ng bathroom.

"Why are you here?" nanlalaki kung matang sabi sa kanya habang sinasara ang pinto.

Tinitigan nya lang ako. Napapasinghot na pinunasan ko ang buhok ko habang palapit sa kanya.

"You cried?" alangan na tumabi ako at humarap sa kanya.

"Kunti." I smirk at him, but he just stares at me.

"Malamig yung tubig." bawi ko habang nagpupunas ng buhok.

"You have heater." Alam na alam ah.

"I don't like warm water when taking a bath at night. Pag umaga lang. Did you talk to her?" I ask staring at him.

"Why should I?" iwas nya at biglang kinuha sa akin ang maliit na tuwalya tugging me to go near his side.

"I can do it."

"Stay still" pag aaway nya making me stop. He places himself on my back, and cage me between his legs.

His hand is big but light when it touches my hair. Para pa nga syang ingat sa buhok ko. We remain silent while his busy drying my hair.

"Why not using a blower?" sabi nya bigla.

"Ayuko, sensitive ang buhok ko. Mabilis maglagas, ito na nga lang maganda sisirain ko pa. No way!" ingos ko.

He then stops when I said that. Nilingon ko sya at nakita kung kunot noo syang nakatitig sa akin. He looks constipated.

"What?" tatatawa kung sabi.

"Your beautiful"

Napaawang ang labi ko lalo na ng makita kung diritso ang titig nya sa akin.

I feel my cheek heat and there's these things like a whirl wind on my stomach.

I saw him slowly smile staring at my face.

"Baliw!" Laki kung mata sa kanya habang paasik na tumalikod. Ahh, what the hell? Why can’t I help but smile? This man.

"Your beautiful Jullieanna, don't you ever question it, it's not even a question." he hug my waist and drop his chin on my shoulder.

"Whatever" gigil kung tapik sa tuhod nya.

"Although I'm not into Morena but I'm into you" he murmurs.

"Ewww!" I said crumbling my face.

He laugh on my ear and drag me down to the bed, going on top of me.

"Tegan" tapik ko sa likod ng ulo nya.

He drops his half body on me while his lower body remain on the side.

"It's true, I like you... but you don't like me?" he stares at my face trying to find the answer.

"Let's sleep." pikit ko ng mata making him laugh.

"Oh, come on" tawa nya, leaning close and tuck his face on my chin and chest. Hugging my waist with his left hand with the other on my side face.

We remain silent until I open my eyes and put my hand at the back of his head. I felt him smile.

I stare at the ceiling and slowly sigh.

"I don't want to say something that unsure and crucial." pagkaraan.

He sprang out and look at me with his smirk. I roll my eyes on him and tilt my head to look away.

"So, you like me?" there's a laugh and teasing on his voice but more like his happy knowing it.

"I didn't say I don't like you." laki ko ng mata sa kanya looking away again. His face is like a light bulb because of his smile.

"You like me." he said this time, so sure on his words.

I stare at the wall, while he watches me and waited for me to talk. Ano nga bang mawawala kung aaminin ko na lang? but it's not easy. How can I put it?

Lakas loob na sinalubong ko ang titig nya. I saw him dropping his smile and serious on his face. We have two inches apart, and the light on the ceiling makes him look handsome than before. May iba sa kanya na hindi ko nakita dati.

"I am unsure of what is it Tegan, I'm not looking for someone that I could like because I'm not a fully forgiver, nakakapagpatawad ako Oo pero hindi ako nakakalimot, and liking you is not as if it's serious."

"But I'm serious" agaw nya sa akin.

"You don't even say the deep L word? I'm not into like kasi mabilis akung magsawa. I don't want to lead you on to something that you get hurt."

"I want your permission if I said it. I said I like you because if I said that I love you, you’ll run, and I know I will respect that."

D-Did he just said that? Easily? Oh hell!

I groan closing my eyes tight, but I saw his smile with my shock face.

I tried to block my face from him, but he holds my wrists.

"I hate you" I hopelessly said, trying to take a breath. Making him laugh and settle himself on my neck once again.

I felt his heartbeat fast on my side and the way he moves a bit on my chest where my heart was, I know he heard my heartbeat beats fast for him.

Is this my mom talking about?