Blazing Mirror

BM10

PAIKOT-IKOT ang swivel chair na inuupuan ko habang hinihintay si Daven. Noong una ay ayaw niyang gawin ang utos ko. But I forced him until he says yes. My eyes roamed around in the whole room. Pati office niya, boring.

Kaagad akong umupo nang maayos galing pangalumbaba nang makarinig ng katok. But my shoulder instantly fell when I saw Sage, not Daven. Nakita ko kung paano dumaan ang mga mata niya sa suot ko bago ito bumalik sa mga mata ko.

"Expecting someone?" nakakunot noo niyang tanong.

"Oo!" paasik kong sagot... telling him honestly. "Ano bang ginagawa mo rito? Parang kailan lang sinabi mo sa 'king may mahal kang iba?!"

"Jealous?" A wide grin appeared on his lips.

Did I sound jealous? Kaagad umasim ang mukha ko sa sinabi niya.

"Naiirita lang ako sa pagmumukha mo. Bawal?" malditang tanong ko.

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes. "Where's your secretary?" At tumaas ang kilay niya.

Napakainit talaga ng dugo nilang dalawa sa isa't isa. Wala bang trabaho ang isang 'to? He's wearing his corporate attire.

"f**k!" I cursed silently. Palihim ako humawak sa dulo ng lamesa nang maramdaman ang konting kirot sa aking ulo.

Ito na ba ang sinasabi ng doctor? The side effects? Sage brow arched when he saw my face. Kaagad itong tumuwid nang makitang napahawak na ako sa aking ulo.

"f**k, Astrid," pagmumura niya nang makuha ang mga ikinikilos ko. "I'll bring you to the infirmary—"

I stopped him by raising my left hand. "No, ayos lang ako. Nalipasan lang siguro ako ng gutom," pagdadahilan ko habang hawak pa rin ang ulo.

Wala akong nagawa kundi ang sumama sa kanya sa canteen. Lahat ng mga mata ay nasa amin nakatutok. I think the relationship between him and Astrid ay alam na ng boung campus.

"Competent, ha," biglaan niyang wika. Nahihimigan ko ang pagiging sarkastiko nito.

Nginiwian ko lang siya. Alam ko kung sino ang tinutukoy niya. This is not Daven's fault, I pushed him away just to get some information— gossip, about Astrid and Avilianna's fishy that I smelled. Nakalimutan ko rin kaseng kumain kaninang umaga.

Sage is famous in college students. Lahat ata ng napapadaan sa lamesa namin ay palaging napapalingon sa'kanya.

"What's with the outfit, Astrid?" Kaswal niyang tanong habang kumakain.

I sighed while slicing the pork cutlet. "Can't I wear what I want to wear? At isa pa, I'm the one who rule this school."

"What I'm saying is, you reveal too much skin in your-"

Kaagad akong napasinghap ng makitang napasulyap siya sa aking dibdib.

"Bastos!" Hindi malakas ngunit sakto lang na marinig niya.

My attitude may be a b***h, but damn, my body is still a saint! His lips pursed, trying not to laugh at my reaction.

Tahimik lang kaming kumakain ng makita si Daven sa pintuan ng canteen, palinga-linga, hinahanap yata ako. Mabilis akong kumaway ng napadaan ang mata niya sa lamesa namin.

He rolled eyes while walking in our direction, kaagad sumama ang timpla ng mukha niya ng makitang nilingon siya ni Sage. Gosh, they're reaction towards each other is like a preschooler na nag-aagawan ng crayons.

"What took you so long?" Mahinang tanong ko ng umupo siya sa tabi ko, were sitting in a four-seater table.

He shook his head. "You don't wanna know how long they describe you and that woman-"

Sage cleares his throat. That's we realize na masyado kaming malapit sa isa't-isa ni Daven. Umusog ng konti si Daven, aba ano ako mayroong virus?! I glared at all the students looking at us.

"Is this how competent you are, Mr Cheng? It's past 12 in the noon-"

"I texted her to remind her lunch, Mr Besabella, if that's what your concern here." Pagtanggol ni Daven sa sarili bago tumayo para mag-order.

Lihim akong napailing ng umigting ang panga ni Sage sa sinabi ni Daven. Hindi talaga sila magkakasundo.

Pagkatapos ng lunch, the three of us parted ways. Si Sage ay umalis na dahil office work. Si Daven naman ay humingi ng pabor sa'kin dahil kailangan daw ang presensya niya sa'kanyang business, pinahintulutan ko na. 'Yung lalaking 'yon, always pa-thrilling.

I was wearing back my gloves, while walking (hinubad ko kase ito ng maghugas ng kamay) when I bumped in someone.

Embarassament washed my whole face when I remembered his face. Siya 'yung lalaking hinalikan ko!

"Uh, you're back, Dean…" Naiilang niyang wika, trying to kill the awkwardness between us.

My eyes dropped at his ID. He's a teacher here? Now I know why he and Sage knows each other.

"Yeah, finally." I laughed a bit.

"About what happened in the bar…"

Fuck. He brings it! Kaagad akong umiling at ngumiti sa'kanya. You're just drunk on that time, Alexandra.

"I should be the one saying sorry to you. Nasuntok ka pa tuloy ni Sage…"

"Ayos lang 'yon, Dean-"

"For me, it's definetly not. Should I treat you a meal next time?" Pampalubag loob ko.

Totoo naman talaga, I feel bad for him. Tangina kase, malay ko na magkilala pala sila ni Sage and that f*****g bar is owned by Sage!

He shrugged. "Sure."

We bid goodbyes to each other on that hallway.

Bahagya pa akong naligaw ng bumalik ako sa office ni Astrid and here I am again, bored. I tried to online shop, but later on I realized it's boring too.

Kumunot ang noo ko ng makita ng kulay purple na pocket botebook. Sa gilid 'nun ay nakasulat ang pangalan ni Astrid, pataas.

Maybe her journal?

Would it be bad if I read this? If I read this maybe I'll start to adapt her life.

MAY 26, 2010

Dear Mommy,

Alam niyo 'bang napaaway ako? They bullied me! At ang sabi ni yaya pag alam 'kong tama ako, dapat 'kong ipaglaban ang sarili ko. Sabi nila kaya raw kayo nagkahiwalay ni Daddy dahil meron 'kang ibang pamilya, iniwan mo raw kami. Don't worry Mom, I didn't believe on what they said! Sa'yo lang ako maniniwala! I love you and I miss you so much. I can't wait to see you!

NOVEMBER 25, 2017

Dear Mommy,

I'm 17 years old now. Naniwala ako sa sinabi ni Dad, he said you'll come but you didn't. Are you going to be mad if I say to you that I'm tired waiting on you?

SEPTEMBER 25, 2018

Dear Mommy,

This is the best day that I've ever had. Irina is now going to school at last! Sage is also going to marry me! And I'll actually meet you when I turn 18. 'Yon ang pinangako sa'kin ni Dad, Mom! I'm so happy, can't wait.

JANUARY 09, 2020

Dear Mommy,

It's been almost two years since Dad agreed to meet you, but it still hasn't happened. I'm now the school's Dean. Sage doesn't like me. He likes someone else. I saw him and his girl making out at the bar. Sasabihin ko na sana 'yon kay Daddy but his busy, and I don't want him to think too much. Mom, I felt so alone. I attempted suicide, but when I remembered that Dad was still there, I did not continue it! Kung magpapakamatay ako paano na siya? Kailangan 'kong magpakatatag atsaka meron pa akong wish na dadalhin ko hanggang sa mamatay ako. To be with you.

Tiniklop ko ito, pagkatapos mabasa ang lahat. So Astrid's parents were separated since she was a baby? Ni isang beses hindi man lang niya nakita ang kanyang ina? Obviously her father hated her mother, so he cutted all the connections of Astrid and her mother. Kahit man lang sa larawan ay hindi niya ito nakita.

Me and Astrid shared the same fate. Ang pinagkaiba lang ay hindi niya nakita ang kanyang ina. I'm pretty sure it hurts much than mine. Pain is pain.

I feel guilty. Heto ako ngayon ninakaw ang mukha niya upang maipaghiganti ang ina ko. Maybe, after all of this, giving her death a justice, is my compensation for what I did.

Kaagad 'kong binalik sa kahon ang notebook ng biglaang may kumatok. I fixed my poise.

"Let's go?"

Pinsan lang pala ni Astrid. Kumunot ang noo ko sinabi niya? Saan naman kami pupunta? She raised a brow when she saw I'm confused.

"We're having a family dinner with Besabella's, duh." Then she rolled her eyes bago lumabas.

That kid… bakit hindi niya namana ang kabaitan ni Astrid.

Patungo kami ngayon sa address na sinabi ng ama ni Astrid. I texted Daven that he should go home nalang, dahil alam 'kong magkakainitan lang sila ni Sage doon kapag dinala ko pa siya.

I've put all my attention reading on Astrid's diary, kaya hindi ko na napansin na palubog na pala ang araw.

I'm driving silently, until Irina broke the silence.

"Thank you for saving me kanina." Hindi ko alam kung sino ang pinasasalamatan niya dahil nasa bintana siya nakatingin.

"It's just a 'lil thing." I responded, not taking my eyes off in the road.

"I didn't expect what you did there. I thought you'll just sit there and listened to their bullshit. Just like the typical Astrid Claveria."

Humalakhak ako. Ano kaya ang pinaglihi ng ina ni Astrid, sa'kanya?

"Well, you'll see me in that way often and what's the use of my power."

Ilang segundo siyang natahimik sa sinabi ko bago makabawi. Did I said something wrong? I really need a filter!

"Akala ko ba, 'it doesn't mean that we have the power in the school, we'll abuse it-"

Humalakhak ako ulit. "Wala pa akong muwang sa mundo ng sinabi ko 'yan."

She shrugged. I want to ask about what she said kanina pero ayoko dahil baka magtaka na naman siya ulit.

"I hate that ugly b***h-"

She giggled, that made me turn to see her laugh. "Atleast, that ugly b***h when she liked someone, she'll be liked back."

I sneered that made her laugh more. See? Napaka-attitude talaga!

"Pinaparinggan mo ba ako?!"

Hindi parin humuhupa ang tawa niya kaya mas lalo akong nairita.

"I like this Astrid now, than the Astrid before she flew to Australia."

Nang makapasok kami sa sinasabing restaurant, kaagad kaming sinalubong ng receptionist para ihatid sa ni-reserva na pribadong kwarto ng ama ni Astrid.

I greeted Sage's father and kissed him in the cheek. Bago paman ako makaupo, bahagya akong napaigtad ng sinalubong ako ng beso ng isang babae. That's when I remembered that she is Irina's mother. I smiled at her widely bago dumiretso sa blankong upuan na nasa tabi ng ama ni Astrid.

"Are we late?" Nakangiting tanong ko sa'kanila.

"No, hija." Ama ni Sage ang sumagot. "I'm sorry, Gaustavio, nauna 'pa si Astrid kesa nina Sage-"

"It's okay, Juancio. I miss her, hindi ko na matandaan 'kong kailan ang huli naming kita." Astrid's Dad chuckled.

I realized Sage is not yet here. Kumunot ang noo ko ng makitang dalawang upuan ang blanko. Meron pa silang ibang bisita?

Bahagya akong dumukwang sa ama ni Astrid. "We have another guest?"

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko ng humagalpak siya sa tawa. "Is it part of the side effects in the accident, hija? You look so confused, na para 'bang wala ka talagang alam."

My lips pursed. Okay, I should lock my mouth and just wait to know who is their another guest.

Sage's Dad asked me about the accident once, hindi na nasundan because I excused myself on there. Bathroom break. I just want to have some retouch.

Paliko na sana ako sa isang pasilyo pabalik sa kwarto nang makita si Sage na mayroong kausap na babae. Bahagya silang nakatalikod kaya hindi nila ako kaagad nakita, I tried to hid myself in the medium sized vase. The girl is wearing the same teacher uniform of BIS, her back is familiar. Ito ba ang tinutukoy nila kanina?

Nakasapo ang mga kamay ng babae sa sariling ulo habang si Sage naman ay nakaguhit ang pag-aalala sa mukha nito. Ito ba ang sinasabin niya na gusto niya?

"Are you really okay? You look sick, just tell me if you want to go home. I'm sure Dad will understand." Tanong ni Sage at sinapo ang noo ng babae.

Tumango ang babae at bahagyang tumawa. "Are you sure our Dad is understanding?"

I stilled when I heard the voice of the woman. I know who owned that f*****g voice. Napaatras ako. Hindi ko alam, but my whole body is washed by a disappointment.

Tumakbo ako palabas sa restaurant na 'yon. Our Dad? Pagak akong napatawa. So they are siblings?

Avilianna and Sage are siblings.

Are you f*****g playing with me fate?!