My Trans Pagibig

Chapter 24: Simula ng Bagong Simula

CHAPTER 24: SIMULA NG BAGONG SIMULA

CEDRICK (POV)

I can still remember yesterday

We were so in love in a special way

And knowing that you love me make me feel oh so right

But now I feel lost, don't know what to do

Each and every day I think of you

Holdin' back the tears, I'm trying with all my might

Because you've gone and left me standing all alone

And I know I've got to face tomorrow on my own

But baby...

Before I let you go

I want to say I love you

I hope that you're listenin' 'coz it's true, baby

You'll be forever in my heart

And I know that no one else will do, yeah

So before I let you go

I want to say ...

I love you

I wish that it could be just like before

I know I could've given you so much more

Even though you know I'd given you all my love

I miss your smile, I miss your kiss

Each and every day I reminisce

'Coz baby it's you that I'm always dreaming of

Because you've gone and left me standing all alone

And I know I've got to face tomorrow on my own

But baby before I let you go

I want to say I love you

I hope that you're listenin' 'coz it's true, baby

You'll be forever in my heart

And I know that no one else will do, yeah

So before I let you go

I wanna to say...

'Coz Letting love go is never easy

But I love you so that's why I set you free

And I know...

Someday...

Somehow I'll find a way

To leave it all behind me

Guess it wasn't meant to be, but baby...

So before I let you go

I want to say I love you

I hope that you're listenin' 'coz it's true, baby

You'll be forever in my heart

And I know that no one else will do, yeah

So before I let you go

I want to say...

So before I let you go

I want to say...

I love you

Naiwan kami ni Ancient doon sa batuhan. It was very awkward. Walang umiimik. Puro buntong hininga kasabay ng malakas na hangin na sumasampal sa aming balat na nagmumula sa dagat.

Then I gathered all my courage to speak. "Selfish ba talaga ako? Selfish ba talaga ako Ancient kung pangarapin kong malaman ng lahat na boyfriend kita at boyfriend mo ako. Selfish ba ang tawag na ipagmalaki ang relasyon natin at kung ano ang meron tayo. Nakakatakot din kasing isipin na isang araw mawala na ang lahat ng ito. Wala man lang ibang nakaalam. Well, at least now alam na nila Sallie at Rayver at ng mga kaibigan nila. This will not go down in history unwritten." Then I started crying.

"Wag mo nang isipin pa 'yung mga sinabi ni Sallie. Wala na rin naman akong magagawa kung sakaling natuloy mo ang sasabihin mo kanina eh. Wala namang magbabago sa relasyon natin. Boyfriend mo pa rin ako noon." Tugon niya.

Iyan ang labis kong kinakainis kay Ancient. Lagi lang siya naka- oo sa desisyon ko. Hindi niya magawang humindi. Hindi niya magawang tumiwalag sa gusto ko. Kung tumatanggi man siya baka hindi ko na alam. Baka hindi niya lang masabi sa akin ng personal.

"Wala namang issue doon sa mga sinabi ni Little Lady kanina eh. Tama siya. Magdedesisyon na naman ako na hindi man lang kita tinatanong. Gagawa ako ng life changing move na hindi man lang kita kinonsulta. Tama siya dun eh. Closet gays tayo Ancient. At least ako sure ako sa part na 'yon. Pero ikaw baka napipilitan ka lang na maging ganyan dahil sa utang na loob mo sa pamilya ko. Napipilitan ka lang na maging boyfriend ako dahil 'yun ang hiniling ko."

"Cedrick..." hindi ko siya pinatapos sa pag- interrupt sa akin.

"Ako muna Ancient. Please. Hear me out then I'll let you speak with full honesty." Tumango lang siya at nagpatuloy naman na ako. "Mahal kita Ancient. Aaminin ko nag- take advantage ako sa utang na loob mo sa family ko noong inaya kitang maging boyfriend ko. Ang gusto ko lang malaman ngayon ay kung bakla ka ba talaga? Ano ba talaga ang plano mo? Mahal mo ba talaga ako? Please don't lie to me. I promise na tatanggapin ko lahat ng sasabihin mo. I promise na magiging honest din ako sayo. Bago maging boyfriend ay kaibigan mo naman ako eh. So please at this very moment gusto kong maging kaibigan muli ang tingin mo sa akin. 'Yung kaya mong sabihin lahat- lahat ng walang walls."

He sighed then he also started crying. "I love you Cedrick. I really do. More than a friend but not as a lover. Tama ka, napilitan akong maging boyfriend mo. Yes I'm gay, actually hindi ako sure. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang tawag sa akin. Gusto kong maging babae. Alam mo ba kung bakit ako pumayag sa deal with Sallie? Actually hindi ako pumayag, ako 'yung nag- convince sa kanya na ituloy namin ang pagpapanggap. Ang dahilan ko para kunyari pagdating ng panahon na ipu- push ko na talaga ang maging babae ay sasabihin kong na- fall na ako sa kanya. Tapos ay saka ako makikipaghiwalay sayo. Alam ko kasing kapag nakita ko na ang taong para sa akin kahit masakit ay mas matatanggap mong palayain ako."

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa lahat ng sinabing iyon ni Ancient. Sa wakas ay naging honest siya sa akin. Nasabi niya pa ang lahat ng iyon. Sa katunayan ay may sinabi pa siyang isa pang dahilan kung bakit niya tinutulungan si Little Lady Sallie. I will not reveal it for now para may suspense at para mabitin ka.

Naging honest din ako kay Ancient tulad ng pangako ko. Sinabi ko ang tunay na dahilan kung bakit ako pumayag sa pagpapanggap nila ni Sallie at kung bakit payag akong may mangyari sa kanila. Sinabi ko ang pinagdadaanan ko. Pinagtapat ko iyon sa kanya. Sa kanya ko palang sasabihin, hindi muna sa inyo, another twist yan ng story kaya saka na kapag sinabi ni author Neri saka ko i- share sa inyo. Okay?

Matapos noon ay walang tigil na kami sa pag- iyak at pagyakap sa isa't- isa. Mas naintindihan na namin ang bawat isa.

"Sorry for everything Ancient. Sorry for letting you enter in a relationship para tumanaw ng utang na loob. I guess it''s time to say goodbye. Mahal na mahal kita pero hindi ko kailanman ipipilit ang sarili ko sayo. Gusto kong maging masaya ka in searching for your true self and in your happiness. Masaya na akong maging kaibigan mo. Patuloy pa rin kitang mamahalin." Saad ko sa kanya habang sinasabi ang break up lines ko. Sobrang sakit pero ito ang kailangan.

"Sorry din sa lahat Cedrick. Sorry kung ang end goal ko ay iwan ka rin naman pala. Sorry kung hindi ako naging honest sayo. Gayunpaman mahal na mahal kita kaibigan. I will always love you and I will always be thankful to you."

"Itago na muna natin sa ating mga kaibigan na hiwalay na pala tayo ah. Ituloy niyo na muna ni Little Lady Sallie ang ginagawa ninyo para hindi siya makahalata sa isa mo pang motibo sa kanya."

"Okay Cedrick."

"Let me say this for the very last time Ancient, I love you."

"I love you too."

Somebody told me you were leavin'

I didn't know

Somebody told me you're unhappy

But it doesn't show

Somebody told me that you don't want me no more

So you're walkin' out the door

Nobody told me you've been cryin'

Every night

Nobody told me you'd been dyin'

But didn't want to fight

Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me

So I'm settin' you free

Let me be the one to break it up

So you don't have to make excuses

We don't need to find a set up where

Someone wins and someone loses

We just have to say our love was true

But has now become a lie

So I'm tellin' you I love you one last time

And goodbye

Somebody told me you still loved me

Don't know why

Nobody told me that you only

Needed time to fly

Somebody told me that you want to come back when

Our love is real again

Let me be the one to break it up

So you don't have to make excuses

We don't need to find a set up where

Someone wins and someone loses

We just have to say our love was true

But has now become a lie

So I'm tellin' you I love you one last time

And goodbye

Just turn around and walk away

You don't have to live like this, oh

But if you love me still then stay

Don't keep me waiting for that final kiss (oh)

We can work together through this test

Or we can work through it apart

I just need to get this off my chest

That you will always have my heart

Let me be the one (let me be the one)

Let me be the one to break it up

So you don't have to make excuses

We don't need to find a set up where

Someone wins and someone loses

We just have to say our love was true

But has now become a lie

So I'm tellin' you I love you one last time

Oh and goodbye

..........

SALLIE (POV)

Ayun na nga magkatabi kami ni Ancient pabalik ng Manila. Nakitsismis na ako syempre pa.

"Uy Ancient mukhang okay na kayo ni Cedrick ah? Mukhang good vibes din siya. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa mga nangyari ngayong gabi."

"Nag- usap na kasi kami. Thank you kaninang umaga dun sa mga sinabi mo. Dahil doon ay natauhan kami. Na- express namin finally yung tunay naming nararamdaman. Naging honest kami sa isa't- isa. Isa pa, thank you dahil sa naisip mong paandar para hindi kami kuyugin dahil dun sa post ng university website. Thank you talaga Sallie. Lastly, thank you for a new friendship sa ating mga kaibigan. Isa na tayong malaking barkada ngayon."

Grabe yung mga titig niya sa akin para akong tutunawin. Nangungusap 'yung mga mata niya.

"Uy ano ka ba wala 'yun."

Parang hindi naman ako nakakuha ng malinaw na tsismis dahil naunahan ako ng kilig. Nakakaloka! Magkasama na naman kaming nakinig ng music habang nasa mahabang byahe pauwi. Pag- uwi mas marami pang ganap ang naghihintay sa kwento ng aming pagkakaibigan at pag- iibigan.

To be young and in love in New York City (in New York City)

To not know who I am but still know that I'm good long as you're here with me

To be drunk and in love in New York City (in New York City)

Midnight into morning coffee

Burning through the hours talking

Damn, I like me better when I'm with you

I like me better when I'm with you

I knew from the first time, I'd stay for a long time 'cause

I like me better when

I like me better when I'm with you

I don't know what it is but I got that feeling (got that feeling)

Waking up in this bed next to you swear the room

Yeah, it got no ceiling

If we lay, let the day just pass us by

I might get to too much talking

I might have to tell you something

Damn, I like me better when I'm with you

I like me better when I'm with you

I knew from the first time, I'd stay for a long time 'cause

I like me better when

I like me better when I'm with you

Stay awhile, stay awhile

Stay here with me

Stay awhile, stay awhile, oh

Stay awhile, stay awhile

Stay here with me

Lay here with me, ayy-ayy, ayy-ayy, oh

I like me better when I'm with you (yes, I do, yes, I do, babe)

I like me better when I'm with you (ooh, no)

I knew from the first time, I'd stay for a long time 'cause

I like me better when

I like me better when I'm with you

Better when, I like me better when I'm with you